So today I got completely re-inspired by this fic and pumped out a massive 16k words towards it. I'm reaaaaally enjoying writing it, and it means I've got a good few chapters to get out! I'm going to have no excuses for late updates for the next week.

I really kind of love this chapter, so let me know what you think! I'm dying to hear people's thoughts on this story.


Fifteen

Rose

For once, sitting next to Dimitri was a thousand times easier than sitting next to Christian. The four of us were sitting in Tasha's cabin, and Dimitri and I shrank further and further into the wall as Tasha and Christian's conversation continued.

"I just don't understand why you never mentioned anything," Tasha complained, fussing around at her kitchenette as she made us hot chocolate. It was chilly at night in the winter months. "You seemed so perfect."

"Well, we just weren't. I didn't tell you because I didn't even know I was going to do it until I did."

When Tasha turned around to get the kettle, Christian sent me an exasperated look. I had to hide my giggle behind my hand. He looked ready to set the whole place on fire.

Dimitri leant over to whisper, "I did try and convince her not to do this."

His Russian accept wrapped around me, but it no longer made every inch of my body tingle. There had been too much between us for me to just fall at his feet like I used to.

I smirked. "Christian knew this was coming. Doesn't mean he's any less frustrated about it."

"And if you didn't know you were going to do it until you did, does that mean you've really thought it all through?" Tasha came and passed Dimitri and I a mug, then handed one to Christian. She didn't even blink at the fact Dimitri and I were sat so close together. Christian, on the other hand, had unknowingly glared at us more than a few times.

"I know how I feel," he stressed again, grimacing into his mug. "I don't want to be with Lissa anymore."

Tasha sighed. "Well, that really is a shame. She's such a lovely girl."

"We're not compatible."

"It all looked like it was going so well." She sounded like a lovesick teenager, and once again the urge to giggle rose up in me. I coughed into my hand.

Christian scowled at me. "I'm a good actor," he said, taking a sip of his too-hot cocoa. "How was the rest of the ball?"

"I'm sure you can imagine. Lots of boring talk. People were making a conscious effort not to talk politics, to have a break from the meetings, so there really wasn't much point in me being there."

Christian grunted. "I'm glad I had an excuse to leave early."

Tasha shook her head. "You're going to have to get used to attending these things. You've got to be on my side. You're good at persuasion."

I definitely couldn't deny that. Christian could probably convince me to do anything.

"I think people's prejudices weaken the effect slightly," he grumbled.

"Oh, come off it. People have those same prejudices towards me and I do just fine. You just need to get out there. Of course, it would have been better with Vasilisa on your arm…" Christian opened his mouth to shut her down, but she just laughed. "I'm joking. Don't bite my head off."

Despite everything, it was an easy smile on my face as I watched them. Christian might be irritated, but watching them tease each other was so refreshing that it was so easy to sink into the familial atmosphere. Tasha and Dimitri had become commonplace, too. The numbness wasn't all-encompassing, just a persistent twinge that was easy to ignore.

"So when are we going to practice some magic?" Christian asked. "You've been here a week and we still haven't done any."

"Tonight, if you like." It was getting late, we'd come here after dinner and a long day of sitting in the back rows watching the political debate. "I'm itching to set something on fire after dealing with those snobs all day."

That lifted Christian's mood in an instant. "Sweet. Oh, but it's getting pretty close to curfew. Maybe we'll have to wait until tomorrow."

"Please, we have Dimitri on our side. He can find some excuse if a guardian catches us out. Right, Comrade?"

He hesitated for only a second before nodding. "I can do that."

I beamed. "Great."

We all hurried to drain our hot chocolate, and I piled my layers back on. A sweater and a coat, then a woollen hat pulled over my unruly waves. Christian didn't bother with more than just a coat. He could keep himself warm.

I forced the image of us walking around in snow, his heated arm wrapped around my shoulder as I absorbed his body heat.

"Let's go, then," Tasha said, standing up and stretching. We all followed. Her cabin was so out of the way that we didn't have to walk far to find a clearing. Dimitri and I perched ourselves on an overturned log whilst Christian and Tasha warmed up.

It was impossible not to watch Christian. In the rising sun and the orange of his fire, his face was all angles and shadows. It made him look even better than normal. The single determination in his eyes made a shiver run up my spine. I wouldn't ever want to have to genuinely face him in a fight.

I wasn't surprised when Dimitri spoke to me. This was the perfect time for the chat he'd been wanting to have. "Are you okay with all this?" he asked, folding his arms to maintain heat.

"Surprisingly, yes," I admitted, turning to look at him to show I was being genuine. He could read me well enough to know. "I'm glad you're happy, really."

His smile was more real and free than I'd ever seen. "You've gotten happier, too. When we first arrived you looked like you were about to snap at any moment. I'm sorry you had to deal with all this. And, obviously, I'm sorry for just leaving like that."

