Before falling asleep, Adrien held her close to his chest and dropped a kiss on her cheek, pressing his lips for sweet long seconds and then he whispered in her ear to inform her that Alya was staying at his place with Nino.

As happy as she was to have Adrien all to herself and because of it, starting to feel a little more like herself, she knew Adrien was not only giving her that piece of information randomly. After all this time, he still knew her well.

Not talking to Adrien about what was going on was difficult, yet not impossible. They still loved each other, and he was still her partner but he had been gone and their bond was not comparable to the one she shared with Alya.

Alya had stayed and supported her in the hardest parts of her life, and keeping her out of the loop for so long was creating a dark and hollow feeling inside her heart.

The reason why she had begged Nino not to bring Alya to her was that she would break, and Alya could not see her break again, her best friend had suffered enough through the years and Marinette could not add another rock to the weight she carried on her shoulders.

It would be more painful than hurting Adrien would.

The broken girl watched the boy next to her and paid attention to him like a kid to a shiny object.

His chest rose and fell in rhythmic motions, he shifted on the bed uncomfortably until he switched his position, moving close to Marinette's touch. She laughed at this, covering her mouth with her hand so he wouldn't wake up.

Marinette caressed his cheek and left a soft kiss on his temple.

His reaction to her was immediate. As far gone as he was in the dream realm, his body knew her well.

"I'll be back soon, chaton," She leaned down, left a kiss on his cheek and then on his forehead.

Leaving her bedroom was like letting go of her protecting armour. Getting into the hallway felt like walking into a war zone. Knocking the door was an atomic bomb.

She wasn't able to feel the world around her anymore, but being two versions of herself made the overwhelming emotions intensify.

Marinette bounced uncomfortably on her place, waiting for the sound of footsteps to come close to the door.

"Yes?" A sleepy voice rang on the other side of the door.

"Alya, it's Marinette," She answered.

"I know," Alya's voice was soft.

"I'm sorry," Marinette sighed and bit her lip, no running around the bush tonight. "For everything. Can… can we talk?"

"I'm mad at you, Marinette," Alya answered, "I understand you, I always have but my patience has a limit and I reached it today,"

"And I don't blame you," Marinette put a hand and her forehead pressed against the door, "But… I have answers for you, answers that you always wanted and deserved… It's okay if you don't want to talk but I would really love it if you did,"

The silence that grew between them was excruciating, every second that passed without hearing any answer from Alya was a needle piercing through her skin, digging deeper until touching nerves and twist them.

Alya had been her rock in her shaky ground, the only person to keep her afloat when she felt like drowning, if she did not accept this apology, Marinette would never recover.

Alya did not speak, but she opened the door and that was enough.

Marinette's breath caught on her throat when she saw her best friend. Her hair was a mess, she was wearing pyjama shorts that were too big for her and a loose top, she had obviously been sleeping but the bags under her eyes let Marinette know that it had not been a repairing sleep.

Marinette couldn't hold it any longer and threw herself into her arms, wrapping her in the tightest hug she could. Alya patted her back and hid her face in the crook of her neck, but did not reciprocate with the same enthusiasm. But Marinette understood.

"Follow me. I know where we can talk," Marinette said, breaking the hug and holding Alya's hand to guide her to the door next to Adrien's apartment.

She would usually make her way up to the rooftop using her window, but using the stairs that lead to it was safer for both.

Seating on the dirty roof looking at the moon over their heads, Marinette started talking again.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you. I know it hurt you, but I couldn't face you," She admitted, sight pressed on the sky. "Only when I saw Adrien I realized avoiding the people I care about was hurting me more,"

" Only then?" Alya huffed, "Sometimes I wonder, who even are you? Nino says you don't feel like yourself as if you were two people or just no one at all, but I can't begin to grasp that concept. To me, you have always been Marinette but not you at all."

"That's one way to put it," Marinette stiffened. "You're not holding back."

"Should I? I'm tired of doing it, I'm tired of protecting you."
"I understand."

"No, you don't and you never will."
"I…" Marinette scrubbed her face, "Listen, things are starting to fall together and tie up in my mind, but I still feel like I have a side of me inside that doesn't belong to me completely. Post-accident Marinette has made such horrible decisions that I would never do and yet, I did… And I don't know if I can fix those things, but I'll try. I know I hurt you so please let me fix things."

"I know it's not fair to be angry, but I've been fair for far too long. I'm mad and exhausted. Your situation is tricky, I can't ignore or deny that but I can't stop thinking that you woke up with all your memories and you decided to avoid me. However, when it comes to Adrien you open up so easily and let him calm you down."

