Remember this is only loosely following the show timeline. Tweaks have been made to the timing, the details, and perhaps some of the decisions/outcomes.

Chapter 11

"Goddamn I am tired," Ed said as he dumped his coat and boots at the door and trudged into the kitchen. He got a glass of water, guzzled it down, winked at Olivia, and headed to the back, presumably to change and shower.

The NYPD Captain's exam only came around once every few years. Ed had been preparing and studying for quite some time. In fact, some consultants even suggested that those who were eyeing that promotion should start their preparation two to three years out, reading once a day for a few minutes so the information would permeate. Ed Tucker, always a stickler for the rules, took that to heart. For as long as Olivia had known him in a more intimate, friendly setting, he had been reading almost every day for about half an hour. The last month she had noticed his study habits much more, given they were still all bunked up in his apartment. He'd stay up late, making a pot of coffee, taking practice exams and going back to study the areas he scored lowest in.

"The higher I score, the higher I am on the eligibility list," he had told Olivia about a week ago as they were laying in bed, enjoying the freeness of not sharing a room with a one year old.

"Is it your competitive streak that makes you want to hit this mark?" She had asked in a teasing tone while running her fingers over his chest. But Ed had grunted and grasped her hand, turning to look at her.

"Sometimes this job is all I have," he said softly, the pain evident in his tone. "Kids are in California. They don't…need me that often. This job…"

Olivia had curled into Ed and held him tightly, fully understanding everything he said, for she felt the same way. Even now, with Noah, she still often struggled with feeling that way. When you give yourself to a job for so long, feel that passion, and are hurt by those things that exist outside of it, the job becomes you. She understood that piece of Ed, and they more they got to know each other, the more she realized they understood more than expected about each other.

The weekend before the exam, Olivia had Lucy take Noah out for a little while each day and she stayed home to quiz Ed and talk through some of the concepts he felt were most likely to dominate the multiple choice exam. At the end of the weekend, when Noah was in bed, she once again quizzed Ed and rewarded each right answer with the removal of a piece of her clothing. He aced that particular quiz, declared himself ready, and dove on top of her, starting what would be a night of playful, louder than normal sex.

Now, Olivia sat on Ed Tucker's couch with Noah curled in her lap and sipping apple juice while she read to him and waited for Ed to resurface. Her apartment was almost complete. They would have been fine moving back in the week before, but the paint fumes were still high and Ed insisted they stay with him a bit longer, despite Emma's impending visit. Olivia had to agree, as she was unwilling to submit Noah to any of those chemicals if she could help it. There was a small part of her that was sad to be going back to her own place, having grown accustomed to having Ed around, but the arrangement had come with many challenges. The couple clearly was not ready to officially cohabitate. In fact, Olivia felt herself grow more anxious the longer they stayed, feeling as if they were moving too fast. So even though she would miss seeing Ed every day, she was ready to get back to her own apartment and routine. Especially since her apartment would now feature a second room for Noah with a door that closed. The closer the time came for her to move back home, however, the more she suspected Ed was likely not looking forward to an empty apartment again.

"Hey," he said, reappearing in sweats and an NYPD t-shirt, startling Olivia out of her thoughts.

"Hey yourself. How did it go?"

Ed plopped himself next to her and leaned his head back onto the cushions, looking up at the ceiling. "Fine. I think. We'll see."

Noah noticed Ed had joined them and crawled over to greet him. He placed a sloppy kiss on his chin and rested against his chest, reaching for Olivia and the book. Ed just laughed and leaned over to rest against Olivia.

"Let's read to Noah, and not talk about it for a little while."

Olivia raised her eyebrows but did as Ed suggested and continued to read softly. By the time she reached the end of the story, both Ed and Noah had dozed off. She reached for her phone, snapped a couple of pictures, then placed the book on the coffee table. Olivia flipped on the evening news and propped her feet up, allowing Ed's body to relax against hers. It wasn't long before all three of them were sound asleep.


