Junkrat didn't leave. He wasn't sure why. Wasn't even sure why he'd stayed the first time round, but some part of him insisted on clinging despite his inability to wrap his own head around it. If anything that just lead to further frustration.

Overwatch was supposed to have been a spur of the moment thing, a glittery prize he'd decided he wanted but could leave at the drop of a hat if something else caught his attention. It wasn't turning out that way. It was turning into a right mess.

He took to avoiding Hana and Lucio. Sometimes he wondered if they were doing the same, he wouldn't blame them... but he had no way of telling. He didn't dare ask any of the other Overwatch agents. Even asking Roadhog or Symmetra felt wrong, like a dirty secret he didn't want to admit to, like he could pretend none of it happened if he didn't speak of it... but as hard as he tried it didn't help him forget.

He was aware all of this was only delaying the inevitable. Sooner or later he'd have to see them. They'd bump into each other without meaning to, or be assigned on a mission together... then he'd have to meet their eyes, see the way they looked at him, confirm everything he'd already told himself... the thought made him sick.

He argued with himself about it a lot.

On one hand this was a good way to end it. He'd learned his lesson, seen how incompatible he was with everyone here, so it should make the next step easy. He should up and leave. This venture was concluded. It was time to get going because it was never a good idea to stay in one place anyway, and him and Hog had been here far too long... but on the other hand... he didn't want to. He didn't want to just walk away, to leave this place behind like he had every other place in his god damn life because he thought that for once... for once there was actually something to miss. It left him strangely unsettled. He hated it.

This wasn't something he knew how to fix. Junkrat wasn't sure it could even be fixed. He would give up caring if he knew how but it wasn't a tangible creature he could kick away, or kill. He couldn't fight it. All he really knew how to do was sulk, and that was a pain for everyone involved.

When Junkrat sulked, he didn't sulk quietly. Nor did he have the good grace to do it alone.

He wafted through the base like a bad smell, ready to inflict his mood on everyone he could find.

People who had found him irritating before found him downright insufferable. Practically reduced Mei to tears.

Roadhog at least had ridden out some of Junkrat's worse moments before, so he knew what to expect, if not how to remedy it. Others were not so fortunate.

He was sabotaging himself and he knew it. Burning all the bridges he'd built, crumbling the foundations he'd striven so hard to make... yet his awareness of this only fueled the fire, only made it worse. He was ruining everything, he didn't know how to make it better, but he still couldn't convince himself to cut his ties completely. He was trapped, trapped because somehow the last few weeks had turned him into a sentimental piece of shit that didn't know when a job was done.

He got the feeling that if he didn't do something sooner or later then Roadhog would make the call for him, either kick him into action or drag him away from this place. In the end it wasn't Roadhog though. In the end it was someone smaller, someone he hadn't really wanted to see at all.


Junkrat's sleeping habits were... erratic, to put it lightly, which was really a part of his own design. Sleeping at the same time, in the same place, felt too predictable. People would know where to find you. That was never a good thing, especially when you were at your most vulnerable. He couldn't stand it. And yes, maybe there wasn't any need for it here, maybe it was plain paranoia at this point, but the fact was that if he didn't move he was too anxious to catch a wink of sleep anyway.

So on occasion he would gather up his blanket and his traps and find a nice little corner that no one expected him to be in to set up. He had a few favorites. Places he knew nobody frequented, ones with sneaky nooks and crannies to hide in.

This time he'd picked one of the store rooms in the lower reaches of the base. It wasn't fancy accommodations by any means, it was cold, and dusty, and echoed something awful. The pipes along the walls would rattle or groan like ghosts in an old tomb, but Junkrat didn't mind. He liked odd little noises. A background hum to keep him grounded, so that he had something to listen to besides the ringing in his ears. You always had to listen.

He set his traps and removed his prosthetics before he curled up behind one of the far shelves, trying to remember what it had been like before. Back when everything made sense.

It seemed a lifetime ago, when the word 'friend' meant nothing more than a passing acquaintance, when people were lost or exchanged so fast they didn't matter... sometimes they just moved on or you had to leave, sometimes they died, sometimes they tried to kill you... but always they were gone.

