Chapter IX.
Erik got two more shadows added to his already existent one he produced. Shadow dog was following him to work every morning during the week, and Mahtab followed him around in the house as her little feet could carry her, she was already walking quite steady if she could hold Erik's finger or the edge of his top – coat. Erik did not seem to mind it, he just reached his finger down to the little girl, and taught her to walk and use the stairs. She was so happy to walk with her Papa. The only disadvantage of the situation was that Erik did not really have any more privacy. Mahtab followed him literally everywhere, and she could not be sent away. Erik did not really want her around with him in the bathroom, but she was oh so stubborn little thing…
One morning, as he tried to shave with one hand, and restrain Mahtab from getting his razor with the other, he suddenly got an idea how to make the toddler pay attention to something else so he can finish shaving in peace.
- Look, Mahtab! – he said, as he made some soapy water – Papa will show you something. – he picked a straw from the drawer and put the end of it in the water, then blew through it.
Bubbles were forming and the girl was so happy to see them. She clapped and jumped off of the chair from next to the bathroom sink to catch the bubbles. But they disappeared so soon… She went back to Erik and stood behind his back. As she saw him not paying attention to her, she pulled his bathrobe from behind.
- Oh, Mahtab, Papa doesn't have time for that right now.
- Papa… play…?
- No, Papa does not have time to play. He goes to work. But he has to shave first. Why don't you go and play with Mama?
- Play with Papa. – Mahtab stated and climbed back next to Erik.
- All right, but Papa has to shave. – Erik sighed. – Be a good girl.
Mahtab sat there for a little, but after she noticed the glass in which Erik mixed up soapy water to blow bubbles for Mahtab. She reached out her hand and grabbed the glass, and lifted it up. It was quite heavy, so she ended up spilling nearly half of it on the floor.
- Oh, Mahtab…- Erik moaned, but after a moment, he only had time to gasp and cry out in horror as he saw from the mirror what his daughter was up to. – Mahtab, don't drink it! – he quickly tore the glass out of the small bony hands, and placed it back out of her touching range. – Don't eat or drink anything if I don't say you may! – he scolded her, still trembling with fear and worry. – It is unbearable, that a man cannot shave or use the lavatory in peace, for God's sake! Where on Earth is your mother? CHRISTINE! – his voice sounded like a thunder as he lost his patience.
- What is wrong? - Christine peeped in worriedly. – Are you feeling sick?
- Take your child away from Erik, because he is going crazy if she stays here! Erik cannot pay attention to what she, or even he is doing and she won't let him get ready!
- All right, Erik, just please calm down…
- I will if she disappears from the bathroom and make sure she does not return! And I will close this goddamned door…
Christine picked up Mahtab as she did not want to hold her hand as she held Erik's. She carried her to the nursery and thought back at what Erik said. He called Mahtab "your child" instead of "our child" or "my daughter." He was never that mad at the child before. Is he getting tired of the baby? Does he love her less? He seemed to be so much out of his patience, so mad…
She was teaching Mahtab to talk as she saw Erik leaving for work. He looked rather annoyed and tired. She was worried about Erik lately. He seemed to be tired or in bad mood most of the time. If she asked him about it, of course, he said he was fine. But there was another warning sign: he was in pain. It wasn't unusual, cold weather never did any good for Erik's knees, elbows and wrists, and sometimes he would complain about his shoulders and fingers, but it would always get better with warm weather arriving. But this time, it did not seem to get better. It looked worse than before. She would catch him massaging his wrist or knee, especially after moving a lot.
- Are you in pain, Erik? – She asked as she took a closer look on Erik's wrist. It was a bit swollen.
- Yes. – He nodded shortly – But it will go away.
- Shouldn't you see a doctor about it? – Christine stroke his hair. – It gives you much problem. I don't like to see you suffer.
- A doctor cannot really do anything about it, my dear Christine. – Erik shook his head and sighed. – I am simply old. I told you that once you will see what does thirty years of age difference mean. But I appreciate your concern.
