Either the last couple of chapters have sucked, or people have lost interest. Hopefully this weekend's double update will change that...

Chapter 33

Ed had Olivia pressed up against the hotel room door as he fumbled around for the key card. He cursed, his breath hitting her earlobe and causing her to giggle. Ed raised his eyebrow, for he didn't hear Olivia Benson giggle often, but then grinned triumphantly as he produced the key card, opened the door, and shoved his girlfriend inside. As soon as the lock clicked, Olivia turned the tables and it was now Ed with his back to the door as she ditched her heels and stood on her toes, one hand cradling his face and the other gripping his tie as their lips remained locked.

"Nice of the kids…ah…to give us this…ohhhh….night," Ed rasped as Olivia's lips and teeth made a slow path along his neck, collarbone, and then chest as she unbuttoned his shirt slowly.

"Shhhh," Olivia whispered, finally getting his shirt off and moving to his belt. "Let's not talk about kids…" Olivia reached her hand into Ed's boxers and his knees nearly buckled.

"What kids?" He rasped, grabbing her wrists to stop her movements. He looked her up and down, all the way from her red-painted toenails, up her smooth legs and curvy, firm hips hugged perfectly by the shimmery navy blue dress she had donned for their fancy dinner out. Ed let go of her wrists and reached out to lightly grip her sides as he back her towards the bed, eyes narrowed and now locked on hers. "What do you want, Liv?" Ed always paused a few times in the midst of loving her to make sure everything was okay. Her response got rid of all questions and hesitations.

"I want you to blow my mind tonight, Captain," she whispered. "I want you."

They fell onto the bed and Ed couldn't get her out of her dress fast enough. Cursing at her zipper, Olivia finally got frustrated enough to rip the dress off herself. Ed made quick work of her bra and Olivia gripped his ears, bringing his mouth down to her breasts. Her whimpers quickly turned into moans, which eventually turned into shrieks and screams as Ed never lifted his lips from the most erogenous parts of her body as he moved in and out of her, refusing to stop making love to her until they were spent.

It was over an hour later before Ed and Olivia collapsed back onto the kind-sized bed, white linens messily strewn all over the mattress and their sweaty limbs tangled together. Ed kissed at Olivia's face as she tried to catch her breath.

"I can't feel anything," she finally whispered, her voice hoarse presumably from he ability to be a bit louder given their privacy.

"Well," Ed said, a smirk growing on his face. "That'll happen after…four?"

Letting out a laugh, Olivia managed to lift her head slightly and kiss Ed's lips, catching a glimpse of the clock on the nightstand.

"Looks like we missed midnight…"

Ed let out a grunt. "I really don't give a damn," he said. "Willing to bet we had the best midnight of anyone out there."

"Me too," Olivia said, draping her body across his and nestling her head in the space between Ed's neck and shoulder. "Me too."


Emma curled into her side of the couch and pulled an oversized ultra soft fleece blanket over her body. Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve was playing softly in the background and she could hear Nate rummaging around in the kitchen looking for a late night snack. Emma moved her eyes from Nate over to the oversized chair in which Noah was curled up asleep. His head rested on a small pillow and he had his bear tucked tightly in his grasp. Mouth slightly open, Emma couldn't help but smile at how peaceful he looked while sleeping. She liked having the little boy around, especially as he had finally warmed up to her. It had taken a while for Emma to get beyond the awkward feeling of having Olivia and Noah there, and Noah not having much to do with her. But she had eventually won him over, though his clear fascinating with Nate always returned when her older brother was around. But she found it no longer bothered her. She genuinely enjoyed having Olivia around and overall was just glad to have everyone together.

"Here," Nate said, plopping a bowl of chips and a smaller bowl with warmed queso dip in front of them. "I know it's late for heavy stuff but…do we care?"

Laughing, Emma shook her head and reached for a chip. "Absolutely not," she said, coating it with the dip and taking a large bite. "If there's one thing I miss about being in California, it is having decent Mexican food."

"Hard to believe that with all this city has to offer, they have crap Mexican."

"Agreed," Emma said, settling back after a few chips and pretending to watch the screen. "I also don't get the people who stand out in the freezing cold."

Nate let out a hearty laugh. "You really never stopped being a New Yorker, did you?"

Emma smirked, a smirk that Nate recognized as his father's. "Guess not."

