"Do you have something you want to talk about, love?" Tobias asks, breaking my reverie. I've been staring out the window thinking about what I witnessed in the council meeting today between Dr. Paxton and the bitch since we left Abnegation. It has my mind reeling with questions and uncertainties.
"Not really," I mutter, studying the passing scenery. I grab on to the dashboard and door as he makes a quick right turn and pulls into an abandoned parking structure on the outskirts of Dauntless territory. "What in the hell?" He says nothing until the car comes to an abrupt halt. "Are you trying to kill us?"
"You have something on your mind, and I want to know what it is," he says, ignoring my question. He shuts off the ignition and turns in his seat, glowering at me. "Are you that worried about the kids? Is that what's going on in that head of yours?"
"I feel horrible now. I wasn't even thinking about them," I guiltily say. I should have been thinking about my sick babies instead of wondering why the bane of my existence is trying to come back and haunt me.
"Then what is it, love, and don't tell me it's nothing? Obviously, it's something," he says. "So spill."
"It's just," I begin then shake my head.
"Beatrice," he growls.
"Calm down, Tobias," I say with an exasperated sigh. "The truth is, I'm not exactly sure what it is I am concerned about."
"What's that even supposed to mean?"
"Well, I saw something. Or at least I think I saw something at the meeting. I'm not sure."
"What was it?" he implores. My silence has him on edge for some reason.
"I could be wrong. I'm not making any accusations, but I think their relationship isn't strictly professional," I say, replaying the scenes in my head over and over. Tobias' fingers gently grip my chin and turn my head to look at him.
"Okay," he says with a humorless chuckle. "You've totally lost me. That's nothing like I thought you were going to say. Whose relationship isn't strictly professional?"
"Dr. Paxton and the bitch," I say, looking at him like it should be obvious. He frowns. "I didn't even remember who he was when I first saw them together this morning. He sat in on a couple of our counseling sessions, remember?" Tobias nods. "Even though the doctor was professionally dressed in his faction colors and she was wearing the usual factionless rainbow, they almost seemed like a couple when they walked in together. I must have had that errant thought although I honestly don't remember. He would brush his hand against her leg or squeeze her hand. They would sit side by side, heads huddled close together. When I went back to get my cell phone they were talking, leaning into each other like … lovers. She was caressing him, and he was playing with her hair. They looked like they were about to kiss."
"I didn't notice any inappropriate behavior when I saw them together, but then again, it seems like you were really keeping a close eye on them," he says.
"Her. I was watching her and I can't help it," I say. I look down at my hands, which are fidgeting in my lap. "I know this isn't very Dauntless to admit, but she scares me."
"Hey," he says as he covers my hands with his, stilling them. I tentatively look up into his ocean eyes and see nothing but love and maybe a little concern radiating back at me. "You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of." He moves one hand up to cup the side of my face. I lean into it without thinking. "And you have nothing to be scared of. I'm not going to let her disrupt our lives again."
"I know won't," I say, caressing his face.
"You're still not saying something," he says.
"I guess it's because I don't know exactly how to voice it," I say with a sigh. I unbuckle my seatbelt and move as close to him as our bucket seats will allow. I lay a hand on his and draw little circles while I gather my thoughts. "You know I've wondered since I thought I saw the bitch outside the public bathrooms at the park earlier this year why she would have been let out of the psych ward not even two years after she tried to kill me. We've both wondered. I know we keep being told she's no longer a threat and she no longer needs 24/7 supervision but what if…"
"What if?" he encourages, prompting me to continue.
"What if she came on to him for the sole purpose of getting released? What if she manipulated him into thinking it was all his idea to let her back into Dauntless? What if she's playing him?"
"You know, that would explain a hell of a lot," he mutters disgustedly. "How do we prove it?"
"That's what has me so confused, baby," I say. "What if my overactive imagination made up the whole thing? What if I just want there to be a nefarious reason he's helping her and nothing is actually going on between them? I would feel horrible to ruin his reputation if he's innocent in all this." He looks straight ahead, pondering this I imagine.
"And If everything you thought you saw is exactly how it is?" he asks. "What then?"
"I would nail his balls to the wall so fast it would make his head spin," I angrily spit. "This is our life he's messing with just because he can't keep his dick in his pants."
"I think you'd have to stand in line," he growls. He gathers me up in his arms and hugs me tightly. He caresses the back of my head while he holds me. "I hate that you're having to go through this. If I could make it all go away … if I could make her go away, I would."
