Chapter 37

"Emma?"

Olivia cut the lights on and quickly moved through her apartment, checking all the rooms including closets.

"Emma? Emma, come on. Please be here…"

Olivia turned around in the living room and ran her fingers through her hair, eyes wide as she kept replaying the earlier scene when she pulled Ed back, allowing Emma to leave. The guilt, along with the reality of the situation, began to sink in and Olivia couldn't help but blink back tears.

"Fuck."

Just as Olivia pulled her phone out to dial Ed, she heard the locks jiggle and the apartment door opened.

"Emma…" Olivia gasped, almost running towards the young girl. "Oh, thank god."

Emma was shaking. Her hat, coat, and gloves soaking wet with snow. Her face was pink and her bottom lip, almost blue, quivered as she slowly stripped out of her winter gear. She could barely say anything, but didn't fight as Olivia helped her hang up her wet clothes.

"Oh, sweetheart," Olivia said softly, holding Emma's shoulders and looking into her tired blue eyes. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Shivering, Emma shook her head and reached up to grip Olivia's arms. "I'm fine," she whispered, almost too softly for Olivia to hear. But she did, and if she wasn't so concerned about the state of the girl in front of her, she might have laughed at the absurdity of Emma's answer.

"Oh, honey, you're not fine," she responded. "But I need to know if you're hurt. Do we need a doctor?"

Emma shook her head again. "No," she finally answered. "I…I'm sorry."

Heart cracking, Olivia shook her head. "You don't have to apologize, Emma," she said. "It's okay. Its gonna be okay."

"I don't want you to be mad at me. Or my dad."

"We aren't mad," Olivia emphasized. "We were worried…we are still worried."

Emma took a deep breath and her body shuddered. "I didn't realize how late it was and…and…I'm not even sure I remember…I'm just so cold."

Olivia couldn't take it anymore and pulled the young girl into her arms. Collapsing into Olivia's chest, Emma allowed her to hold her tightly and rock her back and forth gently.

"It's okay, Emma," Olivia whispered, eyes closed in relief as she held Ed's daughter. "It's okay."

"I just wanted to feel something," Emma mumbled, muffled by Olivia's sweatshirt but she still heard the words. "Something other than fear or pain. And then I…I didn't mean to…"

"Come on," Olivia said, sitting them on the couch and pulling one of her heavy winter blankets over Emma's body, who hadn't make an attempt to move out of Olivia's arms.

"I'm sorry, Olivia," Emma mumbled over and over as her body slowly warmed up and the shaking stopped. "I'm so sorry."

"Shhh shhhh, it's okay. Nothing to be sorry for. I'm just so glad you're okay," she said, resting her chin on the top of Emma's head and closing her eyes as she held her. "So so glad. You're gonna be okay, Emma. I've gotcha."

The pair stayed like that for a few minutes before Olivia shifted and tried to catch Emma's eyes. "I need to call your dad real quick," she said, reaching for her phone. "Just for a second."

Olivia kept one arm around Emma, almost as if she was afraid the girl would bolt again, and hit speed dial one.

"Ed, hey, I've got her."

Ed closed his eyes and sank back into the couch. "Thank god," he rasped. "Is she okay?"

Olivia glanced down at Emma. Her eyes were glazed over and her face still had a pinkish hue. "I think so," she finally whispered. "Listen, are you okay if we stay here a bit longer? Warm her up?"

Ed rubbed his forehead. "Of course," he said. "Just…I have so many questions."

"Me too," Olivia agreed. "But the good news is we have all the time in the world to ask them."

Ed sighed into the phone and Olivia heard a little crackling in the background.

"Liv, thank you," he finally said. "Let me know when you're on your way back?"

"Of course. Love you."

"Love you, too."

Olivia ended the call and dropped her phone next to her thigh on the couch. Emma pulled back from Olivia and dropped her face into her hands, letting out a groan. "Dad's gonna kill me…"

Shaking her head, Olivia patted Emma's leg. "He's not," she said simply, deciding it wasn't going to do them any good to harp on what happened in that moment. "Let me get you something warm to drink." Olivia stood up, made sure the blanket was still tucked around Emma's shoulders, and moved to the kitchen. "Tea? Coffee? I think I'm out of cocoa mix…"

Emma moved to stand up, wobbling a little bit as she tried to get her bearings. "Olivia, do you think we can just go home?"

