Sara's spotless kitchen was now once again messy and cluttered. After sending Jim to get some more food supplies, Sara had cooked more than enough to feed a small army, and still have left overs. It really was true what she'd said to Catherine about cooking on a large scale or not at all. Looking around at the mess she had made Sara smiled. She truly felt happy right at this moment in time, and was excited to be providing a good breakfast for the people she worked with.

It was 6.40 and the food was just about done. Pulling out a large picnic box, tea towels and kitchen foil, Sara set about getting the food ready for driving to Grissom's townhouse, which was about a 10 minute drive away. Once everything was packed, Sara took out her phone.

She wanted to phone Catherine, but didn't want to wake her or interrupt any precious time with Lindsey, so she settled on sending a text instead

'Thanks 4 last nite, and sorry… fog lifted… I'm ok, truly… I've cooked a massive massive b/fast for the gang, gonna enjoy it round Grissom's after shift finishes… Sorry you missed work cuz of me, again… Jim told me. Hope u enjoy ur day with Lindzz. I'll cook 4 u both soon, if u still want me 2? Sorry 4 the essay… thanks 4 getting me through all of this… Just seen scan photo… still looks like an alien… speak later xxx have a good day xxx love to lindzz xxx Sxxx'

Sara paused for a moment, wondering if she should send the message or not. It wasn't as if they ever really send non-work related messages to each other in the past, and she was aware of how things could be misread and miscommunicated via texts, but before she could doubt herself too much, she hit send.

It didn't take long for her phone to alert her to a reply, opening it a little nervously Sara read

'xxxxx'

Was all it read. Sara shook her head a little, not knowing what to make of it. Looking at the clock, she realised she'd have to put it to the back of her mind for now. She quickly ran a brush through her hair and brushed her teeth, throwing on her shoes and a jacket, she grabbed her handbag, checking her tablets were inside as she wasn't due to take them just yet, and grabbed the food she had prepared.

'Ready?' She called out to Brass

'Ready, here…' he reached out 'Let me take one of these….'

Xxxx

By 7.20 everyone who could make it had gathered at Grissom's townhouse – Grissom, Greg, Nick, Doc, Mandy, Archie and even Hodges had made an appearance. Unfortunately Warrick and Superdave had to pull a double shift.

'So Sara' Greg started once everyone was sat down, and she was in the kitchen area slightly warming the food through and warming plates to serve it on

'Yeah?' She called back

'Why have you never cooked for us before?'

'Never had the time…' was her reply. People could take that how they wanted; right now she was on too much of an up too care.

'Anyone want anything to drink?' Grissom asked

'Sure, I'll take a beer' Archie answered, relaxing into his seat

'Good idea, me too!' Came Mandy's and Greg's voices at the same time.

Brass and Grissom both tensed at this. This hadn't been what Grissom meant when offering drinks around. Only Nick and Sara seemed to notice this though. Sara pulled three little orange bottles out of her handbag, deliberately in plain view of everyone, and took a little pill out of each one

'Gilbert…' she said with purpose in her voice 'If your guests want a drink, get them a damn drink, and don't stop on my account…I'd feel worse if you did…'

Everyone exchanged looks. They'd heard the rumours, some of them had even been confirmed, but no one had truly thought about what it had meant

'I'm sorry Sara…' Archie started

'Don't be, it's not your fault I screwed up, and it's not your fault I got into this mess…' she said waving the bottles in her hand. 'No one should miss out on a drink just because I'm a recovering alcoholic with major depression and bipolar disorder, and it's not anyone's fault I'm pregnant either, so now that that's cleared up, if you want a beer drink a god damned beer, and let's not talk about this again…' Sara turned slightly, pulling the oven door open 'Besides, breakfast is ready, and I'm starving, so let's eat… who wants what?'

Xxx

Catherine rolled over in her bed again, it was about 8am, and she'd been awake ever since getting Sara's text. She wanted to acknowledge it, but hadn't known how, so had settled with returning the message with 'xxxxx' and she'd been thinking about it ever since. She wanted to wake Lindsey up, to get started on the day, but she knew how awkward her little girl could be if she was woken up too early at the weekends. Catherine tossed in her bed again, and pulled herself out of bed. She had decided she wouldn't wake Lindsey up, per say, but that she would go and join her in her own bed. And hoped that Lindsey wouldn't mind too much

'Hey darlin…' Catherine whispered, slipping into the bed with her daughter, and pulling her close

'It's too early…' Lindsey mumbled snuggling closer to her mother.