When he dreamed, he dreamed of an orange landscape, baked hard beneath the scorching sun. The ground was cracked, dusty, the air arid and lifeless. It was familiar. But the people there kept trying to grab him, to snatch at him with their painfully digging fingers and ask, 'Aren't you our friend? Why don't you tell us? Where is it? Why?' There were so many pulling him down, blotting out the sky as they crowded over him and he couldn't shake free, couldn't tear from their grasp.

He whimpered. He thought he remembered a moment like this.

But then there was fire and everything was okay again. No one else would dare brave the flames. The roar of them seemed to encompass him, encourage him even, promise him safety. Promise an end to all that he hated, and he wanted to giggle because it seemed so funny, that something so terrible could be so kind. But that had always been the way, hadn't it? An explosion could tear him limb from limb... had on occasion... but it was glorious, a magnificent power that offered itself to him and no one else could touch.

Australia burned, and in his mind Junkrat did nothing but laugh.

Then there was a sound. A footstep maybe, something out of place. It jerked him from his sleep in a sudden panic, hand scrabbling for his frag launcher, amber eyes wide in the dark.

"Hey, easy, didn't mean to startle you..." the voice said, audibly cautious.

Junkrat took a moment to place himself. He remembered who he was, where he was, when he was... he forced himself to lower the weapon, to calm his breathing.

"Well ya picked a bloody odd way to do it," he said, not bothering to hide the accusation in his tone. "'s not exactly polite, sneaking up like that, disturbing a bloke's beauty sleep."

"And you could really use some beauty sleep," Hana said, a faint flicker of a smile just visible by the light of her phone. "...sorry. That was mean. Not the best way to start this really... you're a tough guy to track down, you know that?"

Junkrat shifted, lifting himself into a sitting position. His fingers still hovered close to his frag launcher, unsure what to do. "Kinda the point," he told her.

"Right... well, I'm making a move since both of you two are too chicken to do it, so at least hear me out?"

He considered her. She stood with her arms folded, dressed in pink pajamas and carrying nothing but her phone. She didn't look threatening. Part of him still wanted to tell her to fuck off and leave him be but he summoned enough control to shove that thought aside. No point messing things up even worse.

"Ya lucky ya didn't step in any traps."

"Nearly did," she admitted, "but I'm not stupid. Just walked around them. Now will you stop changing the subject?"

He gave a grunt, one of begrudging acceptance, and finally managed to pull his hand away from his weapon. He picked up his prosthetic instead, slotting it onto his stump and doing it up. Felt a little better with two hands to work with, a little less vulnerable.

Hana lowered herself down slowly until she sat in front of him and crossed her legs. "You were a jerk," she said. Before he could argue she lifted a finger to silence him. "But you didn't mean to be... I think I get it. I'll tell you a secret if you want."

He frowned, trying to work out her angle. Was this a bribe? An exchange? A trade of information? Or maybe she was trying to put him at ease, to make him think that he had the upper hand so he wouldn't suspect... or maybe he was just running circles in his own head, asking questions that had no place here, reading into every word and action when there was nothing to find.

She seemed to take his silence as a sign that he was content to listen, and gave a sharp little nod. Her hands settled in her lap, clasping the phone. When she spoke again there was a subtle shift in her tone. It was as if some of that cheer, that confidence, had suddenly ran dry. Hana's voice was quiet. "When they drafted me into the army I was frightened."

She tilted her chin up as if daring him to laugh. He bit his tongue. Junkrat knew he wasn't exactly the best with words and somehow he understood that whatever she was telling him, she thought it was important. Not something he should interrupt with a poorly timed joke or a rambling story of his own... no matter how tempting. He forced himself to stay silent, attention fixed on her even while he fidgeted.

She sighed. "I'm not a coward or anything, but... I was just a gamer back then... I just played video games, and suddenly everyone wanted me to fight a war... it scared me. So I told myself it was all another game. Just a game, nothing more."

