I.
When she wakes up, she's momentarily disoriented. Sunlight is streaming through her windows, and she fumbles on her night table for her phone. 11:57AM!?
She gasps, her heart rate accelerating as she flies up in bed. It takes several moments of panicking for her to remember that she doesn't have to go into work today and she marginally relaxes. Then her eye inadvertently falls on the empty spot next to her and she begins to panic again.
Some part of her half-asleep brain concocts the idea that maybe she dreamt the entire thing, and that Derek was never here at all—and yes, she'll admit that's crushing disappointment she feels in her chest—but then she hears faint noises coming from the kitchen and…is that coffee she's smelling?
Curious, Casey gets up and pads to the mirror on her wall, giving herself a cursory lookover. She—quite frankly—looks like a hot mess. Her hair is tangled from Derek's hands, the jersey is rumpled, her cheeks are still flushed, and—she squints a little at her neck. Are those teeth marks?
She feels her entire body heat and decides that Derek had the right idea last night with the cold shower, after all.
Thirty minutes later, she strolls into the kitchen and pauses on the threshold, her mouth dropping open. Derek is sitting at the counter, his laptop open as he types away at an e-mail. It's not him that holds her attention, however—it's the large stack of pancakes next to him.
"You…" she squeaks, "Made breakfast?"
He starts, apparently having not heard her come into the room. Then he looks her over with a grin, "Back to the pink PJs, I see."
She ignores him and walks more fully into the kitchen. "And coffee?" When he doesn't say anything, she whirls around and sputters, "Since when can you even cook?
Derek shrugs with one shoulder and smirks, "What can I say? Chicks seem to dig it."
Casey can only stare, aware that her jaw is still hanging on the floor. Derek takes this opportunity to swoop forward and kiss her soundly. Her back hits the wall moments later, the coffee and pancakes both forgotten as a moan escapes her throat.
But…there's something different this morning. His mouth is moving against hers with something close to urgency—almost desperation. She pulls away after a few minutes, unable to ignore the feeling any longer. "Derek?" she questions, leaving her forehead resting against his. "What's wrong?"
His eyes are closed and he sighs, "I always forget you know me just as well as I know you."
Casey steps back as much as she can, given that she's still against a wall. "What's wrong?" she repeats, and this time her stomach is twisting with the hit she knows is coming. "Do you…are you…" When he doesn't fill in the blanks, she chokes out, "Leaving?"
Derek finally looks at her, and swallows. "I got a phone call early this morning. There's some reshoots they want to get started on for the movie. They're moving up the release date to the day after Christmas." When Casey only stares at the ground, he keeps rambling. "My flight was supposed to be tomorrow morning but I guess they wanted me to be back by tonight." He pauses, possibly for her to chime in, but she still can't think of anything to say. "I didn't want to wake you," he adds unnecessarily.
At that, she looks up with a frown and asks slowly, "When's your flight?"
He looks at his watch and then looks back at her apologetically, "In a couple hours." He scratches the back of his neck, now looking uncomfortable. "And since it's an international flight, I kinda have to leave…"
"Now," she finishes, chewing on her lower lip and trying to ignore the sinking pit in her chest. It's not his fault, she tells herself steadily. Not his fault.
"Case…" She can hear the regret, and it's enough for the tears to spill out of her eyes. Derek sucks in a breath and then he's pulling her into his arms. "God, don't cry," he mutters, "You know I don't do tears." That only makes her cry harder and he winces, "Especially when they're about me."
She doesn't know how long they stand like that in her kitchen, with him just holding her. But in the ensuing silence, all she hears is tick tick tick. After a second, she realizes his hand is holding her head to his chest, and she's hearing his watch near her ear.
"You're gonna miss your flight," she says, pushing herself out of his arms. Derek looks surprised but she hastily swipes a hand across her face. "I'm sorry," she says, as her cheeks heat with embarrassment. "I didn't mean to fall apart like that."
He just stands there, looking a little lost. "I wish I didn't have to leave."
"I know."
Derek still doesn't move, his eyes roving over face as though he's memorizing every detail. "We'll keep in touch this time, yeah?"
Casey nods, feeling her throat tighten with unshed tears.
"I don't want you to come to the airport," he says abruptly, "I'll call a cab."
It's then that she notices his packed bag sitting by the door. And then she notices that he's dressed already, his leather jacket hanging on the chair behind him. "Oh," she says in a small voice. "You should've woken me."
"Nah, I think our activities last night kept you up late enough." His voice is teasing, but when she meets his gaze, his expression is somber. And its only then that she realizes that this is just as difficult for him as it is for her, and he's only keeping it together for her. Her lower lip trembles and she bites down on it, hard.