"I know you would," I say. "And it isn't just me this affects. It affects you, the kids, all our friends, the entire faction." Resolve straightens my spine and Tobias releases me. I sit back in my seat and look at my husband. "We can't let her back in Dauntless no matter what, baby. We have to figure out a way to make the council vote a resounding no."
"I agree," he says. He reaches out and takes my hand. "I'm glad you confided in me, Tris."
"I am, too," I say squeezing his hand affectionately. "You always make me feel better. And don't think I was trying to keep this from you. I was just trying to figure out if I really saw what I thought I saw and if I did what the implications are. I was going to talk it over with you once I figured it out."
"I get that now," he says, raising our joined hands to his lips. He kisses my knuckles then releases me. "I guess I was being a little paranoid."
"Is there a reason for the paranoia?" I ask.
"No," he sighs. "Just me being me."
"I'm glad that you take care of me and the kids," I say. "I just wish you didn't worry so much."
"I could say the same thing about you," he says, leaning across the empty space and pressing his lips to mine. Before we can let the kiss carry us away, my phone rings. I get it out with a sigh and immediately tense when I see the caller ID.
"Oh, no. It's Bridget. We need to get home as soon as possible, Tobias," I say. "You know she never calls unless it's important."
"You're right," he says as he buckles his seatbelt and turns the car on. I quickly buckle mine, take a deep breath, and answer the phone as he maneuvers us out of the ancient parking structure. "Hi, Bridget."
"Oh, thank goodness," she says, sounding unusually harried. "Tyler would really like to talk to you."
"Is he okay?" I ask, suddenly feeling extremely guilty for not following through on my promise to go straight home after the meeting.
"I'm afraid he's really not feeling well, and the girls are getting on his last nerves." And he's obviously getting on hers.
"Put him on," I say.
"Mommy." Oh, my poor boy. He sounds miserable. "When are you comin' home? I miss you. You promised you'd come right home after you meeting." Guilt tears me up at his words.
"I'm on my way right now, buddy," I say. "It was a very long, very important meeting. Daddy ended up coming with me but we're on our way back to the compound right now. We won't be too much longer."
"But I need you now," he blubbers into the phone. "I no feel good." He's crying full force now.
"Don't cry, buddy," I say, tears welling up in my own eyes. I look at Tobias, and he knows what I'm wordlessly communicating. We needed to be home 10 minutes ago. We race through the streets towards the compound as I try to keep Tyler calm but he's not having it. He's sick, grumpy, and wants his mommy. Tobias comes to a flying stop in front of our offices, and I hurriedly get out. I run up the stairs to our apartment and when I open the door, he bursts into a fresh round of tears.
"Mommy!" He lets Bridget's phone fall to the floor, forgotten. "You finally home," he mumbles through violent sobs. I can barely understand him. I set my phone down on the end table and sit down beside him on the couch, and gather him up in my arms.
"Sshh! Mommy's got you now, buddy. I am so sorry that you're not feeling well," I say as I gently rock him back and forth. His hold on me is fierce. I softly rub his back in an effort to calm him but it does no good. He's inconsolable at the moment. Something more has to be going on than just him not feeling well.
"You need to calm down and talk to me, Tyler. What's wrong, buddy? Why are you so upset?" He starts mumbling something but it's incoherent through his sobs. "Is your stomach hurting?" He shakes his head. "What about your ears or your throat? Do they hurt?" He shakes his head once again harder. "Does anything hurt?" Again, he shakes his little head and grips me even tighter. "Do you just need your mommy?" This time he nods. All right. "I won't ask any more questions then. Can you try to go to sleep for mommy?" His head pops up, and his eyes go wild.
"You not gonna leave, are you?" He's nearly hyperventilating when he finishes his question. I pull him close again and tighten my embrace, rubbing soothing circles on his back.
"No, of course not," I say against his ear. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry I had to leave you this morning but it just couldn't be helped. Do you forgive mommy."
"I don't know," he mutters into my tear-soaked t-shirt.
"You're making Mommy sad."
"I been sad all day," he mutters, his bottom lip protruding more than should be humanly possible but he finally stops crying.
"Sleep, my sweet boy," I say. "I'll be right here when you wake up. I promise."
"Okay," he says around a wide yawn. "I try." I put my legs up on the coffee table and adjust him across my lap so we're both in a more comfortable position. I watch as his eyes flutter shut and within minutes, he's asleep. I think he exhausted himself with all the crying.
"Bridget?" I softly call out.
"Yes, Tris?" She comes into the living room with a very worried look on her face. Her hair is haphazardly sticking out from her normally pristine bun. By the look of it, she's had a very rough day.
"Can you grab the throw for me, please?" I ask. "Tyler's shivering." She quickly gets it from where we store it in the warmer months and brings it to me.