The conversation grew quiet, save for the sound of crunching chips, soft cheers from the television, and an occasional sigh from the still sound asleep Noah. Nate shifted a little bit and moved towards the opposite corner of the couch from his sister, but observing her demeanor.

"Em…"

"Don't," she said softly. "It's fine. I know you didn't want to be here then, or even now. I get it."

"It's not that, Emma," Nate said, propping his feet on the coffee table and preparing to try and reconnect with his sister, though their bonds hadn't ever really severed. They were just experiencing the strain of trying to deal with trauma and both having different ways of coping. "It was more just…wanting to feel normal. Live life, ya know?"

"No," Emma snapped. "I don't know."

Nate narrowed his eyes, taking in the pure exhaustion that had overcome his sister. He had noticed it when he first arrived, but it was even more pronounced then and it wasn't the time of night that caused that level of tired. "I guess, uh, well…you don't have a sense of normal anymore."

She remained quiet, eyes glued to the television which had now moved into a late night news show.

"I'm sorry," Nate finally said quietly. "I didn't realize."

"It's fine," Emma said simply. Her tone no longer had a bite, it was merely soft. "I'm glad you're able to find some normal, Nate. I really am."

"You deserve that too."

Emma finally looked over at her older brother and gave him a small smile. "Maybe so," she said, shrugging. "My therapist keeps talking about a 'new normal' but it doesn't make much sense to me. Normal is normal. There is no new or old normal. Or maybe, in reality, there's no such thing as normal at all."

Nate, not quite ready to have this deep of a conversation, decided to lighten it up. "Those college essays really had you thinking, huh sis?" He laughed a little bit and moved to much on more chips and queso. Emma, too, joined in with some laughter but with Nate's abrupt ending to the conversation, the pain in her eyes went unnoticed.

"Pass me the remote," she finally said. "The news is garbage…let's find a movie."

"Should we move Noah?"

Emma looked over at the little boy, a true and genuine smile growing on her face. "Nah. He's fine where he is."


The days following the turn of the new year brought about laughter and quality time together, sometimes just Ed and his kids, but often Olivia and Noah would be invited for the fun. The evening before Nate was set to fly back to Stanford, Ed made reservations at a nice but family friendly restaurant downtown. Bundled up in winter gear, they all piled out of the SUV, Ed handed the valet his spare key, and they entered the restaurant, waiting for their table to be ready. Ed kept his arm around Olivia's waist and Noah stood between Nate and Emma, happily babbling away.

Eventually they were brought to their table, it was round, just large enough for five, and placed in the corner by a large window. Noah begged to sit between Ed and Nate, but Olivia hesitated.

"Sweet boy, sit by Mommy, I need to help with your food."

"No," he demanded, shaking his head. "I sit here."

Ed winked at her, promised he didn't mind and Olivia laughed it off. "Well, at least I never have to guess what he wants." Emma took the empty seat between Nate and Olivia and they all got busy, deciding on drinks, appetizers, and main courses.

"This menu is huge," Emma murmured. "Where do I even start."

"No idea," Olivia said. "I've never been here." Turning to Ed, hopeful for recommendations, she asked him the same. "Have you?"

"Nope," Ed replied. "Nate you're the one who found the place. Ya gonna help us out?"

Nate just grinned. "I yelped it. Just pick something, people. It's not rocket science."

The adults laughed and Emma shifted a little in her seat. Olivia caught her out of the corner of her eye, but didn't say anything. She did, however, make a mental note to keep her eye on the young girl.

Their waiter, Paul, came to take drink orders and Ed requested a few appetizer plates to share. The five of them continued small talk, sometimes all together, and other times paired off in separate conversations. It wasn't long before the food and drinks were delivered. Noah's eyes grew wide at the large, triangle squares of friend cheese and looked up at the waiter.

"Tank you!" He exclaimed, trying to reach the plate. Ed chuckled, and moved him back.

"Hang on bud," he said.

The waiter paused. "Do you need more time to order?"

"Yes please," Nate said. "Maybe a few more minutes."

"No problem," replied Paul, before looking over and catching the eyes of Ed and Olivia. "You have a beautiful and polite family."

Paul scurried off, leaving Olivia and Ed to try and absorb the comment. Nate seemed to brush it off, Noah had no idea what was even said as he was chewing the small bites of fried cheese Ed cut up for him, and Emma was frozen, staring at her plate.

Olivia gently reached out to touch her arm, causing her to jump. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Emma responded, looking up into Olivia's warm eyes. "All good. Just took me a second."

