Chapter XXXV.

After those honest confessions between the married couple and the truth told about Count Philippe's death, Erik seemed to get mood swings. Summer came, and he got in some kind of depression sometimes. There were days he was as gentle as a lamb, and Christine could love on him all she wanted, but some days he was quite grumpy about everything and wanted to spend time mostly alone. Christine knew that Erik sometimes was tortured by memories of his past, and she had to acknowledge that it was sadly part of Erik's personality for the rest of his life. He had been through too much things and those impacts on his life had affected his mood. Christine knew that Erik needed to be left alone those days, and he would slowly get through it by himself and will get back to his usual old fashioned gentleman role within time. She still wanted to assure him about her support for him, though, and told him she was there if he needed to tell her something. He said nothing for some weeks, but finally he admitted what bothered him.

- My head hurts. – Erik sighed tiredly one day after trying to compose his music for hours.

- You poor little thing. – Christine kissed his forehead. – Does this make you feel better?

- Not really. – Erik replied in a bad mood.

- Oh… do you get these headaches often? – She inquired with worry. She had just realized Erik wasn't complaining only for the sake of a kiss.

- Yes. – He nodded.

- How often?

- Almost every day.

- When? I mean in which time of the day?

- I don't know… usually maybe in the evening.

- Do you think you might be ill?

- I have no other symptoms, that's the strange thing. Only headaches.

- Is it severe pain?

- Not too much, but it is enough to bug me and bother me up until I go to sleep. There are days when I can hardly fall asleep because of them, but I always get all better in the morning. I don't know what this is.

- How long has it been bothering you?

- A few months. But if I think more about it, there were times in my life earlier when I had similar problems, but it got cleared up by itself. I hope it will now as well.

- I think you should visit the doctor about this, Erik. Pain never means anything good. Especially not in your head.

- I am old, Christine, that is all. – Erik waved his hand dismissingly. – The doctor will say so as well.

- I would be calmer if I heard it from the doctor himself. – Christine put her hand on Erik's forehead, but it was cold.

- If it really calms you, Erik shall obey, my dear. – He leaned back in his chair, allowing his wife to softly massage his forehead. He closed his eyes and he had to admit it really helped.

Not only the pain itself was bothering Erik, but also the fact he did not know what might cause it. He did not like to go to the doctors, and having those check – ups, Bonsanté examining all over him, making him feel still somewhat uncomfortable about showing himself, but it wasn't the worst part of his fears. He did not want to visit the doctor as that man might find out he had a serious problem and will tell him that he eventually dies. What if he can't help his illness and will just inform him about having only some months left? He did not want to face that possibility and in no way he did want to know how much time was still stored for him.

Maybe he just has to accept his fate in silence and wait for the worst to happen. He just wanted to wait for the longest time possible with passing away, as he wanted to educate and love his children the most he knew.

Mahtab was nearly 6 years old by the time she was able to finally tie her shoes all alone. It took her two years to learn it properly, and it was a hard match. She was surprised when Erik just refused to help her with it suddenly in a September day, when they wanted to go to the park with the whole family to take a walk. Erik knelt down willingly to tie it for her before, but that day he just shook his head and moaned:

- Mahtab you are big enough, I showed you how to do it numerous times, tie them for yourself!

- But I can't…

- You have to learn it. – He closed his eyes, and turned away from her to assist Flo with his jacket.

- You help Flo as well! – Mahtab pointed out.

- He is younger, he needs more help. You should be able to take care of yourself. Mahtab… I am telling this for your own good. Papa can't always just pop out of nowhere and help you.

It took an hour for Mahtab to finally put on bot of her shoes. It cost her some tears of frustration while she was trying to remember the method, and many miserable attempts while Papa was just standing next to her and did nothing to help her. He did not bend a finger. When Christine wanted to help her out, he did not allow her. Mahtab finally was done with the process, her skull face was soaked in tears, and she was sweating.

- I know it was hard. – Erik knelt down to caress that face and kiss her to feel better. – But now you know how to do it. You will shred countless tears for every skill you learn, my child. It may be music, or anything else. You have to suffer for learning it.

