Chapter 19
The sun had already set over Southern California by the time Ed and Nate returned to the hotel. Both men's shoulders were slightly slumped and they had dark circles under their eyes, but Nate's were more pronounced. His eyes also had a reddish hue to them from rubbing and holding back tears for most of the day.
Ed found himself overwhelmed at several points as he navigated decisions with the funeral home, as well as fielded a call from Suzanne's lawyer with details about her assets and a discussion on if and when Nate would be up for the conversation. He had mentioned it to his son in the car outside of the funeral home, the news coming as a small surprise.
"Wait, huh?" Nate asked, his face scrunched up a little bit in confusion. "What's the lawyer for?"
Ed's heart broke as he realized that his son had no idea what was ahead of him, but then again why would he. He briefly explained that his mother had certain designations in place, as far as her home and assets, and that eventually Nate would need to deal with the lawyer as he was the beneficiary she had named. Ed studied Nate's expression as he tried to take in the information, but quickly moved them on.
"We don't have to deal with this now," he assured his son, patting him on the back before entering the funeral home office area. "One step at a time."
Nate numbly had followed Ed into the building and sat quietly as arrangements were discussed and made, only offering an opinion when absolutely necessary. Once the time, date, and other details were confirmed, Ed wrapped his arm around Nate's shoulders and asked if he wanted to get some air or food.
"Can we go over to the beach for a bit?"
Ed gave a small smile. Nate had a certain affinity for the ocean and he suspected that was where his son needed to go and process the events of the last couple of days.
"You bet," Ed said, guiding them back to his rental car. "Preference on which one?"
"Nah," Nate responded, shrugging and buckling up. "Just…one of them."
The father and son duo spent a few hours sitting in the sand, staring at the waves and watching the sun slowly fall towards the water. Nate would talk some, mostly questions about what would happen down the road. Ed answered as honestly as he could, making sure that his son knew he had a lot of options and also support. By the time Nate was ready to go, they had lost a lot of the daytime lighting. But now as they entered the hotel suite, they noticed it was empty.
"That's odd," Nate murmured, heading into the kitchenette to grab a drink. He went to call Emma, but noticed her cell phone rang from one of the bedrooms. Peeking in the room and seeing it was empty, Nate returned to the main living space. "No one's here, but Em left her phone."
Ed could see a small amount of panic in his son, so he quickly called Olivia. She picked up after the first ring. "Hey Liv, where are you?" Ed listened for a bit and occasionally added a few words here and there. "Alright. See you soon. Yeah. Love you too."
Ed dropped his phone onto the coffee table along with his keys and sat next to Nate. "Olivia took Emma over to see Amanda. Said they'll be back in a bit."
Nate nodded. "Good," he said. "Amanda's a good friend. Heather's a little crazy…"
Ed let out a chuckle. "Many teenage girls are."
"Touche."
The men sat in silence for a bit. Ed was just about to reach for the remote when Nate cleared his throat. "So," he said, a small grin forming on his face. "You love Olivia?"
Ed blushed, but wanted to carefully navigate the ribbing his son was giving him, seeing as his mother had died barely twenty-four hours ago.
"I do," he said.
Nate just smiled. "Good."
"I think so too, kid," Ed replied. "Look, I know a lot is happening. So if things are ever, too much, you'll let me know?"
"Yeah," Nate said, his voice suddenly low and raspy.
"What's wrong?"
The younger Tucker just shrugged and looked out the window. The room had a distant view of the downtown Los Angeles city lights, which also illuminated a silhouette of some of the trees and hills around the area.
"It never felt like home here," Nate allowed quietly. "But, damn…I never thought this city would end up being so cruel to us."
Ed turned his body so he was facing Nate and could read his body language. It looked defeated, pained, but there was a hint of something else that Ed couldn't quite figure out.
"I should've been home…" he finally whispered after another period of silence. "I should've…I could've done something."
"Nate…"
"At the very least I could've gotten Emma out of there," he said, his words beginning to come out quickly and in a near panicked tone. "Even if I couldn't help mom, I could've gotten Emma out…so she didn't…fuck." Nate rubbed his face almost viciously in order to keep tears at bay.
