Dead; He was dead.

First, he was going to die of embarrassment, guilt or stupidity, whichever killed him faster. Then he was going to resurrect and Marinette was going to kill him, he didn't know how but somehow it was going to happen. Then Marinette would tell Alya, and Alya was going to find a way to bring him back from the death to kill him herself. And then… then he could spend the rest of his dead existence whining about the big mess up of that Friday night.

It was as easy as keeping his mouth shut! As easy as calling her princess as he always did!

But for some reason, after the initial shock, of course, his brain had wrapped around the idea of Marinette being Ladybug. It made so much sense once you connected the dots that he couldn't imagine anyone else as Ladybug now.

Ladybug and Marinette were one and the same, the big loves of his life were really one woman. That was a lot to take in, he had reasons to mess up!

But that didn't change anything, he was stupid and he had ruined everything and—

"What time is it?" Marinette asked, interrupting his mind rambling. She rubbed her eyes and yawned.

"Uh… p-past midnight, I think" Chat's words shook.

"Oh, damn…" Marinette clenched her fists. She threw hear head back and sighed. "I passed out, didn't I?"

"Y-yes" Chat stuttered, still unsure of how things were going to play out for him.

"Ugh" Marinette rubbed her eyes "I hate it so much"

"It is common for it to happen?" Adrien asked, his voice still trembling but winning it's fake confidence back.

He took the glass of water Alya had left on the nightstand and offered it to Marinette, who happily accepted the drink.

"It's not common" Marinette drank a sip of water "But it has happened before"

"Really?" He knew it had happened before, but he wanted to know Marinette's side of the story.

Alya's side was factual, and an essential part of the story; she had witnessed events of it that Marinette never had and never would see, she had seen all the things Marinette always forgot.

Yes, Alya had knowledge of what happened during her transformation into Ladybug and the aftermath, but something she didn't' knew was the before, a part Marinette did have.

"Yes, it's always the same. I'm angry, things get blurry, next thing I know is that my head hurts and hours had passed by without me noticing it" Marinette said "I guess I pass out -no idea why- I went to different doctors, but they can't give me an explication. It's not that bad, really, I usually wake up in my bed or on Alya's couch"

"It doesn't sound like a good thing either, princess" He said to her. His tone of voice made his annoyance spark on his words.

"Maybe this time…" Marinette agreed, after a few seconds of silence "It could have been worse if you hadn't found me since I was on the rooftops… thank you, I could have end up seriously hurt"

"Yes, you could have" Adrien sighed "If you know this happens maybe you shouldn't be playing superhero"

"I don't play superhero" Marinette crossed her arms in front of her chest and turned her head to the side. Her mouth was in a pout and her eyes looking at a death point.

"I didn't mean it like that, you know it" He rubbed his face with the palms of his hands.

When he notices Marinette was still ignoring his sight, he crawled on the bed, closer to her. He began making funny faces as close of her -without invading her personal space- trying to make her laugh.

She could try to ignore him, but Adrien knew she was well aware of him.

Only seconds later, Marinette's angry façade broke and a smile escaped from her lips.

"I know what you meant… I'm sorry. I know you are just worried, but—" She let out the air out of her lungs in a long, long exhale,

"I am worried, always will be; difference to me you don't have magic on your side"

"You may have magic, but you are still a normal person under the suit" Marinette reminded him "Which means that magic can't save you from every dangerous event you could stomp on. I remember the videos of your battle with Papillon, it didn't' seem like magic was doing a great job back then, in that—

She stopped abruptly. A dark and heavy sensation was running through her skin. The feeling was irritating as the sound of nails on a blackboard, like a bitter taste melting in her mouth or the scent of a strong nauseous smell.

When it came to her feelings her ability to feel the world around her ant the emotions of it, turned to a different side; their intensity just multiplied and overwhelmed her, they threw her at the edge of an anxiety attack. But this time as overwhelming as the feeling was, she knew it wasn't her emotions the ones causing the struggles.

She turned to Chat Noir and saw the pain in his eyes as well as on his body.

Of course, it was Chat!

She was stupid and insensible: if she felt dizzy, sad and hopeless whenever she saw any video of the battle, then Chat's emotions were probably ten times more intense.

Marinette wasn't sure how many videos of the multiple ones she had found around the internet she had watched, probably a thousand of them –she always felt like she needed to know everything about that day- but it didn't matter what video she watched, she always felt like a thorn was trying to cut on her heart. It hurt in a different way to anything Marinette had felt before, it was a unique ache that only appeared when she thought of that battle.

