Chapter 30

Ed entered his home with a huff. He toed off his shoes, hung his jacket in the foyer closet, and turned right down the hallway, ready to rid himself of his suit and perhaps shower off the day. He had been following the Hodda trial and though he hadn't been able to speak directly with Olivia, she had sent a few texts throughout the day and her anxiety around the deliberating jury was palpable even through iMessage.

He kicked his door closed, pulled his tie off and slung it onto the bed, and shed the rest of his suit piece by piece on his way to the bathroom. As he allowed the hot water to pelt his body, Ed rubbed his face vigorously as he pictured Olivia's face: her jaw steeled as she sat in the courtroom, her eyes compassionate as she comforted Delores, and the biting of her lip which was her only outward sign of nervousness when she was on the job.

Shutting the water off, Ed wrapped a towel around his waist and reached for his phone.

Hey babe. Come by?

He set the phone on the bathroom counter, hoping for a quick reply. Ed threw on sweats and dabbed a little lotion on his face, laughing at how Olivia had finally convinced him to use something in the cold air.

His phone buzzed.

Ed, I'm exhausted.

Ed let out a sigh, but didn't give up. Wanting to make sure it didn't come across as a "please come over for sex" text, Ed went with a more sincere message.

Even more of a reason. Bring Noah, I'll order dinner. Let me take care of you.

The three dots signaled that she was responding and Ed crossed his fingers.

Okay. Be there in 30.

Smiling, Ed tossed his worn suit into the laundry and made his way down the hall, ready to sort through take out menus, but he was distracted by Emma's voice. Her door was half open, so Ed knocked lightly and invited himself in, a smile immediately growing on his face.

"Hey dad!" Nate exclaimed, his face smiling through Emma's iPhone screen.

"Nate! Wow…this picture is clear."

"Update your phone, dad," Emma said rolling her eyes.

Ed just shrugged. "I don't like change."

Both kids laughed so Ed sat on the edge of Emma's bed, happy to speak with both of his children at the same time. They caught up on general things; how classes were going, recent football games, trash talked a few horrid teachers, and Ed told a few funny stories about Noah from Halloween. After a few minutes, Ed could see Nate fidget.

"What is it, son?"

"Dad, I've been thinking…"

Ed swallowed and steeled himself for whatever it was Nate was about to say, but he wasn't quite prepared for what it was.

"I think I want to stay here for Thanksgiving."

Ed's jaw dropped slightly and he rubbed his forehead, trying not to make too much of the admission.

"Okay," he finally answered. "Who, uh, well, what do ya wanna do out there?"

"Bailey's parents rented a place in Sonoma and invited me."

"Ah."

Emma had stilled next to Ed and was looking at the floor. He could tell his daughter was disappointed, but Ed wasn't sure fighting Nate on this was his best move.

"Are you sure?" He finally asked, wanting his son to do what was best for him, but he didn't want him running from his feelings. "This is what you really want?"

Nate shrugged. "Yeah," he said softly. "I…I know its disappointing to you, Dad, but…I guess…Thanksgiving travel is stressful for only three days. It's easier to just stay here."

"Its the first holiday without mom," Emma mumbled, not making eye contact with her brother.

"I know," Nate whispered. "I'm sorry, Em…"

Emma just shrugged. Ed reached out and rubbed her back. "You're coming out here for Christmas, though, okay?" Ed gave Nate a look, signaling that the other holiday was not up for discussion.

"Of course," Nate said.

"Okay, then," Ed relented. "We'll miss ya, son."

Nate gave him a small smile. "I'll miss you too. But this is what I really want to do."

The trio spoke for a few more minutes, though the conversation wasn't nearly as lively as it had been before Nate's announcement. They finally bid their goodbyes and Emma stood up to make an exit, but Ed grabbed her hand.

"Ya okay?"

Emma turned, pulled her hand from Ed's grasp, and smiled. "Of course," she said. "He mentioned to me he may wanna stay with Bailey. So, I'm happy for him."

"Emma…"

"I need to shower before Olivia gets here."

Watching Emma make a quick exit, Ed let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling.

"How the hell am I supposed to do this?" He muttered, allowing himself a few more minutes of sulking before heading back into the kitchen to peruse delivery menus.


Ed and Olivia were in the kitchen. Ed was washing the plates and utensils while Olivia dried them and put them away. Ed couldn't help but smile at the fact that Olivia knew where everything lived in his kitchen. It was a sign that they had been together for a while and had already weathered some storms. He took a large amount comfort from that little fact, and his smile did not go unnoticed.

