'What's wrong with me?' Sara repeated through her tears

'Oh Sar….' Catherine just held her closer, trying to offer some comfort 'It's ok Sara, everything's ok, just breathe ok, you need to calm down….' Catherine rubbed her hand gently over Sara's chest, trying to even out her breathing, the other arm around her shoulder. 'It's ok, it's ok'

'What if it's not?' Sara struggled to get out through more hiccups, scratching at her arms once more.

'Shhhh….' Catherine moved her arm from around Sara, to cover her hand 'Stop scratching…. '

Sara just scratched all the more, until Catherine was forced to pry her arms apart 'Sara please… stop scratching….'

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…'

'I know, it's ok…' Catherine loosened her hold on Sara's arms, hoping that Sara wouldn't start again. Pulling her arms fully free, Sara trapped her hands between her legs, sniffling a few more times.

'Better?' Catherine questioned, trying her best to stay calm, when she was panicking on the inside.

'Yeah… No… I don't know…' Sara admitted. A an awkward silence settled between them, Sara shifting in her seat slightly, so her head was resting on the arm of the chair 'I feel like I'm in a fog Cat, and I don't know how to get out of it… It's almost as worse as my worst hangover…'

Catherine ran her hand through Sara's hair 'Do you want me to call the Dr?'

'No… No… please don't…. '

Catherine reluctantly agreed not too 'Sar… have you missed your medicine… or taken too much?'

'No… No…' Sara snapped 'I've taken it; I've taken it, why do you keep asking…'

Catherine's hand stilled in their movements 'I haven't Sara… I haven't asked…'

'Lies… Please don't…. You asked me this morning!' Sara choked out through a fresh wave of tears

'No sweetie… No, I wasn't here, remember, Jim was here, not me…' Catherine managed to get out, her own tears now falling. Her fear over Sara's well-being only increasing.

'Oh…' Sara hiccupped again, now scratching at her legs

'Sara… why do you keep scratching?'

'I don't…'

'Yes sweetie, you do, you are, and you're scratching now…'

Sara looked down at her hands, frowning; she stilled their movements 'I'm sorry… I'm sorry…I'm tired Cat, I'm really tired….'

'Ok…. Ok… Come on… to bed…'

'I can't' came the whispered response 'No…'

'Sara, if you're tired, you need to rest ok. I'll stay with you, if you like?'

Sara just shook her head no 'Lindsey….'

'She's with my Mum Sara, don't worry about it, please, let's get you to bed…'

'I can't' Sara repeated, trapping her hands once more to stop from scratching

'Why Sara?' Catherine questioned

'I told you, I don't sleep, I don't like to sleep, bad things happen when I sleep… I've slept too much, too much… much too much since that night at the club… more than the past month… no Cat, please… When I sleep Rose dies over and over… the victims scream, I scream… I feel their hands… so many hands…. Groping, grabbing… Please… I don't want to I don't want to!' Sara was screaming by now.

'Ok' was all Catherine could manage, wiping away the tears that were falling, she allowed Sara time to calm down by herself. She wanted to see how long it would take, what Sara would do.

Sara lay her head back down on the chair, her eyes drifting closed, before snapping open again, closing once more. Catherine just sat there, unmoving, watching. Waiting.

It took about ten minutes, and at last, Sara had fallen asleep, having exhausted herself in her frenzy.

Catherine placed another blanket over the sleeping brunette, and then crept in to the kitchen to make a drink. A few minutes later, Catherine sat so she could keep an eye on Sara, cup of tea in one hand, the documents and leaflets Eloise had given her in the other. Pulling out her phone, she set it to vibrate, and send a message to Brass

'Hey Brass, S scan went well, but S v. since getting back… exhausted herself, now dozing on chair… I'm ok to stay here until S wakes up… If u need 2 stay out, that's ok… otherwise best 2 come in v. … C xx'

Settling in to the chair, Catherine read through the literature she had

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Lithium and Prozac use in treating Depression and Bipolar disorders.

What you need to know -

Before being prescribed either medication, your Doctor or Health Care Provider will look at all of the Pros and Cons, and the benefits, of treating your condition/s with either drug, where nessaccary, a patient maybe prescribed both drugs. In these cases the patient's mental well-being and health would be considered at major risk without the drugs.

However, combining these medications can increase the risk of a rare but serious condition called the SerotoninSyndrome, which may include symptoms such as;-

Confusion,

Hallucination,

Seizure,

Extreme changes in blood pressure, or increased heart rate,

Fever,

Excessive sweating,

Shivering or shaking,

Blurred vision,

Muscle spasm or stiffness,

Tremor,

Incoordination,

Stomach cramp, or

Nausea, vomiting, and diarrhoea.

In extremely severe, but RARE cases it could result in coma and even death. You should contact your doctor immediately if you experience these symptoms while taking the medications. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

Although such side effects are rare, they are possible, and so constant monitoring of the patients physical health will be advised, among regular welfare checks with your HCP, and blood tests, and therapy/counselling to help with the core issues around the individual patient's needs. Any of these symptoms or side effects should be carefully recorded and reported as soon as possible. At times the patient may also seem more agitated and unsure of themselves, this can be more prevalent where either a double dose is taken (either deliberately or by mistake) or where a dose is missed (either deliberately or by mistake)

It is very important to take the drugs, and to only seize taking them with the Doctors permission.

