Clary's POV
Jace and I sit down in a private table once whe get to the restaurant. A security guard stands just outside the room, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable. He pulls out my shake for me and orders some wine.
"Jace" I shake my head slightly and he catches on
"It's not a date Clary" he reassures me with a smile, "I just thought we could catch up". This makes me feel a little better.
"Gray really enjoyed the concert" I mention, "thanks for inviting us".
"He's a great kid" Jace nods, "but I've heard a lot about Gray. I want to know how your life's been"
I almost choke on my wine when I hear the words come out of his mouth. For the last 5 years of my life, everything has been about Gray. I haven't really thought of myself in a while. "Well" I laugh to myself, "not a lot has been going on really".
"How are your parents?" He asks trying to get something out of me.
"My mom and Luke are doing really well. They finally got married a couple of years ago" I explain.
"Thats nice" he grins, "Jocelyn and Luke were always really inviting when I didnt really feel like being home". He looks down for a moment, "what about your dad?". He knkws it's a touchy subject.
"You know he wasn't really around to begin with" I remember, "but once he found out I was pregnant, he basically stopped coming to see me. I haven't seen him since". He doesn't know what to say now. "How have you been?" I continue trying not to let this get awkward, "you know, apart from the whole music star and everything".
"I have really enjoyed traveling a lot with the guys" he stares at me for a second, "the one place on my list where I haven't had the chance to go is Santorini". I feel my cheeks blush and a bunch of memories flood back. "Remember how we used to say we would take a year to just travel through Europe"
"I remember" I nod smiling, "we would start in Iceland and make our way down to Cyprus."
"Visit every single country" he added
"Elope in Santorini" I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"We were so young and naive" he shakes his head
"We were just dreaming Jace" I reach for his hand but pull away, "it's okay to dream a little".
"I miss dreaming" he smiles his beautiful smile, but luckily our food comes and I distract myself.
At first it felt very awkward and forced, but as the evening continued it became very easy to talk to Jace. Kind of like we used to talk before. He had a steak, and I had some pasta. Then he ordered some coffee so we could talk abut more. We even ended up having dessert.
We sat in the back of his town car. He had someone to drive him around so neither of us had to drive. We were pretty close, maybe a little too close, but I didn't mind.
"You know" I laugh looking up at him, "I used to imagine what it would be like if you actually became a famous musician"
"Really" he laughs too, "what was it like?"
"I barely remember" I shake my head looking away, "but it wa nothing like this". He leans down a little.
"I never thought it would be like this either" he confesses. I close my eyes and try imagining, but I can't. "You know" he begins again, "the night I left, I couldn't stop imagining what would happen when I told you"
"What did you think was going to happen?" I ask looking forwards and not at him.
"I thought you would say you wanted to come with me" he smirks, "and I had this whole speech prepared about how you had to go to college, and we would keep it long distance. Eventually we would be together again".
"Why didn't you give me that speech?" I ask still looking away.
"I didn't have the guts" he breaths in and I can feel his chest rising besides me, "once you told me I should go, my heart just stopped".
"I would have probably said I wanted to go with you" I picture, "if I hadn't already known I was pregnant".
He keeps leaning down closer and closer. "I would have stayed if you would have told me you were pregnant"
"I know" I finally look up and find his face about an inch away from mine, "that's why I didn't tell you"
"I know" there's a short silence. I can feel his cool breath on my forehead, "you always had my best interest in mind. That's why I loved you. That's why I still love you".
He leans down and presses his lips to mine ever so lightly. Their soft just as I remember, but fierce at the same time. It could have been the wine, but instead of moving away instantly, I just stay there motionless for a few seconds. When my brain finally processes what is happening, I push him away and we separate.
"We can't do this Jace" I whisper sighing. "I know these last few days have brought back a lot of old feelings, but this isn't what's supposed to happen" the car stops infront of his hotel. "This can never happen again" I finish before stepping out of the car.
"Why can't this happen?" He follows me out of the car, "I love you Clary, and I know you still love me"
"It just can't happen Jace" I turn to face him, "I'm not ready to go through this again"
"Will you ever be ready?" His eyes glow in the street light.
"I don't know" I choke out before turning away and making my way back into the hotel. He follows me into the elevator and the wait in silence.
"I'll wait" he says in a low voice just before the elevator opens on his floor, "I'll wait for you. I'm not making the same mistake twice". I ignore his comment and step out of the elevator.
I knock on Isabelle's door and here a faint voice yell that it's open. I open the door and Jace walks in behind me. "We're back!" I say as I walk in.
"Momma!" Gray runs to me and hugs my legs. He's a little too hyper for 9 o'clock at night.
"How was your night?" I ask running my hand through his hair. I look around the room and see why he has so much energy, there's a half eaten pizza, and candy wrappers all over the place. Izzy is on th couch about to pass out watching some cartoons I am sure she doesn't find amusing.
"Auntie Izzy ordered pizza" he says almost jumping with excitement.
"I can see that" I raise an eyebrow at Izzy who stands up. "And it's auntie Izzy now?"
"I might have taught him a little thing or two" she shrugs.
"You also fed him a little thing or two" I nod, but I'm not too mad. He's in a sugar rush now, but in a few minutes he'll crash.
"Tell me about it..." Alec steps out of the bathroom, "that little boy can eat"
"Hi Alec" I smile. "Come on" I urge Gray "get your jacket and say goodbye to Izzy"
"Bye Auntie Izzy" he says reaching up and she kneels down to give him a hug. "If your Aunt Izzy" Gray frowns, "are you uncle Alec?"
"Sure" he shrugs, "why not?"
"Let's go Gray" I hold out my hand and he takes it.
Jace come with us downstairs, but I can't look at him. I can't say I don't love him, but saying I do would be like going back to High School.
"I'll have my driver take you back home" he says as we walk to the same car we had been in earlier., "and I'll be back in a week when the tour is finally done". I nod and he lifts Gray into his arms. "I'll come see you in a week bud. I can teach you some guitar and we can go to the park, alright?"
"Alright" Gray smiles
"High five?" Jace holds his palm up and Gray hits it as hard as he can, which is not very hard. Jace puts him back down and he climbs into the car.
"I'll see you" he goes to give me a kiss on my cheek, but I dodge him and get into the car.
"I'll see you" I say before shutting the door.
We drive away and I hold Gray close without looking back at Jace.
When we get home, I give Gray a bath and put him to sleep. It takes a while, bathe finally goes down. Then I take a shower and sit in my bed with my computer. I look up Jace Herondale online and every single page that pops up is him with some random girl at a club. I don't know why, but my eyes begin to water. I close my computer and snuggle under my covers, tears flowing out of my eyes.