"What?" Olivia asked, bumping his hip with hers as she took the last plate from his hands and dried it. Ed turned the water off and leaned his side against the counter, watching Olivia stretch to put the plate up, close the cabinet door, then turn around to face him. "Seriously, Ed, what?"

"Nothin'," he said, shrugging and reaching for her. He moved them into an impromptu dance, causing Olivia's face to scrunch up further in confusion.

"What has gotten into you tonight?"

Ed backed away, but kept her hands in his. "Just wanted to distract ya. Make ya feel good."

Olivia smiled sadly. "It was a nice distraction."

Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Ed then traced her jawline with his index finger. "Wanna talk about it?"

Olivia eyed the living room where Noah was curled up on the couch watching a movie. Emma had retreated to her room immediately after dinner, citing homework, and she hadn't been heard from since. So Olivia took a deep breath, gathered her thoughts, and looked up at Ed. The uncertainty he saw swirling in her eyes about killed him.

"I keep thinking back to that interrogation," she began softly. "To be honest, I don't remember them all. I mean, how many interrogations have I done in my lifetime?"

"A lot," Ed allowed, gripping her hands tightly and keeping his eyes on her.

"I knew better," she finally whispered. "I…I got the confession. I didn't force it. But…I did…I knew better, Ed."

"Liv, you did what you had to do. That man belongs in prison."

Olivia stayed silent for a few minutes and chewed her bottom lip. Ed stood patiently, watching her subtle movements until she was ready to speak again.

"Remember Clyde?" Olivia asked. Ed was unable to hide his surprise at the sudden change of subjects.

"Of course," he said, the familiar knot coming back into his stomach as he thought back to the times in which he caused Olivia pain.

"The set-up…everything…" she whispered. "It all stemmed from me saying something…careless and insensitive…in an interrogation."

"Liv…"

"Stop, Ed," she finally said. "I made mistakes. I get so caught up in seeking justice, and I get so angry at these…disgusting excuses for human beings…that I let things slip. And sometimes they come back to haunt me."

"Olivia Benson," Ed said, his voice firm causing Olivia's eyes to widen as she looked up at him. "You are an incredible cop. An ally. A fighter. A justice seeker. And sure, sometimes you get carried away in an interrogation. But I just…I hate seeing ya like this."

Shrugging Olivia wrapped her arms around her waist and looked down at the floor. She mumbled something, but Ed couldn't quite understand what she said. He reached out and lifted her chin with his thumb.

"What was that?"

"This time…this time it's gonna cost me. Cost us. Cost these people their justice."

Not sure what else to say, Ed did the only thing he could think of. He wrapped Olivia tightly in his arms and held her to his chest. Ed lightly stroked her hair and placed little kisses on the side of her head as he whispered reassurances in her ear. They stayed like that until the sound of little footsteps caught their attention. Olivia pulled away from Ed slightly and peered around his body, smiling at the sight of Noah looking up at them with a grin on his face, holding up his cup.

"Juice?"

Olivia was about to answer, but Ed immediately grabbed the cup and opened his refrigerator. "Here ya go, pal."

"Tanks," Noah said, scampering back into the living room. Ed watched him climb back onto the couch, but Olivia kept her eyes on Ed.

"You had his juice here?"

"Of course," Ed said simply. "Still have that weird tea ya like, too."

Olivia laughed and kissed his lips gently.

"I love you."

"Listen, Olivia," Ed said, his face growing serious again. "No matter what happens with Hodda, what Barba says, or what anyone else says, you are a good cop. A great cop. The only thing you're guilty of is fighting harder than anyone I know…for victims who most other people don't believe. Never ever doubt how important you are."

Tears sprang to Olivia's eyes and she tried to keep her chin from quivering. "Thank you," she finally whispered. "For saying that."

Ed cupped her face and kissed her once more. "Always," he responded. "Now. You wanna stay the night?"

Olivia scrunched her face up and Ed's hopes were dashed.

"Noah needs his own bed," she said. "And I'm in for a long day tomorrow…"

"Alright," he said. "Lemme check on Emma and I'll walk ya home."

"We'll be fine, ya know," Olivia said with a smirk, knowing her argument was useless.

Ed just winked at her. "Humor me."

"Always," she quipped back, sauntering out of the kitchen to pack up Noah's things.


Mike Dodds shuffled back to his desk with an almost dejected look on his face.

"What?" Fin asked bluntly, leaning back in his chair and eyeing the sergeant.

"Ah, she waved me off," he said. "Was gonna ask about Thanksgiving, but she seems…irritated. And on the phone."

