Welcome back! I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's mostly fluff, a little sad, though, but I had a good time writing it!
Let me know what you think of it! Every suggestion, comment, or review is very welcome!
If there's any grammar mistake, let me know, please.
Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome!
B. M. Adams
Xoxo...
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from R&I, Just the plot and few characters
"Before anything, why didn't you tell me?" The detective said with a broken voice, looking sad and teary at Maura.
The blonde closed her eyes and sighed deeply, turning her face to her hands in her lap. "I don't know… I saw her standing there; at the front door, and I just couldn't stop thinking of you and your story. I was afraid of…" she couldn't say anything more due to the lump in her throat. She faced the brunette again.
"What were you afraid of?" She said, frowning, "Were you afraid of me? Why?" she was confused by Maura's actions; she couldn't understand why she didn't tell her in the first place.
She shook her head and looked right in the brunette's eyes, "I-I was afraid of what would that mean to you. Not telling you, what would that mean?" she said, looking down, embarrassed. Jane leaned back and raised an eyebrow in confusion, she tried to say something, but nothing came out of her mouth; she looked away and sighed.
"When I opened the door and saw her standing there, I thought it was you. The only thing that made me realized that it wasn't you was her eyes. When she spoke, her voice was just like yours" She saw Jane's face, blank and inexpressive, her eyes red and swollen from crying. She put her hand on the detective's leg. "I just could remember the day you told me," she said, turning her face to her desk. Jane looked at her confused "You were so sad and vulnerable, your voice was broken, and you were shaking, your words contained so much pain, it really hurt me, I know it still hurts you. I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure, and before any conclusion, I wanted to be a hundred percent sure. I didn't want you to evoke any unnecessary painful memory," she said with an apologetic look in her eyes. "I'm so, so sorry for keeping you out of this" she rubbed her leg. The brunette didn't answer.
Jane leaned against the couch and looked up at the ceiling. "I never really thought it'd hurt this much, and I never, ever imagine that it'll still hurt this much 24 years later," she said, in a broken and shaky voice; closing her eyes, tears began to stream down her cheeks.
Whit her thumb, Maura whipped her tears and looked at her lovingly, with a shimmer in her eyes that spoke of so much love and pure adoration for the brunette; she kissed her cheek and rested her forehead against it.
"I-I was so afraid of being a mother. I couldn't even take care of myself, how I was supposed to be responsible for someone that depended completely on me…You know, I've never talked about this, but I need to, I need to say it. I need to take the pain out. Even though I feel like an idiot," Jane exclaimed, her voice laced with tears.
"Honey, you can tell me anything, I don't care how stupid it is, I will never judge you, and you're certainly not an idiot. You are amazing, the strongest woman I've ever met, and I love you so, so much," She told her looking intently into the detective's deep brown eyes that were red from crying.
The detective didn't say anything but hold the blonde tightly against her side and kissed her temple. Suddenly she started to speak again. "The nurse didn't know that I gave her for adoption, and put the baby on my chest, at that moment I felt a kind of feeling that I can't even begin to explain…" The knot that has formed in her throat made her choke.
"That is the love a mother feels for her child. There are not enough words in the world to describe it," The blonde said, snuggled against the detective, with a slight smile on her face.
"I think so… It was so hard when the nurse took her from me. I was about to stop her, but yet again, I made a mistake; I let her slip through my fingers" She buried her face in the crook of Maura's neck. "I thought that with time I'd forget about it, and the emptiness in my heart will disappear, but that never happened. The hole in my heart grew bigger and bigger. I didn't know I would be so affected by this… I mean, see her again had brought out all the pain I hid inside" She sighed deeply. "Are you sure she is that baby?" She said, looking incredibly sad and affected at Maura.
"Yes, baby. The test determines a match between your DNA and hers," the blonde said, taking her head away from her lover's shoulder to look at her face directly.
"Why does this hurt so much," The brunette said, a mix of both rage and pain showed in her eyes. "Honey, you lost her, but even though you decided to give her for adoption, you are her mother," She said, seeing the tears shimmering in her detective's chocolaty eyes. "You love her so, so much; I can see it in your eyes when you play with Kathy when you read a bedtime story with her when you kiss her forehead every night before she goes to sleep. You are a mother at heart, Jane" Maura looked at Jane, and the look in her eyes told her that she just hit the right spot. "Sweetie, unfortunately, time can't erase anything, it can help to pull through the pain, but it cannot erase it. Baby, you cannot continue on denial, not to yourself; it is hurting you."
The detective looked up at her girlfriend and kissed her deeply, gratefulness and love soaking her lips. Both deepened the kiss until both were gasping for air. Maura cupped Jane's face with both hands. "I'm so sorry for not telling you, I'm sorry" she said, looking lovingly into Jane's eyes.