- You are not that old. – Christine said.
- I am over fifty. – Erik looked up. – Mahtab easily could be my granddaughter. But don't worry. I am fine. If I rest it, it gets better.
- You don't have much opportunity to rest it… with Mahtab constantly clinging to you. – She added worriedly.
"That's what I am afraid of as well." Erik thought to himself but did not say out loud. Mahtab often wanted to play horse-riding on his back or shoulder, and that wasn't what he really wanted to do after a long day at work, especially going on his hands and knees with a constantly moving toddler on his back, that got heavier and heavier, and after standing up from the floor wasn't his favorite activity, but one cannot really do anything else with a young child, but play with it. That is what he meant when thinking about he was too old for a child.
Before Mahtab's birth Erik just led his life as any middle aged Frenchman did, he worked and after he either accompanied Christine to the Opera and watched the performance, or they went to take a stroll or have dinner in a nice restaurant, or they simply stayed home, play music together, or Erik would stretch his long legs out and relax in his chair, reading the newspaper or a book, while Christine played the piano or worked on embroidery or knitting. Erik missed those times, to be honest and he did not even remember when he had a time to read a book.
Also, that dog drove him crazy. Christine let him in. Why did she let him in his house? That filthy thing with a child in his perfect and clean home…? What if it licks the baby? It will leave his fur all over the house and furniture, wherever he walks. Yuck. Disgusting thought. He arrived home one night to the sight of Shadow lying next to the staircase, yawning with delight. Erik wanted to send him out that instant, but Christine begged him so nicely… What should a husband do if that happens…? The fact that Shadow moved inside, of course, resulted in one more task for Erik – he needed to let Shadow out to the garden to be able to run around and do his business, and in afterwards. Only one thing remained in which Erik did not change his mind – the dog had to stay out in the hall and wasn't allowed to enter any of the rooms.
Christine wasn't feeling well at home alone with the child any more. She felt useless. Mahtab liked to play with her, but she most certainly did not have the adoration towards her that she felt for her father. She missed stage as well. Or at least some fresh air. She walked with Erik and Mahtab in the park on Sundays, of course, Erik did not give up that habit, but it was only one day of the week. Christine wanted to go OUT. She wanted to see the shop displays, she wanted to have a hot coffee at a coffee shop… anything just she wanted to go outside. At least Erik has a job to attend to. She had nothing to do and started to get really bored and tired of it.
As Erik left for work on a sunny day in March, Christine decided not to sit at home with Mahtab, and go out to have a nice walk with her. Finally they can get rid of the pram and Mahtab will just walk beside her. "Don't forget to cover her face with something if you take her out in public." Erik's voice echoed in her ears as she caught the girl's hand to leave. "A scarf will be good enough right now, until she grows older." Christine decided she will NOT cover her daughter's face. She will show Erik he wasn't right about what he kept repeating. People won't hurt Mahtab, even if she walks her along the Champs Elysées, at broad daylight!
She walked proudly on the streets, with her daughter and her uncovered little face, holding Mahtab's hand, who was in awe of the city. They walked to places where they never were before- Papa would always walk with them to somewhere else where not much people walked. She loved the park as well, but this was way more awesome. She got some sweets to eat and Christine was constantly talking and showing things to her little daughter- things she never saw before. Big buildings, Mama's workplace, the Opera, the Seine…
Everything was so idyllic…
- Monsieur Spöke! Please hurry, your wife is here and she wants to talk to you!
Erik nearly dropped the building plans as he heard his name being called. Even if he picked up this name just before the wedding, he already got used to it these five years, just as it was always his name since birth, and he was alarmed to hear that Christine came to the construction… why? He told her many times not to show up at a construction, it is too dangerous for a woman… and where is the child? Who is taking care of Mahtab?
He hurried to Christine, who stood there in complete shock, holding Mahtab in her arms. Mahtab was crying, and so was Christine.