She won't have an easy life with this face, and she has to get used to people not wanting to help her at all. He was babying her too much, and it won't do her any good after he leaves Earth. She has to learn to live without him. He was spoiling Mahtab due to the fact that he really knew how hard it was to live on his own as a child, and he did not want his daughter to face the same fate as he did. But upon realizing he maybe had less time left than he thought, he had to think of the future- a future without him.

By the beginning of July, finally Mahtab was able to get dressed normally. She could tie her shoes and cravat and button her jacket and trousers up without any help. In this field, Flo seemed to be much more talented than her – he could button his clothes up all the way by his third Birthday, while it took Mahtab 3 more years to master it. But it wasn't the only thing he could do better.

The 13th August was Erik and Christine's wedding anniversary. And moreover, it was the 10th wedding anniversary they spent together, now with 3 children. Christine and Erik both were so excited about it, and Mahtab felt as well that something very important was going to happen. Her parents were married for 10 years! She thought she had to give something special to them as a gift as well, as she knew Papa and Mama were both giving a gift for each other, and she wanted to give them a gift because she loved them very much. She already knew what it was- music! She was going to write them a musical piece.

She sat on the piano bench with great excitement. She gave out some excited little gasps and clapped her hands, then put her fingers on the keyboard. She felt so much an adult. Both Mama and Papa loved music so much, and so did she. Flo was walking around the room behind her and looked at his sister in awe. He always loved if she was practicing. Mahtab hit the first few accords of the song she was composing. For some minutes, everything was going right, Mahtab was playing and Flo was listening to it in delight, but suddenly Mahtab used a false and dissonant inharmonic accord in the piece which made Florian complain:

- Not good, Mahtab!

- But yes it is!

- No, not good! You don't do it right.

- I do! I know how to write music! I am older than you I know better!

- Nooo! – Flo walked closer to the piano and hit the accord that sounded right for his ears. – This. Use this. And the melody is simple.

- My melody is good enough! – Mahtab said angrily.

- Mine is better. – Flo climbed up on the bench next to Mahtab and with his tiny baby fingers he tried to play the melody that was in his mind. Sadly his fingers weren't long and his small hand wasn't wide enough to reach out so far, and he couldn't even pick a quint. Mahtab got fed up with Florian's miserable attempts of playing and wanted him to get off of the bench, but Flo refused to leave. Mahtab tried to push and later kick him off, and that finally resulted in Flo arriving to the floor with his palms and knees. He burst out in a painful sob that was soon followed by Erik's concerned cry of displeasure:

- What's going on up there?

He arrived to the music room to the sight of Flo kneeling on the floor, crying, while Mahtab was angrily trying to concentrate on her masterpiece in progress.

- Did you hurt your little brother? – Erik leaned closer to face Mahtab with his hands on his hips.

- No, he is just fussing. – Mahtab shrugged.

- Why won't you comfort him?

- Cause I am at work.

- Shame on you.- Erik scolded her, then knelt down to see what bothered his older son. – There there, now what is that, my little dear, eh?

- I can't reach…! – He sniffed as Erik hugged him close and patted his back to make him feel better.

- Can't reach what, Flo? – Erik asked.

- Keys. Mahtab can. I can't.

- Oh, you mean you can't reach accords? – Erik smiled knowingly and sat down to the sofa with the small boy on his lap.

- Mhm. – He sniffed.

- Don't worry my dear, your hands are just too small for the piano yet. – Erik explained. – When you grow a bit older, you will be able to play.

- How much older? – He asked eagerly.

- One year. – Erik patted his shoulder. – Next summer you will be able to start, and you will be awesome, I know it. But… it doesn't mean you have to be without music until that. – He stood up, placing Flo down on the floor, then he handed him the small violin that was used by Mahtab for practicing. – Here, my boy, you are big enough for this.

- That's MY violin! – Mahtab stopped playing and turned around angrily on the piano bench. – Don't give him MY violin!

- Mahtab, this is a violin for both of you. I can't see why Flo can't play it if he wants to.

- No! That is my violin, and this is MY piano!

- That's why you pushed him away?

- I am working! And this is MY piano.

- Well, Mahtab how about that being my piano in the first place, hm?

