Sorry for the delay, work has been crazy and my motivation has been low...but, enjoy!
Chapter 10
Olivia tugged her jacket further around her body with gloved hands. After a long day, both in court and all but forcing Amanda to see her therapist, she was eager to see her little boy. Choosing to walk home in order to clear her head, her nose had developed a red tone and she constantly had to swipe at the snow flakes that were beginning to fall. They had predicted only a light dusting, but Olivia was still annoyed. She was also feeling run-down, which she assumed had to do with the emotional case they just wrapped up. Despite all of that was swirling in her head, she broke into a wide, authentic smile as she rounded the corner and saw Ed Tucker leaning against the railing outside her building. He, too, was bundled up and she could see his breath as he would breathe in and out. Finally noticing her, he pushed himself off the railing and stood, his own smirk lighting up his eyes as Olivia quickly took the last few steps towards him and into his arms.
"Hi," she breathed out, tucking her face into his neck and taking a long, deep breath.
"Hey yourself," Ed said, burying his nose in her beanie, slightly disappointed it covered up the normal scent of her shampoo in which he had come to find immense comfort. "Com'on, let's getcha inside. Cold out here."
Keep his arm around her shoulder, they ambled their way into the building, nodded to the doorman, and stepped into the elevator. Olivia took her gloves off, shook them before putting them in her pockets, peeled her beanie off and held it in her teeth as she semi unbuttoned her jacket.
"I hate winter" she mumbled. Ed took the beanie from her, merely so he could understand what she was saying. "Freezing outside, then I come in here and it's a sauna."
Ed let out a little chuckle. He could see the exhaustion in her face, but knew by her tone that her grumbling was in a good natured way. The elevator doors opened, he threw his arm out just in case they decided to close quickly, and allowed Olivia to lead the way to her door. Once inside, he took her coat and shook her boots off over the rug while she made a beeline for Noah. He had been happily sitting in Lucy's lap on the couch, drinking his nightly cup of milk, but as soon as the door opened, the little boy was scrambling for Olivia.
Standing to the side, Ed's heart melted as he watched Olivia scoop Noah up and embrace the little boy. He grabbed clumps of Olivia's snow-matted hair and held them tightly, sending a clear message that he was done being without her for the day.
"How'd he do today?" She asked, swaying Noah back and forth as Lucy stood and gathered her things.
"He was fine," she said. "A little tired."
"Mmm, to be expected. Bedtime has been lax recently," Olivia commented. "I'm going in late tomorrow," she explained. "It's been a long week. Maybe come around ten?"
"Of course. Night, Olivia" Lucy said, heading towards the door, nodding at Ed. "Lieutenant."
Ed watched Lucy into the elevator, accustomed to making sure everyone was where they needed to be safely. He closed and locked the door, presuming he was invited to stay at least for a couple of hours.
"I wanna get him in the tub," Olivia said softly. "Spend a little time…you wanna go through the takeout menus and order? I'll have…whatever you're having."
The awkwardness that Ed was expecting was virtually non-existent for the moment. He thought perhaps it would come back once Noah was in bed, if he was still there, but for now it seemed like business as usual for the two of them. Hoping they could still clear the air, but know that it would be long after Noah was tucked in, Ed was content to just hang out and do whatever he needed to do.
Olivia let out a series of sneezes at that point, startling Noah and then causing him to giggle at the noise.
"You think that's funny, baby boy?" she cooed, nuzzling his cheek. Ed cocked his head and really took her appearance in. She had circles under her eyes and though the brown still had a tiny sparkle, they lacked their usual luster. Her face had been flushed when he first saw her outside, but Ed had chalked that up to the bitter cold. Now, however, he wasn't so sure. Olivia looked exhausted.
"Of course," he said, making himself at home in her kitchen. "I'm thinking some kind of hot soup…"
"Mmmm," she moaned, kicking a few toys and heading into the back. "You read my mind…"
A few hours later, Ed and Olivia were camped on her couch. Empty bowls of wonton and hot and sour soup sat on the coffee table. Ed had added generous portions of bourbon to some apple cider Olivia still had in the refrigerator and watched as she curled back into the corner created by the arm of the couch with her legs crossed in front of her and blew into her mug.
"This is good," she said.
"Good," Ed responded, taking his own sip. A silence fell over them, slightly awkward but not suffocatingly so. It was almost as if neither one knew where to begin. They both let it sit for a bit before Ed decided he was going to have to make the first move. "Listen, Liv, I'm sorry about how we left things…"
"Ed…"
"Lemme just…get this out," he said, rarely interrupting her but wanting to get everything off his chest before they got sidetracked, he lost his nerve, or both. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot or pressure ya. I know this is…still new. And I also know that we haven't really put a label on what we are doing here. I'm just…tryin' to give ya space. But I…" he paused, set his mug down, and leaned towards her. Olivia followed suit and allowed him to take her hands. She bit her bottom lip but kept her eyes on his. "I want ya to know I'm here. Okay? That's all. And…if ya wanna stay in a hotel or whatever, that's fine. I'm still gonna be here."