Derek's eyes follow the movement and he looks down at his watch. He swears under his breath. "Case…"
"You have to go," she says, stepping forward and enveloping him in a hug. As she begins to pull back, he presses a quick kiss onto her forehead. "Christmas is less than 3 months away," she tells him, trying to smile. "We lasted 10 years, what's another few weeks?"
"Yeah," he agrees, swallowing. Then he steps past her and picks up his bag from the door. She doesn't move, staring at his back as he stands in front of the door, not opening it. Finally he turns around, his gaze looking her over from top to bottom, pink PJs and all. A smile quirks at his lips, "I love you, Case."
Then before she can react, he's gone. The door clicks loudly behind him.
Casey walks over with numb fingers and turns the lock. Her feet moving of their own volition, she takes a sip from the coffee mug sitting out (it's cold) and picks up the top pancake (it's chocolate chip—and also cold). She lets it slip through her fingers back onto the plate. Then she slides down to the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. And she cries.
And somewhere along the way she realizes the irony—she's been crying over him for one thing or another for ten plus years.
As her sobs die out, she pulls her cell phone out of her pocket. She scrolls through her contacts thoughtfully. The problem with her pretending Derek didn't exist means that none of her friends in New York would understand.
In fact, only one person would.
The phone rings 4 times before Emily picks up. "Casey?"
"H-hey."
"What's wrong?" Emily asks immediately, sounding concerned. "Are you crying?"
"No," Casey sniffles.
"Hey, what happened to you after the reunion? You disappeared after we spoke, I tried to look for you after but then Sam said you had left with Derek…?"
It was perhaps telling of the current state of their friendship that the reunion had been 3 days ago, and Emily was only asking her about it now. Casey feels a brief wave of sadness for how they had drifted apart, and wonders idly who was to blame for it.
"No," she replies after a minute, "I didn't leave with Derek." She takes a deep breath, "But we spoke that night, about…about a lot of things."
"I see," Emily sounds cautious. "Is that why you're calling me?"
"He was here," Casey blurts out, "Just now. H-he just left."
Her friend is silent for a long moment. "In New York?"
Casey nods, and then realizes Emily can't see her. "Yeah, he…flew out here to surprise me after the reunion."
"And he already left? Did you guys get into another fight?"
"No, he had to get back to that movie he's directing," Casey mutters.
Emily's voice is softer when she asks again, "What's wrong?"
"I'm…I think I…I l-love him, Em."
Emily breathes out a gust of air. "About time you stepped out of that river in Egypt, sister."
"You knew?"
"Didn't Derek tell you why we really broke up?"
At that, Casey shifts uncomfortably. "Uh, well, he…yeah, it might've come up," she admits.
"You were the center of his whole world, Casey," Emily's voice is quiet. "Maybe you didn't see it, but everyone else could. Everything he did, he did because of you."
"That's not—"
"Even all the girls he dated," Emily interrupts, "He did it to annoy you, and it worked. And you know he only asked me out to get under your skin."
"I never—"
"But he was the center of your world, too. And maybe that's why you couldn't see it, and why he couldn't either. You were so wrapped up in each other's lives that you couldn't see anything else. Or anybody else."
And Casey doesn't say anything to that, because her mind is reeling. It wasn't like that…was it?
"He fell apart without you," Emily is still talking, and Casey forces herself to listen. "Nothing that me or Sam or anyone did helped. It's like he didn't know who to be without you to revolve his life around."
"It was like that for me, too," Casey whispers. "It's not…that's not healthy, is it?"
Emily's voice sounds dreamy, "Isn't that what love is?"
"I…I don't know," Casey answers, startled. "I never loved any of the guys I dated like that." She pauses, "But Derek loved Sally like that, I think."
"He loved her more than any of the other girls," Emily agrees, "I mean he was willing to throw his life away just to follow her to university. But that was then."
Casey frowns, "What do you mean?"
"Well their second go around didn't last too long, did it?"
"Huh?"
Emily is silent for a second. "He didn't tell you? Sally did a semester at Queens during his third year. I only know because my mom told me after, of course, your mom told her. I think Nora was hoping for an engagement announcement or something, honestly."
Casey is too shocked to properly form a reply.
"It didn't work out, obviously," Emily says hastily. "He changed too much after…he lost you."
"He never had me," Casey says absently.
"Yeah," Emily chuckles quietly, "He did."
II.
Life goes on after that, more or less the same. But she makes it a point to call Emily more often now. Because Derek was right about one thing—the breakdown in communication wasn't just a one way street, and she had no right to sit there and point fingers.
