Chapter 18
Nate sat next to Emma on the sofa in their hotel suite while Ed walked the detectives to the door and spoke quietly with them. They had assured the trio it was an open and shut case, as there was no need to keep questioning the kids further. But Ed wasn't quite assuaged with the information he had received.
"You, uh, you think we'll ever find out what went through his head?" Ed asked, scratching the back of his neck. He was speaking softly so Nate and Emma wouldn't overhear. He knew Chris. They had been partners for years, and despite the affair and having so many years between his last interaction with the man, he never imagined he would be capable of this kind of crime. "Was there any indication that something was wrong?"
"We don't have record of any previous infractions or reports. I plan to do a little digging, see if he was being treated for any kind of medical or psychological condition. But other than that…"
Ed just sighed and rubbed even harder at his neck, creating red splotches. He was kicking himself for not pushing further into why Emma didn't like Chris. In Ed's mind, he had a responsibility to keep his kids safe and somehow he had completely failed them.
"Okay," he finally responded. "Keep me posted."
"Of course, Captain. Take care."
Ed let the door close softly and turned all the locks. He checked his watch before closing his eyes and resting his forehead on the dark wood hotel door, gathering his thoughts. Olivia's plane would land in about an hour, but until then he had to figure out what to do to help his kids. Feeling at a loss, he silently willed Olivia's arrival to happen sooner. She always knows what to do, he thought to himself before taking a deep breath and making his way back into the main living area of the hotel room, but froze as soon as he entered. Nate and Emma were side by side, clutching hands and looking at him with painful, pleading eyes. Ed found himself suddenly overwhelmed at the thought of trying to navigate his kids through the tragic death of their mother, and he hadn't a clue where to start. Clearing his throat, he made his way over to the coffee table and sat down so he was right in front of them.
"What do you need," he asked, his eyes moving between Nate and Emma fairly rapidly. "What can I do?"
Nate looked out at the mid-morning sun peeking through the window shades. "It should be raining today," he mumbled.
Unsure what to do with that comment, Ed turned towards the windows himself. "We can close these blinds," he said, standing up and drawing the room darkening curtains to the sun wasn't illuminating the room anymore. He turned on a couple of lamps and then reclaimed his coffee table seat.
"Thanks," Nate whispered before leaning back and closing his eyes. His jaw was steeled in the same way Ed's was, which highlighted how closely Nate resembled his father. But that resemblance went deeper than just physical appearance. Nate was a protector. He was a high achiever and was always strong when he needed to be. Ed could see the inner turmoil. He was halfway to being twenty and to Ed, he was still too young to put that much responsibility on himself. But Ed knew that argument would have been futile. Nate was his clone. Still gazing at his kids, Ed noticed that Nate's hand had not let go of Emma's, but the young girl had yet to speak a word since entering the hotel.
"Emma?" Ed asked softly. "Do you want water? Soda? Anything? Are you in pain?"
Her blue eyes finally met Ed's and his heart clenched. She had a bruise forming on the left side of her cheek and jaw, and although not visible with her oversized hospital issued sweatshirt, she had little cuts along her back and shoulder from where she fell on the broken glass. Ed had absolutely no idea who to proceed. What do you say to a teenager who had not only just lost her mother, but had witnessed the violence that lead to that death. As he searched his brain, years of NYPD training swirled around but he couldn't form any kind of coherent thought.
"Is there coffee here?" Her voice was barely audible, but Ed heard every word. He looked around, then stood up to grab the information packet on the desk.
"There's a maker here in the room," he mumbled. "But that coffee is never good. How about I run out and grab some. There's a coffee shop next door." Ed patted his pockets, making sure he still had his wallet and went to grab a hotel key, but Emma stopped him.
"No," she said, her voice still barely above a whisper, but the tone was more frantic. "Don't leave. It's okay. I'm fine without."
Ed immediately moved back over to Emma and grabbed her free hand, kissing her cheek. "Okay," he reassured her. "Okay, I'm not gonna leave. Let's see if we can get some room service."
Emma gave him a small smile. "Sounds good."
"When's Olivia getting here?" Nate asked. Ed moved to sit on the other side of Emma, on the edge of the cushion as it was a small love seat and wasn't quite big enough for three.
"Ah, she lands in about an hour," he reported. "Probably a couple hours before she's at the hotel."
"Olivia's coming?" Emma asked, still in a hushed, monotone.