"It wasn't like that," Marinette gasped.

"It was and it sucks. He was gone, I was here. He left you, he didn't care, he didn't mind."

"That's not true!"

"Adrien didn't come back until it was beneficial to him, Marinette! Adrien dated, got a career, rumours say he almost got married! He went on with his life knowing Ladybug vanished and completely ignoring Marinette. Adrien wasn't here, but I was and you don't seem to care about anything but him!"

"Aly-

"And now you guys are having a 'date-day'"

"How do you-

"Adrien texted Nino, and Nino told me." Alya explained, "It's ridiculous! You shouldn't be going on sweet days with a man who left you behind and now feels entitled to be with you. You should be trying to figure things out, you should be talking and explaining!"

"That's what I wanted to do and you won't let me," Marinette whined.

"I let you then! Go, give it all away.

Why did you leave?! What was so important, so urgent that you left us behind?! You lied, you vanished completely and then I find a set of clues, riddles to solve that will take me to you, but somehow you still made it freaking impossible to do so! I had luck on my side when I followed those clues, if not you would be dead now…"

Marinette closed her eyes, clenched her jaw and fists.

"You were bleeding, barely holding out to life! Do you have any idea of how traumatic that was for me?! No, you don't and you don't even care! Who cares about Alya when I have a hot body on my bed?!"

"That's not what happened! I love you so much, you know it!"

"Your love is not enough if you're not honest with me!" Alya said, "You didn't trust me when it was the time and don't care about me now either."
"Stop it! I trust you, you don't understand what is going on, not now, not then!

"I didn't have a choice when I left! knew it was dangerous and I didn't want to take anyone down with me. As Ladybug I knew I had to do it on my own.

I had sacrificed myself so many times, this was another day on the job but… I'm still me, I still had my ambitions and dreams, I didn't want to go without letting anyone know so, I left you clues. I knew you would figure them out, but believe me when I say, I did not plan to be at the edge of death, I thought I would be stronger and would have fought and defeated or escaped from the evil I was chasing! I thought that at the moment that you found me I would be too tired or a little hurt and you would help me… I really believed it!… I trusted you enough to find me! I cared enough about you to know you'll be safe!"

"I wasn't safe! It was a damn nightmare and I'm forever scarred by it!"

"I'm sorry!

"Tikki warned me it was dangerous but I never knew it was that bad. I didn't know I could die!

It was stronger than me! it made my thoughts cloud and my judgment was horrible. I can assure you why I made the things I did because I myself have no idea what took me to them! My mind dimmed when the voice was around!"

Alya who had stood up in the middle of Marinette's scream stopped her walk and turned around to her.

"Voice?" The anger left her voice for the first time that night, real concern shone through it instead.

Marinette cleaned the tears falling from her face and sniffed.

"What voice, Marinette?"

"I still don't know," Marinette gasped. "I couldn't figure out…"
"Explain. Everything."

Marinette nodded.

"Two months before defeating Papillon, I started listening to a voice… I don't think listening or voice describes exactly what it is, because it said nothing, yet it wasn't silence. Whatever it is, it begged me to go for it, to find it and follow it. It wasn't strong and I thought it was the doing of an akuma or other powers Papillon could have but once we defeated…"
"It wasn't him."

"No," Marinette shook her head, "Nothing was but it was so low, and only sparkled on my mind every once in a while. It wasn't uncomfortable or overwhelming so I let it slip.

When Adrien left, it became a problem. It took over my mind and drove me insane, it was loud and echoed through every corner of my brain… then came the dreams,"

"Why wouldn't you say anything? Why wouldn't you tell Adrien?" Angry Alya was officially gone.

"He would come back, he would stay and I would ruin all his plans. Adrien radiated so much happiness when he spoke about studying what he wanted, leaving alone, being on his own. He didn't want to leave but he wanted everything that it offered, I couldn't tie him here."

"Marinette that's stupid. You needed help, if you thought it was so dangerous, he would have provided it. He had the ring."

"I know. I promised myself that once it became too much to bear on my I own I was going to tell him but my dreams became more vivid and I started feeling a certain familiarity with one of the 'voices' and my decision to tell Adrien started to trouble me. Nonetheless, I was only fully discouraged when I went to Chloé and she just added reasons to why I shouldn't bring him back here.

"You listened to Chloé! You didn't come to me but you listened to that bitch?!"