"Nate this isn't your fault," Ed said sternly, unwilling to watch his son blame himself for something so out of his control. "Not yours, not Emma's, and not your mother's."
"I should've been home," Nate whispered again, finally letting his head fall forwards into his hands. No tears came, no shudders or cries, he was just still. The only movement Ed could detect was the soft rise and fall of his back as he breathed in and out. Ed wanted to reassure him, to explain there was nothing he could've done to prevent what happened, that even if he had been home, Chris still would've been violent. But he got the sense that Nate wasn't in the right headspace for that kind of conversation. It was going to take a lot of time and patience for his son to truly understand he couldn't have done anything about what happened. What pained Ed the most was knowing how much Nate took after him, and Ed felt a tremendous about of guilt and responsibility over the incident himself. His heart was heavy with the knowledge that Nate likely felt it even worse than he did.
Not knowing what else to do in the moment, Ed reached over and pulled Nate into his chest.
"It's gonna be okay, son," he said softly. "It's gonna be okay."
The elevator doors opened onto their floor and Olivia exited the car ahead of Emma, moving to open her room door for the young girl. Noah had fallen asleep on the way back to the hotel and hadn't stirred at all as they hailed a cab and rode the twenty minutes back to the hotel. Olivia had gnashed her teeth most of the drive, as they had been unable to find an Uber with a car seat, so Noah stay curled against Emma's chest for the ride. Trying to hide her worry, Olivia focused on figuring how how Emma was holding up, who had kept her cheek on top of Noah's head and stared out of the window for most of the ride.
"Want me to take him?" Olivia offered to take her son and allow Emma to exit the car more easily, but she shook her head.
"No," Emma whispered. "I like that he's all cuddly right now."
Olivia just smiled and got them inside. As they entered the hotel room, she once again hurried ahead of Emma and rummaged through her bag. "Here," she said. "I've got his pajamas, and I'm sure he needs a fresh diaper."
"I'll do it," Emma offered, a small smile on her face. "He's a heavy sleeper."
"He is," Olivia allowed, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching Emma carefully take care of her son. "I suppose it's…well, almost midnight in New York. So his body must be exhausted."
"Oh wow. I didn't even think about the time difference."
"Me neither," Olivia said with a little laugh. "Guess I'm killin' this mom thing, huh."
Olivia winced at her words, ready to backtrack and apologize, but they didn't seem to phase Emma. "Ah," she said, as she finished snapping Noah's pajamas into place and hoisting him back into her arms. "I get the sense you're pretty good at it…"
She moved to sit on the little sofa that was placed near the window in Olivia's room and propped her feet on the small table. Noah was plastered to her chest and was now fisting Emma's tank top as he snoozed. Olivia smiled at the sight and went to join them.
"Thanks for taking me to see Amanda," Emma finally said in a hushed tone. "And for the smoothie and sandwich."
"Of course, sweetheart," Olivia said. "Like I said, whatever you need."
Emma bit her bottom lip as it began to tremble and tried to keep her chest from heaving as to not wake up Noah.
"This is really happening, isn't it?"
Olivia sighed and went to gently brush Emma's hair behind her ear. "It is," she allowed, her own voice full of emotion. "And I'm just so sorry, Emma."
Emma was about to open her mouth to say something else when Olivia heard the key card click and the door open, revealing an equally tired and emotional Ed Tucker.
"Hey you two," he said, stopping and smiling at the sight of Noah and Emma. "Been wondering where ya were."
"Sorry," Olivia said, not bothering to get up but shooting him a wide smile. "Just relaxing a bit. Chatting."
"Ah," Ed said. "I can head back down the hall."
"No," Emma said quickly, fidgeting a bit and kissing Noah's head. "I could use a shower. Just been taking advantage of this little guy being asleep and actually cuddling."
"It's a good feeling, huh," Ed said, watching Olivia take Noah and move him over to the bed. She packed pillows on either side of him and straightened back up, stretching her arms over her head.
"Thanks again, Liv," she said softly, padding towards the door. "See ya tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Emma," Olivia responded. "I'm here if you need me."