- What has happened? – Erik jumped in front of them in horror.
- Erik… Erik… Erik…. – Christine sobbed.
- What has happened, Christine? What is wrong? – Erik was examining them with growing suspicion, and reached out his hand for the baby. – Let me see her, Christine.
She placed the girl in Erik's arms, who walked further with the little girl, out of anyone's sight. He looked at the tiny face – her non – existent nose had bleeding marks under it, she had some scratches on her face and she was still trembling and crying.
- Hush… hush…. – Erik started cradling her and softly hummed a lullaby to her, while he dried the blood from under her nose hole with his handkerchief. He sent a cold glance towards Christine, when Mahtab finally closed her mismatched eyes. He thought for a moment that she was sleeping, but the eyes reopened, and they showed panic and confusion. He covered her face by hugging her to himself and walked to the others to excuse himself and ask if he is permitted to go home early. – My daughter is ill. – He added. – But I will be here earlier tomorrow to make up for my absence.
He got the permission to leave and so he walked back to Christine. He did not say a word to her trembling wife – he was too mad to talk at that moment and was afraid he might say something very mean to Christine if he opens his mouth. Mahtab was sniffing in his arms as he gently stroke her hair. A cab was passing and Erik gestured for it to stop. They got in and Christine was nervously cracking her fingers.
- Erik, I just…. I just didn't believe… did not think… – she started, but Erik remained silent. – Erik…?
- Don't talk to me, Christine, please, don't make it any worse than it is.
It was an unbearably long and awkward ride home. None of them spoke a word. Christine felt so guilty, she hated herself for what happened… Erik was mad at Christine and both of them were worried about Mahtab, so they did not have too much urge to talk. When they finally stepped inside their house, Erik still did not want to acknowledge Christine in his heels. Erik placed Mahtab to their bed in the main bedroom and sat on the side of the bed, slowly taking care of the scratches on her face and examining her injuries. She did not have too serious wounds, just some minor bruises, like she was tossed on the ground or something. Her knees showed she fell on them, and her palms were dirty. He washed her hands with a wet cloth and kissed her forehead. Mahtab seemed to have calmed down and fell asleep.
- Erik, please forgive me. – Christine whispered, still standing next to the bed.
- Ask her to forgive you, not me. – Erik waved and let out an irritated little sigh.
- I did not think people would hurt a toddler, Erik…
- I told you. – He shrugged. – I have been talking to you about this since her birth. Erik knows well why he says the things he does.
- Erik… - she walked closer, reaching out desperately for his hug.
- Not that loud. The child will wake up if you can't control your emotions. – Erik left the room and showed Christine to follow him.
They sat down in the salon, facing each other in two armchairs at the ends of the small table. Erik jumped up from his seat and left for some seconds. He arrived back with a bottle of rum and poured himself a glass of it with trembling hands. He sat back down and emptied the glass with one sip. He slammed the glass back on the table and leaned back in the chair, stroking his forehead. Christine could see he was very upset. Erik only drank rum to calm himself or to warm up if he was really cold in the winter, in other cases he chose wine. Christine did not know what to say or do, so she just sat there silently and decided not to bother Erik until he calms down a bit. It was finally Erik who broke the silence, after nearly an hour.
- Tell me what happened.
- I took her for a walk. Without… anything.
- That is what I know. And?
- I took her to see the Opera house and we were walking on Champs Elyséées.
- Bravo. – Erik clapped cynically.
- At first I just heard a scream… of a woman. She had a child as well… Mahtab… I guess… just wanted to be friends. She walked to the other little girl.
- Why didn't you hold her hand?
- I… released her on purpose as I saw she wanted to go to her. I was near…
- Not enough as it looks like.
- Erik… everything happened so fast… she screamed… she yelled at Mahtab and… said she had some illness… that is contagious… and she… just kicked her away… Mahtab fell to the ground and started crying so hard…
- Who clawed her face,
- The other child. She was scared of her too.
