Not long after Marinette's revelation, the clouds covered the sky and it started pouring. It was almost as nature knew that they needed a push to continue their conversation, because after Marinette had spilled the words the tension between them had turned into a big bricked wall.
Neither had let a word come out of their mouths, they hadn't moved a finger; they just stayed there, suspended in time, as if Marinette's words had marked the end of the world but instead of the seconds going faster, they turned into an eternity. So, if it hadn't started raining, Marinette and Adrien would have probably still been sitting in the same place in the middle of the terrace.
Not wanting to come back to the party, they found a bench under a glass ceiling where they could sit. Marinette was in one extreme and Adrien in the other, as far as each other as they could be while still trying to be close.
Adrien knew he was the one who had to break the awkward silence between them, Marinette was waiting for him to react, maybe give an explanation. But he wasn't sure where to start. There was so much to say and he did not know what to say first because he did not know how much he was allowed to confess or how much Marinette wanted to know.
The only way out of this wondering was by making a question to Marinette, and while he thought that was not the best way to break the ice, it was the only way he could be careful.
"When did you figure it out?" Adrien asked, his voice low and trembling at the end.
"Last night," Marinette's answer came fast and strong.
"Huh," Adrien clicked his tongue. Marinette suppressed a laugh at the gesture, not fast enough for Adrien not to notice. He did not make a comment about it, but it helped him to feel more relaxed. At least Marinette was laughing, that was good.
"Are you mad at me?" He dared to ask, looking at her for the first time after the revelation.
"I don't know," Marinette sighed, "I want to be and maybe I am a little bit… I think I was mad at you last night but… I don't know anymore,"
"I would understand if you were mad, Mari. You don't like liars after all,"
"Yeah… but I wouldn't label you as a liar," She massaged her temples before looking at him, "You offered to reveal your identity multiple times, and I was the one who refused… apparently, some things don't change, uh?"
Adrien opened his mouth to answer but his mind stopped in something he had not realized before.
Marinette was talking as if she knew everything, not only his identity. And hadn't she asked about her eyes before? That had no correlation with him being Chat Noir, well not that he knew of. It didn't matter, it was strange.
Nathanael knew that she could transform into Ladybug so Marinette was probably aware of that now but he was not sure because Marinette had only talked about her purple eyes and Nathanael could have given an excuse as an answer. Well, to be frank, that didn't sound much like him. It was better if he asked her directly.
"Marinette…. You understand who you are, right?" He asked. He did not find a better way to formulate the question so he let out the first thought out of his mind.
"Understand? I don't know if understand is the word I would use," She chuckled ironically, "But as far as I got from the conversation I had with Nath last night and what I read on my diaries… I'm or at least I was Ladybug,"
Adrien nodded, he rubbed his eyes with his fingertips before continue speaking. He was going to need vacations from all the stress this month had provided.
"Why did you read your diary? Alya told me that you packed them and stocked them so you wouldn't see them"
"You," Marinette tilted her head, "I read them because you confuse me, and your presence makes things fuzzy and that makes me anxious," She sighed, "I had never felt the need to look for answers, not ever, in fact, it has always been the opposite. Even when I woke up and I did not know where I was or who the people around me were, there was one thing that I knew and it was that I did not want to remember the past. Inside my mind there is this tiny voice that was always whispering to forget the past, to just move on, to not look for answers and I heard it because things were better when I did. Every time Alya brought pictures or letters my whole body ached and my mind started spinning without control, I felt like I was going to go blind, it was… it was just awful, but you already know that you have seen a few of my attacks too"
Adrien moved closer to Marinette, still leaving a space between them, and put a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm not saying it's your fault…
"I know what you are trying to say, Mari," He said with a kind expression on his face. "I can't imagine how frightening this must be for you. It's already complicated and a little bit shocking for me, and I'm just an outsider compared to you,"
"I wouldn't call you an outsider, from my perspective I am," She put her hands in fits "There was so much information on those diaries and I couldn't grasp all of it, it was too much to bear. And also, Nathanael helped a lot, he gave me answers but since he doesn't have a deep knowledge of what is going, his answers are not that shocking, you know? They don't come with a certain explanation that could throw me off,"
"I see how that can be considered good, but I bet you're wondering about those facts. You want those answers, don't you? That's why you revealed what you knew, or am I wrong?"
"I mean, I guess I want to know, but I didn't want to know tonight. I wanted to enjoy this night, but then the lights were so bright and when the camera flashes hit me I was gone… and I couldn't stop thinking about it," She sighed, "And you followed me and I couldn't contain it any longer, I needed my friend…"
Adrien smiled brightly.