The young girl shot Olivia a grateful smile before making her exit, allowing the door to click softly closed behind her. Olivia let out a sigh and moved over towards Ed, taking him into her arms.
"How'd it go today?"
Ed just grunted, holding her tightly and swaying gently.
"Nate holding up?"
"He's…trying," Ed allowed. "He's got a lot of guilt. I'm worried about him. Both of them."
"Me too," Olivia whispered. Ed shifted them so they could sit on the sofa for a bit. "When's the service?"
"Ah, the wake'll be day after tomorrow," he said, rubbing his neck again. It seemed to be his nervous habit of choice. "Service right after. Nate wanted to get it all over with at one time. Can't say I blame him."
"So much for him to think about," Olivia thought out loud. "Feel responsible for."
"How did Suzanne not have things in place already?" Ed's tone was both full of shock and also a little anger. "The last thing those kids need to deal with right now is all this, legal and ritual garbage."
Olivia just reached out and rubbed his arms, not sure what else to say.
"How was Emma?"
"She was…quiet," Olivia said. "I think it was good for her to be with her friend. Amanda's mother was gracious. We sat on their back patio and let Noah run around with their little dog while the girls were upstairs for…a few hours, I suppose."
"Thanks for doin' that," Ed said, reached out and tracing Olivia's cheek.
"Of course."
Ed let out a sigh. "I need to head back down there. Check on them," he said, looking longingly at Olivia. "But I…god I wish I could just be here with you. Sleep next to you."
Olivia gave him a sad smile and cupped his face. "Me too. But…I'm here," she whispered. "Go be with your kids. And come down here…or tell me to come there…anytime. Okay?"
Ed just nodded and leaned over to kiss Olivia's lips gently. When he pulled back, she could see a tear rolling down his right cheek.
"Baby," she whispered, wiping it away and following her thumb with her lips. She walked him to the door and gave him another tight hug. "I love you."
Ed gave her one last kiss and a sad smile before heading down the hall, hearing the door shut softly behind him. Olivia leaned her body against the door and looked up towards the ceiling, letting out a heavy sigh and finally letting her own tears fall.
Olivia found Nate perched on a stone fence outside of the cemetery. It had been a gorgeous day, weather wise, and cooler than the average summer day in Los Angeles. Olivia stayed with Noah in the crying room of the parish in which Suzanne's service was held. Ed wanted Olivia with him and by his side, but she ultimately convinced him she didn't particularly belong at the funeral service. Ed had grumbled that he didn't either, but Olivia firmly told him he needed to be there for his kids. She finally compromised and went with them, staying in the room designated for small children in the back of the church. It was a small service, followed by a private burial. Nick had met Olivia at the church, having been caught in traffic that morning. He had offered to take the little boy for the day and night, giving Olivia time to focus on the Tuckers which she had graciously accepted.
Following the burial, Emma sat still next to the cemetery plot clutching a red rose in her hand. Nate had wandered off, and Ed looked at Olivia helplessly, unsure which child to focus on. She nodded towards Emma and then wandered off, hoping to find Nate and check in.
"Hey," she said quietly, not wanting to scare him. She came around the fence and perched next to him. "How are you holding up?"
Nate just let out a breath and shook his head, not saying anything for a while. Olivia didn't speak either, she just sat quietly next to him and allowed him to do whatever he needed to do.
"So that's just it, I guess," he said softly, kicking his feet at the grass and staring out over the sea of tombstones and grass. "Now we just…I dunno, move on."
Olivia gave him a sad smile. "It's an abrupt process, isn't it," she allowed. "There's nothing natural about losing a parent in this way, at this age."
"You think it'll ever feel real?" Nate turned to look at Olivia with wide eyes, identical to Ed's but also mirroring the look Emma would often give.
Olivia took a deep breath and pondered her answer. "My mom died suddenly too," she said softly, gaging Nate's reaction as to if she should continue. He seemed to hang on to her words, so she kept going cautiously. "She had been drinking and fell down a flight of subway stairs…"
"Damn," Nate whispered, curiously watching the woman in front of him, his eyes asking her to keep going.
"I was older than you," she said. "So it wasn't quite the same…but the sudden, unexpected nature was similar. And if I'm honest, there are times it still doesn't feel real. Grief is…well, grief is like that."
