Chapter VI.

After Christine had finally learned a small slice of Erik's past, she calmed in a way and left Erik in peace. She learned it is better if she doesn't bother her husband about his past – only bad things come out of it. His earlier life was far from a pleasant one, it was a chain of various tragedies. They rather should concentrate on the future – the future with their daughter, raising Mahtab in peace, like a real loving family.

Mahtab was a good little baby and mostly slept nights through – until the beginning of Summer 1886. She was about 8 months old and she became a little whiny thing. She would cry for hours, day and night. She would chew on everything that was put near her, Erik just let her chew on his thumb sometimes, he said, he did it to make her stop whining for some minutes. She was drooling "like a rabid dog" and did not sleep too much. Erik, to be honest, was surprised he had such a good girl until that, he expected Mahtab to be a problem child from the beginning, so he wasn't surprised of the change in her behavior.

Many nights passed with him holding Mahtab on his lap, while she was screaming from the top of her lungs. He softly hummed to her, but his voice did not seem to be enough anymore to calm her. Christine and him took turns in taking care of the baby at nights, but if Christine was asleep, Erik did not have the heart to wake her up, and rather he got up to calm the child.

One day, when Erik gave his thumb to Mahtab to silence her for a time, he met an unpleasant surprise. She bit him. So that is why she is fussing so much – her teeth are coming out.

- Are you screaming about ONE tooth? Really? You are childish. Papa has thirty- two or such teeth and he doesn't do this concert at night… oh, you, you little monster… Papa's little monster you are…- He talked to Mahtab with half scolding and half jokey intonation.

- Don't call her a monster! – Christine appeared behind him and shook her head.

- I am just joking with her, Christine.

- It is not funny. – She argued.

- Darling, it is just Erik's usual sense of humor. You could have gotten used to it, Christine my sweet.

- I don't like when you are making fun of the child's look. You played "I got your nose" with her yesterday.

- Christine, you are a bit of over sensitive about this. I learned to joke about my own and the child's misfortune, without meaning any harm. You should be happy I can finally take it less seriously.

- Yet you still want to put a bag on her head…

- Must we always argue about something, Christine? Am I not worn out enough because lack of sleep for weeks…?

- You tolerated lack of sleep for weeks better when you worked on your Don Juan!

- I know, but it wasn't good for my health regardless.

- It did not wear you out this way, but your child does. You don't like her. Still.

- Christine, do you think I'd spend so much time with her if I did not like her? Just because I am tired I still love her.

He sighed and placed Mahtab in Christine's arms.

- But if you think Erik is such a bad father, you should take care of her. Here you go, play with her something that won't hurt her feelings. As I am… most certainly… a monster… that hurts his own kid… on purpose.

He left the room and Christine just sat down to the rocking chair next to the cradle with the baby who was still grumpy a bit. She knew Erik actually did mean well and she should not have talked to him the way she did, but her feelings were hurt as well because Erik called the baby a monster always. She did not like that word. It was an insult and Erik should not insult the girl. She will grow older and will understand what her father calls her…

Christine was shocked that she wasn't able to calm the baby. She could handle her so well until these days and weeks, but it seemed the little girl HATED her. Whenever Christine picked her up she was crying even harder and she sang her lullabies but Mahtab wasn't even paying attention to her mother any more. Her stroking was useless, she could cradle Mahtab all she wanted… but when Erik finally got home and picked up the baby and started talking or singing to her, she got a lot calmer. Some grumpiness could be sensed cause of her teeth, but she ADORED Erik and her Papa could always bring a smile to her deformed little face.

Her first smile was for Erik as well. It happened when Erik picked her up once and played with her in the air, she smiled and giggled at her father. He looked at her touched and delighted. Her daughter smiled at him – he could see a child's first smile… whatever the child looks like.

One day Christine got out to the hall to the sight that Erik is holding Mahtab up to the mirror on the wall. She was looking at her deformed little face with surprise.

- See, my dear, it is you. – Erik said. – Look, here are your eyes. And ears… and lips… usually people have a nose too, but you don't. Don't worry about it, though, you can live without it, as Papa can as well.

Erik did not wear his mask either. Since the baby was born he did not really go close to the little girl without wearing a mask, as he was afraid he would scare her, but he had a sudden idea about Mahtab should get used to both his and her own face, so he looked into the mirror, holding his baby girl. Maybe it will be a way he will somehow accept his face as well, finally? He avoided mirrors like the plague, but he should really grow it out. He is in his fifties and is a father now… he should stop being a coward.

- What are you doing…? You are scaring her…

- Thank you Christine, dear, you lift Erik's spirits.

- I am sorry. – She whispered as she realized she insulted Erik and the child without her intention.

- I show her face to her, so that she won't have the same shock as I did when I was a child.

