Ai Hod Yu In
Chapter 17
AN: Hey guys here's another chapter. This one is all original, and then up next we get to see the ice queen finally. Hope all of you enjoy!
"Hello, little natblida," Clarke whispered quietly to Madi. She felt bad that she'd been leaving the little girl to Anaya, the Trikru caregiver Lexa had told her could be trusted, so often. Ever since joining the coalition two days ago, Clarke and all of the ambassadors had been having countless war counsels. Lexa had also sent some of her men to arrest the Ice Queen. Still, Clarke had set aside this little bit of time to her child.
"Ah!" Madi cooed at her, taking her little hand and sticking it in her mouth. As Clarke had done countless times before, she took a moment to look at Madi and admire her gorgeous little girl. So far, Lexa had not asked who was Madi's father. Clarke would bet that she had assumed Finn was the father, actually. She had, however, asked about why she was so determined to not have any nightbloods from Skaikru become the commander. Clarke had brushed it off at the time, reminding Lexa instead of the war counsel they'd been on their way to at the time. The look on Lexa's face had assured her that the conversation wasn't over though.
"We don't eat ourselves, Madi. Haven't I told you that?" Clarke laughed, grabbing the little girl's hand and gently extracting it from her mouth. She leaned over and bent her face toward the baby, giving a soft kiss on the forehead, "Love you, my sweet. Always have and always will."
It was crazy that this baby had grown so much in the month and a half or so that she'd known her. It was crazier still that she'd really only known Marcus, Nala, Gustus and Madi for only about a month and a half. They'd all simply connected easily as a messed up little family. Family game nights had been a big thing at the house. Clarke had taught them some of the games from the Ark and they had taught her some of the games from the ground. A particular favorite of hers was one called Defeat the Mountain. She actually hated the game itself, but it was Gustus's favorite. She'd loved how happy he was every time they played. She'd actually, genuinely laughed when he'd decided Wanheda, who he'd learned about from some of the older kids at the school, had to be on his team and that meant that she had to be Wanheda. They'd all decided that the little boy had to keep too many secrets already and to wait before telling him she was Wanheda.
Now that same little boy and his parents were dead. Dead like so many other people Clarke had loved. She felt a sob beginning to well up, and she did her best to push it back. Still, she'd been forcing herself to hold back how she was feeling for so long. She just needed to let it out. This was not how she wanted to spend her day, crying about Marcus, Nala, and Gustus, but maybe it was how she needed to.
"You know, your mother was amazing," Clarke couldn't help but whisper to the baby. Her mind was stuck on Nala now. Her mind brought her back to the body in the house, but she forced herself to think about the first time she saw her, "She was standing on her amazing front porch with your father and you. Eventually I found out that they were talking about what to get Gustus for his fifth birthday. It would be today, you know. He was so excited. Constantly talking about the five of us taking the day to go to the pond and swim. He was positive you'd be able to do it too. 'My sister can do anything!' he'd say."
She spent a moment thinking about it, "And your father would just laugh and laugh. He'd say that we would have to wait and see. I miss him. I miss all of them."
There was a knock on the door, and then Lexa entered. "Clarke, the council is getting ready to convene. Would you like to walk with me?"
"Just a moment, Lexa," Clarke murmured, willing herself to not sound as she knew she had to.
"Have you been crying?" Lexa seemed concerned, walking closer to her, "Is it her father, the boy you killed?"
"Excuse me, Lexa, but that is none of your concern. Do you not remember why I killed him in the first place?" All of a sudden, a new type of longing filled Clarke. Finn had been so amazing. She'd avoided thinking about him too much ever since she'd gotten Madi. She felt bad for it too. It was almost like she was abusing his memory by using him like this, letting people assume Madi was his child. It didn't matter that she thought he wouldn't mind anyways. If he were still around, he'd be acting like a proud dad every time Madi was around.
"I am sorry for that, Clarke. You know that. But you made your choice that day just as I made mine," Lexa told her, "I assume you knew by then, of the child you carried. Did he as well?"
"I knew," Clarke lied, feeling it getting easier with each one. "But he didn't."
