Ahh, no reviews on the last one, which makes me a little sad :( I really enjoyed writing this one, though, and I definitely want to hear what people think about the ending!
This chapter and the last one have both been a bit longer, too!
Sixteen
Christian
It was almost impossible to concentrate on the page I was reading when Rose's fingers were tangled in my hair. My head was resting in her lap, and her hand worked absentmindedly through the unruly mess on top of my head.
It all felt so natural, so right. I just wanted to bask in it, in sitting like a couple would. We'd convinced ourselves that somehow this was what friends would do. Rose told me that Lissa sat in this exact position all the time, and she'd run her hands through Liss's hair. We told ourselves that made it okay.
We were sitting near the edge of the school's perimeter, and I'd finally gotten my hands on one of the books that my Aunt kept detailing offensive techniques. Most of them were either ineffective against Strigoi, or one's that she'd already taught me, but it was fascinating to read the way it was explained by my older relatives I'd never met.
At least, the parts I could concentrate on.
It was early on a Saturday morning; so early that there was still enough natural light to read the book without having to get a torch out. The sun was cold, and it wasn't making me feel as weak as it normally would.
"Anything interesting?" Rose asked.
I looked up, but her face was still tipped back, leaning against the tree and basking in the light. "You miss the sun."
She blinked in surprise and looked down at me. "I do. I got so used to it when we were on the run. It's so much more inviting than the moon," she teased.
"I wish I wasn't sun-averse. This is nice, though. Perfect, actually." And we both knew I wasn't just talking about the sun.
Her fingers continued to tousle my hair, and I allowed my eyes to fall shut for a moment, just basking in the moment. Everything was easy to block out like this. Spending time with Rose was like a shield to reality.
I could have fallen asleep, but I wanted to live every moment of sitting like this.
After a few minutes, I picked the book back up and continued flicking through it. "Do you miss training as much?" I asked Rose, deciding it was easier to look at the sketches than trying to read the words. "You used to a lot."
"Sometimes. I do feel a bit restless doing this. I'm scared that only facing one guardian a week is going to make me complacent. I guess I could ask Dimitri to spar with me. I can't imagine he's sparred with anyone for a while."
The thrum of jealousy pressed on my mind, but I shoved it back. Rose had all but told me she'd moved on from Dimitri to me, and I believed her. "You should," I told her. "You can spar whilst me and Aunt Tasha practice our magic. It's a good idea."
"I'll ask him next time we see them."
I ran my finger over an image in the book. The caption Guardian Protection Spell sat above it. The picture showed a man with an orange glow holding a stake.
The Guardian Protection Spell burns anyone who touches the Guardian, it is especially effective against Strigoi.
Then there was a long description of how to perform it.
"I want to try this one," I told Rose, handing her the book to read.
Her eyes scanned the page, glistening with interest as she took it in. "Let's do it."
I was forced to remove my head from her lap, and stand up. I offered her a hand to help her up, and she took it.
"Okay." I took another scan of the book. "It says it's best to have skin-to-skin contact, and to maintain eye contact."
We stood opposite each other, and I took both her hands in mine. They were cold, and I rubbed my thumb over her palms. Her brown eyes met mine, and I was grateful for the excuse to finally get lost in them. Rose's eyes always gave away what she was thinking. Right now they sparkled; there was none of the deadness that had plagued them so often recently.
"Okay, it says to imagine sending my magic into you. About protection."
She nodded.
I took a deep breath, and gave it a shot. The urge to close my eyes was intense as I mustered my magic and imagined it flowing through my fingertips and into Rose where I held her.
She jerked back from me suddenly. "Shit," she muttered, blowing on her palm.
"I burnt you?" I asked, reaching for her palm, my stomach sinking. There was a red mark on the skin where my thumb had been. "Shit. Maybe this isn't such a good idea."
"What? No, of course it is. It just surprised me. It didn't really hurt." She was lying through her teeth about it hurting, but she pressed her hands back into mine anyway. "Please. This would be such a useful spell."
The next time I was so hesitant that nothing at all happened for the five minutes that we stood there.
