16
I lied awake tonight not even giving myself hope that I would be okay, that I would be able to sleep. No matter how many times Ujio kissed my cheeks or stroked my hair, or even pulled my body close to his, I couldn't get the assassin's face, or what I remember of it, out of my head. I just stared at the ceiling wishing I wasn't existing here right now. I sat up pulling away from his hold and I just ran my fingers through my hair. Ujio sat up with me resting his arm on his knee.
"You did the right thing tonight." he said and I just continued to stare down at my feet.
"Then why does I feel so horrible?" I asked and he gave a humorous snort.
"Because, you have never taken a life before." he said and I inhaled some and nodded. "But I am proud of you. Had you not killed that man, Magojiro would have died tonight." I closed my eyes in thought of his words before nodding yet I still felt so disgusting.
"Who sent those men after Katsumoto?" I asked looking at him and he slowly shook his head.
"I don't know." he said, and I just nodded.
"Will more come?" I asked. He shook his head once more.
"I cannot answer that." he told and I just nodded looking down some. I hated myself for what I was about to say.
"I cannot stay here if lives will constantly be in danger." I whispered fearful for what he might say.
"When they attacked, I was not thinking about my lord's safety as I killed those men. I was not thinking about if he was protected or in harm's way." he said and I looked up at him and he gently placed his calloused hand on my cheek, his thumb grazing it. "I thought about you." I stared at him more intently now as I realized, we were both distractions to each other as I distracted him more from his duties to Katsumoto.
"When…Algren was looking for you, I was fearful that he would find your body, that you were left unprotected and so something had happened." he said. I leaned in to his touch and felt a tear slide down my cheek. "I love you, but I cannot lose you." My eyes snapped open, and I looked up at him not expecting that at all from this conversation. I expected a disagreement from him. His eyes showed so much strength and power. I knew I did not want to lose him, but this was not living if more men were going to attack the village. I sighed with content and leaned in to his chest resting my cheek over his hair that covered his heart.
"I love you." I whispered softly and he just held my close and I closed my eyes letting more tears fall. The next morning, I awoke to Ujio gone but beside me was a bowl of rice and dumplings and I ate them silently. I met with Nathan and we walked the fields again.
"It was Omura who attacked. And I guarantee, there will be more attacks. If you are going to be here, you need to learn to defend yourself." he said.
"I'm not staying." I replied lowly cutting him off, and he looked at me with confused eyes. "We were living a dream. It was foolish to think things would work here." Nathan just shook his head pausing in his walk.
"But you love him." he said, and I nodded.
"I am a distraction to him." I replied.
"Did he say that?" Nathan asked offended, and I shook my head.
"No. It is truth." I replied and Nathan just nodded slowly.
"Alright." he said, and I was glad there was no arguments from either Ujio or Nathan. "The snow has melted and the paths are clear. We leave for Tokyo tomorrow. Katsumoto has requested a meeting with the emperor." I was indeed taken back by his words and I looked down.
"The emperor." I said lightly thinking about the first time I saw him. He seemed withdrawn not really speaking for himself when addressed about the modernization of his country. He seemed like he was afraid to move on. I shook my head and looked at Nathan.
"It's what needs to be done… Ujio's duties are to his lord and my duties were always to be by your side." I replied. Nathan and I both knew I was lying, but I was glad he didn't argue with me. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I just sighed and leaned in to his hold. Later on that day, I was at the springs bathing in silence.
"Nathan told me… you were both going to leave soon." I jumped at the voice as I turned and saw Taka who was also wearing a white robe meant for bathing. I covered myself slightly and just glanced at her.
"Yes." I replied and she nodded slightly and moved over beside me and I made room for her. We both just sat on the edge of the spring and I felt awkward. Taka always tried to keep herself distant from us.
"It is sad." She said and I glanced up at her seeing a polite smile on her face. "I had never seen Ujio so happy let alone smiling for no reason." I looked away trying not to hide the sadness growing in my eyes.
"He smiles for no reason?" I asked and she nodded.
"Yes. He thinks no one is watching, but we have seen what your being here has done to him. It was fate." she explained softly. "I too am sad. I am use to Nathan being around and now that he will be leaving, the children will be sad." I looked at her with mild closeness.
"And you will be sad?" I asked and she looked at me with flexed eyes, but just looked away and shook my head.
"Things have been different with him. I used to hate him. Every second he was in my house, I hated him and hoped he didn't heal from his wounds. But he has taught me forgiveness. And now, I only desire him to be here." she said and I nodded slowly at her explanation. So, it seemed, Nathan also was losing some one he cared about. I didn't even think Nathan could be in pain and battling his own emotions. I sighed and looked down wishing the day would go by slowly. The sun was slowly going down, and I was just sitting in the back of Ujio's home merely looking up at the sky. The sky always looked different when in different areas.
Ujio's POV
I watched her from afar as she stared up at the sky. Her hair was flowing and she seemed so sad. I wanted to console her, but I had to pull myself away a bit longer while I attended a meeting with the other generals. As many men spoke about tomorrow's ride, I actually forced myself to block out the conversation, something I had never done before. Tomorrow, Algren and Grace would be leaving forever. She would be gone forever. But I knew this was for the best. I promised my life and sword to Lord Katsumoto, and she knew that. Which is why I knew I had to let her go. I couldn't protect them both no matter how hard I tried. If something were to have happened to her last night, I could never forgive myself.
"Dismissed." I heard my lord say. I almost jumped, but I got up and began to move from the room, my only desire to comfort Grace one last time.
"Ujio." I heard my lord call and I stopped and turned to him standing at attention.
"My lord?" I asked watching as he sipped some tea in silence. He looked up at me with understanding eyes and he smiled.
"I can tell in your eyes, your heart is hurting." he replied slowly and I tensed some and shook my head once.
"No, Lord, I am alright." I lied and he tilted his head his eyes showing disbelief.
"Since when does my most honored warrior lie to me?" he asked, and I winced knowing I had been caught and I bowed my head.
"Forgive me, my Lord, for such weakness." I said and he nodded slowly standing up.
"Feeling emotions does not make you weak." he said moving over to me. "I know what tomorrow means for all of us." I nodded once and he looked out the nearest window that showed the village.
"There will be war." I replied, and he nodded slowly and collectively.
"I want everyone to be as safe as possible." he explained and I nodded. Grace would not have been safe here. If a battle persisted and I was killed, she'd be all alone in a whole new world. I couldn't do that to her. "You know I knew you had feelings for the African, before you even knew."
My head snapped up at him in confusion, and he just gave a knowing smile.
"How?" I asked and he just laughed.
"The day we came upon them both. You had observed her more than you observed Nathan. I could see the curiosity in your eyes- the fascination. That's why I wanted you to be in charge of her." he explained. 'My lord is quite a matchmaker' I thought sarcastically, but I nodded in reply. "If we are able to end this madness and return, then she will be allowed to return with us if she desires." I nodded once more.
"Thank you my Lord." I said lightly and he nodded and I bowed down to my toes and he dismissed me.