Marinette considered Chat Noir her friend, he didn't have a doubt about that, but she had, or at least used to have, a rocky relationship with him as Adrien. For her to just accept so easily that he and Chat Noir was one and the same, and not scream at his face for "tricking" her, was the best thing in the world. Yes, she had not said that, but she called him a friend, so even if she was mad, she didn't want to cut ties with him.
"I'm glad I was here, then," Adrien squeezed her shoulder, "Is anything you to ask me now? I know things are weird right now, but I'm at you disposition"
"Well, after not wanting to know anything at all for years I would like to know a few things now, "She chuckled, "But I think I'm gonna start with questions that are not that close to the "mystery"
"Ask away," Adrien pointed at himself with both of his hands in a swift motion.
"Did you become my friend because you knew I was Ladybug?" Adrien didn't expect that question, either the sadness on Mari's eyes. But he understood why she was asking that. For her, she had befriended someone new, someone she had ended up loving and caring about, and to know that they didn't want to befriend you for you, would be horrible. "I mean, I was a bitch to you, as Adrien and a little bit at the beginning as Chat,"
"I did not know you were Ladybug, Marinette" He assured, leaving a meaningful pause, "When I left France, Nino did too and he had his drama with Alya and I thought I was being a good friend just cutting ties with her too, to support him you know? It was stupid but I thought it was the right thing to do back then, and I didn't put you in the same bag as Alya, I planned to speak to you but you never did, now I know why but back then I thought you were sort of doing the same thing as I did, but to support Alya so I did not give it much thought and I didn't try to contact you. So, when I saw you when I was back and you didn't remember me, it just smashed my heart. I realized how much I missed you and that maybe after all these years… maybe I still had a little-tiny-bit crush on you, so I befriended you, and as Chat it was easier than doing it as Adrien,"
"A crush?!" Marinette shouted, ignoring his last words. Her cheeks were stained in the reddest shade he had ever seen.
"Yeah," Adrien shook his head, "Don't say anything you had a crush on me too, you named your cat after me"
"That was subconscious," Marinette hit his arms, Adrien laughed even if it had hurt a little "Don't tease me!"
"I'm sorry it's above me, princess," He shrugged. Marinette pouted but after seconds of actually being mad, to faking it, she finally smiled.
"So, we really are friends," Marinette stated, looking away from him.
"We are," he nodded, "May I ask you something before you continue with your own questions?"
"You may," Another smile.
"Nathanael doesn't know who I am, or I sure hope he doesn't, but anyway, uh. Did you read it in your diary? That I was Chat Noir?"
"Yes. I went on my own and searched for answers on my diary, and I read that I was Ladybug, that was too overwhelming and I needed someone to give me straight answers and in that moment, I wasn't sure if Alya was going to give them, so I went to Nath's. After Nathanael told me all he knows, between those things he said he had seen me once change into a weir-dark-Ladybug and I knew I had to know more, I couldn't ignore it any longer," She sighed, "I came back to the bakery I took the diaries I had already started reading and I read and read until I tied the knots. I wrote a lot about you, but as separate humans, still, at one point it was undeniable"
"When was that?"
"When I figured it out I knew or when old Marinette knew your identity?"
"When did old Marinette know who I was,"
"A few months before defeating Papillion," Adrien gasped, surprised and a little bit of betrayal all over his face.
"You-you-you," Adrien gasped again, "I can't even ask you why can I?"
"Why didn't I tell you?" Marinette crooked a brow, "I read it,"
"Yeah?" He looked right into her eyes.
"Is weird to talk about it because I don't remember it but, it seems like I was shocked that my best friend and the guy I had a crush on were the same people. These two incredible people who I loved so much were the same and I was scared, I think I wrote something like: if the boys I loved the most were one then my heart couldn't handle to have all that love and give it to just one person, the amount of power you held against me was… I didn't tell you at first because I was trying to figure it out, and once I did I was going to tell you… I wrote it down I can show, I had planned it."
"Why didn't you? You wrote that?" Marinette nodded, "Tell me, please,"
"You told us, Alya, Nino and I that you were moving, out of the country, because that was the only way you could study what you wanted," She said, remarking every word, "I, past me, knew that if she revealed herself then you were not going to leave. And she, I, couldn't do that to you"
Adrien opened his mouth to deny that statement but in his core, he knew she was right. He would have stayed, with her, because it was just like Marinette had written in her diary, his heart would love her so much that he wouldn't be able to bear with the separation. She had too much power over him.
Adrien felt Marinette's hand against his cheek, she was leaning closer to him, searching for his sight.
"I'm sorry," Adrien took her hand between his and pressed it even closer.
