Sylvia waited for Sara to start talking. She had a few views about Catherine herself, based on her knowledge of Sara's situation, and what she had witnessed earlier that afternoon, but she knew it would be best to wait and see what Sara had to say.

'Catherine confuses me' Sara said, sitting up a little straighter, hand rubbing on her belly.

'Before this week, we weren't really that close. We work really well together, when we put our minds to it, we really are a good work team. I've never really been close to anyone, never really had female friends, so it never really bothered me a lot. I've always tried to loose myself in work… I've been too busy for friends, relationships… There was Hank, but… well, that ended badly, even before the miscarriage… Which brings me too Catherine… I know it was an accident, but, ultimately, she caused my miscarriage..' Sara paused, trying to formulate her next sentence carefully.

'At first I was… grateful, relieved… then I was mad… angry… confused… I still am. It became harder to be over civil with her…with all of the team really, especially as the months went by, the due date…everything…' Sara paused again 'For a long time, I felt angry with her, because she had taken away a decision from me, even if she didn't know it. But, like I said, my emotions were all over the place…' Sara frowned 'I'm rambling, I know… It's hard getting this out…'

Sylvia just smiled a little, encouraging Sara to go on

'When I finally told her, she looked so… guilty, regretful… I stormed out. I felt, relieved. Relieved that finally someone knew, someone other than Hank knew. I placed all of that guilt on her, but I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.. It lasted all of five minutes… Then I was back to feeling like I had for most of the year…' Sara turned to look out the window 'After the incident at the lab, Catherine changed… I can't really explain it…but I know I started to see her in a different light. I mean, I started to notice how her hairstyle could reflect her mood, her smile… the way she walked, concentrated on evidence. Little things. She took my baby from me… but I found myself drawn to her… attracted to her…' Sara closed her eyes 'Was that wrong?' She asked, desperately needing to hear Sylvia's thoughts on the matter.

'It's complicated, like you said Sara, but it's understandable. Catherine inadvertently took away something from you, so naturally your thoughts turned more and more to the person who had caused the damage. It's normal whenever something like that happens. It's more likely to happen if you survive something, and someone else dies. Your baby died Sara, I know you understand that. It's what bought you here after all. Because Catherine was a part of it, you were drawn to her. It's normal, for a while.'

Sara sniffled, shifting in the bed again, she got up and walked over to the window 'And now?' she asked

'And now, now it's not so normal… I'm worried about your relationship with her Sara. I don't know exactly how you both got to the point of being sexually involved, but I do know that this amount of emotional attachment so soon, isn't healthy… I know she helped you, a lot, this past week, since everything came out in the open, but it seems to me that you are replacing your dependence on alcohol, with a dependence on Catherine.'

Sara nodded a little 'I can't help it…'

'Yes, you can' Sylvia said firmly

'How?' Sara asked, turning to look at the woman before her.

'It won't be easy Sara, but I'll be here to help'

Sara nodded

'You need to put some distance between yourself and Catherine, if you want to get better, you need to give her up, just like you need to give up the alcohol, the cutting, the suicide attempts, all of the bad habits and behaviours you have'

'I can't' Sara whispered, turning back to the window again

'You can Sara, you have to'

'I can't' Sara repeated, with a bit more force in her voice

'Why?' Sylvia asked, looking closely at Sara's body language

'I love her' Sara confessed.

Sylvia sighed, stood up, and walked over to Sara, standing by her side, she looked out of the window.

'Have you told her?'

'Yes'

'What did she say?' She asked gently, trying not to let her voice falter. She needed to remain professional, but she had never worked with someone quiet like Sara before, and this was only their first session.

Sara looked at the floor, then looked around slightly nervously, before walking back to the bed restlessly 'She said I couldn't… that I was latching on to her, to forget about the alcohol abuse…' She paced the room a little, wanting to curl back in the bed, but feeling unable to at this time

'Do you think she said it because she's right?' Sylvia asked, looking out at the view

'Yes…No…Maybe, I don't know…' Sara admitted with frustration

'How do you think Catherine feels?'

Sara slumped down into the chair 'I don't know… I didn't ask…'

'How did you end up in bed together the first time?'

'It's complicated' Sara whispered, trying to control her frustrations.

'Make it uncomplicated then, tell me what happened Sara'

Sara nodded slowly, and told her what had happened, up to the point where she had locked herself in the bathroom following the phone call that had interrupted them from Nick.

'So, at that point, it was strictly sexual, a built-up of frustrations and emotions, and from feeling so vulnerable?'