- She doesn't know yet it is her.

- I know well, Christine, but she should see her face regularly so she gets used to it.

- What happened to you… as a child…?

- It was a too sudden sight for me, my face. That is all.

- When did you see it for the first time?

- Too late. I was a child. I guess I was around 6 or 7.

- How comes you did not know about your face?

- No one showed it to me. I had to wear the mask around my poor unhappy mother. – He looked down to Mahtab then continued. - Not because she hated me, as I said. She was scared of me, of course… but you see, there are those… accidental mirrors around you. If you aren't looking into a mirror… you can still see your face sometimes. In a window, in water… and she wanted to protect me from looking at my own face as well…. Not just because she did not want to look at me. She was worried my own face will scare me. I wasn't aware of this precaution, being just a kid, Christine… and… I thought I looked like anyone else. You see… I never saw myself before that, only the mask. So I guessed I looked just as my mother, for example, and I just had to wear a mask… for some reason. Oh, those happy years of my sweet… unawareness… - he sighed and stroke Mahtab's face with his thumb.

- How did you realize… you look like this…?

- One day… on a very hot day in the summer… you see the mask was very uncomfortable to wear, too hot… and I removed it. My mother wasn't around… and I just put it in my pocket to be able to put it back on when I meet mother. And… I accidentally passed that damned mirror. It did not frighten me before… as I only saw a mask in it before… it was located near the top of the stairs on the wall in the hall of our house… And… when I saw that awful face… I remember… just screaming… then… I fell… I fell back.

- Did you fell from the stairs…? – Christine gasped.

- I did.

- Did you… get injured…?

- Both emotionally and physically, yes.

- How… bad it was?

- Quite, Christine. I… needed much time to recover… weeks. The worst wasn't broken bones or concussion though… the worst was… I was so scared… Christine… I could not speak for days… at all… I was terrified I will never speak again.

- God! Oh Erik… how did you… get cured?

- I slowly calmed down enough to speak. And then I stuttered. It drove my mother crazy. She told me I had gone totally crazy, just as it was expected as I was a little devil since my birth. She wasn't surprised. She was surprised I was normal up until that. She scolded me for removing the mask. She told me that is why she wanted me to wear it….

- How did you get cured from stuttering? Who helped you?

- There was no one to help Erik, he helped himself.

- How? As such a little child…?

- Yes, I cured myself from stuttering, as it drove me crazy as well. I sounded like an idiot. I tried to speak more coherently by force, I talked slow but steady- and… I cured myself with singing.

- Singing? – Christine gasped. – How can it help?

- Singing requires you to speak following a rhythm and pace. You simply don't have time to stutter. If you practice, it gets better. And it someday will disappear. It is not a hundred- percent method though, as I sometimes still do stutter a bit when I am extremely upset.

- Oh my poor Erik… you had… a horrible childhood.

- All Erik's life before meeting you, my dear, was a horrible mess. That is why I want to teach her to learn to look at herself without fear. I don't want to make the same mistake as my mother did with me.

Mahtab reached out for the mirror with her tiny hand and touched the glass where it reflected her lack of nose. She knocked it a few times then giggled.

- See? She is actually amused. It is a good thing. She connects her face with good memories she won't even remember as she is too small yet. But she will have the feeling deep inside her heart Christine. She will be balanced and happy – as happy as she can be.

- Erik… you really love her. – Christine walked close to him, smiling happily and put her hand on his shoulder.

- I do. Very much. And I love her more, day by day. She is Papa's little daughter. – He let out a small laugh and hugged her closer to himself.

Mahtab's cries reduced during the day, finally, but they continued at night. She was crying and slept very little as she was in pain.

One night, Christine woke up at midnight once and realized Erik wasn't next to her in bed. She wasn't worried, as it was common that Erik woke up at night and did not sleep with her. Maybe he went to see the baby.

It was hard to convince him to sleep with her at all. He did not want to sleep in the same bed with her after the wedding. She guessed that he will want to spend their wedding night with her, but to her huge surprise, Erik kissed her forehead, asked for her forgiveness and left the Louis- Philippe room. She did not dare to and did not really want to follow him. When they built the house, he wanted to plan a separate bedroom for himself, just as in the house by the lake, and when Christine asked why, he simply answered he did not consider a bedroom they would share. He thought, Christine did not want to. And he did not want to make a beautiful woman, such as her, share her bed with a monster. "You are not a monster, Erik… you are my husband." That was the first time Erik heard her calling him her husband. As he heard that, and made sure, several times, almost driving Christine crazy with his constant unstable questions, Erik finally accepted the thought of a bedroom with his living wife. But he still did not find it comfortable. He did not dare to tell Christine about his fears and uncomfortable feelings, but he would rather chose to sleep in his study. In the first few months of their marriage, his constant nightmares caused him to toss and turn a lot, and he startled up with a gasp or a scream, so he told Christine, he temporarily will go to spend the nights on the couch in his study not to bother her. In these days, Erik finally slept next to Christine mostly, yet he still had some "episodes" as he called them, and sometimes he would disappear for the night.