Emma, along with her friends Heather and Amanda, had been at Ed's all of twenty-four hours and his mind was already spinning. He wasn't used to loud, giggly teenage girls at all. Even when Emma was closer, albeit younger, she was quiet. He never got the sense she was an unhappy child, but she was quiet. Now as he sat in his arm chair, attempting to read the paper and drink his coffee, the giggling from the counter was too loud for him to concentrate.

"I wanna go to Saks."

"I wanna do the Museum of Ice Cream!"

"Is that still open?"

"How do we find out?"

"Where's the Gossip Girl hotel?"

"Is it too cold to walk the bridge?"

"New York is so much better than LA…"

The questions and statements fired rapidly, almost on top of each other, and Ed couldn't keep up. He finally rolled his eyes and pretended to go back to the paper, all the while dreading which of these activities he would be forced to participate in. The chatter was interrupted by the return of Olivia and Noah from picking up bagels.

"Hi Noah!" Emma hopped down from the stool and went over the Olivia, taking the bag of bagels and beginning to spread them out on the counter. "Thanks for the bagels, Olivia," she said sincerely. Her voice was slightly less bubbly, but no less sweet. While she had warmed to Olivia a little, there was an awkwardness to them all being in the same space for her visit. Olivia tried her best to stay out of the way and let everyone do their thing, but that wasn't always achievable.

Ed jumped up and kissed Olivia's cheek, muttering a thank you before going to help Emma get knives and other things ready for their late breakfast.

"We were just talking about what we wanted to do today," Emma explained. "A lot of shopping. I'm sure dad is thrilled."

Olivia let out a laugh. "I've never pegged him for a shopper, no," she said teasingly, smirking at Ed as he rolled his eyes.

"I'm not," he said. "Hey Emma, can ya help me with something in the back closet? I wanna try the new espresso machine Nate got me…and I may need an extra set of hands…"

Olivia watched them curiously, knowing the machine was still in a box, but shrugged it off and instead got Noah out of his coat and set him down to play.

"He's sooooo cute," Heather exclaimed, plopping next to him and helping him build. "I'm never around babies…"

"Ugh, my mom's new husband has three year old twins," Amanda said with an eyeroll. "I have too much baby in my life…"

Olivia smiled politely but kept her eye on Noah. She still wasn't sure what her place was in this particular scene. There were more awkward, quiet moments than easy ones, but it had only been a day. Olivia told herself it would ease up, but she was leaning more towards returning to her apartment that week as the minutes ticked by.

Meanwhile down the hallway, Emma stood by the open closet door with an inquisitive look on her face. "You don't need my help, dad," she said. "What's up?"

"Listen, uh," he scratched his head, peering into the closet before looking at Emma. "Whaddya think about Liv taking you three shopping today. I hate shopping and…well…maybe you'd have more fun with her?"

Emma looked at him for a few seconds as she digested the request.

"Does she even want to come with us? She's been pretty quiet since we arrived…"

"Olivia just doesn't want to intrude," Ed explained. "She wants you to warm up to her at your own pace. But I think maybe this is a good chance."

"You just don't wanna go shopping," Emma grumbled. "Okay. I'll ask her."

Ed leaned over and kissed Emma's head. "Thanks, kiddo. Tomorrow I'll take you three to walk the bridge."

Emma skipped down the hallway and went to fix a bagel, buying her some time to work up enough courage to pose the question to the woman standing in her father's living room. She came over and sat at the bar, took a bite, sipped her coffee, and finally turned towards Olivia.

"Olivia?"

"Yes?" Olivia turned around, giving Emma her full attention.

"Um," she began, suddenly a little nervous. "My dad…he hates shopping. So, um, any chance you'd wanna come with us instead?"

Olivia had to keep her jaw from dropping as she looked closely at Emma's facial expression. She assumed Ed had mentioned the idea just now, and Olivia wanted to make sure this wasn't something Emma was being forced into. But all she saw was apprehension, not dread, which her own inner feelings mirrored. She bit her bottom lip and ultimately decided perhaps this would help their relationship.