If an alternative drug or mix of drugs can be given, it will be. It is important to note that a Doctors decision to mix Prozac and Lithium prescriptions is not taken lightly, and is often only done so as a last resort where no other options are available. This is especially true if the patient has a high risk of attempting suicide, or serious self-harm, if they have previously been addicted to other drugs or alcohol, or where they are a danger to themselves or others (particularly if pregnant)

The risk of such tablets in pregnancy, and the effect on a baby's health and survival rates vary from case to case, and regular monitoring of a pregnancy would be recommended and advised.

Lithium use in pregnancy can cause foetal heart defects, which your HCP, Dr or Midwife will be aware of and monitor. In some extreme cases, a scheduled early delivery will be advised, and if needed, organised.

Prozac currently has no reported side-effects to a baby's health.

If you are still concerned or have more questions, please get in touch with your HCP.

After Catherine had finished reading the leaflet once, she had to read it again to take it all in. She felt just as lost as ever. Sara hadn't shown any of the rare (but common) signs of Serontin Syndrome, but she had been a little spacy, agitated and overly emotional. Catherine had no idea if it was simply from the pregnancy hormones, the past few weeks catching up with her, a delayed reaction to the withdrawal of the alcohol or quiet what.

She just hoped Sara would wake up soon, and would be feeling better when she did.

Sometime later Catherine felt someone gently shake her awake, blinking a few times; she smiled when she saw Brass. Silently he handed her a mug of green tea, and then gestured for Catherine to follow him. Taking a sip or two of the drink first, Catherine followed Brass into Sara's room, where they wouldn't disturb her.

'Hey, how's she doing?' Brass whispered, perching on the edge of the bed with his own mug of tea

'Oh… I don't know…I don't understand how before, with no meds, we didn't notice or know Sara's bipolar, and now with these new meds and her hormones she's yo-yoing like crazy…'

'I know… But, listen, I've been thinking about that… Well, before she had work to focus on, first in the lab, often last out of the lab. Maxing out on overtime, going the extra mile for certain cases… Any change in behaviour we probably put down to work, cases… certain victims… I missed it, you missed it, hell, we all missed it… Then with the drinking…' Brass paused, and sighed, taking a sip of tea 'I knew… I mentioned it a while ago… she denied it, and like the fool that I am, I didn't push it. I believed her Catherine. It's sad, but it's true… Sara is great at lying. Granted she'd never lie or cheat in her job, it means to much to her… It's pretty much the only thing, for a while at least, that meant anything to her… but lying to herself, denying things, hiding things… to herself, to us, to others… hell, even the PEAP counsellor didn't pick up on anything… she's one hell of a liar…'

'I know' Catherine whispered dejectedly 'I'd trust her with my life Jim, hell, I'd trust her with Lindsey's even… but I don't trust her with her own… how sad is that? The woman I'm falling for, and I can't trust her to be alone for any length of time…'

'I know'

They sat in silence for a while, sipping at their tea

'So, what happened?' Jim asked at last 'Anything I need to know about?'

Catherine set her mug down 'Where do I even start with that? She refused to look at the scan, again… wouldn't speak to Eloise… I have no idea what she spoke about with Sylvia… I know she's feeling overwhelmed with the pregnancy… that she's scared to sleep… reluctant to take her medications, possibly bordering on paranoia at times, but…again, that could be just the hormones, cuz trust me Jim, they can really screw with even the most sane of people… oh, and now she's scratching at her arms whenever she's upset or agitated… oh, and hiccupping a lot because of how worked up she's getting…'

'Wow… poor girl'

'Yeah… and things could only get worse…'

'What do you mean?' Jim asked, setting his mug down.

'Well, they might have to induce Sara at 6.5 months, depending on how things look, her well-being mostly, and there's a risk her meds might not mix well… here…' Catherine reached into her pocket, pulling out a leaflet and handing it to Jim

'Serotonin Syndrome?' He questioned 'What's that?'

'Bad Jim, that's bad… just read…' Catherine glanced at her watch 'Wow… it's nearly 11, for someone who didn't want to sleep, Sara's been out of it for nearly 3 hours… she exhausted herself into sleep just after 8 in the end…'

Xxx

Not long after they had been talking, Catherine had left, it was a Friday night and she wanted some real sleep before spending the day with Lindsey, grateful that Grissom had understand her last minute change of plan of working that night. She'd make it up to him somehow.

Brass hadn't wanted to disturb Sara, but he needed to sleep too. He was reluctant to use Sara's bed however, and couldn't pull out the sofa-bed without disturbing Sara. Looking at her collection of books, he found something that caught his eye. Pulling it out, he thumbed through it, and then sat on the sofa, and began to read.