And if it was painful for Marinette to think about that battle, she couldn't imagine how hard it was for Chat Noir to remember the whole situation. He had lived it.

"Chat…" Marinette whispered.

Not sure of what words to use to apologize for her insensitive words she chose to keep quiet, sometimes actions could be louder than words.

She crawled from her spot in bed, throwing the sheets and covers to the side of the bed, to catch Chat Noir in a hug.

He gave the hug back immediately, squeezing her body and pulling her closer. Marinette expected a warm response from him but she didn't expect for his feelings to go bold as a firework show. The feelings she was sensing were loud and bright, and impossible to avoid

Thankfully they were fading into the distance and mixing with soothing waves of love that made her senses calm down, but still, those feelings of warm adoration that Chat Noir was throwing to her, made Marinette felt awful. He had never done anything but love her, he took care of her, he made sure she was safe, she tried to make her laugh when she was sad, he listened to her when she needed to and he would have never been as insensible as Marinette had been a few minutes before.

Damn, why couldn't she restrain some emotions? Why did she have the need to talk without thinking? Why was she always rambling? She knew her impulsivity was dangerous and yet she let it get the best of her –again- hurting someone dearer to her –again- .

Chat Noir's mouth brushed against the curve of her neck. Marinette was impressed by how soft his lips felt, it was as soft as touching a dress made of habotai. It was also warm, without being uncomfortable.

His lips brushed against her a few times before leaving a kiss on top of her collar bones.

Marinette smiled at the sweet gesture. She ran one of her hands through his messy hair, trying to show him that she loved him back, and how sorry she was about her words.

But the touching didn't seem enough; it was something normal for them. Marinette and Chat Noir were always touching, it didn't matter what they were doing or if the activity they were realizing needed that level of contact or not, in some way or another they were always touching. It didn't felt weird, on the contrary, it felt like the right thing to do, and that was why it was so natural to be in the other's personal space.

It was so natural that Marinette's actions wouldn't reflect what she was trying say, they would pass as normal behavior, and she didn't want that. So she spoke.

"I'm so, so, so sorry…. I wasn't thinking, it was stupid I… I'm really sorry" She backed down, so she could be able to say her apology looking at him.

Chat Noir gave a little crooked smile, but his eyes didn't glow with the light that was always present.

"Marinette, I know you are, it's okay" His tone of voice wasn't the right one neither.

"Your face doesn't match your words" Marinette's fingertips traveled along Chat's cheeks, making the same path tears would make.

Chat Noir hadn't cried, but Marinette could see that a part of him wanted to break into tears, there was something in his eyes that was trying to stay hidden, she couldn't point a finger at it, but she could see its shadow. But mostly, she felt it, something was going on inside of his mind and he didn't want to share it with her.

"I just need to stop thinking about it" He seemed to smile for real this time.

Marinette nodded, she needed to think about something else too.

She let her arms fall to her sides and by doing it she accidently hit Chat's palms with her own, which wouldn't have been a problem if he didn't have any claws.

"Ouch, " She rubbed her hands together. She frowned at him, but Chat chuckled.

"Want to play handclap's games, princess?"

Hey! That was a good distraction but one look at her hands was enough to give it another thought.

"You have claws and a ring" She pointed one accusative finger at the black band around his gloves "My hands will be in pain"

"Oh, poor baby girl" He purred, mocking her. "You are scared of losing, admit it"

"What?! You wish I was, I'm only making a fair point here, and how the hell do you lose playing hand-clapping games?"

"Uh, you stop clapping?" Chat Noir crooked a brow "It's obvious, princess. You are scared. C'mon admit it, I won't laugh, cat's promise" He stood three fingers up on the scout greeting and grinned at her.

"I'm not" Marinette pursed her lips and crossed her arms in front of her chest "If we played, I would literally slay you"

"Too many words, not enough actions" Chat Noir sang the song.

That cracked took a deep breath and put her hands up, ready to start playing.

"Start singing, mon minou" Marinette said, a big mischievous grin shining on her lips.

Chat Noir imitated her expression and clapped on Marinette's hands to start the game.

"Trois petits chats" He began singing.

"Unbelievable" Marinette huffed.

"Trois petits chats, trois petits chats, chats, chats, chats"

Marinette kept clapping against Chat's hands. At the beginning, she sang with him, but when the song started to add different verses and Chat Noir changed the tone of his voice according to it, she couldn't do it anymore. She was laughing at how excited he seemed at the game, at the voices and expressions he put to every part of it. It was hilarious and so sweet. He looked like a little kid, and that warmed up Marinette's heart.