"Wanna step outside for some air?"

Emma shook her head and gave Olivia a truly genuine smile. "No," she said. "I…it's really okay, Liv. I promise."

Satisfied for the time being that all was well, they continued on with their meals. By the time Paul brought around the dessert menu, they were all groaning.

"I ate too much," Nate mumbled, throwing his napkin down and slumping in his chair. "I cannot handle even looking at that menu."

Ed chuckled. "I agree," he said and checked the time. "Why don't we get the bill and head out. Still early enough for some board games, huh?"

"Absolutely," Nate said, Emma nodding in agreement as Nate continued. "One last night together."

On the ride back from the restaurant, Olivia took advantage of being in the front seat with Ed and leaned over the console. "Are you sure we should be coming back with you?" she asked in a whisper. "You need to make sure your kids don't want time, just the three of you."

Ed nodded at the suggestion, indicating he would check and Olivia offered a diversion to allow them some space to talk openly. "Do you mind stopping at my place?" She looked back at Noah, who was in need of a change of clothes as marinara sauce had dripped down his hunter green sweater. "I wouldn't mind cleaning up and getting into some fresh and more comfortable clothes."

"Sure," Ed said. "Good idea."

After dropping off Olivia and Noah, Ed quickly realized that both of his children genuinely wanted the five of them to be together.

"It would feel weird not to have the little guy around for my last night," Nate said.

Ed looked in the rearview mirror as Emma stared at the cars passing by. "Emma?"

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I like having Olivia around."

Satisfied, Ed shot Olivia a text and herded everyone into his apartment. They all quickly changed clothes, Emma poured the cider mix into the crockpot and turned it on, and Nate rummaged through the closet for some games.

An hour later, Noah was on Ed's lap, helping him lay down Uno cards, and they were all laughing and ribbing each other. Even Emma's face was lit up and her personality came out more and more as she would jab at everyone when she ended up having to draw. At one point, Ed had to draw several cards in one go and Emma laughed so hard she fell into Olivia, allowing the older woman to pull her into a tight squeeze. There was clearly no residual awkwardness after the comment from the waiter. In fact, from Ed's point of view, it was the exact opposite.

"Oh!" Olivia exclaimed, after a game had finally ended resulting in a victory for team Ed and Noah. "I brought cookie dough!"

Ed stood up and then reached down, pulling Olivia up and kissing her cheek. "I'll help ya get them started."

The couple sauntered into the kitchen while the three kids worked to compile the cards and shuffle. Noah was animatedly babbling to Nate and Emma, and they would respond with comments that neither Ed nor Olivia could hear. As Ed preheated the oven and Olivia kneaded the cookie dough, she paused and looked out into the living room. Her heart melted and a small smile grew on her face. Ed, noticing the pause, came over and wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing her cheek.

"Nice, huh," he whispered as he pressed his face against hers, also enjoying the sight.

"More than nice," she said softly. "It's…perfect."

Allowing herself only a few more moments of pause, Olivia shook it off and scooped balls of dough onto the cookie sheet. As she worked, she couldn't help but let some hope to seep into her mind. Maybe her hesitation with Ed on the subject of moving in together hadn't been necessary. Perhaps, sooner than she thought, it could truly be a serious conversation. This moment, right here, was exactly what she craved in life. Her little boy having a family, people to look up to, a father figure. And for herself, a life partner. Someone who would love her and care for her, despite the damage from her past. Olivia was on the cusp of having everything she's ever wanted. Fighting off the bubbling panic that thought brought up, she instead moved to put the cookie tray in the oven, washed her hands, and rejoined the happy group in Ed's living room.


The following morning, Olivia came out of the back bedroom and sat with Noah as he played near the coffee table.

"Lucy'll be here soon, sweet boy," she said. "Wanna play with Mommy?"

The little boy eagerly put his truck down and scampered over, picking up cards. Olivia went through them, gently quizzing her little boy, hoping to add to his ever growing vocabulary. After months of being concerned, Noah had begun to talk more and Olivia was convinced it was being around people more, particularly Ed and his kids. Checking the time, Olivia was about to text Ed to see if Nate's flight got off okay, but Lucy finally arrived.

"Hey Liv, sorry," she said, hanging up her coat.

Olivia looked closely at her nanny. "You okay?"

"I went to pick up my other client and something was off," she said quietly, shifted around a little bit as if she was nervous. "The mom…her voice was shaky and she had marks on her neck."