- We are all lucky that only this happened. She could have met a bigger crowd with more people and some men involved. We just hope that she is too young yet to remember back what has happened today.
- Erik…
- Stop calling my name please, it won't solve the situation.
- Do you hate me, Erik? – She lowered her head in shame and guilt, and tears ran down on her pale and sad face.
- Of course, not. – His voice changed to be kinder. - I just got disappointed that you don't listen to me, Christine. You are stubborn, and you think you know everything better. And you, without your intention, caused pain for our daughter and Erik is mad when the ones he loves are hurt. But how could I hate you, Christine? You are my wife, and I love you. And I always will. – He stood up and walked closer to Christine, and finally reached behind her back, and gently patted her shoulder. – Please listen to what Erik says, Christine, and accept it. He only wants the best for Mahtab, and you can see what happens if you follow your own ideas.
- I promise you Erik… I promise… Never ever I will cause Mahtab any harm or pain. I love her.
- I know. – He nodded and straightened up. – I put her to bed now and… I will go to bed as well, I think. I feel rather tired tonight. I ask you to forgive my absence for the evening, Christine. Don't worry- I am not angry with you anymore. Good night.
- Good night Erik. – Christine smiled at him and waved to him.
When Christine later joined Erik in bed she noticed he wasn't breathing the usual way. He was wheezing. It startled her. She leaned closer to him and checked his face, but other than the wheezing sound, he did not look any sicker than usual. She lay down next to him, and after some time, she fell asleep as well.
She was the one who woke up earlier in the morning. Erik was still asleep. That was unusual of him as he always got up so early, way before her. He never slept for so long before, only when Christine found him ill under the Opera when she returned to him from Raoul… he was constantly sleeping. God… that wasn't a good sign at all. Was he ill? Christine reached out her hand to touch Erik's forehead and she gasped in horror as she felt his forehead was so hot. He had fever. That's why the wheezing…?
- Erik… ? – She called out worriedly.
Erik did not reply or did not even move. She jumped up from next to him and ran to the other side of the bed to check on her husband.
- Erik, please reply… can you hear me…? – She leaned closer to him and gently tapped Erik's wrist, but to her surprise, Erik let out a painful cry even for the lightest touch.
- Christine, stop… - He hissed in pain. – Don't touch me… please…
- What's wrong? – She released him, but did not take a step away from the bed.
- All my bones hurt so much. – He sighed. He shuddered with fever and it seemed like he was unable to move. – I feel weak and I think I have fever.
- How can I help you….? – She panicked.
- Christine… don't touch me, I might be contagious. Listen… calm down, please. – He tried to lift his hand, but just made a painful expression. – I can't get up. Please take care of Mahtab.
- But how can I help you?
- I will be fine. – He turned his head away and closed his eyes. – Don't bother with me, Christine, take care of the child and… don't come close to me… and wash your hands before approaching Mahtab.
- Erik, let me call the doctor for you… please…
- Nonsense. I rest for some days and I will be all right. Don1t worry about me, do as I say.
Christine nervously bit her lip and ran to the bathroom where she washed her hands and she went to the nursery to take care of their child. As she finished with this, and realized she spent an hour with Mahtab, she placed the girl down on the floor and as the little girl went to play with her wooden blocks, she ran back to the bedroom to see how Erik was.
- Erik dear, are you sure you don't need anything? – She called out from the door.
- Christine…? – Erik sounded surprised. – Why are you here…, is there no rehearsal today?
- What… what are you talking about…? – She moved closer with growing fear.
- Don't let Carlotta sing tonight… she makes my ears hurt.
- How are you feeling…?
- Marvelous… I would not miss your debut gala for anything… Christine… - He smiled and closed his golden eyes.
Christine lifted her fist in front of her mouth in shock and she ran out of the room in panic. Help… help… someone…. Anyone…