Hana gave a rueful smile, eyes dropping back to her phone again. "It made it okay. I played video games so much that I could just react instinctively, just what I did every day, and if someone died then that was only data, and if I died I knew I'd respawn... so long as it was a game I wasn't scared... all that counted was winning... but I got stuck thinking that way. And sometimes in a game you make the call to leave a teammate because it's not worth the trouble, it doesn't matter when you know you can be doing more elsewhere... I'd forget that they were real people. It was only afterward, when they brought the bodies back..." A small shudder wracked her frame, her shoulders curled forward defensively. "I didn't mean to but... I just didn't think. I'd taught myself so well I just reacted, did exactly what I would have done if it was a game... it was all instinct, and that's hard to fight... you just act, don't you? You don't think, just do, and it's only later that you realize you shouldn't have... that you made the wrong call because you just didn't think..."

"Weren't your fault," he said hesitantly, because it seemed like the right thing to say.

Hana shrugged. "Yes and no. But I won't make the same mistake again... I've been teaching myself better habits. There are some games I can't play anymore now, and I tell everyone it's because they're too easy, but that's not the truth..."

This time she managed to lock her eyes with his, and her expression was stern. "This is a secret. People can't know. I'm not Hana Song, I'm D. Va, girl gamer extraordinaire..." She pulled her classic victory pose for a second before relaxing again. "She can't have these problems."

"Says who?"

"Says me," she replied, voice firm. "I just wanted you to know that I get it, okay? Acting on instinct... you're not the only one trying to unlearn a few things."

Junkrat wasn't sure what to do, so he did what he usually did when uncertain and grinned.

"You don't have to look so pleased about it," she told him.

"Eh, 's just nice to know I ain't the only one missin' a few screws around here."

She snorted, but he thought he saw a trace of a smile on her lips. "I'm surprised you have any screws left at this point."

"Ya kiddin'? Half of me is screws," he said, raising his prosthetic arm and giving it a good pat. She shook her head, and he was sure she was smiling this time. Brought a little more fire to his own grin.

"You're such a dork."

"What's that thing ya say? Takes one ta know one?"

"You're going to make me forget what I was saying." She readjusted her position, drawing her knees up under her chin and resting her phone on her feet as she composed herself. "The point I wanted to make is it's okay if you snapped, so long as you didn't mean to. I get it. No one's going to hold it against you... and if there's stuff we have to avoid then fine, just let us know and we can do that. But you still need to apologize to Lucio."

Junkrat's gaze flickered away, dancing across the shelves. He scratched at the back of his neck. "Dunno. Get the feelin' he ain't exactly keen on seein' me."

Hana groaned. "And he thinks you need your space, which is exactly why I'm here. Trust me, it'll take more than a little shove for Lucio to hold a grudge. I spilt soda all over his record collection once – totally not my fault by the way - and he still forgave me. You spooked him but that's nothing. Just say you're sorry."

"...it's that easy?"

"Literally that easy," she assured him.

He doubted it. Could remember the fear he'd seen on that face. That wasn't something that could be erased with a word, fear didn't care about words, it was inbuilt, clingy. Lucio had seen a threat and only an idiot let a threat get close again. Still, he made a sound, a sort of half-hearted agreement that maybe, maybe she was right. That seemed to be good enough.

Hana got to her feet. "Well, I'll let you sleep, I'm supposed to be streaming in a few minutes. Catch you tomorrow?"

"Sure." He paused, certain there was something more he should be saying, something important, but he drew a blank. His fingers drummed on the ground. In the end he just added, "You, uh, mind your footin' on the way out, right? Traps have a bit of a bite to 'em, don't want ya endin' up like me."

"I'll be careful," she promised, waving to him before she left. The pale light from her phone caused the shadows from the shelves to rear momentarily as she walked away, then as the light faded with each step the darkness grew, smothering him once more.

He listened to the steady tap of his own fingers on the ground, to the rattle of the pipes on the wall. Junkrat knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep now, even if he had wanted it. Slowly he reached across for his peg leg.


((Thanks for reading. Would love to hear what you guys think so far, comments always make my day...))