That is why Christine wasn't too worried – he will be fine and come back when he feels better. But in the morning she did not run into Erik anywhere in the house. He did not make coffee or tea in the kitchen, as usual, he did not emerge from the bathroom, did not put his coat or shoes on in the hallway – he was gone. Disappeared. It wasn't even time for him to leave for work yet. He did not say anything about having to work earlier…

He arrived home in normal time in the evening, but did not say anything about where he was so early in the morning. Though he looked like much more relaxed, compared to his tiredness the days before. He was HAPPY. He bought a bouquet of flowers for her. Why? Because he wanted to be nice…? It wasn't unusual of him to bring flowers after a performance she had, or when he wanted to apologize for something, or on special occasions… but that day it was neither… or was it he really wanted to say sorry? For what?

This went on for two weeks – Erik disappeared at some time at night, she never woke up to the noise of him sneaking out of bed and the house, and only returned the next evening from work, leaving her alone with Mahtab who cried all night.

Where is he going at night? What the Hell is he doing at all? She got jealous and upset. She did not ask him directly about it, but sometimes remarked "I did not find you in bed, Erik, dear, when I woke up at night." To this, Erik replied with a totally recognizable cheap lie, something like he went to check how Mahtab was (of course, Erik, she was whining all night, you did not touch her…) or he was in the bathroom (for eight hours…?) She knew something wasn't all right and he lies about something. He had a secret. She did not like it at all, and decided to find out what was going on.

That night he did not even lay down with her. He said he had a headache, his stomach was bothering him a bit and felt a bit of sick, maybe his dinner did not agree with him, and he did not want to bother Christine with his moaning, so he was going to sleep in his study. She knew he did not exactly tell the truth, and that he was up to something again.

She pretended to go to sleep and was waiting anxiously and wide- awake, near the backdoor, ready to follow Erik. She put on a cloak to hide her face and wore black not to be too visible, so maybe Erik won't notice her. She learned this from Erik when he was haunting the Opera.

As Mahtab was screaming for maybe half an hour, she suddenly heard him leaving the house and saw him walking out to the garden. When he closed the garden gate, she jumped out of the backdoor, bent down and tried to hurry as silently as she could, to see where he was going. "Stomach pain, you say…? I will teach you not to go on little rendez- vous at night, Monsieur…." She muttered under her breath, and she felt sorry she did not take anything with her to hit him on the head with. "Don Juan Triumphant, are you…?"

Erik fetched a cab. She was looking at him from behind a tree and was listening carefully. "Take me to the Opera." Erik said to the driver and got in. The Opera? What for…? She was still on maternity leave, he wasn't the Opera Ghost any more… he did not have anything to do at the Opera at that hour, as the play was already halfway to the end, by the time he gets there, it will end. He promised her to lead a normal life, finally. Was he lying? Is he still blackmailing the managers? Maybe he isn't even working during the day…?

Worriedly she fetched a cab as well and asked to be taken to the Opera. She carefully looked around when she arrived, but Erik was already gone from the streets. Where to find him? The house by the lake was empty in these days and he built a wall to block the front door so no one could enter it any more after the wedding. She saw it herself. All the furniture Erik wanted to keep were moved to their new home. Only the coffin, and some unimportant pieces of furniture were left there. And the organ. Erik was sorry for the organ. He bought a harmonium though and set it up in the music room, but he did not really like it. "It is not the same, Christine, not the same…" he sighed sometimes. She doubted he was in the house by the lake as he cannot enter it any more… but after some minutes of thinking, it hit her like a thunder: Erik had another entrance to his house! The stone on the wall in the third cellar! Raoul and the Persian went there when they dropped into the torture chamber! She will try to go there- and see what happens. So good she did not bring Mahtab. She would cry loud and it would echo here in the cellars so they would be caught. She was searching for that stone and tapped the wall. She put her ear on the wall to hear something. The Daroga has told earlier he heard when Erik spoke in his house when he was standing here… but she heard nothing. He isn't here…?

She found the stone finally, after a very long time as she sensed time passing… or was she just upset and worried? She leaned a bit in the hole to listen again… but nothing could be heard. She carefully climbed in to jump down… and she tripped on something and fell. With a loud thud she reached the ground – she forgot to remove her shoes before jumping. She gasped a bit from fright and pain as she sat on the floor in the dark.

- Erik… ? – She asked softly.

No answer. She slowly stood up as she felt pain in her right ankle. She dragged herself to the wall and banged on it.