"You already apologized, and I'm sorry because I act like a kid; I was so overwhelmed by all of this that I just could run away from it" Maura smiled at her happily and hugged her as tight as she could, just enjoying the closeness and the bliss in her heart being in the brunettes strong, yet loving arms.
"It's almost time to pick Kathy up. She'll love if you come to pick her with me; she's been asking for you a lot lately," Maura said to the detective with a big smile.
"I will love to; I think I need to see her. I'll arrange some things up in the bullpen to have the evening off-duty, we don't have open cases, so I think I'll be easy," she said while she almost ran towards the elevator, but before she had left, she kissed the blonde purely.
A few minutes later, both were getting into Maura's car. Maura drove them to the daycare. The drive was silent and peaceful, both the blond and the brunette had a big smile plastered on their faces, and their hands were intertwined the whole drive. When they got to the educational center, Maura parked, and both got down. Maura was nervous that Claire was the one picking Melissa up today. Generally, it was Richard who picked her up, but sometimes she was the one doing it. Also, she was afraid of how Jane will react to Melissa; she was Claire's daughter; therefore, she was Jane's granddaughter.
"You think she'll be here," She said, rubbing her hands nervously. "I don't know, baby, but if she is, I'll tell you, and you can run away as fast as you can," she said, chuckling a little with a beautiful smile.
"Oh! Honey, you are so funny" she said, smirking and rolling her eyes at her girlfriend. Jane was about to kiss the blonde's lips when a high-pitched voice call from behind, "MOMMY!" Kathy screamed, jumping to her mother's arms that were approaching her. "Hello baby, how are you? Did you have fun today?" the blonde said to the girl in her arms. "Yes, mommy, I had a great day" she said excitedly, throwing her hand in the air. "I glad, baby. You know you have a special visitor" the older blonde exclaimed. "Who is it, mommy?" The girl asked, curious. Maura smiled and pointed to the brunette behind them.
The blonde kid jumped from her mother's arms and started to run to the brunette. "Auntie Janie!" the girl yelled at her. "Hi, bug! I've missed picking you up," The girl snuggled in Jane's arms. The three of them got in the car, and Maura drove them home.
"So, bug, what you think if when we get home, you and I make homemade lasagne? My Ma's Recipe is the best!" She asked, looking to her girlfriend and then to the little blonde, who said aloud 'Yey,' clasped her hands and started to jump her booster sit excitedly.
They got home and started to prepare the ingredients that they'll need to make de lasagne. The little blond and the brunette prepared the dinner while Maura was delighted by the scene, her two loves enjoying some time together, cooking homemade lasagne and just having a great time.
By the time the lasagne was in the oven, Kathy had sauce and Mozzarella in her hair. Jane ended up with her shirt stained by the sauce, the kitchen counter looked like a war zone, and even the floor had some food on it, but even with the disaster that Jane and Kathy made, Maura was so, so blissful so see them so happy and cheerful.
They ate dinner on the couch, watching The Beauty and the Beast. By the end of the movie, Kathy was fast asleep. "She almost made it through the whole movie," Maura said, watching her daughter's utterly adorable features. "Yes, she almost did; I think it's time to tucker in," She said, thinking that changing her into pajamas before the movie was a good idea. "Yes, we should" The blonde agreed with the brunette.
Jane carried the girl, followed by her mother. She put her into the sheets and pulled the cover-up to the girl's chin. Both women kissed her goodnight and went downstairs.
"In the end, today was a good day" The detective commented.
"Yes, it was… Thanks for telling me and letting me comfort you" She said, snuggling the chest of the detective.
"Thank you for making me feel comfortable enough. You are the only one that has made me feel so loved and comfortable" She hugged Maura close and kissed her head. "I love you, infinitely, my love."
Maura smiled, and a single tear trickled down her cheek. "I love you too, baby. I love you so, so much."
Seconds after, Maura remembered that tomorrow was the day that Melissa and Claire would come to the house again "Tomorrow is the playdate Claire and I set for the girls, I think you need to know in case you wanted to be here or not," she said nervously to Jane, not knowing how she will react.
Jane sight deeply, "I don't know. I'll figure it tomorrow. Right now, I just want to hold you" she simply said.
Not much after, Jane was about to leave when Maura said doubtfully with pleading eyes, "Would you like to stay… Just to sleep, I just don't want to be alone," Maura asked nervously.
Jane turned and smiled at her. "Of course" she simply said. The blonde grabbed her hand and led her to the bedroom. They didn't bother to change into pajamas; they just laid down snuggled in bed, enjoying the closeness and the immense love they both felt for each other. "Good night, my love" the brunette said with a big smile on her face and kissing her forehead.