She sighed. "Christian, really. I'm fine. Don't hold back."
I took a deep breath and nodded. We retook our stance and I tried again, like the first time.
I burnt her five more times after that.
"I'm not doing this anymore," I told her, sitting on the ground and taking her palms in my lap. There were red welts covering them. "This is too much."
"No it isn't. It barely hurts. I'll get Liss to heal me if it makes you feel better." She grabbed the book off the floor. "It seems to really focus on the mental aspect of this one. About the need to protect, to guard someone. I mean, that's easy for me, it's what I've always grown up knowing that I need to do. Maybe you need to visualise something. Do something to help get you in the mind-set."
I tried to do as she said, and the vision came to me more easily than I'd thought. Rose, facing off against my mother. Rose's neck with fangs gliding along them, and then the blood. A shiver worked its way down my spine.
The book also put an emphasis on caring about the person who were protecting, and I didn't need help with that.
"I want to try again," I said, standing up and helping Rose to her feet.
We stood opposite each other, and this time I didn't take her hands, but cradled her face with mine. We stood far closer, and I looked deep into her brown orbs. I'd seen fright in them before, and it wasn't difficult to imagine it back there when my mum eventually came. Even with my eyes open I could picture myself screaming to get to her in time.
I could imagine losing her so easily it made my heart pound.
Gathering my magic, I pushed it into her.
She gasped, leaning into my touch.
After a moment, it hurt my hands to keep touching her, and I had to drop them. An orange glow radiated from her skin.
"It worked," I murmured, eyebrows shooting up.
Rose was staring down at her hands, wonderstruck.
And then she grinned, launching herself at me with a hug.
I jerked backwards. It was like a current jarring through me when her skin came into contact with mine. "Shit, that hurts," I muttered, apologetic.
She beamed. "Revenge. Really, though, this is amazing. I can feel it, humming through me. It makes you feel alive. Is this how you always feel?"
"When I use my magic, yes."
"It's amazing." She grabbed the book from the floor. "Come on, we have to go show your Aunt before it wears off. She's going to be so proud."
"Let's go."
Spurred on by the excitement of learning something new, we hurried towards Tasha's cabin and knocked on the door. Dimitri opened it, already fully-clothed and with a slice of toast in his hand. He stared at Rose as if she'd grown another head.
She smirked at him. "Admiring my healthy orange glow?" she teased.
My Aunt appeared beside him, and then raised an eyebrow at me. "You've been learning?"
"I've been learning," I agreed. "Try touching her."
My Aunt hesitated before reaching out and pressing the back of her hand to Rose's cheek. She jerked backwards as soon as the skin came into contact. "Amazing," she murmured. "It's a protection spell."
"It's already starting to fade," I admitted, looking at Rose again. Her glow wasn't anywhere near as pronounced. "But this was just my first successful try. It's more effective against Strigoi than Moroi, too."
Rose handed her the book, which she'd kept open on the right page.
"Very interesting," she agreed, running her fingers over the words. "How many tries did it take for you to get it right?"
I shifted my weight, scratching the back of my head. "This was my seventh try."
Rose chuckled. "Really, it was worth it."
Aunt Tasha raised a brow and Rose held out her burnt hands. "Ah, I see." She laughed. "Occupational hazard of having specialised in fire, I guess."
"It doesn't hurt," Rose lied.
"I'll pretend to believe you," Aunt Tasha chuckled. "Anyway, come in. I want to hear all about it. You're very early, you know. Breakfast hasn't even been served in school yet, I'll make you some."
Rose and I looked at each other, grateful. We'd both complained about our hunger on the way here.
We sat side-by-side at the small table, but I was careful not to touch Rose yet. "Do you think there's any way to take it back?" she asked. "It's a bit inconvenient to be walking around campus glowing. And it'll suck if we have to wait for it to fade before you can touch me to practice it again."
My Aunt piped up from the stove. "According to this you can call the magic back. Just maintain eye contact and imagine sucking the magic back into yourself."
Rose and I turned, meeting each other's eyes, and I felt the magic returning to me. "Well that was a hell of a lot easier than giving it to you."