"Don't be, I understand," He took a big breath. "let's continue with your questions,"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I shouldn't have asked, it is your turn, your more lost than I am," Marinette nodded, she kept her hand on his cheek, stroking it softly.
"Alya knows, doesn't she?"
"She figured it out you were Ladybug years ago and she has been taking care of you, she knows sometimes you switch to a strange version of LB, she knows it happens when you're angry or extremely anxious, she also knows how to bring you back. Last Thursday, if it wasn't for her I don't' know what I would have done to bring you back," Adrien didn't mention more about that night, he wasn't sure if she wanted to hear it, "She had her theories but nothing concrete. She's been working with us,"
"Of course, she knew," Marinette shook her head, "I've always suspected she knew something, of me being "vigilante" but I was never sure. She is too clever and noisy to not know, right?" Adrien nodded in agreement, leaving out a laugh of pure joy.
"That's our Alya,"
"I'm a little mad at her, though" Marinette admitted, "But it makes no sense. I asked her to keep quiet, to not try to spark memories, and that's what she did. Still, I… feel like this was way too important for her to just shut her mouth. She never shouts her mouth!"
"She loves you, she would never hurt you on purpose so, she followed your orders. I know she wanted to but your happiness was more important for her. She is a great friend."
"I know," Marinette sighed, "That's why me being mad at her doesn't make sense but I can't shake it off…"
"I understand," Adrien nodded, "Are you sure you're not mad at me? Because as I said before, I would understand."
"I'm not… I feel, disappointed, maybe? You explained why you didn't contact me as Marinette, but… as I see it and for what you have told me, you were a hundred percent loyal to Ladybug, to me, you love me… why did it take you so long to come back?"
Adrien had answered to that question before, but it was harder to let the words out in front of her. He knew she had been through a lot of terrible things, he didn't know the detail of them –because neither did she- but it was enough to feel extremely guilty. He always thought something had happened to her, it wasn't like her to cut all communication out of the blue, but he never got the courage to actually come back and seek for her.
"At first… at first, I thought something had happened to you and I called you like crazy, but a part of me, a little voice inside my head always pulled me back and told me to stay where I was, that you were strong and nothing bad had happened, that you only needed your space. Time passed and I got worried again, especially because something was off with Plagg too but he convinced me that it was nothing, that he was having a hard time adapting to our new home, he had to be hidden must of the time so I believed it. I tried to track you through the Ladyblog but there were less and less news, nothing pointed at you getting hurt or killed, you had just vanished and at the end I—"Adrien got ready to admit something he hadn't said out loud to anyone"—I came to the conclusion that you didn't want this life anymore, it was understandable, we hadn't had a normal childhood and I remember how excited you were about university so it made sense. And if you didn't want this life anymore then that means erasing me too. You refused to reveal your identity even after defeating him… so, I just accepted that."
"I would never cut you out of my life!" Marinette cupped Adrien's cheeks and leaned even closer than before, her nose almost touching his. "Not ever. I know I've been horrible to you and I've cursed and ignored you and other things, but you're Chat and that's enough for me. You are confusing and make things around me go, oh my god so crazy, but you also make me feel safe and I love you so, so much. I've had a hard time trying to recognize what feelings I had for you, chaton, and its just pure love, I love you so much and after reading those diaries I finally understand why. My brain may not remember you but my heart does and because it loves you so much it's playing tricks on my mind, so I can finally find my way back to you. And—oh my god don't cry, kitty"
But Adrien couldn't stop, once the first tear had dropped he knew it was impossible. She was there in front of him, holding him, telling him that she loved him. How could he not cry? His amazing, incredible and treasured friend was back with him, and she still felt the same for him that she had felt years ago even if she couldn't remember it.
His heart was about to burst and throw confetti, fireworks, anything that could show the happiness it was feeling.
Adrien took her by her waist and pulled her body close so he could be able to hold her in his arms. Once he put his arms around her, he squeezed tight, resting his head on her stomach. He swore she was never going to let her go, not again.
"Oh, kitty," Marinette said, brushing his hair with her fingers, "I know my words aren't the most reliable, but I can assure you this: I missed you too,"
"I thought I was never going to see you again," Adrien said between sobs. "I love you so much!"
"I love you too," Marinette kissed his hair.
Adrien sobbed, "Just give me a few minutes and you can continue with your questions,"
"Take all your time, Adrien. We have time, I promise,"
"You shouldn't be the one comforting me," He said half-laughing, half-sobbing.
Marinette giggled "Well, we are a team after all, not one-sided relationship here,"
"We are a team," Adrien nodded, "The best one."