"Lettres d'amour, lettres d'amour, -mour, ,mour! Mour a trois, mour trois, trois, trois petits chats, chats, chats, chat, chat!" Chat Noir gave one hard last clap against Marinette's hands. He didn't realize how hard it had been because he stood up from the bed, arms in the air, singing victoriously. And also, Marinette didn't mention how the ring had smashed her fingers.

"I won!"

"I didn't stop! It was a tie!" Marinette rolled her eyes. She shook her hands because they were starting to tickle, then rubbed them against her legs.

"I totally won! Look at you, your hands are tired, I'm obviously the winner, I could go on for hours"

"You are impossible" Marinette huffed "Were you always like this when you played as a kid? How did the other kids put up with you?"

Chat Noir's excitement notoriously died at her comment.

"D-did I said somet-thing wrong?" Marinette stuttered. Why couldn't she shut her mouth!?

"No, no" Chat shook his head. "It's just…. I didn't play with many kids when I was little so…"

"Oh…" Marinette gasped. "Why not, chaton? If it's okay to ask, of course"

"It is" He nodded and smiled kindly, reassuring his answer "I was home schooled and I only had one friend, and she didn't like to play handclaps games… I mostly played with my mom, we could spend hours clapping and singing, for some reason they were one of my favorite things to do"

Marinette's senses bloomed once again, but this time they didn't come from Chat Noir. Yes, she could feel the love when he spoke about his mother, she didn't need supernatural abilities to do so, but this wasn't it. It wasn't happy, it wasn't warm, or electrifying. It made her feel uneasy, it was the sensation you got when a fire alarm ringed… that's what it was, an alarm beeping inside her brain, with lights to go with the sound, telling her to get away, to be safe.

"Was "trois petits chats", your favorite?" Marinette teased, trying to ignore the uncomfortable sensations she was feeling.

"I can't remember, I knew so many songs, in so many different languages, my mom searched them for me so I could have new ones. "

"She sounds like a great mom" She said.

Chat Noir smiled, looking conflicted.

"She was…" He sighed. "You sometimes remind me of her… you have her smile"

That sounded… familiar.

"I'm sorry" Marinette said sincerely.

"Me too"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Marinette didn't know when she had died, it could be long time ago, and he could be already used to her being gone, then he wouldn't need to talk about it, but there was the possibility for it to be a recent event and maybe he needed someone to listen to him, and Marinette wanted to be there.

"I would, there's still so many things that I haven't been able to let go, no matter that it's been years since she went missing" Oh, so she wasn't dead "But… for it, I would have to tell you a good amount of personal details and… I…" He sighed "Do you want to know who I am, Mari?"

"No!" It was a reflex reaction. She didn't have the time to think about it, it came out of her mouth so fast that she was sure her brain didn't process it. Something inside of her was screaming that answer, but it wasn't her logical or emotional side, it was like a memory trying to surface "I mean... you shouldn't tell me, I want you to, but you can't"

"Why not?"

"You should know it better than me, superhero 101, you can't reveal your identity, it's dangerous"

"I trust you, princess" Chat cupped her cheek with his hand, making Marinette look right into his eyes.

"No" Marinette closed her eyes and shook her head. She frowned and her nose was in a wrinkle, she was decided to not know.

"You really don't?" He sighed, disappointed. "What if I'm someone you hate? Wouldn't you like to know?"

Adrien didn't want to be someone she hated. He had suffered from Marinette's obvious dislike for him at the beginning, he had heard her talk about the confusing feelings he brought on her and while he really enjoyed to hear her say he was hot and nice, he got bothered when Marinette spoke about him as a stranger. Lately, Marinette was warming up to him, she was being nice to him, only today she had joked around with him!

The need to reveal his identity had come a few times, but he had been scared of what she would think since she seemed to dislike Adrien so much. But now that he knew her identity he really felt that it was his duty to tell her. What if she ended up hating Chat not because he was Adrien but because she had hidden it for so long?

He was scared of her reaction, but he knew that revealing himself was the right thing to do.

"I would never hate you, kitty" Marinette assured him. She took him by his wrist and pressed a kiss on the palm of his gloved hand.

"You can't be sure, Marinette" He said defeated.

He made Marinette let go of his hand. He sighed and let his body fell into the bed. Back against the mattress, looking at the yellow light that Marinette's pink lamp emitted.

