Three

Rose

I felt significantly more sick now than I had done last night. My head was pounding, and my stomach swirled uneasily. Adrian gave me an easy smile as I pushed the bacon and eggs I'd gotten for breakfast around my plate. "Rough night?"

"You could say that."

Adrian was the one person I'd definitely not randomly thrown myself at. I knew it hurt, knew he could see me making out with anyone who even looked at me twice, and yet I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole.

Because Adrian cared, and I didn't want feelings. I wanted impersonal distraction.

Adrian was the opposite.

And he was my friend, and I valued that friendship more than anything. I didn't fear judgement under Adrian's intense gaze.

Instead of telling me that I should perhaps put down the vodka for a night, he joined me.

He was also my prime alcohol source, which wasn't something I wanted to underestimate right now.

"I keep telling you to drink water before you go to sleep, and you never listen. Seriously, it's the foolproof way to stop a hangover."

I groaned, and downed what was left in the glass of water I had now. "It makes me feel so ill trying to drink like three litres of water before getting into bed, though."

"Not as ill as you feel now, I'll bet." He wasn't wrong. "At least you've got the field experience to cheer you up now. I'll tell Lissa to force you to drink that water before you get into bed."

The entire time I'd been at St. Vladimir's, the field experience was what I'd been looking forward to. Six weeks living with Lissa, guarding her like I would be doing in the real world.

But now, I dreaded it. It would be like having a leash. Someone to stop me going out and getting wasted, someone to pass judgement on my life choices. Someone to find out that I woke up every night in tangled sheets, breathing so heavily I was almost hyperventilating.

I wasn't ready for someone to know about that yet.

I was pretty sure I was no longer fit to be a guardian at all, but I couldn't tell Liss that. I'd felt her thoughts, and her thoughts towards me were even more elevated after Spokane. I was her invincible barrier against the real world. Nothing would ever touch her when I was near.

So that's what I'd be. Only, I wanted to do it from my own room, with my demons kept away in private.

Eddie plopped down in the seat next to me. He hadn't been at the party last night, but he wasn't looking much more fresh-faced than myself. Eddie never looked anything but melancholy anymore.

I offered him a weak smile, and he returned one. "Looking forward to the field experience?"

"Of course," I lied.

I saw straight through Eddie's false smile when he confirmed he was, too. Mason would have loved the field experience. It was all he'd ever talked about this year. Becoming a real guardian. Mason could have gotten lumped with Jesse Zeklos and he'd have still managed to have a positive time.

An air of melancholy settled over the trio, and Adrian cleared his throat. "I'm going to head off. Good luck with the assignments."

I didn't need luck, getting Liss was inevitable. What I needed was something to get rid of my nightmares and compulsion to drink.

When we entered the gym and took our seats, I took an automatic sweep of the room, looking for Dimitri. He wasn't here, obviously. He was with Tasha, probably laid in bed and cuddling. He'd probably made her breakfast in bed.

Alberta started speaking, and I fell into a hungover trance.

Up until they got to Eddie, anyway.

"Eddie Castile, you have been assigned Vasilisa Dragomir."

My heart stopped for a second. Waking up with nightmares in front of Liss was one thing, but doing it in front of some random Moroi and it being the gossip of the year within ten minutes was something else entirely.

Eddie sent me a sideways glance, eyes wide. I didn't respond, I just stared at Alberta, waiting agonising minute by minute to see who I was going to get.

The nauseating reminder it might be someone I'd made out with recently didn't help.

"Rosemarie Hathaway, you have been assigned to Christian Ozera."

My sigh of relief was audible. Christian. I could deal with that. At the very least, he'd understand. He'd been there, he knew what had happened at Spokane.

And no one needed to know about Dimitri. Spokane was ample enough reason to having fallen a little off the deep end.

When Alberta was finished speaking, Eddie cringed. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"It's fine, Eddie. It's not your fault. Besides, I've got Christian, that's basically like having Lissa with how much time they spend together." The fire I'd had ready to take to Alberta and demand a swap of charges had disappeared. Christian was fine.

A memory teased me. A memory of Christian's smirk as he'd just watched me come.

Shit.

He probably couldn't remember that.

I probably shouldn't be thinking about that.

Eddie and I grabbed our packets from the guardian handing them out, and headed back towards the cafeteria, where our Moroi would be waiting.

Liss jumped up when she saw us entering, practically skipping over. "So?" I turned the packet towards her, and Christian's face stared up. "Oh."

"Yeah, you've got Eddie, though. And you and Christian are always together, so it's basically going to be like how it is now, with all of us hanging out."

She brightened at that. "You're right."

She turned to Eddie and began chatting to him. At least that hadn't been too traumatic.

At the table, I slipped into the seat next to Christian and gave him a grim smile. "I guess I'm your new best bud."

He picked up the packet, and I couldn't read what he was thinking. "Can't wait."

They didn't really say much else after that. I chatted to Liss, and Christian chatted to Eddie.

There was no acknowledgement of what had happened at the party, even slightly. Everything was normal. Christian and I maintained the grudging respect that had occurred after Spokane, and there were no illusions of being best friends.

It was welcome. I hoped that he'd feel similarly when I woke up screaming tonight. He'd see it, decide it was my business, and just let me fall back to sleep.