Rose laughed, and pressed her arm against mine. "Hopefully we're past the burning stage, at least."
"I don't know, it's a bit emotionally draining giving you the magic," I admitted. "The whole visualising protecting you thing, it's not hard to guess what I'm imagining."
Her face fell. "Oh, right. Sorry, I didn't even think about that. We'll have another look and see if there's anything else in the book you want to learn. Just practice the protection thing like once a day or something." She squashed herself a bit more against my side, and the warmth was comforting.
"Sounds like a plan."
"Oh, Dimitri." Rose turned her attention to the guardian who was eating his own breakfast on a chair in the corner. His attention had already been on us, I realised. "I wondered if you wanted to spar at some point. It's been so long since I had a fight with someone I didn't just crush."
His grin was wicked, and I realised it was the first time I'd ever seen an expression like that from him. He always looked so composed. "Good idea."
"We can fight whilst Tasha and Christian are practising their magic. It'll be fun."
My Aunt was still reading the book, and she handed us some toast, barely concentrating on what she was doing as the words held her interest. "This is certainly an interesting spell," she said, leaning back against the counter as we started eating. "It's meant for Moroi and their assigned Guardians, probably Guardians who have worked together a while. Christian was right about the emotional toll. It's intense magic."
"I guess an upcoming crisis makes it easier to channel."
She hummed her acknowledgement, turning to glance at me for just a moment, before returning to the book. "I guess it does. I want to try it," she announced, then guiltily looked towards Belikov. "If you're willing to risk your hands."
"I'll be a willing sacrifice."
"Good. Hurry up and eat your toast you two, I want to see Christian do it. If you don't mind, at least."
I shook my head. "No problem." Right now the excitement of having achieved something overwhelmed the fact I had to live out my biggest fear.
Rose and I hurried down our toast and then the four of us stood outside the cabin.
I took a deep breath and stood opposite Rose. Obviously I couldn't cup her face like I had before, but I took her hands in mine and hoped that it would be enough.
We stared at each other, just a hint of worry in her brown eyes.
The images came to me faster this time. Rose being dragged away by my mum. Rose as the colour drained from her face, my mother mouth at her neck. Rose's brown eyes that I stared into corrupted with a ring of red.
"Shit," I muttered, pulling my hand from hers as the charge hit me. She was glowing again, brighter this time, and I swallowed the need to hold her. To suck the magic out of her so I could remind myself that, for now, she was still here beside me.
"You okay?" she murmured, gaze wide.
I forced a smile. "I'm fine."
Aunt Tasha was watching us. "Interesting," she muttered. "Impressive. It's strong magic."
She stood opposite Dimitri and tried to follow my lead.
"Will you take the magic out of me?" Rose asked, voice quiet so as not to distract my Aunt.
"Oh, sure." We met gazes and I pulled the magic back into myself.
When it was gone, she stood closer, our arms pressed against each other. "I'm sorry, I wouldn't have been so eager to suggest trying this again if I'd realised."
Once again she'd read me like a book. "It's okay. I just…" I struggled to find the words.
"I know. You don't have to explain." She smiled up at me. "I'll give you a big hug when we get back to the dorm."
I chuckled. "You always know exactly what I need."
There was a string of expletives from where my Aunt and Belikov stood. He wafted his hand in the air.
"Come on, Comrade, even I wasn't that much of a wimp about it."
He scowled at her, and she grinned harder.
Rose and I watched them in silence for a few minutes, and I was surprised that seeing my Aunt and Dimitri staring lovingly into each other's eyes wasn't enough to make her stiffen at my side. Instead, Rose just leant slightly against me, reassuring me with her weight. I wanted to wrap my arm around her shoulder, but didn't want to give them any reason to suspect there was something going on between us.
Fifteen minutes down the line, and Aunt Tasha hadn't gotten any further.
"It's difficult," she admitted. "You got it so quickly."
I considered how to word my explanation to her. "It's all about the emotional side of it, like you said. Just, take a few moments to picture losing him. Visualise it. Then try it again. That's what I did."