Nate nodded and looked back over the cemetery, barely making out the blue tent in the distance that housed his sister and father. "I'm worried about Emma," he said, shifting the focus. But Olivia didn't let him off the hook that easily.
"I am too," she allowed. "But I'm also worried about you. Nate, you don't have to always be the strong one." Olivia noticed Nate's shoulders shake slightly as she spoke. "That's what your dad is for. What I'm for, if you'd like."
Tears made their way down his cheeks. "Yeah," he said softly before changing the subject yet again. "You think Dad'll care if a couple friends of mine and Emma's come to the suite after this?"
"Of course not," Olivia replied. "Whatever you want."
"Thanks for being here," Nate finally said, looking back over at Olivia. "Dad…Emma…all of us, I think we need you."
"Then this is where I'll be."
Soft grunts and groans filled Olivia's hotel room, the mattress shifting slightly as Ed moved on top of Olivia, thrusting in and out of her body with his face buried in her neck.
"Ed…" she gasped before letting out another deep moan.
As they had arrived back at the hotel, several friends of Nate and Emma's had beaten them there and were waiting in to lobby. The kids went up and into the suite, and Ed let them know he'd be down the hall if they needed him. Content to let his kids process and do what they needed to do with friends, Ed and Olivia slipped quietly into her room and Ed turned all the locks. She had assumed he would want to talk and process the day, but he didn't say a word. Ed moved quickly to Olivia and crushed his lips to hers, pulling their bodies flush against each other as he tried to devour her face. They made quick work of shedding their clothes and before Olivia knew it, she was on her back as Ed let out quiet grunts with each thrust into her.
Their bodies were slick, sweat dripping onto the sheets from both of their faces, but Ed was unrelenting. Olivia smiled and ran her nails up and down his spine, letting out soft cries and whimpers as Ed deepened his movements. Her back arched and she cried out as he brought her to an intense orgasm. Body quivering, Olivia bit down on Ed's shoulders as she rode it out and tried catch her breath despite Ed continuing to make love to her, his energy not seeming to fade.
By the time Ed let out a loud grunt and spilled into her, Olivia had reached another orgasm and her body was spent. Ed remained on top, softening inside of her and giving them both time to catch their breath.
"Wow," she whispered, allowing her arms to fall on either side of her face. Ed lifted his head and smiled down at the sight of Olivia's sweaty body and matted hair resting sated against the white sheets of the hotel bed. "That was…"
She didn't have words and let her sentence trail off, as Ed leaned down and nipped some more and her neck and throat. "God I love you," she said, her body jerking slightly as Ed's movements caused him to rock inside of her again.
Ed let out a sigh and finally rolled to the side, but immediately pulled her close.
"Goddamn, I needed that," he rasped, tangling his fingers in her hair and kissing at her face. "I love you, Liv. I love you so much."
Olivia tickled at his belly and let out a content moan. "I love you too…"
They laid in silence for a bit, neither one of them feeling the urge to move. Finally Ed let out a deep breath. "Now what," he wondered out loud. "I…now what do I do?"
Olivia wrapped an arm around his chest and nuzzled into his side.
"I, well," she began, suddenly realizing that their home was in New York, but his kids currently lived in Los Angeles. "I don't really know."
"Do I bring them back with me," he wondered out loud. "Am I supposed to stay here? For how long? Emma's about the start her senior year…am I expecting her to move back with me?"
Olivia felt her heart break slightly at the thought of Ed having to stay in Los Angeles for a substantial amount of time, but tried not to let it show. "I guess it's up to them," she said, her voice betraying her emotions. "You have options."
Ed just held her tighter.
"How about we shelve that thought for now," Olivia said, both for herself and Ed as she selfishly wasn't ready to think about being apart for that long. "Let's just finish this day. Be together. Be close. And then tomorrow…well, tomorrow we can start thinking about what's next."
Ed nodded, kissing Olivia's nose, and allowed his hands to wander back down her body.
"Now that," he said, rolling Olivia once again onto her back and burying his face in her chest, "is a good idea."
Is Ed going have to stay in LA? Hit that review button...