"She is," Ed said slowly. He had told his kids she was on her way earlier as they were settling into the hotel. Nate had inquired after noticing there were two separate rooms in the reservation. But Ed figured Emma may not be retaining a lot of information.
Her face scrunched up slightly, but she winced at the pain in her jaw. "Why?"
"I asked her to come," Ed answered honestly. "I wanted her here. She's…good at navigating things like this. Much better than I am. I think she'll be able to help. And she wants to."
Emma just nodded and pulled her hands from Ed and Nate's. Standing up, she stretched slightly and yawned. "I'm gonna go lie down."
Ed stood quickly and kissed Emma's head. "Okay, sweetheart," he said. "Yell if you need anything."
Emma didn't respond, she just walked numbly and disappeared into one of the bedrooms, leaving the door open slightly. Ed let out a sigh and collapsed onto the sofa. He reached out and patted Nate's hand before turning to face him.
"How ya holdin' up, son?"
"Ah," he began, his voice hesitant and cautious while he tried to collect his thoughts. "I…it doesn't seem real yet."
Ed nodded. "That's normal," he replied, nervous about saying the wrong thing. But his desperation to talk to his kids, check on them, make sure they didn't feel alone was stronger than his fear of messing this up. "And ya know, Nate, you don't have to feel a certain way. In fact, you can feel however, and whatever, you want right now. There's no right or wrong."
"Yeah, I guess," he said. "When I really let myself think about it, I'm angry. Except, I can't quite feel angry. It's like, I know I'm angry but I'm still too numb to feel it."
"That makes sense," Ed responded. "Honestly, I'm pretty angry too. But my worry for you and for Emma is keeping me from feeling that anger. And…that's okay right now."
"I guess."
The two Tucker men sat in silence for nearly half an hour, before Ed cleared his throat. "Listen, son," he said, squeezing his shoulder and looking him in the eyes. "I want you to talk to me. Let me know what you need. How you feel. If I need to do something more…or different. With you, or with Emma." He paused, making sure Nate was following and wasn't overwhelmed. When Ed was confident he wanted him to continue, he did. "I have no idea what to do here," he admitted honestly. "All I know if that I'm gonna be here, every step of the way. You will never navigate this alone, Nate. I promise you. I love you, kid."
As soon as Ed said those final words, Nate's face crumbled and he allowed the tears to flow. Ed just pulled him firmly to him and held his son's head against his shoulder. He kissed his head in the same fashion he had done with Emma earlier and looked up, trying to keep his own tears at bay.
"It's gonna be okay," he said softly. "We're gonna be okay."
Olivia had just gotten Noah out of the carseat in the Uber and was struggling to pull her suitcase out of the trunk while keeping a hold of his hand, when Ed came jogging out of the automatic double doors of the hotel. Noah jumped in excitement and tugged at Olivia's hand, causing her to look up and smile in relief.
"Ed!" she gushed, letting go of the suitcase handle and allowing him to pull her into his arms. It was an awkward angle with Noah still jumping around at their feet. Ed reluctantly let her go and hoisted the little boy up into the air, allowing Olivia to more easily grab her suitcase and shut the trunk. As the Uber sped away, she grumbled about his unwillingness to help but quickly brushed the frustration aside.
"Hi," she said softly, leaning up to kiss his lips and stroke Noah's cheek. The little boy immediately rested his head on Ed's shoulders and gave his mother a soft smile. "You got your Ed, little man?"
Noah's grin just grew, as did Ed's.
"I'm so happy to see you," he rasped, pulling her back into his chest with his free arm. "So so happy. Relieved."
"I'm here, Ed," she whispered, resting her chin just above his chest and looking up at him. "I'm right here. For whatever you need."
"Come on," he said, grabbing her hand and guiding her inside the hotel. Rolling her suitcase, Olivia asked if they were already checked in.
"Yep," Ed replied. "I have your room key in my pocket. It's on the other end of the hall, but the same floor."
Olivia waited to ask more questions until they had reached her room. Ed tossed Noah gently onto the bed, eliciting some giggles. He made sure the little boy was occupied with a book before turning and pulling Olivia to him for a proper embrace. Ed gripped her tightly, one hand buried in her hair and the other wrapped around her upper back. Olivia's hands gripped his shirt, just above his jeans pockets and she allowed them to sway gently.
"I'm so glad you're here," he whispered. "So so glad."
