Chapter XXVI.
- Papa, what's wrong? – He heard a high pitched voice behind his back as he was dragging himself outside of the drawing room. He did not really have too much strength left in him, he was feeling dizzy and exhausted. He slowly walked in the childrens' room and lay down on Mahtab's bed. It was quite long, so he could lay on it with only his feet touching the floor.
- I have to rest a bit, Mahtab, please be quiet. – He murmured softly.
- Are you ill? – She examined Erik with a bit of worry.
- No, just tired. – He assured the child of his well – being, however it wasn't totally true.
- I shall tell you a bedtime story. – She sat on the bedside willingly, as she saw from Papa always.
- Just let me rest, dear, will you?
- All right, but I cover you up. Papa will catch a cold and we can't let it happen.
She pulled a soft and fluffy pink blanket across the room and gently put it all over Erik to protect him from feeling cold. Erik, even though he wasn't feeling too well, could not help, but softly laugh at his small daughter's caretaking. She climbed up next to Erik and cuddled against his side and decided to take a nap with Papa, so she won't wake him up.
They slept for a time together. Erik got the chills in his sleep. Really, it was useful to have that blanket on him, however he hated pink. He suddenly felt someone caressing his face. At first he assumed it was Mahtab, but the hand was much larger than a child's so he moaned in discomfort upon realizing who touched him. He opened his eyes, and looked at his wife with a blank expression, then slowly stood up and walked away – but Christine followed him. They arrived back to the drawing room where Erik looked out of the window. Christine stood behind one of the armchairs and nervously twisted the lace overlay on the backrest between her fingers. She felt she needed to talk to Erik, so that they will be able to work things out. She thought the best will be if she ask him about his health – he seemed to be sick.
- Are you feeling better? – She inquired.
- No. – He barked at her, not even looking back.
- Are you in pain?
- No.
- Do you need anything?
- No.
- Do you want to sleep for some more…?
- No.
- Should I call the doctor for you, Erik?
- Rather the undertaker as you are clearly digging my grave. – This sentence was finally longer, but the more painful than his cold "No"-s.
- Erik… - She gasped.
- What? Am I really that terrible to live with? You want me dead?
- No, of course not! – She rushed to his side, trying to hug him, but Erik was not in the mood for cuddling the least.
- Leave me be. – He moaned.
- Erik, I am sorry about deciding for you…
- It's not about that.
- I only wanted you to be happy, wait… what did you say?
- It's not about that damned symphony the first place.
- But about what?
- About you don't love me. – He looked down at his feet, avoiding any type of eye contact.
- I do love you, Erik, you are my husband and we have children and…
- You are ashamed of me.
- I did not say that…
- You said I have to be ashamed of my face. That equals you ARE ashamed of it. Still. Don't lie to me, or to yourself anymore.
- It was something I just said without thinking. Forgive me. I know I hurt your feelings today but I don't want to hurt you. Erik, these were just words… words I did not mean… I love you.
There was silence. Erik wasn't looking at her. He did not reach out for her, on the contrary, he hid his hands behind his back, just like at the Opera. He would stand this way back then after Christine showed horror after he offered his hand for her on the day he showed her around his underground home. He hid his hands so that he won't make Christine repulsed by an accidental touch. She understood the meaning behind this pose of Erik's only at that moment. She instantly knew there was a huge problem that can't be solved with a simple "I am sorry."
- Erik, I love you.
Silence. It was so choking, so heavy silence. They stood a few meters away from each other, yet it seemed like they were standing on two banks of a river that was several kilometers wide. Christine knew she had to cross the river to meet Erik again, but she didn't know how to do it.
Erik slowly walked to the bedroom, without a glance or a word. Christine followed him nervously and noticed with a shock that Erik put some of his clothes and his most necessary items in his suitcase.
- Erik… for God's sake! – She gasped. – These were just words… how can you be so sensitive about some words…?
- Just some words… wouldn't be such a harm. But words like these... or worse… through a whole life… are enough to make me a bit more sensitive about them.
- Erik, are you really this mad at me?
- No. – He shook his head. – Not mad.
- Then?
- Disappointed… frustrated… sad… desperate.
- Erik, if I can do anything to make you feel better…
- You can.
- What?
- Leave me alone, that.
- And now where are you going?
- I need some time to think.
- Erik, I am sorry for everything…
- Christine, not now, please. I need to calm down and think things through.