- No, it is mine.

- Papa had it way before your birth, Mahtab. He just lets you play it. But if you are so jealous, I might think things through. – He said. – You come down from the bench right now.

- Why? – Mahtab asked with sudden frustration. – I have to finish working!

- Mahtab, do as I say. You don't deserve playing any more for today, get off and go to your room.

Mahtab jumped off of the piano bench and walked closer to Flo, pointed at him and angrily moaned:

- You ruined my work, I hate you!

Erik gasped in shock as Mahtab stormed out of the room. She had never said such a thing to her brother before, she only showed love and affection to him, and babied him as she saw it from him and Christine. Flo did not seem to care much about Mahtab's angry remark, as he was too busy looking at the newly received violin. Erik found it a better idea to talk to his daughter face to face about this, before it reached a deeper and more serious conflict between the two siblings, and infects a friendship that was forming between them. Jealousy is like a cavity in one of your teeth. If you don't get it fixed, soon it will attack the teeth nearby, and slowly poisons your life, causing pain in every possible way. He stroke Florian's dark brown curls, and stood up to go to the children's room.

He found Mahtab curled up in the locomotive bed, turned to the wall and silently crying. He gently placed his hand on her shoulder and soothingly rubbed her back until the small girl turned around to face him.

- Well, now, my girl, what was that? – His voice was sad, and he looked at Mahtab questioningly.

- He ruined everything. – Mahtab frowned.

- Why do you say that? You love your brother, don't you?

- I do but now I did not need him there and he just keeps climbing up and bother me.

- He just wants to play music, dear, just as you.

- He can't. I started it. He wants to imitate me and he does it better already. I hate it he does. You will love him more if he can do music better.

- Mahtab. – Erik sighed, than pulled the girl close to himself. – I will never love you any less whatever you can or can't do. I love all three of my children regardless of their talents. Flo might turn out a better musician, but he maybe won't be able to fix things and build structures as well as my clever little Mahtab.

- So… does it mean I am good?

- You are the best girl on the world. And what was that thing you wanted to work on, hm?

- A surprise… - Mahtab whispered. – But I can't tell you.

- You can! – Erik smiled. – Why can't you?

- Because it is a surprise for your Anniversary.

- Oh what a cute thought. – Erik smiled. – You wanted to write a song, hm?

- Yes, but Flo said it was bad.

- It isn't I am sure… it just maybe needs some more working. What if we make a surprise for Mama?

- So you are allowed to know about it?

- Yes. – Erik nodded. – It will be our little secret. Yours, mine and also Flo's.

- Flo writes it too?

- Yes, a piece can be written by more people, sweetie. It is fun. And you know what else fun is?

- What?

- Playing music together! If Flo plays the violin and you play the piano it will sound awesome!

- That must be great! – Mahtab jumped up on her bed.

- Well, if you promise you won't be jealous and won't hurt Flo either physically or emotionally, we go back to the music room and write that song together. It will be beautiful, you both learn to play your parts and we will surprise Mama with it! Do you promise?

- I do! – She nodded in agreement.

- Well, then come my dear, we don't have much time and shall hurry if we want it to be done by less than a month.

Peace was made between the two children when Mahtab arrived back in the music room, she apologized and Flo just hugged her tight as nothing happened before. Practicing was way easier with Papa. He kept everything in hand. He listened to the children's musical ideas and in the end they created a beautiful composition used by both Mahtab and Flo's music involved. Erik wrote down the parts for both of the children and started teaching Flo to read sheet music and play the correct notes needed for the song on the violin. Mahtab played the piano part, and the harmony between the children was perfect, both in music and their souls. Mahtab understood that they can share their music and they together make beautiful songs, and Papa always helps if they are stuck somewhere.

Christine remembered back to the wall decoration of Erik's room in the hose by the lake. She found that rather disturbing at the first sight, the black walls with the painted white notes. Dies Irae. She knew that Erik loved sheet music as aesthetics. He wanted to decorate his study with some of his favorite classical pieces written on the wallpaper, but at the time he built the house, he wasn't able to find a single colored wallpaper, so he just used that striped one he was able to get that met his taste. He sometimes remarked he did not really like the solution, but it was the only thing he could do. Christine had a sudden idea about what to give to Erik and how to make his study a bit more comfortable for him.