It had been a long time since Brass had found a book quite look this. A sci-fi book with a great setting, slightly bizarre characters, and enough intrigue to keep him turning the pages. He was so absorbed in the book – Stephen King's, The Tommyknockers, that he at first didn't hear Sara stirring, so he jumped a little when she heard her voice

'Which part are you at?'

Recovering Brass smiled 'Morning…go back to sleep if you like, it's only 3 am…'

'No, it's ok, I'm awake… besides, you haven't answered my question' Sara said with a wide smile as she stretched, and then bought her hands down to rub gently over her stomach

'Oh…'Gardener on the Rocks…Not long after dawn on the morning of July 4th, 1988, Gardener awoke…' Brass read

'-came to, anyway- near the end of the stone breakwater which extends out into the Atlantic not far from the Arcadia Funworld Amusement Park in Arcadia Beach, New Hampshire.' Sara finished for him 'Page 99' She added as Brass looked at her in amazement

'It's my favourite book Jim, certainly my favourite King book… I must have read it at least twice a year since it was first published in '88…' Sara said smirking, shrugging her shoulders slightly in her amusement 'Problem?'

'Oh no… no, not at all… except for the fact you're such a nerd!'

'Yes, but I'm a lovable nerd who you love, and who is pregnant, and you should know never to mock pregnant people, especially hungry ones!' Sara said with a massive smile 'I'm gonna make some Pasta… you hungry?'

Sara's smile was infectious, and soon Jim was smiling too 'Sure… why not…' he didn't want to say or do anything to risk breaking this good mood that Sara now found herself in. It was such a turn around to how Catherine had said she was before she had drifted to sleep.

'Good… Good… so, Tuna pasta bake, or Pesto pasta with tomatoes?'

'Oh… I don't mind, whichever is easier…'

'There both easy, both tasty… screw it, I'll do both and we can take the extra's to the lab… make sure everyone gets a proper meal for once… I swear it's only got worse, no one takes a break for food anymore… ok… so, it's 3… We should be done cooking by 5.30 at the latest… hopefully sooner if you stop just staring at me… shift finishes at 7… Scrap that… I'll eat an apple now, and then we can all have food together after shift finishes… I'll ring the team up… I'll see if Nick or Grissom could host… this place is a little small…'

Brass couldn't get a word in edgeways, but right now, he didn't mind. He liked this good mood of Sara's, and he just hoped it would last

'Ok… Ok, so who do I phone, Well, You, Griss, Nick, Warrick and Greg…that's 5… I know Cat's spending the day with Lindsey… I'll save her some for lunch or something… I know, I need to ask Doc, and Dave…Think I should invite the lab rats or anyone from P.D… I need to know how much to cook… Ok…'

Sara started to pull ingredients out of the kitchen cupboards, and dialled Grissom's number, putting the phone on speaker

'Grissom' came the reply

'Hello Gilbert!' Sara called out, pulling a few more things out of the cupboards

'Sara… are you ok?' he asked, surprised but happy at how chipper she sounded

'Good… good… I'm cooking… Brass says 'hey''

'Hey…' Came Brass's voice quietly

'So you're having a good day…evening…' Grissom questioned

'Yeah… now, just woke up, full of energy… that's why I'm cooking, I'm making tuna pasta and pesto pasta… anyways, I'm making enough for all of us to have breakfast…I need a favour… please say yes…' she said, her voice overly sweet

'What am I agreeing to?' Grissom asked over the phone

'I'll make the food… but we eat it at yours… my place is far too small…'

'Sara….'

'Please?' she interrupted

'Who exactly, is 'we'?' he questioned

'Oh, You, Nick, Warrick, Greg, Doc, Superdave, Brass and myself… Cat's busy… Maybe Archie… hell… I don't know, I can cook enough for about… 15…but it's your house… please Griss….'

Grissom sighed 'Ok….'

'YES!' Sara shrieked, causing both men to cover their ears

'On one condition Sara….' Grissom had to practically shout to be heard

'Oh…. What?' Sara asked sounding a little deflated

'Never call me Gilbert again!' Grissom said with laughter in his voice

'You got it Boss!' Sara said beaming once more, 'So….just after 7… save me a job, ask everyone for me? Please?'

'Ok Sara… one more thing though?'

'Yeah?' Sara asked

'Make some of your Garlic bread too?'

'Deal!'

Xxxxx

a/n ok… so, a mixed chapter again with a truly yo-yoing Sara… a couple of notes…

The Tommyknockers by Stephen King really is one of my favourite books, I highly recommend it… I first heard about it when I learnt the Movie would be on one night when I was on holiday, but I couldn't watch it due to the channel not being available… the next day I saw the book in a charity shop, and so bought it… the appeal came, not completely because of the Blurb, but because Marg Helegenberger (The lovely Catherine Willows) plays the main character of the story, Bobbi Anderson… I didn't see the movie for another 5 years… I love it, and the book… though I can't actually quote it like Sara can.

The other note of importance is that Serontin Syndrome is real, and nearly all of the italicised text is real… I just elaborated on it a little for the benefits of the story…

Hope you enjoyed… review if you can

Emz