- But do you want to go to that freezing place? Erik, it is too cold, you will fall ill…
- At least you can finally bury me and marry Chagny, as you always wanted. You get free of this burden of a husband.
- Erik, why do you say this? I know you are hurt, but must you hurt me in return?
- See? I am only hurting your feelings and you have to be ashamed of me. Why did I think you will be happy with me?
- Erik I…
- No one is happy with me. We can't live like a normal family, regardless of how I try. I am not normal, so how could we? It was a mistake, Christine. A big mistake to force myself on you.
- Do you call our marriage a mistake?
- My whole LIFE is a mistake, Christine. If only my poor mother would have put a pillow on this horrible face while I slept as an infant and wouldn't have released it until I finally stop moving, that would have been nice.
- Erik…! Don't say that!
- It's the truth.
- Erik, you can't hate me that much to leave me… just for some words. Forgive me, I beg you!
- I don't hate you, Christine. No. I love you.
- Then why…?
- Because I love you. You will be happier without me.
- I am so sorry I published that symphony. If I don't publish it, you wouldn't leave now.
- Then it would have happened about something else, Christine… eventually. Real feelings come to surface once. You cannot hide them forever. Adieu, Little Lotte.
- Erik please… stay…
- I can't now. Please understand and leave me be for some time.
Erik lifted up the suitcase and walked to the hall, but while putting on his shoes and coat, he could sense someone nervously eyeing him. He glanced behind and noticed the small girl standing by his side, looking at him. Christine was nervously cracking her fingers in the doorway of the bedroom and he could hear some muffled sobs.
- Papa, where are you going? – Mahtab asked.
- I am leaving for a time, dear.
- No. – She said. – You stay here.
- No, Mahtab. Papa needs to go for some days, but he will come back. Be a good girl. Listen to Mama, will you?
- No. – She hugged Erik's leg and was clinging to it desperately. – You go and there will be trouble. You nearly did not come back last time. I know you nearly did not… - She cried.
Erik started thinking for some minutes. He did not think his hospital stay left such memories in his child, he did not even know she knew the truth. He felt sorry for the crying girls, but he really did not want to stay as he knew Christine won't leave him alone if he does. He needed peace and calm to heal his shattered soul and go on with life. He felt sorry for Christine in a way – no, she sure did not want to be mean to Erik. He knew she meant well, the dear and honest girl. She married and stayed with a monster out of pity and good will for several years. She tried her best to bear his presence. She even let him make love to her more times. He could touch and feel her alive. He will always be thankful for that. But Christine really deserves someone better than him, who could give her a normal life. She won't have to be afraid of anything, she won't have to hide her child's ugly face – because Mahtab doesn't belong here either, just as he doesn't. Christine never knew how to handle an ugly child. Not because she didn't love her – of course, she did. But Christine did not know what it like was to live with a face like that. Thankfully. She did not understand the situations in which she could cause harm to Mahtab, even against her will and intentions. He cannot leave the child here- because Mahtab will suffer and so will Christine. No man would want to marry her with a child like Mahtab, and she would slowly wither away, crying after him. But a man like Chagny could make her forget about the monsters in her life. Flo is a cute little guy – he will be loved by the perfect family – and he will take care of his ugly little offspring. It was meant to be. At least, he won't be lonely either any more.
- Don't cry, Mahtab, you come as well. – Erik said softly. – Get your most necessary things and come back here.
Mahtab ran to her room without a second thought, and Christine thought at first that Erik only wanted to trick the child into releasing his leg, so that he can sneak out of the house, but to her surprise Erik did not move. Maybe was he thinking? Is he going to change his mind finally? Will he stay?
She saw with a shock that Mahab arrived back with a suitcase and stepped next to Erik to receive her jacket and mask. As Erik was doing the buttons on Mahtab's clothing, she stepped closer with horror.
- Erik, do you really want to take her?
- Believe me, it is best for everyone.
- Where are we going, Papa? – Mahtab asked curiously.
- Erik, you can't do this! She is my daughter! – Christine ran to them to take Mahtab from Erik, but before she could reach them, Erik had already picked up Mahtab with her luggage as well, and walked out of the front door.
She was running after them only dressed as she was, not even paying attention to snow getting into her slippers. Erik was walking so fast with his long legs, he outpaced her so soon… She was running as fast as she could, through the garden, but suddenly she slipped on a bit of ice and fell. When she staggered to her feet, she could only see Erik entering a coach with the girl, and they left for somewhere.