"No, Alya…" Marinette sighed, it wasn't worth the explanation "Chloé still talked with Adrien, and what I knew would have ruined Adrien for sure…. I started seeing his mother, Lya. She was one of the voices,"

"Oh," Alya's tension vanished and she came back to Marinette's side.

"I couldn't do it… I knew he was carrying so much pain and was uncertain about the future after… after dying. I couldn't add any more to the mix.
Alya took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Before I say this I want you to know I'm still mad," Alya clicked her tongue, "You were fucked up too, I didn't know why but I could see it. Not telling Adrien was a bad decision, he would have come back. I know I said he left you behind but… What I'm trying to say is that if Adrien didn't have horrible coping mechanisms, he would have come back to look for you immediately. Even when he didn't, you vanished and it broke him like nothing else before."

"I fucked up, I know," Marinette rubbed her temples. "At the time I believed it was the best choice. I thought it would be best for everyone if I kept it to myself, I'm good at figuring out riddles."

"Again, I'm still mad and I'm exhausted but… you're still my best friend. I… I'm still here, we all are. You got us, let us help."

"I will,"

"And you have to tell Adrien. Everything.

"I will. We'll have a quiet and mundane day and then I'll tell him everything,"

"No." Alya took her by her shoulders and shook her, "You tell him everything now. We fix this mess and then Adrien and you can have your lovey-dovey romance, we can find a way back to what we were and even Nino and I can try it again. But now is time to act."

"But-

"You tell him now. This can't wait." Alya frowned, "There's something that particularly called my attention in your words."

"What is it?"
"You didn't talk about the voice in past tense."

Alya was too smart for Marinette's own good.

She had tried to ignore it, pretend it wasn't there but once she was discovered, a laugh rang on her ears, the voice was as potent as it had been before.

xx

Just like Alya predicted before they parted ways, the rain had started to pour down.

Marinette stood by the window, hugging herself and drowning in her own thoughts, and the ones that didn't belong to her but the strange presence that had been haunting her years ago.

It felt proud to come back, proud to ruin her life.

What was what it wanted, anyway? She was still unable to understand why it chased her, why it begged for her to find it.

A shiver went down her spine. She felt so violated.

It was obvious that the butterfly miraculous had kept the voice away from her. It did come with a thousand more side effects, but she was starting to miss it.

The sound of the mattress and Adrien's footsteps interrupted her train of thought. But it wasn't so bad, it made her feel a little better to feel him approach.

He was quiet and slow but got to her after a few seconds. Adrien wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed a kiss on the nape of her neck.

"Are you playing?" He asked.

"Huh?"

"The raindrops," He said, his voice was just as soft as the sound of the water crashing against the tiles, "You taught me how to play last week, in my car,"

"Ah, right," She giggled. "No, I was just looking the rainfall, it makes me feel at ease,"

"Nette likes the rain," Adrien whispered leaving another thread of kisses on her skin, "Is that important?" Marinette asked.

"Not really but at the same time yes? I like knowing things about you, every little new detail is incredible knowledge. One day I achieve to know everything about you."
"How ambitious."
"Nah, just usual boyfriend behavior." He said and then he stiffened, "I mean, uh… Damn, sorry I don't even know if you and Nathanael broke up, I just assumed-

"If my memories are not tricking me, I broke up with him, kitty," Marinette interrupted before he dug a hole so deep he couldn't escape from it.

"Oh," A smile appeared on his lips. "I knew it. You wouldn't make any advances towards me if it hadn't been the case."

"Advances? I think we have always been touching each other like this. We show our affection with physical contact."

"You're right," She heard the smile on his voice, "But, we are dating now, aren't we?"

"You really want to hear me say it, don't you?"

"You have no idea, Mari."

"Yes, chaton. I guess we are dating.
Adrien hid his face on the curve of her neck and laughed.

"You owe me twenty euros, my lady,"

"What? Why?"
"I won the bet, we are dating. You said it would never happen." He giggled with so much joy.

"We made no bet of sorts!"

"We did,"
"Did not,"
"Okay maybe I did," Adrien shrugged. "So, no chance to get those twenty, uh?"
"Not at all,"

"Then…"

"Then?"

"What about… about a kiss?"

Adrien asked.

His nose nuzzled against her cheek but did not move any further.

Marinette felt her heart overflow with love and that made her tremble in advance.

"I think I can do that." Marinette whispered, turning her face to him, throwing her head and resting against him.

Adrien tightened his hold from her back, only bending their position a little so he could easily land his mouth on hers.

