Ai Hod Yu In

Chapter 32

A/N: Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long for an update. This chapter really didn't want to be written. It's finally done, though, and it's longer than expected. I hope everyone is staying as safe as possible in the situation we are all currently in. Enjoy, and I will be back soon with the next chapter

"She told you you could stay, didn't she?" Octavia demanded, "What did you say?"

"I told her I had to leave. That I had to help my people. We have until dawn before it goes into effect, I just wanted to get Madi's and I's things and take some time to be with her before we have to go. Just spend a little more time," she had to admit it. The desire to spend time with Lexa was strong. She grabbed her daughter and the bags she had packed.

"The kill order goes into effect at dawn," Octavia said to her, grabbing Lincoln's hand and pulling him out the door with him, "Make sure you're there."

"When do you leave?" Lexa asked, walking out of one of the side chambers in her rooms. Clarke felt a flash of regret, of pain at the thought of leaving this amazing woman. They would return to each other one day, though.

"Now," she whispered. She walked forward until she was right before Lexa, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You have to go back to your people. That's why I-" she trailed off though, a look of contemplation on her face. "That's why you're you."

Clarke felt a stab of regret. She had a feeling she knew what Lexa wanted to say, but it was true that it couldn't be said right now. It would change everything, and right now they each had their own responsibilities to their people. "Maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people."

"I hope so." Lexa held out her arm, and Clarke clasped her forearm in her hand. "May we meet again,"

Clarke leaned forward, bringing her mouth to Lexa's. There were no words for them right now, just this. Just each other. Their passion only grew, and they moved their forms to the bed and removed their clothes.

It felt like no time at all when Clarke knew she had to go. She stroked her hand up and down Lexa's bare arm, and a smile played at her lips. This was everything she could ever want, and yet she knew that she was about to leave it behind.

"If Octavia, Lincoln, Madi, and I are gonna get behind the blockade by dawn-" Clarke started, cut off by the beautiful woman in front of her shushing her. Her hand trailed to her back, noticing the tattoo there, "This is beautiful."

"I got it on my ascension day. A circle for every natblida that died when the commander chose me," Lexa murmured softly.

"Seven circles. I thought you said there were nine novitiates at your conclave," Clarke asked.

"There were."

"What happened to number eight?" Lexa turned around then.

"Can we talk about something else?"

"We don't have to talk at all," she smirked. They leaned forward to return to their earlier activities when Madi finally made it quite clear that she wanted attention, bursting out with a great wail. Clarke groaned, getting up and checking the girl. Realizing that there was nothing actually wrong with Madi, she began looking around for her daughter's favorite stuffed toy. It was a gift from Lexa, and it was the only thing to calm the termpermental child when she got it in her head that she wanted attention and she wanted it now.

"What are you looking for?" Lexa asked, sitting up from her place in bed.

"The stuffed horse you gave her," Clarke called from her place by her bags. After digging everything out, she finally had to admit it wasn't here, "Damn it. I must have left it in the room."

"You should go get it. I can watch Madi," Lexa told her, finally getting up to search for their clothes. She tossed Clarke hers while she pulled on her own.

"I should just take Madi with me. I'm already behind schedule as it is," she responded, smiling at the commander, "Somebody went and distracted me when I was meant to leave."

"I suppose this is goodbye then. At least for now." Clarke wanted to kiss the other woman again, but she knew that she would never leave if she did that.

"Goodbye, Lexa." And with that, Clarke grabbed the bags and the baby and walked back to their rooms.

She entered to a surprising sight. John Murphy, who she hadn't seen since he left with Jaha to find the City of Light, was tied up in the middle of her room. She spotted the horse laying to the side and shoved the child and toy on the bed, instead rushing to the tied up man.

"He's alive," Titus said, walking out of the shadows. Clarke felt more anger for Titus now than she ever had before.

"What did you do to my friend?" she asked him.

"Your friend was caught stealing from people on their way to the Polis market," he said. John began to groan, and Clarke turned her attention on him for the moment.

"Hey, you're okay. You're okay," she told him, reaching up to remove the gag.

"Please don't do that," Titus told her, causing her to look to him and finally notice the gun he held. She did some mental calculations. Murphy, Madi and her were all in a room with a man with a gun. She stood up and put her hands up.

"Titus, what is this about?" she asked.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, Clarke. Truly I am."

"Look. I'm leaving right now. My friends are waiting for me. Just let me take Murphy, and we'll all go."

"Wish I could. Lexa will never execute her duty while you live."

"Titus, think. She's gonna know it was you."

"She'll think it was him, Skaikru weapons in the hands of a Skaikru thief. Killing both you and the child? She might even be angry enough to declare war!" A bullet was shot, and Clarke ducked down. She knew it was aimed at her, but how long until he realized one of his targets was completely unprotected on the bed behind him? Clarke had to think, and she had to keep him distracted.

"You would kill me and an innocent child to start a war?" she asked him. She darted over to one side as Titus fired again.

"I would do it to protect her." Another shot. Clarke made her way closer, grabbing a chair and throwing it in his face. She'd grabbed Madi and was going for the door this time when the next shot rang out.