- Where are we going, Papa? – She nagged Erik, while looking out of the carriage window.
- We are going for an adventure. – Erik replied, not wanting to scare the child.
- But where?
- We will see some foreign places together. Do you like to travel, eh? Papa has travelled a lot in his life.
- Will we go to Persia? – She exclaimed.
- No. It is too long ride for you yet. – Erik chuckled. – Why do you want to go there?
- Because Tonton Mohammed told me about it was very nice place, Papa.
- It is. – Erik agreed. – But at first, we go somewhere closer.
- In the country?
- For tonight, even in the city. – Erik nodded. – Please forgive me for the circumstances awaiting for us there, but well, I don't live there anymore and it is a bit neglected.
- What is a circumstance, Papa? It sounds strange. I don't want them to bite me.
- Oh… I mean the state the house is in, my dear. I keep forgetting that you are just a child yet.
- Am I silly, Papa?
- No, you are not silly, you are only young and know little yet. Bu Papa will teach you everything you need to know.
When they walked in the Opera, Mahtab exclaimed happily, but Erik put his index finger on his lips to silence the happy child. He had to explain her not to make noise to draw attention to them and they weren't there for watching Opera. Mahtab opened her eyes and mouth wide of astonishment and surprise. She was a quiet little girl just as Erik asked her to be as he was carrying her down below the Opera House, but she could not resist asking Erik questions after a lot of stairs.
- Why are we down here Papa, It is dark here.
- I know. Darkness isn't bad, Mahtab, it is good for us.
- Why?
- It helps us hide.
- From what?
- People.
- Mama will come here hiding too?
- No. Only you and I are going on an adventure. But we go further tomorrow. I take you here only for tonight to sleep. We can't live here anymore, it is not a good place for you. There is no furniture or anything left here. But it is at least a roof above our heads.
- It's Papa's home?
- It used to be, before I… married… your mother. – He sighed.
Several stairs later, they finally arrived to the lake. Erik found it a better idea not to carry Mahtab through the Torture Chamber. She was yet an innocent child, and she would ask so many unwanted questions about that room that he would have rather spared themselves of the torture. He placed Mahtab into the boat and ordered her not to jump around in it. He got in as well and started rowing.
- I want to try it out! – She jumped up. The boat was rocked a bit, but it was easy to balance it yet.
- I told you to sit on your rear! – Erik moaned.
- I want to do what you do.
- You are to small and weak yet to row a boat with two people. Sit back.
- No, I am not, I want to…
- Mahtab I am fed up! I said SIT!
The girl obeyed finally. Erik wiped his forehead of sweat then continued rowing the boat towards the lake house. He imagined it to be a better idea if he stands up and tries to row faster so they get to the other bank sooner – Mahtab seemed to be a bit of needy and maybe tired. Mahtab got amazed at the sight of what Papa, her dear, clever and awesome Papa can do. It was even more interesting than the trick before. She definitely wanted to try this out!
She jumped down from the seat and tried to walk across the boat to stand next to Papa, but it was surprisingly hard to do. She could not feel a safe spot under her feet and she kept falling side to side. Erik looked back with displeasure and saw what his little troublemaker was into again.
- Mahtab I swear I spank you if you don't stay still!
- Papa, look! - She finally climbed back up at the other end of the boat, and stood like Erik. – Look what I can do!
- Mahtab, sit down! – Erik got horrified of the mere sight, he felt like he just got a heart attack.
- Why? – The small girl laughed. – Look, I am a very clever boy! Just as you are!
- Sit! – Erik yelled, and wanted to get closer to the child to push her down on her seat, but this move caused the boat to rock again.
Mahtab lurched while standing, and fell to the side, but she wasn't as lucky as before. In a split second, she lost her balance and the boat from under her feet. The last thing she could hear before reaching the surface of the giant ink – black water was Erik's cry of pure horror. The water closed above her head and she could not get back up on the surface, no matter how hard was she fighting – her foot got stuck somewhere, and she could not pull it out. Water was running into the hole where her nose should have grown, and it caused her much pain. She could only hear the water buzzing in her ears. Her vision was blurred and her eyes were burning. She wanted to cry for Papa, but her mouth was only filled with foul tasting water – and finally she closed her eyes exhaustedly and darkness fell on her.