"Sure," she said, smiling warmly. "Sounds fun. Noah and your dad can have a guys' day."

"Exactly!" Emma said happily, turning back to her bagel.

Olivia's smile grew and she looked at Ed who had returned from the back closet. Thank you she mouthed to him. He just winked and went to plug in the espresso machine.


Two days later Olivia sat in her office, head in her hands, trying to digest everything that had happened in the past forty-eight hours.

Her outing with the girls had gone well. There were some awkward moments, but for the most part shopping and navigating more touristy areas of the city gave them all a natural piece of conversation. Olivia found herself picking a couple of things out and showing them to Emma, thinking they would look good on the young girl. They laughed over coffee and agreed that Ed Tucker would have had a miserable time. Eventually they all stumbled home, arms full of shopping bags, and decided collectively to just order pizza for dinner. Olivia had been more than happy to treat everyone, since she still felt like she was intruding, and by the time Ed and Noah returned home from one of the indoor playgrounds, pizza boxes were everywhere and a movie was playing.

The tide shifted for Olivia the next day, unfortunately. About midway through her work day, she received a call from Melinda Warner who wanted to stop by and see her. Wanting to run by her apartment to check on progress and paint fume levels, she suggested they meet at her building right after work. Melinda had been waiting for her outside of the entrance when she arrived and it caused Olivia's stomach to clench.

"Come on up," she said, leading the way. Entering her apartment, she noticed the paint fumes were gone and replaced with almost a fresh, new apartment scent. Olivia quickly scanned the scene, feeling like the place was ready for her and Noah to be back, before turning her attention to Melinda.

"Johnny Drake is Noah's father…"

Shaking herself out of the memory of Warner breaking that news, Olivia sucked in a sharp breath. With the complete transformation of her apartment, Olivia felt her adoption of Noah was all but secured. This particular curve-ball had her sick to her stomach, so much so that Ed knew something was up immediately when she had returned home last night. Not ready to talk about it, Olivia had retreated to the office where Noah was asleep. She had plucked the little boy from his crib and cuddled him in the rocking chair by the window. Ed found them there a few hours later and tried to get Olivia to come to bed. When she asked for a few more minutes, Ed softly closed the door. He had woken up alone the next morning.

"Get it together, Olivia," she said to herself, moving to page through the files that Amanda left on her desk. Unable to concentrate and still reeling, she fired off a quick text to Rafael Barba in hopes that he could help advise her. He called her back immediately.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, uh, nothing. I just…can we talk?"

"I'm swamped today, Liv. How about tomorrow evening? Text me the place."

Grateful for his help, but not confident in herself to last another twenty-four hours, Olivia packed up an hour early and headed for the door.

"Call if you need me," she said as she breezed past her detectives.

Fin narrowed his eyes. "Ya alright, Liv?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she said quickly, forcing a smile. "Just not feeling great. Nothing a good night's sleep won't fix."


Upon entering the Tucker apartment that evening, Ed immediately knew something was wrong. He had suspected the night before that something had happened, but didn't want to push his girlfriend. Instead, he spent the day taking his daughter and two friends around some of the more popular sites, trying to clear his mind, but seeing her arrive home somewhat early, a paler complexion than normal, peaked his anxiety.

"Liv, what is it?" He asked immediately following a hello kiss to her and Noah. She passed the little boy off to Ed, who made quick work of getting him out of his winter attire, and set him down near his toys in the living room. Olivia wandered into the kitchen, poured a generous glass of wine, and took a long sip.

"Ah," she said, trying to brush him off. "Just a long couple of days."