I couldn't tell her that she needed to imagine it until it felt like there was a cavern in her chest from the knowledge those visions were likely going to become a reality in the next few weeks.
She nodded, and took a seat on a bench outside the cabin, burying her head in her hands and doing as I'd suggested. I could feel Rose's eyes on me, but I couldn't meet them. I'd have given in and just hugged her right now if I did.
Aunt Tasha sat up and nodded to Belikov. They regained their positions, and my Aunt took a deep breath before channelling her magic. Rose and I watched the glow build around him, until my Aunt let go of his hand with a small squeak.
Then she gazed up at him, eyes wide. "It worked."
They looked so happy with each other that it made my heart hurt. Rose and I could have had that, if it weren't for all the circumstances.
"You were right," she looked over to me. "It's draining. I don't fancy doing that again for a while. I wouldn't have asked you to do it again if I'd known."
"It's fine. I wanted to show you."
"Well, thank you. This is impressive. I'm proud of you."
She came and enveloped me in a hug, but it wasn't the hug I wanted. Images flashed behind my eyes once more, and I pulled back. "I think I'm going to go back to campus for a while. I've got some homework that I need to get done. We might be back later."
Aunt Tasha nodded and handed me the book. "Of course. See you later."
"See you later." I nodded towards Dimitri, and Rose said her goodbyes as well.
As soon as we were out of eyesight of the cabin, I pulled Rose to a stop and wrapped my arms tight around her, a shudder working its way down my spine.
She clung back, her fingers finding their way back into my hair and helping to soothe my racing heart.
"It's okay," she murmured. "We're stronger than her. We'll survive."
"I don't believe you." My voice caught. "You don't understand how easy it was to imagine those things. They're all so real. They're all going to happen."
She pulled back, and I felt the loss of her body against mine. Her hands came up to cup my face like I'd done to her when I gave her my magic. She pressed her forehead against mine, breath fanning against my lips. "Christian whatever happens, happens. All we can do is our best. Thankfully our best is pretty fucking good."
A small, hysterical laugh left my lips. "But what if it's not good enough?"
She lifted a shoulder. "Then it's not good enough. There's nothing we can do about it."
My eyes fluttered shut, and I struggled to keep myself together. My hands rested on her waist, fingers biting into the skin there. "I don't know how to deal with this," I murmured. It wasn't just the impending attack, it was everything.
It was having Rose here, body pressed against mine, lips centimetres from mine, and being unable to take that final step.
I dropped my hands and took a step back, entire body on fire. I couldn't keep doing this.
Only Rose followed, moulding her body against mine, and kissing me.
My hand returned to her waist, the other tangling in her hair. Those dark brown waves were soft between my fingers, and I urged her closer, until there was no part of us separated. Our kiss turned open-mouthed and desperate, her fingers so tight in my hair that it hurt in the best way possible.
My cock was hard against my pants, and a low groan sounded in the back of my throat as we devoured each other.
The heat that had been building was finally unleashed, and it was just as good as I'd expected. Every inch of me longed to keep her with me forever.
Eventually we had to separate to breathe. Rose didn't fling herself away from me like I'd expected, but rest her head against my chest, arms wrapping around my torso. She held me so tight it got hard to breathe, and I felt the tears seep through my clothes.
I held her back, chin resting on top of her head, and fighting down the urge to scream in frustration.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have—"
"It's okay," I murmured back, eyes stinging.
It was bound to happen eventually, us caving to the temptation. But it had ended at just a kiss. That was better than nothing.
"I didn't—" she started again, but I cut her off.
"There's no point in talking about it," I said. "Come on, let's just go to the library and try to pretend it didn't happen." My heart was so heavy in my chest it felt like I was lugging an extra weight about. I just wished Lissa had never existed.
Only then Rose and I would have never become this close in the first place.
It was a bitter realisation that the only obstacle in our relationship was the reason it had begun.
Rose pulled back and didn't look at me, swiping her eyes and taking a shuddering breath. "Okay." Her voice didn't crack. "Just pretend it didn't happen."
