She saw the realisation dawn in Breda's eyes. Truth was, she had noticed that Roy had wanted to be alone even before they had gone to the bar. It must have been that he had not wanted to disappoint his subordinates or that his happiness about Havoc's progress was greater than the exhaustion that she could so clearly see in his face.
As the evening had progressed, he had withdrawn more and more in himself, until Havoc had given him an excuse to leave. It pained her that he did not seem to trust her anymore to rescue him out of such a situation.
She drew her mantle closer around her shoulders. It was the start of summer, and while the days were warm, the nights were still chilly. "You know, Heymans, you should go home. I'll be fine. I'll just go for a short stroll before I go to bed."
He looked at her with clear scepticism, but did not protest "Very well, I'll be at the station tomorrow to see you off. If you need me to help you carry your luggage, give me a call in the morning."
She could not supress a chuckle. "I won't be taking much. I'll manage, but thank you. The train is leaving around noon."
"I will be there." His hand squeezed her shoulder in goodbye before he disappeared in the night. He was a good man, trying his best to keep Havoc motivated, and now trying to cheer her up when he thought she needed it. It was why she liked him, why she trusted him, but this she had to do alone.
Breda had been right, she should speak with Roy and she had a good idea on where she would find him. Firmly she changed direction, away from her apartment.
Half an hour later, she found his lonely parked car before the entrance of the cemetery.
It was dark, but in the east the first light was appearing, and she knew her way here as well as anyone. She saw his lonely figure soon enough. He was just standing there, staring at Maes' tombstone, reminding her of how she had found him after the funeral.
With a sigh she approached him. "Sir, I think it's time to leave."
For a moment she thought he wouldn't answer. That he'd just ignore her and pretend she wasn't there.
"Go home, Lieutenant, and sleep now you still can. There's nothing for you here."
"Nor for you, sir. You too should get a few hours of rest before we leave." She wouldn't back off, not now. His back straightened, but still he did not face her. She had an idea on why he would not look her in the eyes. He needed her here, even if his words spoke differently.
"You are far too stubborn. Again proof of why you deserve that promotion to captain, Hawkeye. You will have to accept it. Grumman has signed the papers. We will make it public when we return."
"I suppose I will have no say in this, sir?" She stared at the ground. They had been through this before. She had failed to protect her superior, and even if everyone tried to convince her that it wasn't so, she still felt that way. She did not want to get rewarded once again for failing to do the right thing.
She could hear him take a deep breath, and noticed how he casually brushed his sleeve over his still averted face before he turned to her. After everything that had happened to them, after all they had done, he had always managed to keep his cool. Only at that funeral had he allowed his self-control to slip, and only in front of her. She had taken it as a compliment then, that he had trusted her enough to allow her to see his distress. It hadn't lasted.
"No, Hawkeye, you won't." His expression was unreadable as he faced her. "Now as to why you came to find me. Does it bother you, that we have to go back to Ishval? If so, I can still arrange for you to stay here."
"No sir. I merely came to see if you needed my assistance." She shivered again. She was tired and longed for her bed, but she would not let him down.
His countenance softened a little. "You are cold Lieutenant. You should go home. Let me drop you off. I am ready here." It was a small victory, but at least she had gotten him to leave.
In silence they walked towards his car, and in silence he drove her home. When she stepped out of his car, she hesitated with the door in her hand. He turned at her and raised a questioning eyebrow. "Goodnight, Lieutenant. I hope you will be able to catch at least a few hours of sleep."
"You too, sir." She softly replied and some of the worry she felt must have leaked through in her voice, or else he could still read her while she seemed to have lost that ability, for he sighed and pinched his nose in what seemed defeat.
"I don't think that I will. Sleep does not come easy lately. It will improve when I am back in the East."
She wanted to say that she highly doubted that he would sleep better in the heat of the East in this time of the year, but held her tongue. Perhaps Breda had been right, perhaps she should discuss all of this another time. "Goodnight sir, I hope tonight will be different then at least."
He nodded and she closed the car door.
She went up the stairs, opened the door to her apartment and turned on the light. Glancing through the window she just saw how the lights of his car disappeared behind a corner. He had waited for her to be safe inside then. He still cared, she did not doubt that, never had. It was just that he was not himself lately. He shut everyone out, even his friends.
Well, she would have plenty of time to try and pry the real reason out of him on their way to Ishval.