Thoughts inside of his mind began to twist. He had received so many information in only one night that he felt like was about to burst into flames. The information was incomplete, and the final piece to kill all the doubts he had inside was right there beside him. But not even Marinette knew the answers to the questions he had, or maybe she did, Adrien couldn't know, and he couldn't ask. If this was old Marinette, old Ladybug, then he was sure he could ask without fear, he knew her well enough to do so… but he didn't know the new Marinette, not completely. Add that to the list of things he didn't know and were eating him from the inside out.

Marinette's body made a thump against the mattress. He felt her hand trace a path along his arm and end on top of his, intertwining her fingers with his.

Adrien turned his head to her, finding big blue oceans full of mystery in front of him. He had shamelessly complimented her eyes a thousand times, telling her he could drown in them; now that he thought about it, he had already drowned, his waves had already embraced every part of his soul, she had managed to let him breathless as Ladybug and as Marinette. He had made him fall in love so deeply three times, as deep as the ocean on her eyes.

He loved her so much.

He had loved her as a superhero, he had loved her as a normal girl, he had loved her as his classmates, as his friend, as the love of his life.

"Hey, Mari" He said, leaning closer to her.

"Huh?" She said low. Her thumb rubbed against his knuckles.

"I love you. Don't scare me like that again" Chat said, raw honesty drenching his words. He was referring to the events of today, as well as the years before, the years he had spent without her. Years of wondering and doubting, years of worrying, years where he would have preferred to say those words.

"I'll try" She looked down, away from his eyes. "I love you, too" Her words trembled a little, but she smiled, assuring her feelings were true.

I know you do, bugaboo, you always did.

xx

Marinette changed her position on the mattress for the third time. Her bed, that had never been anything but comfortable had transformed into a hard place to fall.

She rolled on her back, and extended her legs, trying to find a position comfortable enough to keep with her sleep, but nothing worked. She tried to pull the sheets closer to her, and when these didn't move, she opened her eyes to examine the problem.

The problem was a black cat sleeping right next to her, but not the regular tiny old real cat that used to sneak into her bed, but the human superhero disguised as a black cat.

So, it wasn't a cat, it was a guy. A guy was sleeping next to her, a really hot boy was sleeping next to her. It wasn't new to have a guy on her bed, Nathanaël used to spend the night all the time, she wasn't alarmed by it. But this wasn't her boyfriend and as much as she didn't like to admit, this was a stranger. She doesn't know who is behind that mask –she could know, he had offered to reveal himself, but she hadn't accepted the offer- and that made the situation a little bit weird.

She trusted him, he was her friend and he loved her, not only had him tell her that today, but she saw it on his actions; on the way he spoke to her, on the way he looked at her. And she loved him back.

She knew that, but only today she had realized how much she loved him, and maybe that was what made her feel strange with him sleeping next to her.

She was single and she could have gone for Chat Noir at any moment of the night, and yet she didn't.

It wasn't because she was scared, it wasn't because she was insecure, she simply didn't want to.

The feelings were so loud and bold around him that reality became blurry.

Her feelings for Nathanaël had been different for a long time, they didn't have anything to do with Chat Noir, but his presence had made the confusion inside of her grow, it was always like that when the world became louder. It was natural for her to think that she had fallen in love with him, with someone who didn't treat her as she was fragile but still cared about her, with someone she could talk about the superficial aspects of life and joke and minutes later open her heart and toss all her worries to him. It was natural, it was expected but that wasn't what had happened.

As she looked at him, lying on her bed, sleeping peacefully, with his mouth half open and hair messier than the normal; she knew she wasn't in love with him. That's why it was so weird to see him sleeping next to her, because only a few days before she had been wondering what would it be like to be with him like this and maybe… maybe more, and right now she wanted to erase those thoughts.

She loved him -she didn't lie about that- she loved him so much, there was no doubt about it; it was love, but not romantic love.

She couldn't put it into words, or into actions, but she finally understood that her feelings for him were bigger than a little crush or finding him attractive. She still found him extremely handsome, and funny, and maybe in another moment of her life she would be completely and helplessly in love, but it wasn't that moment.

Marinette sat back in the bed.

Her back against the head of the bed, with her legs crossed on top of each other and a pillow in between them. In this position, she had a better look at the guy sleeping next to her.

She contemplated him as he slept, it was funny to see a masked guy in a black custom, sleeping like a baby in between shades of pink and lilac, especially if that guy was constantly trying to come as suave. Which he wasn't, but she wouldn't say that to his face.

As if he was aware of her, he moved closer to her. His head rubbed against her leg, and he rolled on his back, crossing one arm over her legs.