The kiss was exactly what she expected it to be. The perfect culmination of unrequited love, partnership, friendship and all the bonds that tied them together. It was the perfect symphony of their teamwork and the million conversations they had under the moonlight, the laughs, th, cries and the lingering.

It was soft, it was sweet. It was fast, it was passionate.

Adrien's hands roamed through her skin, he moved them and pressed her against the wall.

Marinette's fingers dug on his hair and she pulled, bringing him closer.

They shared gasps and moans and tears too.

The kiss would have gone on forever if the suffocating images in her mind had popped.

Marinette pushed him away, landed her feet on the floor again and pressed her head against his chest.

She heard and felt Adrien's giggle.

He was still living in the bubbly reality of the kiss. How she wished she could do the same.

"It's really nice to share a kiss in which neither of us is brainwashed, don't you think?"

"I've not kissed you while I was brainwashed," Marinette rose a brow. Head hurting as she tried to ignore the chaos in her mind. "You were the one that always got hit,"

"Because I'm the shield," Adrien said, "But you have kissed me brainwashed, only a week ago in fact,"

"Uh…" Marinette wrapped her hand around his wrist in an attempt to maintain the balance she was about to lose.

"Dizzy? I got that effect on girls, princess," He laughed but then caught her in his arms, real concern painting his face. "Are you feeling okay?"

No. She didn't

But she didn't want him to know.

"So, what are we going to do tomorrow?" Marinette blurted, hoping to change the subject.

"Sleep? Eat? Cuddle? Oh, we should definitely cuddle," Adrien said rubbing his nose in the curve of her neck and hugging her tightly when he sat on the bed with her on top.

"That's what we've been doing,"

"And isn't it great? We should do more of that tomorrow,"

"I mean yeah, one of the things,"

"Tell me all the things you want to do then. Let's plan," Adrien brushed her hair. His eyes followed hers and then dropped to her lips and body. He was aware that something was happening with her, but he kept her game.

Alya was right, she wasn't going to be able to keep the truth from him.

"I want to have breakfast in a coffee shop and I want to go to a garden and walk with you as we hold hands. I wanna have lunch with my parents and introduce you as my boyfriend, then I want to do whatever we feel like doing just to hang out in the night with Nino and Alya and get some drinks, maybe I could even invite Marceline and Sébastien, they are extremely nice and lovely in my memories. And then, then I go back home with you and kiss you lots and lots and cuddle, and just go to sleep with your arms around me," Marinette said, looking at the street, "That's what I want to do,"

"Okay," Adrien kissed her temple, "We have a plan… and we can do that plan whenever you want." Yes, he definitely knew.

"Adrien…"

"I can see it in your eyes, Marinette. What's wrong? What I offered was just that, if I pushed you to accept I'm sorry but I really believed it was better if you had a moment to relax.

"And I believe it too!" Marinette said, throwing her head back. "Is just…"

"Yes?"

"I can't keep the lies under wraps any longer… as much as I want a lovely day with you, this pain won't let me escape."

"I don't mind when you tell me, as long as is when you decide it's good for you."

"Even if I reveal that weird things were going on before you left? Even if it's about your mom?"

Adrien opened his eyes wide and he gulped. Terror showing in his face.

"What do you mean?"

"I see your mom, Adrien… I saw her before I left for Tibet and I have the feeling I saw her when I was there."

"Wh-where?"

"In my mind." Marinette sighed, "There's a voice inside, well, I call it a voice, I'm not sure what it is… an entity could be a nice word too."
"So you have an entity and my mother ?"

"Yes," Marinette said trembling.

Adrien hadn't changed his expression and his eyes kept looking at the horizon. His hold remained as soft as before but his body stiffened.

"Explain me everything. Now." Adrien ordered and then he begged, "Please."

Marinette started and told him everything she had told Alya and then a bit more.

Adrien listened carefully, nodding at the right moments and not interrupting until she finished an idea.

It was the first time she let out everything. With Alya earlier she had not been able to do it because Alya wasn't involved with the miraculous, she would never understand at its fullest. But Adrien would.

"Why did you visit Papillon?" Adrien asked, interrupting for the first time.

"I had been taking care of Nooroo for a while, you know I was being trained as the next Guardian so I decided to give our little butterfly kwami some special care after the hell he had gone through. I initially thought the voices were because of Papillon, then they weren't and I guessed it had to do with Nooroo. Master Fu was starting to forget everything, and Nooroo was still pretty hurt, so when I went crazy and didn't know what to do, even when I was almost certain it wasn't because of him, I had the doubt so I went to him."
"Okay," Adrien nodded, "They say you cried."