She and Derek talk sometimes, but their conversations are brief. She's busy, and so is he (the premiere of his movie is fast approaching). They do text everyday though, and for now, it's enough.
"You seem different," Tinker remarks one day, in passing. Casey is on her way to see a patient, charts in hand, and she pauses in surprise. "Happier," he offers. "It's a good look on you."
The rest of October disappears, and then soon it's mid-November.
Nora calls her first, asking for the millionth time about her Thanksgiving plans. Again, the guilt trip is starting to grate. "Flight prices are astronomical," Casey explains patiently (again). "And I only get the two days off."
"We just haven't seen you in so long," Nora sighs.
"I'll be home for Christmas," Casey reminds her mother. "And I'm trying to get a week off for that. No promises, though."
Nora sighs some more, but eventually drops the subject.
Derek calls next, and she takes the call with some surprise. As the movie premiere date had approached, he'd called less and less. Even his texts had become sporadic.
"I was starting to think you had forgotten about your favorite step sister," she answers.
"Oh, is Lizzie with you?"
"Hilarious."
She can see his smirk, even though he's not there. "I'm sorry," he says, "About not being…around as much. I'm just—"
"Busy," she finishes for him. "Don't worry, I get it. How are you? How's the movie coming along?"
"We're premiering at a film festival around Thanksgiving," he says, "In Toronto." Then he pauses, "I was going to send tickets to the fam as a surprise."
Casey frowns, "I thought your movie was premiering the day after Christmas?"
"That's when it'll be released to theaters." Derek's voice changes suddenly, "So are you coming home for Thanksgiving?"
She swallows. She can hear the question he's not asking. "My mom called yesterday and asked," she explains gently, "And I told her the same thing I'm telling you. I only get two days off and the airlines have really jacked up the ticket prices and there's just no way that I can afford—"
"Okay, okay," he cuts her off, "I was just asking. No big deal."
Casey tugs on a strand of her hair anxiously. "Don't be mad."
"I'm not," he insists, "Really."
She sighs, glancing at the clock on the wall. "I have to leave for work."
"Just…" he says suddenly in a rush, "I'll send them an extra ticket anyway. Just in case."
"Derek, that's not—"
But he's already hanging up. "See ya, Case."
Casey stares at the phone in consternation. She nearly gets into an accident on the way to work because she's so distracted.
"Hello? Earth to Casey?"
She jumps, "What?"
Tinker is looking at her strangely, "I asked you if the blood results on the heart failure patient came back yet? Are you okay?"
Then she sighs and drags him into the break room and tells him everything. To her surprise, his eyes light up. "I always knew there was something between the two of you," he says gleefully. "So that's why you were never into me. It was always him, huh?"
Casey frowns, "Well, that's not really—"
"Why don't you ask your dad?"
"What?"
"He's loaded, right?" Tinker reasons, "I'm sure he wouldn't mind buying you a ticket so you can go home for Thanksgiving."
"But then I won't be here with him."
"Last year you said he didn't even make you feel welcome," Tinker reminds her, "With his new wife and kids."
"That's true," Casey says glumly, remembering the awkward incident and suppressing a shudder.
"So," Tinker grins, "It's settled, then."
III.
And that's how she ends up on a flight to Toronto on November 22nd. She doesn't tell Derek she's coming. In fact, she doesn't tell anyone except Lizzie. Her sister has always been able to keep a secret, and she kind of wants to surprise her mom, too.
She checks into a hotel when she lands. Her dad seemed more than eager to buy her the ticket and had even given her extra cash for the hotel. It was almost as if he didn't want her to crash Thanksgiving with his new family. Her lips pursed together, quashing down the mild feeling of disappointment. She didn't know why she bothered, he'd been a disappointment ever since she moved to New York, anyway.
She changes into a belted maroon sweater dress that comes to her knees, pairing it with knee high boots. Then she pulls on her woolen coat and waits outside the hotel. A van pulls in front of her several minutes later and her mother is the first one out, looking ecstatic. "Casey, I don't believe it!"
The rest of the family piles out behind her. "Thank God it's just you," Edwin says, giving her a one armed hug. "I had serious misgivings when Lizzie told us we had to stop at a hotel on the way to the festival. I thought she may have picked up a stray again."
Casey looks at her sister in confusion, "You didn't tell me you got a dog."
Her sister is glaring at Edwin, "No, he's not referring to a dog."
"Yeah, I'm talking about—ow! Okay, okay, jeez woman. Could your heels get any spikier?"
"Wouldn't you like to find out?" Lizzie snarls back.