Olivia just sighed into his chest. "Of course," she said, slightly pulling back. She reached up and cupped his face, kissing at his lips. "Tell me what to do. What do you need?"
Ed opened and closed his mouth a few times before shaking his head. "I have no idea," he said. His voice was strained, and Olivia had to fight her own tears as she saw them well up in Ed's eyes. "I don't know what to do myself."
"Oh, baby," she said, pulling him back to her and stroking the back of his head. "Okay," she whispered. "Okay. How about you let me change Noah and let's go down and see how your kids are doing. Then take it from there. Good?"
"Yeah," Ed said, pulling away. "Imma splash water on my face."
Olivia watched him disappear into her bathroom and bit her bottom lip before turning to Noah. "We have our work cut out for us, little man," she said, smiling softly at his face when he looked up at her curiously. "Let's get you a fresh diaper and go see Nate and Emma."
Ed and Olivia walked down the hall, flanking either side of Noah and holding his little hands. He toddled along, smile on his face as he looked down the long hallway, likely thinking to himself he had a lot of freedom. Much to his disappointment, Ed and Olivia stopped and guided him into the hotel suite. He fought a little, wanting to be back in the hallway, until he saw Nate sitting on the couch and surfing the television.
"Bah!" Noah exclaimed, stumbling a little before moving towards him. Nate grinned widely and hoisted Noah up onto the couch with him.
"Hey Noah," he said warmly. "How ya doing?"
Noah just poked around at Nate's face, babbling something only he understood.
"Didja fly on an airplane?"
Noah looked up, alert as ever and grinned before giving Nate a big hug.
"Aw, you missed your buddy, huh sweet Noah?" Olivia cooed, still standing in the little entryway to the room. "Hi Nate," she said, making her way over to the arm chair next to the duo. "How are you holding up?"
Nate just shrugged. "Okay, I guess."
Olivia gave him a sad smile.
"Happy to hang out with Noah," he said, bouncing the toddler a bit. "No, did you bring some toys." He squirmed to get down, went to his backpack, and tried to drag it over to Nate. The older boy laughed and went to help.
"Here we go, big guy," Nate said. "Puzzle?" Noah plopped onto his bottom and dumped the pieces everywhere. Everyone chucked and Nate made his way to sit with him. "Guess that answers my question."
As they began to put the large, wooden pieces together, Emma wandered out of the bedroom. She had changed into pink and black plaid pajama pants and a black tank top. She stopped suddenly, seeing Olivia and Noah had arrived.
"Hi Olivia," she said quietly.
"Hey Emma," she responded, eyeing her carefully and moving to stand next to her. "How do you feel?"
Emma just shrugged. Olivia couldn't help but notice the little cuts on her shoulder. Ed hadn't been able to really fill her in on what happened, so she kept questions to herself and focused on other things.
"Tired," Emma admitted. "But I can't really sleep."
Noah had noticed another voice and grinned at Emma, holding up a wooden puzzle piece and offering her the chance to help them. Emma just smiled. "Maybe in a bit, kiddo," she said. "My mouth feels like cotton."
"Probably whatever they gave you at the hospital," Ed said. "There's water in the mini fridge."
"I'll get it," Olivia said, moving quickly to get the water and get back to Emma's side, unscrewing the cap and handing it over. "You need to sit down?"
"I'm fine," Emma said, gulping the entire bottle of water down. Olivia took it back and wandered to put it in recycling. Emma wrapped her arms around her waist, opening her mouth to say something else, but the shrill ring of a phone went off.
"That's me," Ed mumbled, excusing himself to the other room to take the call. An awkward silence fell over the room. Emma didn't seem like she wanted to talk anymore and Olivia didn't want to push. For a few minutes, the only sounds came from Noah smacking the wooden puzzle pieces in an attempt to find something that fit. Nate would gently guide him, but tried to let him do it himself. Olivia was finally saved from trying to find something to say by Ed reemerging from the bedroom.
"So, uh, we hafta make arrangements," he said, rubbing his neck which had become his new nervous habit. "They gave me the name of a place that's available over the next couple of days. We just have to go meet with them."
He looked at both kids, neither of which made eye contact with him. Ed let out a deep breath. "Do you two want me to handle it, so you don't have to?"
"Where's Aunt Lauren?" Emma asked, her tone having a slight bite to it.
Nate let out a scoff. "Probably on some tropical island not giving a fuck."