"You don't have to apologise for it. You were doing the right thing, we both know that." The corner of my lips quirked up. "And I thought Christian was the only one who was worried about a potential breakdown during the first few days you were back. I was so sure I'd done a good job of faking it."

"It was pretty good. I didn't think anyone else would have noticed." The guilt was seeping into his words, and I rammed him in the side with my shoulder.

"Don't do that. I'm fine, really. Just took a bit of getting used to, you know. Does she know?" I found myself asking, gaze returning to where Christian and Tasha were working their magic. I followed his movements. He'd taken his coat off, and I could see his arm muscles working beneath the shirt he wore. I swallowed, and tried not to stare.

"She does."

"Good." I smiled up at him. "You really do look happy, you know."

He beamed down at me, and even now it still took my breath away. He was gorgeous. "I feel happy."

The bitterness was persistent; it longed to get through and ruin the moment, to remind me that I was never going to feel that happiness. I had nightmares, a compulsion to drink to numb the pain, a boy that could never be mine. But Dimitri was happy, and I loved Dimitri, so I was happy too.

"How is guarding Christian? Alberta said you didn't even contest it."

I lifted a shoulder. "Christian's my friend, it's fine. Besides, with everything with his mum…" I trailed off and shook my head. "Liss has Eddie and Eddie is probably better than me right now." He'd overcome his demons. He had nothing to distract him, just an absolute desire to be a good guardian. "I'm happy I got Christian. He understands."

My voice had returned to a murmur, and I watched Christian shoot a series of small blasts into the air.

He turned to me when he was successful and grinned. I smiled back, chest aching.

"You mean Spokane?" Dimitri was watching me, and I hoped I hadn't been too open with him.

"Yeah. Liss wasn't there and she doesn't—" I struggled for the right words without giving everything away. I didn't want Dimitri to know about the nightmares. He'd feel bad. "I just can't talk to her about it, you know? Christian was, so it's easier."

"Tasha's worried about him."

And maybe she had good reason to be. We were spiralling in misery together, neither having any positive to grasp onto and pull us back to normality. "He'll be okay."

"I'm worried about you."

"I'll be okay, too." He frowned down at me, and I raised a shoulder in a half-shrug. "I don't know what I could do to make anything better, anyway. When Christian's mum has attacked, that's when things will start to go back to normal." And then Christian would leave, and I'd never see him again. I'd be going with Lissa to Court, and that was the last place Christian would choose to go after school.

My heart pounded in my chest at that realisation, and I balled my hands, digging my nails into my palm to try and ground me.

"What's up?" Dimitri asked, concern edging his voice.

I tried to pull myself together, gnawing on the inside of my cheek. "Oh, nothing. Just the realisation that we talk about it all so casually. We might all be dead in a few weeks." It was a good lie, and he bought it.

"We're not going to die. We're all survivors, the four of us."

"Christian's going to insist on fighting even though he's the number one target." He was surrounding himself in a ring of fire now, all while deflecting blows that Tasha aimed towards him. He was so powerful it was scary; could do so much more against the Strigoi than me. But was it going to be enough to hold back an army? "I don't want anyone else to die," I whispered. But definitely not him. Anyone but Christian.

We'd meant what we said to each other that night, about not going on if the other died.

And it was such a real possibility that I didn't know if I could take it.

Everything in me urged me to just throw caution to the wind. To have Christian, just for these few weeks before the impending fight happened.

To know Christian; to experience what it was like to be loved by him.

Tears stung in my eyes, and I blinked rapidly to hold them back.

"He won't die," Dimitri said, though he had no right to. He couldn't know that. The odds were against us.

I brought my knees to my chest and rested my head on them. "I guess I'll deal with whatever happens when it happens."

"You shouldn't have to deal with any of it. You're only seventeen."

"God, I feel about eighty."

He chuckled, but was stopped from responding by Tasha and Christian coming over. He was grinning so hard that I forced my melancholia to disappear. I wasn't going to bring down his good mood, not for anything.

"I'm knackered," he admitted, stretching. "I think we should probably head back. It's half an hour past curfew."

I stood up, and gave him a real smile. "Good plan." I turned to Dimitri. "So you'll walk us back?"

"Sure." He turned to Tasha. "I'll meet you back at the cabin in a few minutes. Shouldn't take long."

They shared a quick kiss, and I didn't even feel the need to look away. Christian raised an eyebrow at me, but I ignored him.

The three of us shared a surprisingly easy silence. "Where did Tasha learn to use offensive magic?" I asked. She'd taught Christian, but someone had to have taught her.

"Her parents," Christian explained. "My branch of the Ozeras have always kept the tradition of using offensive magic. They wrote books, explaining a lot of the techniques. I'm going to ask her for some, then I can drag you out and practice when she doesn't want to."

I grinned. And then I'd have free rein to admire him without having to worry about being caught staring. "That'd be cool."

He sighed suddenly, shoulders slumping. "I'm really going to have to make an effort with this stupid political stuff, aren't I? I thought I could just sit back and let my Aunt and Liss take all the hard work."