Nora is watching them wearily, "I had forgotten how much you two bickered. For some reason I thought that was more Casey and Derek territory. My mistake."
"Yeah," Casey chimes in, looking between them suspiciously. "I thought you two were supposed to be the ones who got along. Weren't you always partners in crime?"
Edwin shoots her a loaded look. "Perhaps your and Derek's fighting just overshadowed everyone else."
"Now I know that's the truth," George says with a hearty laugh, reaching over to hug Casey. "I was so thrilled when Nora told me you and Derek had finally made up."
Casey smiles uneasily, reminded of how much trouble they had been causing their family. "Where's Marti?"
"She and Robbie are at home. Teenagers, you know," Nora grumbles, "Wouldn't be caught dead anywhere with her entire family."
"Derek is okay with Marti not coming?" Casey asks, surprised.
"All she has to do is pull her 'aw shucks, Smerek!' routine and he'd forgive her for murder," Edwin rolls his eyes.
"Could you sound any more jealous?" Lizzie mutters.
"So, how's grad school going?" Casey interrupts loudly, hoping to head off another argument.
Lizzie brightens, "I'm presenting my thesis next spring."
"That's great, Liz," Casey squeezes her sister's shoulders. "And Ed, how's—"
"Playing video games for a living?" her sister interjects.
"For the last time, I'm a video game designer."
"That's enough," George cuts in warningly. "You're all in your 20s now. I won't take any more of this childish behavior."
They all clamber into the van after that, and the arguing dies down. Casey is still a little taken aback by Edwin and Lizzie's less than friendly banter, and she isn't sure if that's how she and Derek used to come off to the others. She frowns a little at the thought.
"George, honey, I think you missed the turn."
Casey sighs inwardly. She's crammed in the backseat with Lizzie, while Edwin sits in front of them. She nudges her sister's knee and lowers her voice, "So what stray was Ed talking about?"
Lizzie eyes the back of Edwin's head in distaste. "Don't tell mom, but I'm kinda dating this guy. Edwin doesn't...approve."
"Why?" Casey narrows her eyes, "And why is it a secret?"
"He's kind of..." Lizzie shifts, "A starving artist type."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Edwin turns around, "It means he's broke and living off Lizzie. Actually, I mean living with Lizzie."
"Edwin!"
"What!?" Casey hisses, her eyes widening at her sister. "You're living with a guy and mom doesn't know? And the guy has no money?"
"He's a good guy!"
"Yeah, that's what they all say to get into your p—" Edwin hastily ducks to avoid Lizzie's punch. "Well maybe Casey will talk some sense into you since you clearly don't listen to me anymore."
Casey scowls at her sister, but before she can berate her, George pulls to a stop. "We're here!"
"This conversation is not over," she warns her sister, but Lizzie only huffs and gets out of the car. She takes particular care to step on Edwin's foot as she stomps into the parking lot. Casey falls into step with Edwin, a little surprised at how much he towers above her. "Thanks for looking out for her," she says, "It's hard, not being around."
Edwin shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets. "It's what big brothers do, right?"
"I wouldn't know," Casey deadpans, "I never had one."
"Oh, I don't know," Edwin nudges her shoulder with a laugh, "Derek had his moments."
She makes a noncommittal noise.
Edwin looks at her, his gaze assessing. "Oh, you meant the brother part. Yeah, I guess he never was that for you." He kicks a few pebbles in front of them as they walk towards the building ahead. She notes he's slowed his pace so they're hanging back, behind their parents and Lizzie. "You can't deny that he looked out for you, though, in his own way."
Casey blinks and turns to him. She wonders if Edwin is practicing selective amnesia. "He caused most of my problems, usually," she corrects. "I don't think you were even there for the few times he was looking out for me."
"Or you weren't there," Edwin says blandly.
She stops walking, "What is that supposed to mean?"
He eyes her, "Who got the school to stop calling you Klutzilla?"
"He's the one who started that whole thing!"
"Fair. But he got them to stop." Edwin nods towards Lizzie, "After she begged him to."
This was news to Casey, "Wait, what?"
"And who told them to stop calling you a grade grubber?" Edwin went on, "Though that was after you got him that A he needed to pass the class, so tit for tat I guess. But still."
Before Casey can truly process any of this information, they've arrived. She hasn't been to a film festival before, so she's not really sure how it works. "When do we see Derek?"
"After," Nora explains, "He'll be doing press stuff now, but we can go get our seats."
"Can we see any of the press stuff?" Casey asks, curious.
"There'll be a live stream," Edwin says, pulling out his phone. "But it's not that interesting, really."