Marinette giggled at this, but stop abruptly at the image in front of her eyes.

The memory was on her head as it had never disappeared from her mind. A younger Chat Noir stood in front of the door of her parent's house. He was introducing himself to her, flirting and acting over the top trying to impress her, and Marinette was making fun of him.

She laughed again at the blissful memory.

"You haven't changed a bit, minou" Marinette ran her fingers through the pieces of blonde wild hair, being careful with the cat ears.

As she played with Chat Noir's hair, Marinette did what she always did when a full memory came back to her. When blurry memories or sensations appeared in her brain, she tried to not think much about it because the most she tried to find an explanation for those sensations she always ended frustrated. But when the memories were vivid and complete, she tried to reach for more.

She played the memory on her head, putting together little details. But something didn't add up.

If Chat Noir was introducing himself why had she made fun of him? Why did it feel like she already knew him? It was impossible and yet that is how it felt.

It doesn't make any sense. She thought. Except… No, not that again, but…

Marinette stopped petting Chat Noir and stood up from the bed.

She had tried to ignore the unsettling feeling trying to spread across her heart, it had been there all night, but she had been pushing it away. She didn't want to think about it, but there was no turn back now.

She walked till she stood in front of the door of her closet. She took a big breath before opening it and start searching for the purple shoe box she kept hide at the end of the closet.

It had been a week from the last time she grabbed it and inspected the objects in there, but the situation called for it.

She took off the top and ran her hand around the notebooks, pictures, and memories that this box held.

Inside of the box, there were multiple items she had carefully hand-picked through the years. Pictures, doodles, birthday letters, and notes from Alya, hair pins, bottles of paint, and random items that radiated a peculiar and special energy to her. She didn't remember the story behind all the objects in the box, there was a time when she didn't know anything about the complete box, yet they had always been the most precious objects Marinette could have.

On the left corner of the box, there was a stack with pictures tied with a blue ribbon. She unwrapped and went through the photos until she took one of the pictures in her hands. This picture was the reason why she had opened the box a week ago.

It was a candid picture of her talking to no one else than Adrien Agreste. They were sitting in a park, and Marinette was showing him her sketchbook, her mouth was open so Marinette assumed she was explaining him the design, and while she did that Adrien's mouth was open too, but in surprise. It was a pretty picture, a picture that told Marinette lots of things of their relationship just by looking at their body languages.

She had forgotten that that picture existed, which was strange since it was one of the few photos she had to keep on her apartment. When she chose it she hadn't known who the guy in the picture was, she didn't ask anyone either, she only saw the picture and fell in love with it, so she kept it hidden in the box of shoes with other selected items. She only remembered it last week, and she had freaked out about it for an entire day, but now while she looked at it, she smiled.

Today's talk with Adrien had been so nice and normal. There was still bold feelings around them, bold feelings that made her feel uneasy but Adrien showed to be such a wonderful man that the rational part of her brain had been pushing the sensations of the world away.

Marinette smiled one more time looking at the picture before putting it back in the box. Then she finally took what she was looking for.

The notebook was at the bottom of the box, it was covered with different patterns of fabric, fabric with a nice touch feeling to it. It had been the first manual thing she had done back at the house. She didn't remember how to work with fabrics, but in that moment she needed to do something, so she took a notebook and cut pieces of fabric, creating a pattern on the cover of it.

Because of it, a memory had sparked on Marinette, the first of many to come. And that's why she used it every time a new memory decided to appear on her mind. Every memory that Marinette wasn't certain about ended on that notebook.

She had used half of it already, a few pages were full of words, others had drawings. A few of them had crossed all over them, the words "fake" and "dream" were over multiple pages too. But the king of the notebook, the one who owned more pages was the question mark. And said question mark had a favorite page to appear.

Marinette flipped the pages till she found what she was looking for.

A bright red title welcomed her, with two columns of sentences under it. One had a big "YES" written on the top, the other, with bigger letters said "NO".

Marinette sighed. She gave a look back to the bed, back to Chat Noir. Checking he hadn't woke up, she concentrated again in the notebook.

She picked the pen she kept in the box, took off the cap with her mouth and kept biting while she wrote a few words down on the bottom of the "YES" column. As she did her hand trembled, making her handwriting look as it was shaking too.

Once she was done, she put the cap back on the pen and put it down back in the box. She took the notebook with both of her hands and read the title once again.

Could I be Ladybug?

Then she read what she had just written.

Chat Noir called memy ladyagain

xx