Olivia smiled, put the coffee tin back down, and turned the kitchen light off. "Absolutely," she said. "Let me get you some dry clothes and we'll get out of here."

A few minutes later, Olivia returned with clothes for Emma to change into. The young Tucker dropped the blanket back onto the couch and slowly made her way to the back of the apartment, but paused before going into the bathroom.

"Olivia?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

Smiling softly, Olivia padded over to Emma and cupped her face, wincing slightly at just how cold she still was. "Emma, I care about you. That's not something you have to thank me for."

Emma was unable to meet Olivia's eyes, but she nodded and bit her bottom lip. "Still," she said, her voice barely audible. "Just…thank you."

"You're welcome."


Ed dropped his phone onto the coffee table once Olivia ended the call and allowed his head to fall forward for a bit. "She's got her," he reported to Dodds, just in case he hadn't picked up on that from the one-sided phone conversation.

Mike nodded, shooting off a quick text to Fin so he could call everyone down, and eyed Ed. "Benson say how she was?"

"She didn't say a lot," Ed allowed. "All I know she's okay. Or I assume she's okay. Still don't have a lot of information."

Checking the time, the SVU Sergeant raised his eyebrows. "She was gone for…seven? Eight hours?"

Ed let out a long breath. "More than that, I think," he finally said.

"Liv mention anything? Whether she thought something may have happened?"

"No. Nothing," Ed rasped before slapping his thighs and standing up. "I'm gonna make some coffee and call my son."

Mike nodded and stood up. "How about I make the coffee," he offered. "You make the call."

"Thanks," Ed said, rubbing the back of his neck. "You, uh, you gonna stick around?"

"I'd like to. Make sure there's nothing I need to know."

Ed's stomach twisted into knots at the statement, but as a cop himself he understood. "Good," he said, voice strained. "Make yourself at home. I'll be out in a bit."

Ed trudged to the back of the apartment, peeked in on Noah who was peacefully snoozing away in Nate's room, and almost went into his own bedroom but instead hooked a right and opened Emma's door. He looked around the peaceful haven that her and Olivia had set up before sitting on the edge of her bed and calling Nate.

"You find her?" Nate skipped the pleasantries and went straight to the point.

"Yeah. Liv's got her."

"Where the hell was she?" The venom in Nate's voice surprised Ed, and he had to talk a couple of deep breaths before responding.

"To be honest, I don't know," he said, his own voice showing some frustration. "Right now I'm thankful she's alive and okay-ish. But I'm worried."

"Well she shouldn't just fucking take off like that."

"Nate, that's enough," Ed finally hissed into the phone. They phone was quiet for a bit, as both men tried to come down from their own frustration with the reality of their situation. Finally, Ed softly picked the conversation back up. "Listen, son, I want you to do what you need to do to be okay. But I also want Emma to be okay. And she's having a harder time than I think any of us realized."

"Well maybe if she'd talk about it…"

Ed sighed. "Okay," he relented, not having the energy to get into this kind of conversation with his son. "It's late out there. Hopefully you'll be able to get some sleep now that this is over."

"Yeah, I've got a test tomorrow," Nate responded. "I'm gonna get back to my studying."

"Hey, Nate?"

"Yeah Dad?"

"I love you. And…I want you to call me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will. I'll check in tomorrow after class."

Ed hung up the phone and stared at the blank screen for a little while before scanning Emma's room. The weight of the last eight months was crushing him. His son barely wanted to come home and seemed incredibly uninterested in their lives, his daughter had basically disappeared in a blizzard for almost ten hours, his girlfriend was still reeling from being held at gunpoint for an entire day, and Ed just couldn't keep up. Up until that afternoon, despite all of their trauma he had felt like his family was sticking together. They were all in pain, but they had been trudging through life together. But all of a sudden he felt like he was losing his grip, and he was desperate to have Emma and Olivia back in the apartment.

As if on cue, his phone pinged and Ed looked down to see a message from Olivia saying they were on their way back. Breathing out a sigh of relief, Ed took another look around Emma's room before heading back out to the main living area and taking a deep sniff of coffee scent.

"God that smells good," he said, moving to grab a mug. "Mike, ya need some?"

"Got some already, Captain," he said, holding up his mug.

Ed rummaged around and pulled out a bottle of Bailey's. "How about this?"

