Ai Hod Yu In

Chapter 25

Sneaking into Arkadia went off without a hitch. Octavia helped to lead her to a room, and then Clarke was left alone while she went to fetch Bellamy. Based on past experience, she had to guess Bellamy was gonna be mad at her. Everyone was mad at her these days, and she even had to admit she didn't blame them. She had abandoned her people, and though there had been many reasons she hadn't come back, part of it was actually shame. She knew she shouldn't have left. She couldn't truly regret it, because Madi was a gift and she was not sure that Madi would be better off without her. And she couldn't regret not coming back when he had asked her before, because a part of her had been so terrified that Lexa wouldn't keep her word and Madi would be in danger. She could regret hurting him though, and she knew she had.

There were voices outside the door, and Clarke knew that the time had come for her to try her best to convince him. Apparently Octavia had not calmed at all since they got in, for she was seething with rage and anger. The door opened, and there he was.

He stared at her, and she at him. They had once been two sides on the coin of leadership, but now it seemed they were doomed to be on two sides of the same war.

"Now I'm done." Octavia told him, turning around and walking away. He was still stuck staring at her though, only turning once when he heard the door close.

"Go easy on Octavia. I had to beg her to get me into camp," she lied, hoping to spare a bit of the sibling's relationship.

"What are you doing here, Clarke?" he asked her.

"We need to talk." She realized her mistaken words the second she said it, realizing that perhaps he would be offended by her telling him that they need to talk when there were so many times before now that they should have talked but didn't.

"Oh, you've decided that? The mighty Wanheda, who chose the Grounders over her own people? Who turned her back on us when we came to rescue you? Who didn't even tell us that she was pregnant? I don't even know who fathered your child, but now you want to talk. Maybe I don't want to talk now, did you consider that? Maybe I'm done with you and the secrets you always seem to keep." It was hard for her to not feel guilty when Bellamy said all of that, but she knew she had to focus. Their past was not going to save their people.

"I came here to tell you that the Ice Nation has paid a price. Justice has been served for the attack on Mount Weather. I came here to tell you it's over." She was getting closer to him, on the verge of screaming now.

"There it is again. Why do you get to decide it's over?"

"We did our part."

"We?"

"Lexa and I.. The Ice Queen is dead. The problem was solved and then you let Pike ruin everything." He started to move closer to her.

"Why are you here, Clarke?" he asked her.

"Arkadia needs to make things right. Or Lexa and the Twelve Clans will wipe us out." she told him.

"Let her try."

"Please tell me that going to war is not what you want," she was shaking her head as she said it, hoping desperately that he would assure that no, it was not what he wanted. His silence would have been answer enough for her.

"We've been at war since we landed. At least Pike understands that." he said.

"Pike is the problem. This isn't who you are."

"You're wrong. This is who I've always been. And I let you and Octavia and Kane convince me that we could trust these people when they've shown over and over who they are. And I won't let anyone else die for that mistake!" he raised his voice as he got further along.

"Bellamy. I need you. And we don't have much time." she hoped that perhaps this would get through to him.

"You need me?"

"Yes, I do. I need the guy who wouldn't let me pull that lever in Mount Weather by myself."

"You left me. You left everyone."

"Bellamy-"

"Enough, Clarke. You're not in charge here. And that's a good thing. Because people die when you're in charge. And you were willing to let a bomb drop on my sister. Then you made a deal with Lexa who left us in Mount Weather to die and forced us to kill everyone who helped us. People who trusted me! And then I finally find you, and I find out that you've been pregnant for probably the entire time I knew you just about, and you just never cared enough to tell me. To tell anyone, actually. You don't care about anyone but yourself, Clarke. And I'm done with it."

"I'm sorry," she said, sitting down finally, "I hate myself every day for what I've done. I ran because I was scared, Bellamy. I was terrified of what I would become next for my people. And so I ran until I found a place that I could live, and I spent every day wondering whether I should come home. But I was too ashamed. And so I just kept running and running. I'm sorry for leaving, but I knew I could because they had you."

And then, like a dam burst, she was crying again. She tried to stop herself. She wanted to stay strong. She couldn't help it, though. She was all around terrified. She had never wanted to be a leader. She was forced into it. But she was a mother now also. And if this didn't work, she would likely have to choose between her people and her child. And she knew who she would pick too. Bellamy walked over, bending down and touching her arm. Holding her hand even. Giving her hope. She looked over to him, and she knew she would never be able to live with herself if she had to choose between him and Madi. Because she would choose Madi every time, but she would want so badly to be able to pick him. He looked up at her, and she smiled a bit at him.

"I know we can fix this," she said to him.

"I'm sorry, too." She smiled even more, and then he was handcuffing her to the table.

"Hey. No, don't, no. Bellamy. Don't. Please. I need to get back to Madi! Please, Bellamy. I left her with Lexa! Please! Don't." He left without another word, and Clarke broke down sobbing. She'd felt so confident in this plan, and now it was very possible she would never see Madi again. How could she have been so stupid?

It felt like forever that she sat alone before Bellamy came back, grabbing her for transport.

"Pike should be in his quarters," the guard said.

"Bellamy, you don't have to do this," she told him.

"Yes, I do." he responded.

"Just let me go. Let me go back to my daughter."

"Believe it or not, I'm doing this for your own good. I'm sorry that I can't help the child to, but I can help you."

"Believe it or not, I'm doing this for yours," Octavia said, attacking the guard.

"You can't just hit a guard," Bellamy told Octavia.

"I just did. Let her go."

"I can't do that." he told them. They heard voices down the hall.

"They're coming," Clarke said.

"You should go," Bellamy told Octavia. While he was distracted, Clarke rushed over to the guard and grabbed his shock stick, hitting Bellamy right in the gut and then searching for the handcuff keys.

"Clarke, hurry up."

"Let's go."

"Follow me. Come on." They ran through the halls as fast as they could, knowing they needed to be quick.

"Mom?" Clarke asked, rushing over to hug the other woman.

"We know what happened. We know what Pike did. Is there anything we can do to prevent a retaliation?" her mother asked.

"Abby, hurry." Kane told them.

"We came here to give them Pike." Octavia told them

"He's the duly elected Chancellor. Our people knew what they were voting for. Besides, he has the guards and all the guns. Can't get close to him."

"And that's not the way we do things." her mother chimed in.

"Then maybe it's time we changed the way we do things," Octavia said. They all heard an announcement about a security breach, and Clarke knew they had to go.

"You two need to go. Now." Kane said.

"What about Lincoln?" Octavia asked.

"You want to help him? Do it from the outside. With this." Kane told her, "The range isn't great. Stay close and wait for me to contact you. Go."

Octavia went in the tunnel first, and then it was Clarke's turn.

"Come with me. Get to know your granddaughter. She's amazing, Mom. You'll love her if you give her a chance. She charms everyone she meets." she begged her mom.

"I wish I could." the woman said, caressing her face. "May we meet again."