Sara nodded in agreement, but couldn't find her voice.

'What happened next?'

Sara was silent for a minute or two, and then told her everything to the point where Nick had joined them in bed, to sleep. 'I woke up…I was sandwiched between them both. I felt… excited… Nick had become, aroused, in his sleep… I responded to it. I involved Catherine. We all slept together. It was…amazing… I'd never done anything like that before. After we were finished, Nick left the room. Catherine and I carried on kissing one another… touching. We had sex again. Shortly afterwards we came here.'

'When it was the three of you together, were there any emotions involved?'

'No…I don't know… I don't think so…I'm not sure'

'How about when it was just the two of you again?'

'Yes' Sara confessed 'Yes… I don't regret what we all did, but I don't want it to happen again. Not all three of us, not just Nick. Just Catherine, I just want Catherine.'

'Want her like you want alcohol?' Sylvia asked, turning around. She knew it was a harsh question, but she knew it was also a much needed question.

Sara couldn't answer. She didn't know. She was so confused. The counselling was supposed to help, but right now it wasn't. She sat in silence for a while, and Sylvia just watched her, reading her body language once more. Sara tried to speak several times, but found it difficult. She knew there was no escaping the room, no imminent call from a doctor or nurse expected, that Catherine had been sent away, but right now she would have given anything to have someone walk into the room.

'I want to feel better, I don't want to lose another baby, I want this baby to be healthy. I can't do that alone. I need help. More help than I've ever needed, or admitted to needing. I want Catherine to help me. I need her to help me. I can't expect it to happen overnight, I've got a lot of wrongs to right, a lot of wounds to heal… I don't know what we are to one another, Catherine and I, I just know we have to take it day by day…minute by minute. You saw us, together; tell me you don't see us being happy together, eventually, one day?' Sara spoke at last. She didn't know if Sylvia would like or accept her answer, but it was the only one she had.

Sylvia just smiled.

Xxxx

It had been a few hours since Sylvia had left. For the most part the session had gone well. Sylvia would be back in the morning to talk to Sara about being released from the hospital. There was still a lot to talk about, but experience had told her patients generally recovered much better away from the hospital whenever it was possible. She was reluctant however to let Sara leave on her own. She felt it would be better if she had someone with her for a week or two. The medicine could stop her from drinking, the detox would help to, but the thoughts for a drink would still be there, as would the feeling and wish to self-harm again, or to once again attempt or think about suicide. Those topics would have to wait a while though. She knew pushing too much, too soon, normally had negative consequences. She had left the room telling Sara to be careful, that yes, taking things a minute at a time was a good approach, but that she would also have to think about her future. She knew Sara was exhausted, and wasn't surprised when Sara fall asleep before she had even left the room.

Sara had fallen into a light sleep, and was awoken when a porter came around with a tray of food. Sara mumbled her thanks, the warmth of the blankets comforting to her. She ate a little of the food, thinking over what had happened in the session, over the last week. She reached for her phone, and dialled a familiar number.

She could do this. She had to do this. She heard the click of the phone being answered

'Brass' came the voice

'Brass…It's Sara…' she whispered, her voice cracking a little. She knew that the entire CSI team knew she was in the hospital, she knew they knew why, but until this point she hadn't had any contact with anyone other than Catherine and Ecklie. She knew a couple of them had tried to visit, to phone, but she hadn't allowed anyone in to see her. She hadn't reached out to anyone.

'Brass… I messed up Brass… You were right, you were right all along' she confessed, voice cracking.

'It's ok Sara…It's all going to be ok… Will you let me come visit you now? I want to help Sara. I've only ever wanted to help'

'Please…' she whispered 'Please…I need somewhere to stay…' she began to cry

'It's ok Sara, We'll talk when I get there ok?' Brass said, a lump forming in his own throat. He had spent all week worrying about her, first the case with Rose, then the Husband lying about the abuse, the fall out. Learning that Sara had been admitted to hospital, the pregnancy, the alcoholism. He had tried to visit, had even used his badge to try and gain access, but he had been denied. They all had. Only Catherine had been allowed to see her, and Ecklie. No one had wanted to speak to Ecklie about her, and Catherine had avoided most of them. 'I'm on my way ok Sara, I'm on my way'

Xxx

Hope you enjoyed this. This will start to get lighter in the next few chapters. If you want to read something else whilst you're waiting, I'm also working on Communes and Tattoos, and just re-written and updated Deafening Silence. Review if you can, it brightens my day.

Emz.