'I know… I just really needed a cuddle baby…'

'I've missed you too Mum…' Lindsey said, playing with Catherine's necklace

'I'm sorry Lindzz…'

'It's ok… I'm happy it's the weekend… School is boring…'

'Lindsey Willows, school is very important!' Catherine said in a mock scolding voice, placing a kiss on top of Lindsey's head

'I know, but I'd prefer to learn about what I want to learn about'

'And what's that?' Catherine asked with a smile

'I'd love to learn about Flamingos, and Okapis, oh and Porcupines…' Lindsey said in the most serious voice she could muster in her still half asleep state

'Is that your way of asking if we can go to the Zoo today?'

'Duhhh'

'Ok, Ok, we can go….' Catherine said running her hand through Lindsey's hair

'Mummy…'

'Yeah baby?'

'Are you ok?' Lindsey asked, sitting up in bed a little

'Yeah… Yeah, I will be… Why?'

'Nanna said you'd been sad because your Friend was poorly… it's why I didn't see you much the other week…'

'Oh Baby… I'm so sorry… things are a little complicated right now, but I'm ok' Catherine said, moving so she was leaning against the headboard.

'I'm not a little girl anymore Mum, I want to help, if I can'

'I'm not sure you can, and besides, you are a little girl, you're my little girl, even when your 50 you'll be my little girl!' Catherine said pulling Lindsey closer

'Is it Sara?' Lindsey asked, ignoring what her mum had just said

'What makes you say that?' Catherine questioned, trying not to give anything away

'I heard Nanna and Aunt Nancy talking.. They said something about…' Lindsey paused for a moment, trying to remember the exact words she had heard 'Catherine's spent more time with that Sidle woman this week than her own daughter… I hope she doesn't make any more stupid mistakes… she nearly lost everything with Stephanie last time….' Lindsey had to concentrate on every word

'Sara's last name is Sidle… isn't it?' she questioned, but before Catherine could answer, she added 'Mummy… who's Stephanie?'

Xxx

'Damn Sara, you really are a good cook, I don't know what I prefer' complemented Hodges.

'Thanks…' Sara said a little shocked, Hodges rarely said a nice word about anyone or anything, so this really did mean a lot, and in fact, was one of the highlights of the morning for her.

'Yeah Sara, you should do this more often' Mandy added, reaching for another portion of the Tuna pasta 'That or give us the recipe, I swear mine never turns out like this'

Sara smiled again, and scratched at her arm nervously 'I don't share recipes' she mumbled, turning to look at Jim. He understood, he was never to mention the secret ingredients she had added to give both meals that magical twist.

'Hey Griss… got any decks of cards… say…' he looked around the room, counting how many people were there… say, 2 or 3, ideally with different backs to them?'

'Uh… Yeah, somewhere, I think why…'

Brass just smiled, and pulled out his own deck 'How about a little after breakfast entertainment, a massive mixed deck game of Jin-Rummy or simple black jack? The more cards and the more players, the more entertaining' Jim really did want to play, but he also wanted to do something to deflect the attention from Sara, and to snap her out of scratching at her arms. He hadn't seen it before, but from what Catherine had told him, he knew it was a bad habit and a good tell to Sara's fragile state of mind. He wanted desperately to avoid a meltdown, especially in front of everyone.

'Good idea!' Sara chimed in, recognising Brass's tactic for what it was. She sent him a quick smile of thanks, and then stood, gathering a few of the empty plates and heading into the kitchen.

'I'm in' came a chorus of answers

'Alas, I'm out, I need to get home to Barbara' Doc said, standing and grabbing his crutches 'I promised we'd go to the butterfly farm before we went for our dance class this evening… I've got Superdave covering for me later, so please be nice to him… If it's really an emergency for a Post call me, but try not to until after 1am though please… Sara…' he said turning, reaching out for her hand, he pulled it up and kissed it. It was a little bizarre to do so, but he was in a good mood, and so didn't care about what people thought 'Thank you for a delightful breakfast…' he winked 'I think I know what your secret ingredient was in the pesto pasta, but don't worry, your secrets safe with me'

Sara broke out into a grin, and pulled Doc into a hug, whispering into his her 'What secret ingredient?' she said in a light tone. She kissed him on the cheek, and blushed a little. 'Night Doc' she said a little louder as she pulled back

'Night Sara, night all'

Xxx

'Maybe when you're older, I'll explain who Stephanie is…was…' Catherine corrected herself

'Was?' Lindsey questioned, dropping her hand away from Catherine's necklace

'Yeah… she died…'

'How?' Lindsey questioned, her curiosity not picking up on Catherine's reluctance to talk

'It was a long time ago baby… I'll tell you another time, ok?'

'Ok…' Lindsey conceded 'What about Sara though? Is she ok Mum?'

Catherine took a deep breath, running her hands through her hair 'She's getting there Lindzz baby… there was a…misunderstanding… and she needed help with it. It's my job to help the good guys, and to stop the bad guys… you know that, don't you?'