Mike let out a chuckle and came over to the counter, allowing Ed to pour a generous shot into his coffee. "Necessary, I'm sure," he quipped, once again raising his mug to Ed. They both took a long, slow sip and exhaled at the same time. "Captain Tucker, I hope I'm not overstepping here, but I just wanna say…I have a lot of respect for you. Your family has been through hell, and then some. And I know I speak for all of Olivia's squad when I say we are here, and will do whatever you both need. Literally anything. You just have to ask."

"Thank you, Sergeant," Ed said, his professional tone returning. "I appreciate that. I know Liv does, too. And…thank you for everything you did today."

"Of course," he said simply. "Family is family."

Ed let out a little grunt and took another sip of the spiked coffee. It was funny hearing the 'family is family' term coming from a member of Olivia's SVU squad, but the more he let the comment sit, the more it permeated his core. He and Olivia had successfully, thus far, managed their relationship in a way in which it only grew stronger each day. Not only that, but they had slowly begun to meld their lives together. Very few things were separate now, including their units. Cole was invested in Olivia and Noah in the same way that the 1-6 seemed invested in Ed and his kids. After the chaos and pure terror of the last ten hours, Ed somehow found himself settled and deeply appreciative of what he and Olivia had managed to build despite the storms.

He was just getting ready to respond when the door opened. Slamming his mug down on the counter, Ed rushed around the corner and into the hallway, observing as Olivia gingerly helped Emma once again shed the snowy, outer layers. She still shivered, but to Ed she appeared to be okay.

"Emma," he said softly, moving towards her and noticing she wouldn't look up at him. "Hey, it's okay," he said soothingly as he reached out and smoothed her hair back.

Still unable to meet his eyes, Emma allowed her father to pull her into his chest and in that moment, Ed felt his body shed the anxiety and worry from the entire evening. She said nothing, but stayed in Ed's embrace for a few minutes, before pulling back.

"I…" she began before her eyes landed on Mike Dodds, who stood back and observed the scene. Her stomach lurched as she realized the police had likely been involved. "Oh god," she whispered, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry…"

"Hey," Ed said, quickly realizing where her head had gone. "It's okay. Sergeant Dodds and Fin…they were just doing us a favor."

Mike stepped forward with a soft smile. "Nothing official," he confirmed. "We were just helping out your dad and Olivia."

"Okay," Emma replied, her voice beginning to quiver.

Mike looked at Olivia, and then at Ed, before continuing. "I know you're probably exhausted, and cold, but any chance I can ask you just a couple of questions? Then I'll get out of here and let you rest."

Emma nodded, still not making eye contact with her father. "Okay," she whispered.

"I'll put water on for some hot chocolate," Ed said, making sure he was out of the way but close enough in case Emma needed him.

"I'm going to check on Noah," Olivia added. "But, Em, if you need me…"

"It's okay," she said softly, moving towards the living room and sitting on the couch while Mike Dodds settled in a nearby armchair. They spoke quietly for a little while. Ed and Olivia watched from the kitchen and once she was content knowing Emma was answering the questions, Olivia departed to check on Noah. Ed stood in the kitchen, taking small sips of his drink and kept his eyes on his daughter. She seemed so small in that moment. He recognized the pullover she was curled up in as Olivia's and smiled at how much his girlfriend would dote on her whenever Emma allowed it. Ed's jaw tensed, however, as Mike pulled out his notepad and jotted a few things down.

Did something actually happen?

But Mike smiled and reached out to squeeze Emma's hand. He must have said something either funny or nice, because Emma gave him a small smile and stood up as he walked to the door.

"I'll get out of here," Dodds said, grabbing his coat. "Let you all settle in. Emma, do you mind if I check on you tomorrow?"

"No," she said. "That would be fine. Again, I'm really sorry."

Mike paused zipping up his coat, and just like both Olivia and Ed had done, looked at Emma softly. "Don't apologize. You're home. You're safe. That's what matters. Take good care."

"Mike, thank you," Ed said, inserting himself quickly to shake the Sergeant's hand. "Really appreciate it."

"Of course. Tell Liv I'll check in tomorrow." With that, Mike Dodds was gone. Ed locked the deadbolt and the chain of the front door, tidied up the foyer, and turned around assuming he would find Emma on the couch. But she was still standing, almost frozen, in the hallway between the kitchen and the foyer, arms wrapped around her body and staring at the floor.

"Daddy, I…" Emma began, but her voice broke and she shook her head, unable to say anything further. Ed took a tentative step towards her, as her body language was still closed off, but when she didn't flinch he finally reached out and pull her tightly into his chest.