- Erik! Erik! Are you here? Let me out! Erik!

After some minutes, she could hear the knocking of a pair of shoes getting closer and closer towards her. The footsteps echoed unnaturally loud in the emptiness of the once Louis- Philippe room.

- Erik? – She asked hopefully. No answer came, but the door got open. A dark figure stood in the doorway, only a shadow, but he could not be mistaken with anyone else with his skeletal build. – Oh you are here… - She let out a sigh of relief.

- You knew well I was here. – He said coldly. – It took you long to get here. What were you doing? The cab with you left just after mine.

- You… saw me…?

- Erik isn't blind. And you are very noisy. – He shook his head.

- It took me some time to find the stone…

- Three hours, exactly.

- Why are you so cold…? You did not even ask if I got hurt.

- Did you? – He asked on a bored voice.

- I think I hurt my ankle… when I fell.

- Congratulations. – he turned around and walked away.

- Erik! Don't leave me here! Do you hear me…?

Some minutes passed with her calling Erik's name but there was no reply. After a while he got back and knelt down next to Christine.

- Stop yelling. – He ordered coldly. He examined her leg and nodded. – You sprained it.

- See? I got hurt because I was following you! – She accused her husband.

- Who asked you? – He retorted angrily.

- What are you doing here? – She went on. – This house is empty…

- I know. But it has peace and calm, something my home lacks at this moment.

- You… compose…? – She asked curiously.

- I sleep. If you'd leave me.

- You come here to sleep?

- As I can't sleep at home. – Erik paused. – Wait… where is.. the child…?

- At home.

- Alone? – He gasped.

- Yes… why… it was you who said… nothing happens to a child if….

- It was back then when I did not like her that much. Or as I thought so… But you… you who seem to adore her… since her birth… you who constantly keep accusing Erik of hating her… how could you? Just because you are playing "follow the leader", eh?

- You are playing hide and seek! You disappear every night and I don't even know where you are!

- Here Erik is, you can be satisfied now. He is trying to sleep and relax. Now I will take you out and carry you home. – he groaned.

- Erik, don't be like this. You are so angry.

- Why would I be, Just because you stalk and spy on Erik? Just because you don't leave him be?

- I was worried…

- Just because you ABANDON our child? – He hissed.

She fell silent. She knew Erik was right and she felt ashamed. What kind of a mother is she…?

- And you woke Erik up. – He added bitterly.

- Oh! You didn't have to come and rescue me. – She got back to anger as she felt Erik insulted her. – I would have opened the door by myself as well.

- Really? – Erik laughed. – I know you are a clever girl. Then… open it, my dear. Erik won't deny the opportunity from you. Come out of the torture chamber, my sweet girl… - He turned away without a single more word and left the room, then closed the door.

- Erik! – She yelled. – Erik I got injured! Erik….

- You don't need your ankle to open the door. – The sarcastic reply came from the other side of the door. – Your argument is invalid.

Christine frantically searched for a switch on the floor and on the wall for a time, it seemed such a long time she thought it was for hours. She banged desperately on the wall and screamed. The door finally opened. She was happy for some minutes that she accidentally did find the switch, but there was Erik, again.

- Erik…

- Are you finished? – He sighed.

- Erik help me please… I should not have told you that I could do it alone… I can't…

- Well – well, we are not that angry anymore? I did not even activate the torture chamber and you still cannot open a door? – He shook his head, laughing. – My dear Christine, you learned the lesson?

- Lesson? – She sniffed.

- Yes. The lesson of not to make Erik angry when he is already worn out.

- I was worried about you.

- Were you? – He suddenly changed his intonation. – I thought you were trying to catch Erik doing something wrong and punish him for something he did not do.

- Well, I did not know why you leave the house at night and I wanted to make sure you were all right.

Silence. Erik was thinking. He scratched his head several times, then he looked at Christine and knelt down beside her again.

- Erik is sorry. – He whispered. – He is so terribly sorry…. He lost his temper and… hurt your feelings… when Christine was only trying to make sure he was… all right… - Erik crawled closer and took Christine's hand then kissed it.

- Oh Erik… my poor… poor Erik. – She hugged the man's skull like head and stroke the few locks of his thin hair.

- We should go home my dear… - Erik stood up finally after crying for a while in Christine's arms. – Our daughter must be missing us.

He carried her to the street in his arms and looked at her with pleading puppy eyes to ask for her forgiveness and Christine hugged his neck. She leaned her head against his bony shoulder and heard Erik's relieved sigh. He put her gently on the seat of the cab he fetched to take them home and on the way home he looked at her with a mix of adoration and guilt. At home he carried her to the bedroom lay her down, then kissed her cheek and before he left the room to go to the nursery to calm the screaming baby girl he looked back to his wife and softly whispered:

- I love you Christine.