Olivia cocked her head to the side as Lucy explained her morning.

"Anyways, you think you could just…stop by? And make sure everything's okay? I'm probably worried for nothing…"

"Of course," Olivia said, gathering her things and putting on her coat. "Noah, come give mommy a hug."

Noah ran into her arms and Olivia held him tight, kissing his head. "I'll see you later, sweetheart. I love you so much."

"Lovu," Noah responded quietly, before making his way back to his previously discarded dump truck.

"I'll check in later," Olivia told Lucy. "Emma, Ed's daughter, may come relieve you before I get off tonight. Ed's working late so she's staying over with us."

Lucy was used to this arrangement, as it usually occurred every couple of weeks. Emma would come and let Lucy head out and spend the evening with Noah and Olivia. As time went on, Lucy realized just how much Emma seemed to crave those moments. She never said as much, as they two young women didn't speak much, but it was obvious to Lucy that her time with Noah and Olivia was coveted.

Olivia bid Noah one more goodbye before finally leaving the apartment and putting the Crivello's address into her phone, finding the quickest route over.


Later that afternoon, right on schedule, Emma let herself into Olivia's apartment. It was quiet, which was unusual as Noah typically didn't nap this late.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hey," Lucy said, coming around from the kitchen. "Sorry, I didn't hear the door open."

"Where's Noah?"

"He didn't nap well earlier, so we tried again. I know I should've woken him up but…"

Emma's eyes narrowed as she took in Lucy's appearance. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah" she said quickly, aware of the events in Emma's past and not wanting to alarm her. "Got an email from my professor…just a little stressed, that's all."

Not buying it, but not knowing Lucy well enough to push, Emma shrugged it off. "Well, get out of here," she said, playfully. "I'll wake up little man and handle it from here. Have you heard from Liv, though?"

Lucy just shook her head.

"Weird. She hasn't texted me either," Emma mumbled. "Guess she's caught a big case…"

"Must be it," Lucy said, grabbing her stuff and heading for the door. "Thanks for this Emma. I'll see you later."

Lucy didn't even give Emma a chance to say goodbye before she was racing down the hallway and heading straight to the 1-6. Not wanting to deal with transit, she called an Uber and impatiently sat in the backseat until the car pulled onto the same block as the precinct.

"This is fine," she said, barely letting the car stop before sprinting up the stairs, into the elevator, and running straight into Carisi as soon as the elevator doors opened. She showed him the text Olivia had sent earlier and watched as color drained from the detective's face. He raced into the squad room, reporting the text message about William Lewis, and Fin shot up from his seat.

"Shit," he said. "Lucy what's the address?"

The girl rattled it off, her voice shaking, and watched as the detectives took off. Collapsing into the chair, all she could do was hope that her boss was okay.

In the elevator, Carisi impatiently hit the "G" button and Fin eyed him. "Ya think we should call Tucker?"

Carisi met Fin's glance and finally shook his head.

"Nah," he said. "Let's see what we are dealing with before we do that. Given everything they've been through…I don't want him to panic if this is nothing."

Fin nodded in agreement. "Okay," he said. "But it ain't nothin' if she's sending Lewis's name in a text message."

The knot in Carisi's stomach grew, knowing Fin was right, but they had to focus. He hopped into a cruiser and sped off, barely giving Fin time to buckle his seatbelt.


While Fin and Carisi raced to the Crivello residence, Ed was leaving the courtroom, having just testified in a case against a cop who had altered evidence in a case. He checked his phone and saw a few messages from Emma asking if he had heard from Liv. Responding that he hadn't, he was just about to shoot his girlfriend a text when his phone rang, Olivia's face popping up on the Caller ID.

"Hey baby, I was just thinkin' about ya."

As soon as Olivia started to talk, Ed's face went completely white and he felt his legs begin to give out from under him. Reaching out to steady himself against the wall, he listened intently to everything she was saying. Cole, watching his friend and colleague, came over to figure out what was going on.

"Okay. I'm on my way Liv. I'm gonna get you outta there, okay? I promise you. I love you so much."

Ed watched the phone screen as the call was ended and took a few deep breaths before he looked up at Cole.

"Get Hostage Negotiation on the phone. We've got an officer being held at a residence. Two kids inside as well."

"Ed?" Cole questioned, watching the silver haired man search for his keys and jog down the corridor of the courthouse.

"Just do it," he barked. "It's Olivia."


You know what to do.