"Lexa," she breathed in horror, cradling the baby's head away from the violence while also watching terrified as the blood began to pour out of Lexa.

"Heda…" Titus cried. Lexa had a look of shock on her face, looking to Clarke once more before falling to the ground.

"No. No." Clarke cried, trying to gently place the baby on the floor again. Lexa simply lay there, gasping for breath. Titus rushed over as well, "Help me get her to the bed!"

Titus picked Lexa up and carried her, "What have I done?"

"I need something to stop the bleeding. You'll be okay. Just lie still, okay. Just lie still."

"Don't be afraid."

"You're gonna be fine. Just stay still." Clarke was aware of how desperate she sounded, how messed up even. She knew that if she let herself feel it, she would break down. She wasn't doing the best job of staying numb, but she was doing better than she had any right to be. Lexa's shirt was ripped open, and black blood covered the young commander's stomach. Lexa had small tears in her eyes, and she was gasping for breath. Clarke poured water, trying to be able to see the wound better, trying to fix this amazing woman, "She's losing too much blood. Stay with me."

She looked over a bit, ready to direct Titus to help her, but the man had taken out some red cloth that was filled with tools and some strange container, "What the hell is that? Titus, what are you doing?" Titus did not seem to be listening to her, and Lexa continued gasping, "I will fix you. Just stay with me. Oh, no. Get away from her."

Titus had made his way to Lexa, and he cradled her head in his hands, "Forgive me, heda."

Lexa said something in response to Titus, but Clarke only really understood that it was about her. Titus said something in return. A tear leaked from Lexa's eyes, and all Clarke wanted to do was shake her. To declare to the other woman that she was not dying today. To tell her that she was not allowed to leave her.

"Hey, hey. Don't you dare give up," Clarke told her.

"I'm not. My spirit will live on."

"NO! I'm not letting you die."

"There's nothing you can do now. The next commander will protect you."

"I don't want the next commander. I want you." Clarke knew she sounded desperate here, but she was barely holding back tears as it was. She wasn't ready to accept that this was Lexa's end. She wasn't ready to give her up.

"I'm ready, heda." Titus said, taking some of Lexa's blood and drawing a line down his forehead.

"Clarke…"

"I'm here."

"Ai gonplai ste odon." My fight is over. The words were heartwrenching for Clarke, who still wasn't ready to admit that this amazing woman in front of her was dying. But she was, and no amount of begging and pleading would change that. And yet, here she was in denial.

"No. No. I won't accept that. You've gotta hold on, Lexa. I need you still. I don't know if I'll ever stop needing you."

"You were right, Clarke. Life is about more than just surviving."

Clarke felt her heart breaking as she finally accepted the truth. She was nearly sobbing as she finally began to say, "In peace may you leave the shore. In love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again." Clarke ignored everything else around her as she leaned down and kissed Lexa's lips. When she pulled back again, she could only sob harder, knowing that she was gone. She leaned against her, trying to pretend that the other woman's chest still moved, that air still passed through those gorgeous lips of hers. For a moment, she pretended that those brown eyes sparked with mischief and love instead of this void that was there currently. For a moment, it was just as it was only hours ago. The two of them laid on the bed, Madi sleeping in the background. They were happy. But then Madi's screeches, which Clarke didn't even know how long she had ignored, returned. Lexa's eyes grew lifeless again. Clarke felt anger as she heard Titus's breathing from next to her, and she finally realized that Murphy was trying to calm Madi, even though he had no clue who she was. She closed Lexa's eyes, and Titus moved to her, touching her shoulder.

"I must complete the ritual. Please. The commander's spirit must be passed on. This is my purpose. You must allow me to complete the task. It is what the commander wanted." Titus told her. She backed away a bit, her sobs still wracking her entire body, her mind both filled with grief and completely numb at the same time. She was expecting to wake up any minute now, laid in bed next to Lexa. Murphy walked over to her, apparently having been able to quiet the baby.

"Come on. We have to go."

"No."

"Yu gonplei ste odon, Lexa kom Trikru. Gonplei kom heda kee goin." Titus intoned, grabbing Lexa's body and turning her to the side.

"What are you doing?" Clarke cried. Titus removed the clothes off Lexa's neck, and Clarke saw a tattoo on there.

"The sacred symbol." Murphy muttered. Titus took a scalpel.

"What are you doing?" Clarke asked. Titus ignored her, instead cutting into the neck. Something started to rise out, "Oh, my god."

"What the hell?" Murphy asked. Titus grabbed the thing out of Lexa's neck, taking a bunch of wires out with it.

"What is that?"

"It's an A.I." Murphy told her.

"Wrong. It's the spirit of the commander." Titus said, moving to put it away. Clarke's numbness snapped out of her, filling her instead with fear. This was the thing she had really been protecting Madi from all along? An A.I.? How could she even protect her from something like that? She knew one thing for certain, though. That thing was going nowhere near her daughter. Her terror only grew as she understood what happened next. The conclave.