"Nate!" Emma said, her eyes wide as she looked at Noah.
"Oh," he said quickly. "Sorry, Olivia."
"It's okay," she said, brushing it off easily. "Not the first, or last, Noah will hear that word."
"Why can't Aunt Lauren deal with this," Emma continued.
The Tucker kids did not have much of an extended family. Suzanne had one sibling, Lauren, but they were not particularly close. The last time Emma or Nate had seen her, they had been 8 and 10 years old, respectively. With no one else left on their mother's side of the family, the onus of planning funeral arrangements and dealing with things such as picking a coffin or urn and finding a burial plot was solely in the hands of her teenage children. Ed was incredulous that Suzanne had not thought to put any plans in place, in case of this kind of tragedy, but he had no time to dwell on that. In that moment, he had to figure out how to walk his kids through not only the tragic loss of their mother, but now all the technicalities that came alone with it.
Ed moved over to Emma and gently rubbed her back, careful of the wounds. "Sounds like she's not gonna be back in town for a bit," he said quietly. "Look guys, I'm happy to do this solo. But if you two want to go, that's fine too. I want you to do what you need to do, and let me…and Olivia…handle everything else."
Nate looked between Ed and Emma and finally stood up. "I'll go, Dad," he said. "Maybe we can go together? Em, you wanna stay here?" He could tell his sister was not up for any kind of funeral arrangements, and in his mind she was too young to have to deal with it. Once again moving into protector mode, Nate just made the decision for her.
"Yeah," she said softly. "Thanks, Nate."
Olivia bit her lip and looked up at Ed, who nodded. "Emma, I can stay with you if you'd like?" Olivia's voice was soft, but sincere, and it was followed by a small but genuine smile from Emma.
"Thanks," she said. "That would be nice."
Ed took a deep breath and looked around for his wallet and keys. "Okay," he said. "Nate, sure you're up for this?"
"Yeah," he said. "Let's just…get it over with."
A few minutes later, the two Tucker men had departed leaving Olivia and Emma standing in the living room of the hotel suite watching Noah continue to do the puzzle.
"Come sit down," Olivia said softly, gently putting her hand on Emma's back and guiding her to the sofa. "I picked up some Dr. Pepper," she offered once they were comfortable on the couch, knowing it was her favorite drink. "And we got some ice from down the hall. Want me to fix you a glass?"
Emma looked up at Olivia, tears springing to her eyes.
"Oh, sweetheart," Olivia said, wanting to hug her but getting the sense Emma did not want that in the moment.
"That's…you remembered," she said softly, wiping away a tear. As soon as the tears had appeared, they disappeared. "That sounds good. Thank you."
"Of course," Olivia said, patting her leg before standing up. "I'll just be in the little kitchenette. Yell if Noah goes rogue."
Emma actually let out a little chuckle and watched the toddler play on his own in the middle of the floor. Noah, sensing he was being watched, got up and rummaged through his backpack. He produced a cardboard book about bugs and toddled over to Emma, requesting to be picked up. Emma smiled at the little boy before gently lifting him into her lap. Noah curled right up into her chest and helped her open the book, pointing at different bugs as his way of requesting Emma to read that particular sentence. Olivia wandered back into the room, having fixed a drink for both herself and Emma, and smiled at the scene. She moved quietly, sitting down on the sofa next to Emma and placing their beverages on the coasters on the coffee table. She tucked a leg under her and rested her elbow on the back of the sofa, observing how Noah was content to just sit with Emma.
"Do you need anything else?" Olivia asked quietly, reaching out to stroke Emma's hair, but the young girl flinched slightly causing Olivia to immediately withdraw her hand.
"Sorry, Liv," Emma said immediately, her eyes downcast. "I…I'm not sure why I did that."
"It's okay," Olivia reassured her. "I promise you it's alright. You're the one in control here. Tell me what you want…or what you don't want. I'm just here to help, if you'll let me."
For the second time since her arrival, Olivia watched as tears welled up in Emma's eyes. She bit her bottom lip and rested her cheek on top of Noah's head, reading the next sentence he pointed to. When he busied himself turning a page, Emma finally looked back up at Olivia.
"This is all I want right now," she said quietly, reaching out to lightly grasp Olivia's wrist.
Olivia opened her hand, allowing Emma's to fall into her palm so she could squeeze it gently before responding. "Then this is what we will do."