Ed's eyes narrowed. "Liv…"

Olivia put her wine glass down and ran her fingers through her hair, glancing over at Noah. Her mind was racing. She desperately wanted to share the news of Noah's paternity with Ed. She wanted his comfort and unwavering support. But Olivia couldn't help but pause. Ed the Boyfriend and Ed the IAB Lieutenant arguably existed in two different spheres. If she divulged this information, would she be setting herself up to lose Noah? Would Ed have to report this somewhere? Could she get in trouble for not coming forward to Trevor immediately? Or would he keep it to himself, risking his own career if, in fact, Olivia was breaking a law by keeping this information silent. Ultimately, Olivia had decided to tell Ed, but as she stood in the kitchen, watching her little boy and allowing the wine to soothe her, she began to second guess herself, wondering if she should talk to Barba first.

"Olivia," Ed rasped out, moving to her and cupping her face. "Talk to me."

"I…" she began, her voice slightly wavering. "Warn…"

Just then her phone rang. Both Ed and Olivia let out a groan. She extracted herself from his arms and went into the foyer where she left her bag.

"It's Fin," she announced. "I gotta take it."

"The girls, I think, are napping in Emma's room," Ed told her. "Take the call in our - um, my bedroom."

Olivia ignored his slip and smiled her thanks, taking off down the hallway. She hoped Fin wasn't about to call her in, but she couldn't help but be grateful for the interruption. The conversation was brief, as he had mainly wanted her to know that an identification was made in one of their cases, but she stayed back in Ed's room a few extra minutes. Softly opening his door, she was about to head down the hallway when she heard her name said from Emma's room.

"Olivia's nice," one of her friends, Olivia thought it was Amanda, had whispered.

"She is," Emma allowed. "Still…"

"Always weird when your parents date."

"And it's not like with my mom. Dad doesn't date unless he's serious."

"Noah is adorable."

"It's just…different."

"It's temporary, Ems. Won't always feel different."

"I know."

"Plus, you've always been a little intimidated by your dad. She seems like a good buffer…"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Give it time."

"I just wasn't expecting it to be this…uncomfortable for me…this trip…"

Olivia felt her heart clench and a lump form in her throat. She had been worried about how this temporary move-in situation was effecting Emma. The girl had put on a good front, but Olivia spent her life reading people's thoughts and emotions. She had known deep down it was uncomfortable, but hearing that confirmed was a small gut punch. She was also surprised to hear Emma admit that she was intimidated by her father, though it almost made Olivia chuckle. Ed Tucker was definitely intimidating. She took a deep breath and phone in hand, wandered back into the living room, now resolute in her next step.

"Ya have to go in?" Ed asked. He was perched on the coffee table, bouncing a ball back and forth with Noah.

"No," she sighed, trying to keep her voice steady. "Just an update."

"Olivia…"

"Ed, I think Noah and I need to head back home," she announced, catching Ed totally off guard. "I swung by this afternoon and it's ready. No fumes."

"Liv…"

"We need to establish our normal routine, Ed," she explained, her words moving more quickly as she went on. "I really appreciate you letting us stay here. But the sooner I get back, the sooner I can apply for the home inspection. And…you deserve this time with Emma. She doesn't get to be here that often…"

"Olivia, before the phone rang…you were going to tell me something," Ed pushed, convinced that her moving back home had not been what she planned to divulge earlier. "What was it?"

Olivia forced a smile. "This was it," she said. "I was just…nervous. It's been so so nice to be here, with you. But we both knew this was a little soon to even test it out. It worked, but it's time to slow it back down."

Ed stood up and moved towards her, cupping her face and placing little kisses all over her forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin. He eventually landed on her lips and kissed her deeply, carefully, conveying exactly how he felt about her, even though he knew neither one were ready to truly speak the words.

"Okay," he said softly, trying to mask the disappointment. "Whatever you want. I gotta meeting at one tomorrow, but can help drop the crib and bigger stuff off in the morning."

Olivia smiled and kissed him once more. "Thank you," she said, patting his chest. Ed watched her walk into the kitchen, refill her wine glass, and he ran his hands down his face.

Something was wrong.


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