"Here you go, Tris," she quietly murmurs, handing me the blanket. I immediately drape it over Tyler and tuck it around him as much as possible. He soon stops trembling and relaxes into me.
"Where are the girls?" I ask, surprised I haven't seen them yet.
"They're asleep in the sunroom," she says as she sits down in the club chair. "They've been coughing and running low-grade fevers nearly all day. So has Tyler. I gave them medicine according to the schedule on the bottle. I made chicken noodle soup for lunch but none of them ate much, and Tyler didn't keep it down."
"Oh, my poor babies," I say, as I absentmindedly run my fingers through his hair. "I hate that I had to leave them today."
"I'm sorry I had to call you home early," she says. "But I just couldn't get Tyler to calm down, and he was upsetting Tessa and Teagan."
"I've never seen him act this way, not even when we nearly lost custody of him," I say. "Did you notice something in particular set him off?"
"No," she says. "That's what worried me the most. It's such odd behavior for him."
"You did the right thing by calling me," I say, kissing Tyler's head. "I shouldn't have left them today. I had my doubts about going to that meeting from the very moment I heard about it, and I was right. I was needed here."
"You did what you had to do, love." I startle at the sound of Tobias' voice. I didn't hear him come into the apartment.
"You didn't see him when I came in," I say, feeling extremely guilty. "Something's wrong, and I don't know what it is." Tobias' brows furrow as he looks at our sleeping son nestled against my chest. He crosses the room and sits down beside me and places his palm against Tyler's forehead.
"Daddy?" he mumbles.
"Sshh, buddy," Tobias says. "Go back to sleep." Tyler looks up at me then lays his head back down on my chest. I kiss his forehead and notice that he seems warmer than before.
"When was the last time Tyler had medicine?" I ask Bridget.
"I wrote the times down for each of the kids," she says. "It's on the island in the kitchen. I thought it would be easier than trying to remember. I can get it for you." She starts to get up but Tobias stops her.
"Sit down. I'll get it," he says. He stands up from the couch and looks around. "Where are the girls?"
"Sunroom," I say. "Will you peek in on them?"
"Sure." I watch as he rounds the corner into the kitchen.
"By the way, Bridget, Tyler dropped your phone to the floor when I came in," I say. "Let me know if there's anything wrong with it, and we'll replace it for you."
"I'm sure it's fine," she says with a chuckle. She finds it at just under the corner of the coffee table and picks it up. "I've probably done more damage to it over the years." She fiddles with it for a moment then tucks it away in her pocket. "Can I get you anything, Tris?"
"Actually, I could use something cold to drink," I say. "I think there's a pitcher of lemonade in the refrigerator."
"I'll get you a glass," she says as she springs to her feet. She has a lot more energy than I would if I'd spent the entire day with my three sick kids but then again I think the woman has more energy than most people in the compound.
"What are you shaking your head for?" Tobias asks as he comes back into the living room, reading over the information Bridget left for us.
"Oh, nothing," I chuckle. "It's not important. When does Tyler need more medicine?"
"Supper and then again at bedtime," he says. "Same for the girls, who are still fast asleep in the sunroom." He tosses the paper down on the coffee table then takes his place beside me again. "Anything sound good for supper?"
"There's a pot of chicken noodle soup in the oven," Bridget says as she sets two glasses of lemonade on the coffee table in front of us. "Like I was telling Tris earlier, it was the only thing I could get all three of the kids to agree on today."
"That actually sounds good," he says to Bridget then turns to me. "I can make some of my world famous ham and cheese croissant rolls you like or maybe some BLT wraps to go with it for us."
"They both sound absolutely amazing," I say. "But I'm not sure we have everything for either of them though."
"I'll make a list and run to the commissary while the kids are still sleeping," he says.
"Let me do that for you, Four," Bridget says. She seems like she can't get away quick enough today. "I have to do some shopping of my own anyway."
"I can't let you do that, Bridget," he says. "You already do too much for us as it is."
"I enjoy it or I wouldn't offer," she says, heading to the kitchen. Tobias follows on her heels. I can't help but chuckle. I've witnessed this same confrontation many times over the past couple years. I wonder who will give in tonight.
"Mommy?" I look down and find listless blue eyes looking back at me.
"Yeah, buddy?"
"I so glad you home," he mumbles with a sigh, then his eyes flutter shut once again.
"I'm glad I'm home, too, my sweet boy," I say, softly kissing his head. "I love you to the moon and back a million times. Go back to sleep."
"Love you too."
"All right, Four," Bridget says with an exaggerated sigh as she comes back into the living room. "I guess we're both going to the commissary then."