"I know nothing about politics, not really. I guess if Tasha thinks you should then maybe."

He couldn't stop the grimace. "It's just not me at all. I can do one-on-one arguments fine, but keeping myself politically correct, or whatever, is going to be a trial. I highly doubt anyone is going to want to listen to me, anyway. I'm just a student."

I grinned up at him. "Yeah, I doubt calling everyone who disagrees with you an idiot would get you very far."

"Do you really think that poorly of me?"

I nudged my shoulder with his, the wide smile never fading from my face. "Really, though, you're pretty persuasive. And, I don't know, maybe you can get a whole spin on it and become a tragic hero rather than an untrusted one."

"So your master plan is to make me have endless sympathy from everyone. That's definitely the way to not make me set everyone on fire."

I linked my arm through his. "I'll always be there on the side-lines, my extreme lack of sympathy balancing it out."

"I don't think I have what it takes to be a politician."

"I don't think that's true. I just think you'd be incredibly unhappy."

"I mean, some things never change, right? Maybe I should just make the sacrifice."

We got back to the campus and Dimitri held a door open for us. I almost jerked at the realisation he'd been there the whole time. "It wouldn't be worth doing something that would make you miserable," he said, nodding to the guardian on the desk as we headed towards our dorms. "Your Aunt claims to hate it, but she secretly loves the thrill of shocking people with her magic, and arguing with them about it. It'd come across too much if you hated every second."

Christian nodded. "I think you're probably right."

I felt the need to unlink my arm from Christian's, as though Dimitri could read every single thought I'd ever had just by that action. "I'm going to enjoy you convincing Tasha that you're already abandoning your exciting new political career," I teased.

"Don't even joke about it," he groaned.

We reached Christian's door and he dug his keys out.

"Thanks for walking us back, Comrade."

"No problem. Night, Roza, Christian." He nodded to us before striding back down the corridor.

Inside Christian's room, he raised an eyebrow at me. "You guys are cool now?"

"I guess we are. I'm happy for him. He looks so happy with her, you know?"

He nodded, kicking his shoes off. I did the same. "Yeah, I guess he does."

"Besides, I have you to pine after now instead. I'm just about over Dimitri."

He laughed, managing to diffuse any kind of tension that could have descended from that comment. "I'm selfishly glad to hear it."

"Tasha knows, you know. He told her about me. They're so honest. I don't know, it's nice, to see it."

"I'm honest with you."

"I'm honest with you, too."

"In fact, you're just about the only person I'm honest with."

"Me too."

For once, I was unable to stop my urge to go and hug him. I'd ditched my layers by now, and so when he hugged me back his hands were hot through the thin t-shirt I wore. I looped my arms around his neck, and buried my face into his shoulder and inhaling deeply. He smelt like the mint shampoo he used.

We stood like that for a good five minutes, just holding each other. Everything was calm when his arms were around me.

"Christian?" I murmured, lips scarily close to the bare skin of his neck.

"Yes?" His voice was raspy, and it sent a jolt of heat through me.

"I'm never going to see you again after we graduate, am I?"

He didn't even hesitate before answering. "You know that I won't be able to stay away from you."

The fact we probably weren't even going to get there went unsaid.

"I wish the field experience could just go on forever." It was as bittersweet as it got. Constant torture of not being able to have Christian, despite him being right there, but also the comfort of having him nearby.

He sucked in a breath, but didn't say whatever he'd been planning on responding. I realised too late what I'd implied.

I could be his guardian. His real guardian, when we graduated.

It wasn't going to happen, I could never abandon Lissa like that, but the thought was so intoxicating that I couldn't just let it go. Us, living together, travelling together.

Being together.

This close, I could feel his heart pounding through his chest, matching the heightened rhythm of my own. My fingers tightened around his neck, pressing myself further against him. I couldn't kiss him, even though every fibre in me begged for it to happen.

"I don't think I can bring myself to let go of you," I whispered.

"Sleep in my bed, just for tonight." It was a statement, not a plea. He knew I'd agree. "Just let me hold you."

With that promise, I could finally bring myself to let go of him, knowing that I'd be back in his arms soon. I pulled back, and our faces were unbearably close. Our breaths mingled, and both our eyes were on the other's lips.

I swallowed, hard, and we both forced ourselves back at the same time. "I'm going to go clean my teeth," I disappeared into the bathroom, and had to take a few calming breaths.

We skirted around each other as we got ready for bed.

And then, finally clad in our pyjamas, we slid in beside each other.

Christian didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me, my back pressed against his chest. I snuggled further into him, relishing the warmth that spread through me at having his arms wrapped so tightly around me. I linked my fingers with his, and fought down the urge to spin around and kiss him.

This was enough. He was holding me close, face buried in my hair, and it was impossible not to feel content.

He pressed a single kiss to my neck, and goosebumps littered my skin despite his heat. "Goodnight Rose."

I took a deep breath to control my voice, and then replied. "Goodnight Christian."