Olivia tried to give him a small smile, but her lip quivered and she looked down. Before she could stop herself, she mumbled "Ya know, you're not the first guy who's said that to me…"
Feeling the gut punch, but letting it roll off of him, Ed squeezed her hand until she looked back up. Ed knew that her relationship with both David Haden and Brian Cassidy had left a lot to be desired. He knew Cassidy more than Haden, but Ed was acutely aware that neither man followed through on being there for Olivia, despite their promises, and also despite the unimaginable trauma she had endured. Ed also was aware, though she had never vocalized it, that Olivia had convinced herself it was because she was too difficult to love, and he had now made it his life's mission to show her otherwise.
"I know I'm not," he said softly. "And I know it'll take time for me to prove to you that I'm not them. But I'm gonna do it, Liv, I swear to ya I'm gonna do it. If you'll let me."
"Cragen mentioned he heard about us through the rumor mill," she whispered, catching Ed off guard. He shook it off and leaned towards her a bit more. "When he stopped by Christmas night."
"Ah," he said. They weren't actively keeping their budding relationship a secret, but they had been careful to not disclose anything officially until they both were comfortable. "Ya think he…uh…"
"No," Olivia said quickly, quelling Ed's worry that Cragen would bring it to the higher ups. "He used the term befriended, so I'm not too worried about him. But. It does mean there's chatter."
"That bother ya?" Ed moved his hand to twist her wavy locks through his fingers.
"Surprisingly, no," she said. "It doesn't. Does it bother you?"
Ed let out a chuckle. "Not in the least," he said. "The NYPD gossip mill can kiss my ass."
Olivia finally let out a hearty laugh and Ed delighted in the brief return of a full sparkle to her face. The couple returned back to silence, each taking a few more sips of their hot drinks before they cooled off too much. Ed shifted, wanting to ask Olivia how she was feeling about the project, work, and all of the things that were inevitably causing her stress. He assumed her tired features were merely a product of those things, but despite the desire to know, he was a little afraid to push her. Luckily, he didn't have to.
"This case," she began, taking a deep breath, "with Patton….and Rollins. Ya hear about it?"
"A little."
"It's been….tough," she allowed. Olivia paused, suddenly unsure how much she was actually able to divulge to Ed, who was still a highly ranked IAB officer. Ed saw the apprehension.
"It's okay, Liv," he said softly. "As long as she didn't break any laws, her personal history doesn't matter to me."
Breathing out a sigh of relief, Olivia gave Ed a run down of the case, including some of the more tense spots with Amanda. She eventually got to when Amanda disclosed, but didn't give him any detail. She just went with "She finally told me her…history…from Atlanta."
Ed nodded and moved a little closer to Olivia, gripping her forearm and lightly stroking it with his thumb. "You still have some pretty fresh wounds yourself," he said, taking a chance with bringing it up. "It hasn't even been a year, Liv."
"Yeah…"
Questions swirled through Ed's mind. Was she okay? Was she still seeing Lindstrom regularly? Did this last case trigger anything for her? But he kept them to himself, hopeful she would offer her own insight.
"So much has changed," she sighed, as she ran her hands through her hair and looked up towards the ceiling. "I went from literally having so little to lose that I…let him just…" Olivia shook her head as her voice broke, gathering herself a little before continue. "To ending up before a Grand Jury, to…Noah. You. A whole new…perspective."
Ed ran a finger over her cheek, in hopes of offering some comfort. But he continued to let her talk, grateful she finally was opening up.
"I'm still so…terrified…it will all disappear," she admitted. "I still struggle with the…aftermath…" Ed noticed she was refusing to use the name William Lewis. Not that he minded, but it was a clear sign she was trying to shove him down as far as she could get him. She wasn't ready to fully go there with him, despite the knowledge he already had. "Maybe that's why I'm hesitant with all of this. It happened so fast…or, maybe it didn't?"
She paused. Ed didn't take his eyes off of her, and he continued his light, comforting touches. "I'm not trying to be difficult, Ed," she finally whispered.
"You're not," he said, refusing to let her second guess that particular part. "And…even when you are, I can handle it. We can go at whatever pace we decide is best. And if I have to spend the next fifty years proving that to you, I will. Unless you kick me to the curb. And even then…"
Olivia let out a laugh, grateful for the reprieve from their heavy conversation. She adjusted herself, turning so she could lean back into his chest. Ed enveloped her in his arms and kissed the top of her head.
"We have time, Liv," he whispered into her ear. "We have all the time we need."
Olivia ran her fingers along his hands and arms, further nestling into his grasp and realizing the immense comfort he provided.
"Ed?"
"Hmm"
"Can Noah and I stay with you?" She asked, her voice almost so quiet he didn't hear her.
"Of course," he said, holding her even tighter. "Of course."
"Good," she said before yawning. "I'm so tired…"
"Close your eyes, Liv," he encouraged. "I'm right here."