"Fine," he huffs, although not unpleasantly. "You win. You can go to the store for us. Here's the list but we're paying you for your time."
"That's not necessary," she says.
"Yes, it is, Bridget," I say, rescuing them both. "If you're doing our shopping, you need to be paid." She sighs.
"All right, Tris," she says. "I'll be back soon. If you think of anything else you need in the meantime, please just let me know."
"Just have one of the commissary staff deliver our groceries," Tobias says. "No need to make an extra trip all the way up here after such a long day."
"Also you can take tomorrow off," I say.
"What?" she says, freezing.
"You heard me," I say. "You deserve a day off. We all know it. I'm staying home with my babies. I doubt they'd let me out of the house anyway." I don't know if she is planning on arguing or is choked up by the offer but it takes her a long time to answer.
"Thank you, Tris," she finally says. "I'll text you when I'm done shopping and give you an estimate on when your groceries will be delivered." We say our goodbyes as Tobias joins Tyler and me on the couch again.
"It might not be a bad idea to wake Tessa and Teagan," I say. "We don't want them awake all night long. I have a feeling it's going to be a long one as it is." He looks at the clock on the wall.
"I'll wake them when we receive Bridget's text about the groceries," he says. "That should give us time to finish the conversation we started in the car."
"I guess I thought we were finished with that topic of conversation," I grumble. "At least for today."
"As much as I want to be done with her for good, I think we have a long road ahead of us," he says, causing me to sigh. "I also think we need a plan of attack."
"I think reviewing Dr. Paxton's files and an independent medical evaluation for the bitch are a good start," I say.
"I'm so glad you had the presence of mind to have Zander attend the meeting even though he didn't get to experience much of it, and I'm glad that Dad is getting him involved. I can't wait to get his opinion of Dr. Paxton's research."
"Neither can I, love."
"Mama?" Tessa says as she sulks into the living room, rubbing her eyes. "Dadda?"
"Hey, little one." She lowers her arms to her side and stares at us, pouting. "Did you have a good nap?" She shakes her head slowly, her eyes taking in her brother on my lap. "Do you want to sit by Mommy?" I pat the empty seat next to me. She frowns then turns and runs the other way.
"What was that about?" Tobias asks as he gets to his feet.
"I'm holding Tyler."
"Really?" He shakes his head then follows after our daughter.
"I'd bet money on it," I murmur. Not a minute later, Tobias comes back into the room with Tessa in his arms. She's ashen, sweaty, and her smile doesn't light her eyes. She's holding tight to her favorite baby doll.
"Tell Mommy what you told me," Tobias says.
"I bwinged fo Ty-Ty," she says, holding out her doll. "Him cwy all day."
"Oh, little one," I say. "That is so sweet of you."
"Down," she says and Tobias sets her on her feet. She creeps up in front of me and stares at her brother.
"He otay?"
"He doesn't feel well," I say, caressing his head. "He's had a rough day."
"Me too," she says around a wide yawn.
"Well, why don't you crawl up beside me and we'll cuddle," I say. With a little help from her father, she gets up on the couch and lies down beside me, resting her head in my lap. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well."
"Me too," she pouts. "I miss you today. So much."
"I missed you, too," I say.
"So did I," Tobias says as he bends down and caresses her face. He frowns then gets his phone out. "Groceries are on their way. I going to wake Teags then I'm going to give the kids their medicine. Tessa's warm also." I run my hand over her forehead and can feel the heat.
"Will you please run upstairs and get the thermometer before waking Teagan," I say. "I want to see what we're dealing with here. We may need to make a trip to the infirmary."
"I sure will," he says. "Do you need anything else while I'm up there?"
"Can you bring a couple small blankets for the girls?" I ask. "I'm afraid they'll get cold like Tyler."
"Okay," he says. He quickly goes upstairs, retrieves what I ask for, and comes back down. "Here you go, love." He sets the three items on the coffee table then goes to wake Teagan. Before he comes back into the living room, there's a knock on the door.
"Tobias, the groceries are here," I quietly call out. Hopefully it's loud enough for him to hear but not wake our son. Tyler stirs a little but I caress his back and whisper softly in his ear to go back to sleep. A louder knock sounds as Tobias carries Teagan into the living room. She has both arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her head resting on his shoulder. When she sees me, she lifts one hand and gives me a little wave. "Hi, Teags. Are you feeling any better?" She lifts her head and shakes it before returning it to its resting place.
When Tobias opens the door and I hear Teagan's shocked gasp. "Gamma! Gampa!" Mom and Dad are here?