"Been a rough couple weeks," Fin said wisely. "She's gonna be irritated. You requesting off a holiday already?"

Mike glared at Fin. "No," he said defensively. "I'm offering to be on duty. If you haven't noticed, we are a little short staffed…"

Easing up a bit, Fin nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Rollins is out for a while. And Carisi might as well be out…"

"Are those two, um, well…"

"No one knows," Fin quipped. "Probably never will."

"Dodds!"

Olivia yelled from within her office, not even bothering to go to the door. Mike immediately jumped up and nodded at Fin who wished him a quiet "good luck."

Dodds, though having been invited in, still rapped softly at the Lieutenant's door before entering. Olivia gave him a tired smile and gestured to the couch over by the window.

"Let's sit here," she said, standing up and stretching. "I need a little change." They both got situated and Olivia tucked one leg up under her body. "What can I do for you, Mike?"

"No big deal," he shrugged. "Just was gonna offer to be on duty for the holiday."

Olivia cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes slightly. As much as she had grown to trust Mike Dodds over the last year, these kinds of offers always breeded skepticism for her. No one ever volunteered to be on duty over a holiday, and she knew that Mike had family around and likely had traditions to uphold.

"I know we're short staffed," he continued. "And I assume you want to be with Noah…and maybe Captain Tucker…"

Olivia tensed at the reference to her personal relationship with Ed.

"Sorry," Mike said quickly, shaking his head. "I'm sure I'm overstepping…"

At that admission, Olivia finally softened. "It's okay," she said quietly. She could see by Sergeant Dodds' body language that he really just wanted to help. "I appreciate that offer. Been a rough stretch for us, huh?"

"Ya know," Dodds said, getting a little more courage, "you can lean on me more, Olivia. I can handle it. I get you, and your squad, may not totally trust me yet…"

"Mike, I trust you," she finally said, surprising both him and herself with the remark. She chuckled thinking back to the phone conversation she just had with Ed and how they hung up a little unhappy with each other. "Your offer…has ironic timing, that's all."

Mike sat back on the couch a bit, his body language signaling that he was open to any kind of sharing the Lieutenant offered, but she didn't bite.

"I'll schedule you for Thanksgiving Day," she said. "Come in for the morning. If it's quiet, you can head out in the afternoon…but you'll be the one on call. If something goes south, then call me."

Smiling, Sergeant Dodds stood up and nodded. "Thanks, Lieutenant," he said. "I'm sure we'll be just fine."

Olivia allowed herself to sink into her office sofa as soon as she heard the door click shut. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths as she relived the small argument she just had with Ed. He was understandably wanting to get away for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, especially with Nate not coming home, but with Rollins out indefinitely and Carisi trying to help her out, Olivia was stretched too thin at work to entertain the idea of a trip. But she could tell it was frustrating Ed, and they were faced with the decision of staying in town, or not spending the holiday together. Ed wasn't ready to accept either of those options, leaving them in a bit of conflict.

Chewing on her bottom lip and staring at the ceiling, Olivia tried to come up with a way that would make Ed happy while still acknowledging the fact that her job was not overly flexible at the moment. Before she could make any plans in her head, she heard the buzzing of her cell phone on the coffee table.

Smiling, she reached over and answered the call.

"I was just thinking about you…"

"Uh oh," Ed chuckled. "Given how we hung up, I don't know if I wanna know what those thoughts were…"

Olivia sighed. "Nothing bad," she finally responded. "I'm sorry I got so frustrated. It's just…a lot is going on."

"I know," Ed said softly. "And I'm sorry I put so much pressure on ya to make the trip. Just thought something different might be nice. But honestly, anywhere with you will be nice."

"Can we compromise?" Olivia was picking at her pants while speaking, but her tone was hopeful. "Maybe we can find some place close - go after work on Wednesday and come back Friday morning?"

Ed clicked his tongue. "That could work. I'll have to research…"

Smiling, Olivia relaxed a little and leaned back into the couch cushions. "I'm sorry I was so short earlier…"

"Liv, it's okay. I get it. We are all juggling a lot and this was a bigger ask than I originally thought. It'll work out, one way or another."

"Yeah," Olivia said softly. "I better go…I have a mountain of paperwork staring me down."

"Call me when you're home?"

"I will."

"Bye, Liv."

Olivia hung up the call, dropped her phone, and let out a deep sigh. Still feeling unsettled, but facing a grueling end to her work day, Olivia was forced to shift her mind from potential holiday plans as Fin came in letting her know they had caught a new case.