"It's okay," he whispered into her hair.

"It's not," she said, her shoulders beginning to shake. Emma's body had been so cold that she was unable to feel anything, but as it began to warm up and her mind somewhat cleared, she realized that she, too, was scared about what had just happened. "Nothing is okay."

Ed just held her tighter, as he didn't know what to say. They stayed like that for several minutes before Emma pulled back slightly and wiped her face with the baggy sleeve of Olivia's sweatshirt.

"I need to shower," she whispered. "Are you…will you be awake?"

Emma finally looked up and met Ed's eyes, and he could see all the pain, terror, and trauma swirling around in them. "Absolutely," he assured her. "I'll be right here, okay? Take your time. Let me know if you need anything."

Nodding, Emma gave him a small smile before heading to the back of the apartment. He heard her rummage around in her room and was still in the hallway, watching her exit her room and enter the bathroom, closing the door and starting the shower. Ed remained in place until Olivia tip-toed out of the room Noah was asleep in and wandered back down the hallway and into Ed's embrace. She wrapped her arms around his sturdy chest and let herself melt into his grasp. Ed wound one hand through her hair and the other rubbed her upper back continually. They stayed in each other's arms, not saying anything, for what seemed like hours. Eventually Olivia shifted and stepped back, stroking Ed's cheek and kissing the opposite one.

"Come on," she whispered, taking his hand and leading him to the couch. "Sit with me."

The couple settled in on the couch. Olivia was leaning back, with her feet propped on the coffee table, and Ed was leaning into her chest, his feet mere inches from hers.

"Here," he said, passing her the coffee mug. "It's spiked."

Olivia chuckled and took a long sip before handing it back and playing with his hair. "Good," she said. "I needed that."

Ed twisted around so he could take a good look at Olivia's face. Like a magnet, his fingers went straight to her still-visible bruise and traced it lightly. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel good, Ed," she assured him, and for the moment he believed her. "The soreness seems to have gone away, though I suppose that could be because we've had other things to think about."

Ed grunted, placed the mug on the coffee table, and took both of Olivia's hands in his, unable to tear his eyes away from hers. "Thank god for you," he whispered, kissing her lips lightly before nuzzling her nose. "Thank god for you."

"Mmmmm," she said, moving in to kiss him once again and more deeply. They stayed lip locked for a few minutes before Olivia pulled back and took a good look at Ed. His eyes were tired, dark circles forming around them, and his jaw was still tense. She rubbed the area where his jaw ran just under his ear and tilted her head. "I've got my work cut out for me, getting this handsome face to relax, huh?"

Ed let out a little laugh and turned his hand, so her hand was at his mouth and he could kiss at her fingertips.

"She say anything to Dodds?" Olivia asked softly as Ed kept his lips on her skin, now kissing around her wrist and up her arm.

"Couldn't tell," he answered, reluctantly pulling away but keeping her hand in his. "They talked for a little bit, though. Did she say anything to you?"

"No," Olivia admitted, her voice regretful. "She was just so cold. And dazed. To be honest, I wonder if she even is aware of how long she was gone, let alone have a clear memory of where she was or what may have happened."

Ed let out a sigh. "You're probably right. She still seems out of it."

"And she may be for a while, Ed," Olivia warned.

"What do I do?" Ed asked, before correcting himself. "What do we do?"

Olivia smiled, heartened by Ed's inclusion of her in the post-Emma outburst planning. "I think we allow ourselves to be grateful she's back and unharmed…that we can tell. I think we should be gentle with her. Gentle with ourselves. Maybe see if we can get her a few extra therapy appointments, and go from there."

"Doesn't seem very…I dunno…productive," Ed said, a little annoyed at the fact he couldn't just magically fix this situation.

"Maybe not," Olivia allowed. "But Emma needs us to be patient and steady. She needs to be reminded that we are okay and not going anywhere. That it's okay to express her emotions, and to maybe express them before she feels the need to disappear again."

Ed sighed. "I know it's the wrong time," he said softly, "but I just can't help but think how much easier this would be if we all…were under one roof."

Olivia gave Ed a tight-lipped smile, but stopped her body from tensing. "Well we are for tonight," she said before kissing him softly. "And maybe one day, Ed Tucker. One day."


Still a lot to come, but hopefully this'll get ya through the week.