'Yeah, I know… so Sara did something bad? Is she in prison?' Lindsey asked feeling a little confused with her mums vague answer

'No Baby… Sara didn't do anything bad… it just… looked like she did, but she didn't… but, I learnt that she has been very… sad' Catherine said, trying to think of the right words and the right way to explain this all to her daughter, especially if Sara was to be spending time with her in the future.

'Why was she sad?' Lindsey questioned

'It's complicated baby…'

'I'm not a little girl, you can tell me' Lindsey said, sitting up even straighter

'Do you know where babies come from?' Catherine asked, looking down into her lap

'Yeah… you told me that when I was 5 after I saw you and Daddy…you know…'

'Yeah, I know, I just wasn't sure if you would remember…'

'What does this have to do with Sara?' Lindsey questioned

'A long time ago, Sara was a mummy, just like me… but her baby died… Sara was very sad. She's been sad for a long time Lindzz, and it all got too much… last year she was expecting another baby, but something happened… she had a miscarriage. Do you know what a miscarriage is Lindsey?'

The little girl shook her head no

'Ok…' Catherine paused, trying to think how best explain it to the 9 year old. 'Ok, so, sometimes things go wrong, and a baby can die when still in its mummies tummy… it's called a miscarriage… this made Sara even more sad, but nobody knew. She kept it a secret, and then she got into trouble'

'But I thought you said she didn't do anything bad?' Lindsey said, slumping a little. Looking up at her mum, she saw the tears, and reached up to brush them away

'Why are you sad mummy?'

Catherine laughed a little despite the tears 'I'm sad because Sara is sad, and I don't like to see Sara sad' Catherine paused 'Sara… Sara kept hurting herself, in different ways, because she was sad Lindsey, and she didn't know how to deal with it. Now, I'm trying to help her to get better.'

'Oh…' Lindsey thought about it for a moment 'Ok… why don't we ask her to come to the Zoo then? That always makes me feel good' Catherine couldn't help but smile at her daughter's way of thinking

'It's not that easy baby… things are… complicated'

'You keep saying that, but not explaining it…If Sara's sad, she should spend the day with us, I'd cheer her up, and teach her all about Porcupines… No one can be sad looking at a Porcupine, they're so funny…' Lindsey couldn't help but giggle

'Lindzz… Baby… Sara and I… we… ok…' Catherine paused again 'Remember when Daddy was around, and we'd kiss and cuddle each other?'

'Yeah, that's what Mummies and Daddies do'

'Well, what if I wanted to kiss and cuddle Sara like that?'

'Oh…' Lindsey sat and thought for a moment 'That's ok, I think…Janine has two mummies, and Susan has two daddies… and I don't want to see you sad because Sara is sad… so, I think that's ok… why? Do you kiss and cuddle Sara like that?' Lindsey questioned

'Yes baby, I do… It's…complicated, I'm sorry I keep saying that, but it's true… I really like Sara, it's why I spent so much time looking after her… she was in my hotel for a few days, and then she was in the hospital…'

'Why was she in the Hospital?' Lindsey interrupted

'She's got a baby in her tummy'

'I thought you said she had a mis… miscarriage?'

'She did, this is a different baby…'

'How? It's not yours, that's not how babies are made… did she kiss and cuddle someone else?'

Catherine nodded sadly, thinking of just how many people Sara had 'kissed and cuddled', even those who had forced themselves upon her 'Yeah sweetie, she did… sometimes people have sex with the wrong people, for the wrong reasons… and now Sara has a baby in her tummy… if I keep kissing and cuddling Sara, it means that you get a little Brother or Sister… so, if you don't want that, I need to not see Sara…'

'Oh…' Lindsey thought about it for a long while

'Do you love her?' She questioned

'I'm getting there… It doesn't happen instantly, but I want Sara to be happy, and I want to stop her from hurting… she's very fragile right now… she's been through a lot, but yea…I think I do. I don't want to hurt her though Lindsey, it wouldn't be fair to her'

'Does Sara love you?'

'Yeah baby, she does. Like I said though, she's been through a lot, and her… her brain is a little…haywire… right now. Do you understand what I mean by that?'

'I think so…she's like… a delicate glass sculpture… we have to be careful not to shatter her, cuz gluing it back together would be really hard…'

'Yeah baby, that's a good way of putting it… God, I love you so much. How did you get so wise?' Catherine pulled her in for another cuddle

'So are we going to ask Sara to come to the Zoo or what? If she can't come today, we could go tomorrow, and go shopping today? I think you should treat me to some new books and toys for being so wise and clever! Besides, we can't stay in bed all day, I'm hungry and I want waffles for breakfast!' Lindsey giggled, jumping out of the bed and running out of the room before Catherine could say anything.

xxx

a/n Stephanie Watson from the episode Felonious Monk. The girl that Catherine used to dance with who was murdered.