"I don't understand how people get pleasure from hiking," Ed grumbled as he held onto a tree and hoisted himself up the final portion of the easy-level trail they agreed upon for Thanksgiving morning. Emma was waiting up at the top grinning while Olivia patted Ed's arm, encouraging him along.

"It was your idea," she pointed out. "And you also demanded to carry Noah in the pack."

"Yeah, well," he said huffing as he finally made it to the top of the path. Olivia unhooked Noah and let him down to run a little bit on the flat area. The foursome moved ahead until they came to a gorgeous overlook.

"Noah!" Olivia said, immediately calling him back to her as the ledge made her nervous. She picked him up and pressed their cheeks together. "Look how beautiful," she said, turning to see Ed's face. It was red and he was puffing a little, but it was more of an exaggerated show. "Worth the trip, huh?"

"Yeah," Emma whispered, moving over to sit on the rock and hug her knees to her chest. "Incredible."

"I suppose it's alright," Ed said, a smirk growing on his face as he ribbed Olivia. She just rolled her eyes.

"Again," she pointed out. "This was all your idea."

They all stood at the top of the small mountain in silence for a while, taking in what was left of the fall colors as they looked over at a lake and thousands of treetops.

"Peaceful up here," Emma observed. Ed moved to sit next to her and rubbed her shoulders.

"It really is."

"This was a good idea, dad," she said softly. "Something different. But still together."

Olivia felt a little like she was intruding, so she hung behind, still cuddling Noah to her. The little boy seemed awestruck by the view and was perfectly content to cuddle in his mother's arms.

"Olivia, you and Noah too," Emma offered, turning to look at the older woman. "When I say together…I guess I mean all of us now."

Ed smiled at Olivia and gestured for her to join them. The foursome sat on the rock, overlooking the Hudson River Valley in silence. They had arrived at a small, quaint cabin the night before. With reservations made for a local restaurant for Thanksgiving night, Ed decided to plan a light hike for that morning. The weather was mild, mid-fifties when the sun was out, so he decided it was the perfect activity to distract himself and Emma from missing Nate. Olivia, not having an established Thanksgiving tradition, jumped at the chance for something out of the ordinary. The trail was easy and despite his grumbling, Ed easily made the climb with Noah strapped to his back. He would point things out along the way and Ed would patiently stop, waiting for the little boy to finish his observation before continuing on. Olivia and Emma stuck with each other most of the way, but said very little. Often peeking back to watch her son and boyfriend, Olivia found herself at peace. And that peace still had a hold of her as they all sat atop a mountain, looking off into the distance.

"I'm glad we could be here, Emma," Olivia said softly, hugging Noah more tightly to her. "It feels…right."

"Well, except for Nate," Emma added quickly. "But…yeah. It does feel right."

Ed took a deep breath, his chest puffing out slightly as he felt pride overwhelm him. He had somehow managed to weather his family through unimaginable storms, keep Olivia, and come out on what he hoped to be the other side as one unit.

They sat for a while longer before Olivia took a quick look over at Emma and saw her hands were shaking slightly. Not wanting to alarm Ed, but also cognizant of the time and hike back down, she made the executive decision to head back to the cabin. That would give Emma some time to breath and calm down a little before dinner, and perhaps Noah could sneak in a nap.

"Okay gang," she said as cheerfully as she could. "Shall we head back down?"

Ed let out an exaggerated groan, causing Olivia and Emma to burst out laughing. Not wanting to be left out, Noah began to laugh loudly as well. Ed just remained sitting on the rock, pretending to pout. Finally taking pity on him, Olivia leaned down to grab his hands and pull him up.

Once on his feet, Ed pulled Olivia close and kissed her lips. "Happy Thanksgiving, Olivia," he said, brushing her hair back out of her face. "Thank you for making this happen."

"Happy Thanksgiving to you, too," she responded. "And of course. This was the perfect plan."

"Okay you two," Emma called from where her and Noah had already started down the trail. "Noah's going to beat us all down."

Ed quickly put the pack back on as Olivia trotted after Noah and scooped him up. The little boy giggled as his mother tickled him before hoisting him into the pack and strapping him in. Olivia first kissed Noah's head, before kissing Ed's cheek and making her way down towards Emma who was already on the trail.

"Go!" Noah said, pointing straight ahead. "Les'go, Ed. Hike!"

"Yes sir," Ed grumbled, listening to the giggles come from Emma and Olivia as he followed them back down the mountain.


So have things smoothed out? Or do we have some things on the horizon? Who knows - but you should review anyways.