"Well, yeah," Marinette shrugged. "Seeing your uncle is not the most pleasing thing in the world."

"Tell that to me," Adrien sighed. "A villain who is related to me and I never knew it existed but was obsessed with me and my mom… a man who killed me… maybe that's why I never visited. But well, now I don't have to. the bastard is dead."

"Yeah, but… as evil, as he was, he was very helpful…."

"He was?"

"Yes. Expecting he would manipulate everything I could say, I tried to give as little information as I could but he figured it out. He told me your mother had heard it too. That it was the reason she disappeared."
"What?!" Adrien jerked back, Marinette almost fell but caught Adrien's arm and he helped her back to their last position.

"That's why he wanted the miraculous, remember? To bring your mother back. He didn't know where she was but he was sure she was alive and that this 'it' she kept talking about had her."

"The same 'it' you hear?"

"Yes."
"And you still went?! For fuck's sake, Marinette." Adrien pressed his head on her shoulder. She could feel him vibrate with rage. "You should have called me."

"A little late for that."

Adrien didn't laugh but didn't get angry either, he just kept listening.

Marinette explained that she was slowly losing her mind but that whenever Nooroo was close she felt a little better.

Tikki was as lost as she was, but had a feeling in her gut that what could be calling Marinette was a destructive force. Something opposite to what they were. However, that didn't explain why Nooroo worked as a shield when he was also a creative force.

Papillon had given them insight on that. While Nooroo was a creative force inside their set, he was also associated with fire. Fire has the greatest duality of all the elements on the board. It could create, change and appear so easily, and it could destroy with the same power.

The butterfly miraculous was unique in the set, not as much as the cat and the ladybug, but special indeed.

So, when everything crumbled and Marinette finally decide to look for the force calling her, it was only obvious to take Tikki and Nooroo with her.

"Your mother was the peacock, a creative force too but barely destructive," Marinette explained, "The exact opposite of the butterfly, and I inferred that it was also the exact opposite of the force, just like me."

"Is the force like… like me?" Adrien asked, looking down.

"I think so," Marinette gasped. "It draws me as strongly as you do."

"My father talked about a powerful force before. We don't know much but the more you talk, I'm more certain this is that force."

"Highly probable," Marinette agreed.

"What do you remember of Tibet? Like the important bits."

"Lots of light," Marinette said, "Fear, the smell of blood… attraction. My whole body thought you were there and only the smallest part of my mind knew it wasn't real, that we had to escape. I remember feeling weak, I remember Tikki being weak. Voice, lots of voices all mixed together and all throwing me to different directions. An especially loud voice ordering me to go away."

"But nothing about this force,"

"No." Marinette shook her head, "Alya says she found me bleeding, badly hurt. I remember running and being in pain but I don't remember fighting anything."
"Alright," Adrien nodded, "And now. The voice is there again."

"Yes."

"What does it say?"

"It doesn't say anything… it just begs for me to go back to it, it makes me feel like I need to find it, that it is the missing piece I need."

Adrien rubbed his chin and pouted.

"It's tricking you. It needs you and it's tricking you."

"I guess."
"Do you think it needs Tikki too?"

"I don't have Tikki."
"Maybe she escaped."
"I don't think so," Marinette sighed, her lips trembled, tears appeared on her eyes. "Both Tikki and Nooroo sacrificed themselves for me. Tikki was left behind and Nooroo got trapped inside me."

"Plagg didn't feel her die or disappear, he only said something change. I'm quite optimistic about her whereabouts." Adrien squeezed her hand, "I'm trying to understand this, to come up with a plan but I only have an awful idea in mind."

"What is it?"
"It's terrible,"

"What is it?"

Adrien bit his lip, threw his head back and whined.

"I don't even like it,"

"Oh, heavens, just talk!"

"Let's go to Tibet." He said ashamed.

Marinette's mouth fell open.

Adrien's face showed how terrible he thought the idea was, how afraid he was that this could be the only solution.

But his words echoed in Marinette's mind and instead of fear and madness, she could only find sense in them.

How long had it been since she left? How long had she spent suffering because of this entity?

What did it want from her? How many times she theorized and failed to find an answer?

Why did she leave? Because she couldn't take it anymore, because she couldn't find any answers…. the answers were only there.

Marinette opened her mouth and stopped, thinking through what she was about to say, fearing for a moment that she had gone crazy. But really how much longer could they stay here trying to figure out? They could spend the whole eternity and she would be dying inside, chaos destroying her mind.

This was it.

So, she said.

"Let's go to Tibet."