George turns to Nora, "Did Derek say anything about introducing us to Aimee?"
Casey freezes and then internally begins cursing herself for being so stupid. She'd completely forgotten that Derek's fiancée would be here—and that the family would obviously want to meet her. She can feel sweat beading on her forehead and nervously looks around, as though Aimee and Derek are about to materialize at that very moment.
"Uh, you okay sis?" Lizzie is giving her a strange look. "You look like that time Mrs. Pummelman showed up at our house to catch you in that lie about your science project."
Edwin chortles, "Good times."
"I'm fine," Casey squeaks, "I just, uh, I'm—"
"Hey, there's Derek!"
She whirls on the spot, "Where?"
"On the screen," George says excitedly, pointing at a TV screen in the lobby which was live-streaming the press event outside.
Nora comes to stand next to her husband, her arms folded as she studies the blonde on Derek's arm. "And that, I presume must be his fiancée."
"It is," Edwin says, "Aimee Bradshaw. She's been in a few small time movies." His eyes light up appreciatively, "Bro's still got good taste."
Lizzie makes a face. "You boys are so predictable. A hot blonde and you completely lose your heads."
"I always thought he'd end up with Sally," Nora says thoughtfully, apparently ignoring Lizzie's jibe. "It's really too bad they didn't work out in the end. I wonder what happened when she came to Queens for that semester. Derek never really seems to want to talk about it."
Casey quickly shifts her gaze away, pretending to be intently listening to the broadcast. So far Derek just seems to be answering a few questions about his experience directing the movie. But then she sees the camera zoom more into Aimee, and someone squeals, "When's the wedding?"
Aimee laughs, flipping her hair over her shoulder and falling more into Derek's side. "We were thinking a summer wedding might be nice. Something on the beach under the sun. Just close friends and family." She looks up at Derek with a simpering gaze, "Something intimate."
"A woman after my own heart," Derek grins and then bends forward to kiss her. There's a collective 'aww' from the press surrounding them as flashes go off. Casey scowls, wondering how they aren't blinded by all the lights. She also feels a little sick, but isn't sure why. After all, Aimee is an actress. And they're just acting the part. Really, really well.
She tunes out the next several questions, not particularly wanting to hear the fake details about the fake wedding. But then a different voice suddenly asks, "This is a big night for you, Derek. Anyone else here tonight besides the lucky lady on your arm?"
"Sure is," Derek answers, his gaze leaving the reporter's face for an instant to look at the camera. "I invited my whole family." He flashes a familiar self-deprecating grin and winks, "I believe only half of them even bothered to show up. I guess that shows you I'm not the favorite."
The reporter laughs accordingly, "And who is?"
Derek taps his chin thoughtfully, "Probably my little sister, Marti. Being one of the youngest has its perks."
"I'm sure it does," the reporter giggles. "And you were photographed just last month visiting your sister in New York, isn't that right?"
Casey's eyes widen. She'd conveniently forgotten to tell anyone—besides Emily—about Derek's visit. She knew that no matter how happy the family was that the two of them were on speaking terms again, they'd certainly have more than a few questions if they found out he'd actually set foot on a plane and went out of his way to visit her.
Just as she predicted, Nora and George both turn to look at her with identical looks of confusion.
Edwin and Lizzie, oddly, throw frantic looks at each other.
But Casey's eyes remain steadfastly on Derek. Her heart starts beating a little faster, wondering how he's going to react to the question.
Derek doesn't say anything for a long moment. But then Aimee subtly elbows him and he blinks...and Casey can almost see the mask slipping into place. "Step-sister," he corrects dismissively. "Actually I was just in the area to follow up on some promotional opportunities for the movie."
"Looking to expand in the states? That's great! So is your stepsister here tonight?"
"Doubt it. Since she wasn't invited."
The reporter's smile falters, "I thought you said you invited your whole fam—"
"I don't really consider her family," Derek cuts in, "In fact, she's nobody." He makes a show of scanning the press briskly, "Any other questions? No? Alright, we're going to head inside now. Enjoy the movie, thank you, thank you." And with that, he leads Aimee off camera.
Nora is frowning with disapproval, George is shaking his head in disappointment, Lizzie looks simply furious, and Edwin's arms are crossed as he glares at the TV screen.
Casey doesn't say a word to them as she calmly turns and walks out of the building. She doesn't look back, and no one tries to stop her.
*your reviews have all been amazing, thank you! love hearing everyone's thoughts (and can't wait to hear what you think after this chapter!). And yes, the xmas shenanigans will be happening in the next one ;)