She searched all over Erik's drawers in the study, as she knew Erik puts everything he ever writes there. She knew he won't be too fond of the thought of her looking through his sheet music, but she hoped this time it won't cause him too much pain, as she only wanted to make him happy. She had a similar plan years ago, but it was dismissed when she sent out the retirement application, she completely forgot about why she stepped in Erik's study at all. She was looking for the piece he wrote at Mahtab's birth, and the Wedding Mass. Erik's favorite part was "Kyrie" of his own wedding mass he wrote for their wedding, she caught him sometimes hum it to himself or whistle it. Even Florian could whistle part of it by that time. It popped up in Erik1s mind very often, which meant he found it important and loved it dearly. Finally she found the things she wanted to find, they were painstakingly packed away in a leather folder. She recognized even the folder. It was the one Erik lost in the church on Christmas night, 1880, and she found it with that beautiful Christmas Mass. Oh where that Christmas Mass might be? What a coincidence it was that she woke him up in the church where he had fallen asleep on Midnight Mass… that was their first meeting as a human to human, technically, but she did not yet know who he was. Oh Erik, dear Erik…

Wait a little.

They did not even have a normal wedding. Both of them were feeling uncomfortable that day, too much awkward than being able to enjoy the day. They have to fix this. She already dismissed her original plan and collected the wedding Mass up that was never yet played in church… and went to take care of the situation.

Practicing with the children required a lot of reading and writing sheet music. Erik's headaches returned. To be clear, they did not even fully disappear, only lessened in some days, but they were constantly around. No matter how he tried to ignore them, they were staying. Christine disappeared for hours in the afternoons which was actually nice, as he had time to practice with the children without being heard. Yet he wasn't in a good mood mostly by the time Christine finally guided herself back home.

- Erik, oh Erik… - She seemed to be so cheerful as she ran into the drawing room after he finally was able to sit down in the evening. He finished bathing and putting the children to bed, and he was just happy to rest his feet against Shadow's back and remain seated. In older times he would stand up to greet Christine home, but now he felt utterly worn out, and did not have much urge to stand up.

- Yes? – He turned his head backwards to see his wife, who rushed next to him.

- Oh, you don't know what an awesome afternoon I had… - She smiled and sat down in front of Erik.

- I'm glad. – He stated simply.

- What's wrong? – Christine asked with concern as she saw her husband rubbing his forehead.

- Nothing. I am happy you had fun.

- Something bothers you. – Christine continued. – I know it.

- I admit I would be happier if you helped me with the children. – He admitted shortly. – You don't even have any role at the Opera right now, it is understandable if you work, but now it isn't the case. I thought you will help me put 3 children in bed as you did before.

- Oh… you are right. I just had fun and time just flew on me.

- What will happen to you all if I…?

- If you? – Christine asked worriedly.

- Oh… nothing. – He sighed. – Never mind.

- Erik, what is wrong? Tell me. You act strange in these past months, especially in the evening.

- I get tired by the evening. I am old. How many times I have to tell you I am old and can't take life as easily anymore? I am not in my twenties like you! I wish I was.

- Your head still hurts, right? – Christine knelt down so she was able to make eye contact.

- Yes… I mean no… I mean…

- Yes. – Christine nodded. – Don't try to lie to me. Erik we visit the doctor tomorrow and ask him about your headaches.

- We? – Erik asked back.

- Yes, I accompany you there. I told you many times already to visit him, right.

- Right. – Erik sighed.

- And did you?

- No.

- Why not? – She stroke Erik's face. – What's wrong?

- I don't want to know if I am dying. – he admitted, much to his surprise.

- Oh Erik…

- I am an old man. Could be it is something serious. It is better if I don't know.

- Erik that's nonsense. If it is something serious, I am still sure they can help you with it. Would you rather die than try to get it cured? Erik, we need you. We will help you with everything. We love you.

Erik did not want to argue any more after he heard the magical words from those beautiful lips. He finally agreed to go to Doctor Bonsanté's office and get himself checked.