A couple of weeks later, Olivia stood at the end of the long hallway of Ed's apartment, looking into the living room. Noah had quickly made himself at home, his toys in various baskets throughout the open room as he used a push toy to work on his balance. He'll be walking in no time, Olivia thought to herself, pride and a little melancholy setting in.
Construction was set to begin at her apartment the next day. It didn't take nearly as long as she anticipated for the condo board to give approval and for the agency to give the okay for her and Noah to temporarily relocate to Ed's apartment. She assumed it helped that they were both NYPD, but both Ed and Olivia were still surprised it went through so quickly. Just as well, they had thought, the construction company had already added a week to the estimated time of completion. Olivia was expecting some delays and had built time in. Nevertheless it was already causing her anxiety to escalate.
Ed's three bedroom apartment felt like a mansion to Olivia. She had put several weeks worth of suits and casual attire in Ed's closet, which had room to spare. They set Noah up in the smaller of the two extra bedrooms. It was used primarily as an office space until his kids came, and Nate crashed on the futon. Ed moved some things around and brought Noah's crib and changing table over. He figured if both his kids came while Olivia and Noah were there, one could either sleep in the living room or they could both stay in the larger of the two extra bedrooms where Emma normally slept. Olivia hadn't been sure if Ed expected her to stay in his room, or she would be in the other guest room. But on the day she brought over her clothes and toiletries, he mentioned he had cleared space in his closet and master bath so her question was answered. Still apprehensive, but incredibly grateful, Olivia unpacked their things and tried to remind herself Ed truly wanted them there. They weren't an imposition.
Olivia breathed in sharply as the felt another series of sneezes coming up.
"Ugh," she mumbled, moving into the living room and reaching for the tissues. Ed came wandering out of the back bedroom.
"Bless you," he said, moving up to her and kissing her head. "Still can't shake that cold?"
"No," she said, her voice sounding a little more hoarse than it had earlier. "It's not even that bad. Like the cold couldn't decide if it was going to infect me or not."
"Ya okay?" Ed studied Olivia's face with a look of concern.
"I'm fine," she said, brushing it off. "Just tired."
Ed shook his head and moved to the window. "Well, it looks like a good day to stay indoors," he announced as big snowflakes began to fall. "Let the little guy play and we can watch a movie. And hope neither one of us gets called in?"
Olivia smiled, before sneezing again and blowing her nose. "I'm gonna take a hot shower," she said. "Then that sounds perfect." As she made her way back towards the master bathroom, she heard Ed's phone ring and his voice soften as he said hello to his daughter. Olivia's smile grew. Despite her apprehension, there was a comfort level she began to experience being around Ed Tucker for the day to day life experience. Deep down she knew she couldn't let herself get too comfortable or grow too accustomed to this kind of life, but for now she was going to try to enjoy every second.
By the time she wandered back into the living room, Ed was on the floor rolling a dump truck back and forth with Noah. The little boy would giggle, struggle to turn it back around, and shove it as hard as he could back to Ed.
"Good job, No," he coached. "Here it comes!"
Noah let out some shrieks, his chubby hands reaching out to try and stop the truck. Olivia laughed at the scene and briefly thought it was one she could look at for years to come. Her gut clenched in fear at that idea so she shook it off and stepped into sight. Ed looked up, his eyes narrowing, and stood up. Grabbing at her hands, he led her over to the couch and sat her down.
"Liv…" he said slowly. "How ya feelin'?"
"Congested…"
Ed tilted his head and felt her forehead. "You don't sound great," he said. "Don't feel warm, though. I'll make tea. You pick the movie." Ed moved into the kitchen, filled his red tea kettle with water, and turned the stove on. "Peppermint?"
Olivia settled into the cushions and gave Ed a teasing smirk. "Never pegged you for a tea kinda guy…"
Ed blushed. "I, er, picked up the kettle and a small supply before ya got here."
Once again, Olivia found herself in awe of the side of Ed Tucker she was now allowed to see. A man who played on the floor with her one year old, joked around with his teenage kids, and went out and stocked his apartment with things he doesn't use, merely because she would be staying there temporarily.
"Thank you," she said softly. "That sounds great."
"That was Emma on the phone," he continued, plopping a tea bag into one of his oversized mugs and moving around his kitchen. "She wants to come this way with a couple of her friends in March, her spring break."
"Oh that'll be fun," Olivia responded, trying to stifle her coughing. The cold was hitting her quickly. "Though, March in New York often isn't fun."
"I told her as much." The tea kettle started whistling. Ed made quick work of preparing her mug and brought it over, settling himself in next to her. "Ya may have to help me. That's a lot of teenage girl time…"
Olivia laughed, but also wondered if Emma would even want her around. "Ah, you'll be fine Lieutenant."
"Mmm, not Lieutenant for long," Ed murmured. "I hope…"
"You keep making me tea, and I'll help ya study."
"You've got yourself a deal, Benson."
Perhaps a bit boring, but it's Tuckson and is that ever really boring? Feel free to help motivate me by leaving a review...the horizon looks awfully interesting...