It was the fifth of August. On that beautiful morning Erik would have rather went out on a regular walk than visiting the doctors, but he promised to Christine he was going to see him. He rather declined Christine's offer for accompanying him, and asked her to take care of the children and wait for his return.

Christine tried not to show her worry to the children as she was playing with them in their room. They spent a nice day together, but Christine was more and more concerned about Erik's lateness. It was already in the afternoon, and Erik did not yet show up. Was it really something serious…? Was he taken to the hospital…? God… She kept checking the garden yard in every two minutes by the corner of her eye to see if Erik was entering the garden gate or not.

Finally she could see his thin form appearing in the garden, but he was moving in a strange way. He was staggering like he was drunk. Did they tell him a bad news and he drank something in his fright and self – pity? Or was he drugged by the doctor? She heard of some medicines that affect someone's mind like they were drunk… God, did Bonsanté really discharge him this way?

- God damn it, I can't see a thing. – He murmured in front of himself as he finally stepped inside.

- Erik, you are home! – Christine ran to greet him, but Mahtab was faster, and she could hear her exclamation.

- Look, Mama, Papa has new glasses! Wow! They look great I want a pair of them like yours!

- Slower, Mahtab, there are two of you… or well, I can see two of you at the moment.

- Glasses? – Christine tilted her head while finally arriving out in the Hall.

Erik did wear a pair of pince-nez with his human face mask, with blue tinted fake lenses to make his eyes look green other than yellow by an optical illusion, and to cover the lifelessness of the rubber mask at the eyes, but this time Erik wore other glasses with noticeably real glass lenses.

- Yes, I received spectacles. – Erik replied. – My headaches, as we found out, were caused by eye overstrain. Now I have to wear these all the time. I can't say I am too happy, but at least there aren't any serious illnesses diagnosed.

- Oh I am glad to hear that. – Christine sighed in relief. But then what took you so long to come back home?

- Oh… I am sorry I was late. – He sighed. – But please my dear, try to wear a pair of annoying things on your face which cause you to see two of everything suddenly. I bet you will like it.

- Isn't it better than it was? – Christine wondered.

- Not now. I see worse than before, but the doctor said it is normal. My eyes have to get used to them, and in one or two days it will get better.

- I have to admit they look great on you.

- Perhaps you also need them if you say such things, my sweet Christine. – Erik remarked in a jokingly sarcastic way, just as his usual tone.

The next few days were a bit of hard to handle with a grumpy ex- Opera ghost and his new glasses and his constant complaining about them. He never wore real glasses before, and they bugged him to no end. They had to be cleaned several times a day, they felt heavy on his nasal bone, they touched his face if he wore them on his bare skin, they pushed the back of his ears, he told he could see better without them… he would always moan about something involved his glasses. Mahtab was fascinated by them though, and asked Erik to lend them to her numerous times a day which fact also bothered Erik.

- No, you will break them. – Erik explained. – They are too large for your head.

- I want to have my own then. – She replied.

- Why?

- Because I want to look like you!

- You already do, isn't it enough? – Erik asked bitterly.

- But now you have glasses and I don't.

- That's the better like this, believe me. Having to wear glasses isn't fun, it means your eyes are not perfect any more. You are a child with a great eyesight, be thankful for it.

After the first three days, Erik was finally able to see the advantages of his glasses. He could see things clearer and more sharply than before. He did not even realize his eyesight wasn't as perfect any more as in his youth, and he wouldn't think he needed glasses. His headaches disappeared as well, as they weren't ever there before. He was able to read for a long time without the usual tiredness felt in his eyes and he did not have to rub them to see the letters clearly again. He must have laughed at himself, thinking back how much he feared of this doctor's visit. He imagined and feared a deadly illness for months- and all he needed was a pair of pince-nez! What a banal cause for headaches…

Christine was happy to see Erik turning back to normal and his bad mood disappearing as he realized how his glasses actually did help him. He did not even want to remove them all the time any more. And she was waiting for the big day to finally arrive as she was sure Erik will be even happier after their 10th Wedding Anniversary- it will be a day they shall never forget!