'I'm sorry!' Sara blurted out, before Catherine could respond 'I fall asleep, and I missed them…' Sara pushed herself up, and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

'Sara!' Catherine cried out, throwing her head into her arms, falling back down into the bed. She had to be at work in less than 90 minutes, and knew she'd be in trouble if she missed yet more work, no matter the circumstances. She really didn't know what to do. Leaving Sara in this state wasn't an option, but pushing the matter could also make things worse.

Whilst Catherine was still trying to decide what to do, the bathroom door opened, and Sara walked out, wiping at some tears 'bladder…' she mumbled, not looking up at Catherine, she began to gather her clothes and get dressed.

Once Sara pulled on her trousers, she sat on the edge of the bed, head bent looking at the floor. She wanted to explain to Catherine how she felt, but she had no idea where to start. Sighing, she stood up, and walked towards the door. 'I'm going to call Brass… enjoy work….'

'Sara… Sara wait….' Catherine almost shouted, getting up from the bed.

Sara paused at the door, her hand on the handle

'I'm sorry Nancy said what she did, and I'm sorry the day was too much for you…but you need to look after yourself, your prescription…'

Sara interrupted her 'I know, it's important, and all that crap, I didn't mean to miss them again Cat, but I fall asleep, ok, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that about 17 years of little sleep is finally catching up with me, I'm sorry for being a burden, and I'm sorry I keep fucking up!' Sara began crying, but as Catherine reached out a hand, and placed it on her shoulder, Sara shrugged it away

'I need to go….' She opened the door, and stormed out, calling Brass from outside, not caring that it was currently raining.

All Catherine could do was watch from the bedroom window, until she knew Sara was safely in Brass's company, and then she reluctantly got ready for work, hoping it would be a busy night so she could keep herself distracted.

Xxx

When Nancy had dropped Lindsey off after school, she hadn't come into the house for a coffee like she normally did, but had sent a text from the car 'have to work tonight, Mum having Lindzz as Jeremy going to his dads, Mum said she'd be over by 9.30'

Catherine read the message and threw her phone down. Dealing with an overly emotional Sara would be one thing, but also having Nancy to deal with, and presumably her Mum later was a whole other nightmare.

Almost 3 days had past, and Catherine hadn't heard a word from Sara, and had barely gotten any news from Brass either. She hoped that for once the adage 'No news is good news' was actually true, and not just wishful thinking.

Xxx

'Brass… can you pick me up please?' Sara whispered, her voice shaking, as she stood outside in the rain.

'Sure Sara, when?'

'Now…please… please….'

'On my way…' Brass said hanging up and rushing out the door, he knew instantly that something was wrong, and he almost couldn't drive fast enough.

Brass made it to Catherine's in half the time it normally took, but was still very anxious that it wasn't quick enough. Sara had sounded so vulnerable on the phone, and he had no idea why. Pulling up, his anger and concern only increased when he saw that Sara was standing out in the rain. Reaching over he opened the door for her, and as soon as she was in the car, he drove off again. The questions would have to wait, right now he wanted to get her home safe, somewhere warm and dry.

He tried his best to ignore Sara's sniffles, knowing it was best to give her a minute or two before cornering her about what an earth had happened, but it was hard. He kept glancing over at her, after the fifth time, Sara snapped

'Eyes on the road!' and turned further away from him.

Luckily the rest of the drive didn't take too long, and soon both Brass and Sara were hurrying out of the car, out of the rain, and into Sara's building.

Almost immediately though, Sara stormed into her room, pulled of her wet clothes, and then threw herself under the covers, tears now coming thick and fast.

Jim was getting really worried, and didn't know what to do. If he phoned Catherine, he would get a straight answer, but no understanding of Sara's mind set, if he confronted Sara, she could get defensive, or worse, lie.

Deciding to try and reach a middle ground, he put the kettle on, found Sara's hot water bottle and dressing gown, and set about making Sara warmer, and hopefully, more comfortable. He quickly sent a message to Catherine which read 'S home safe, msg u later. Hope ur okay, Brass'

Knocking gently on Sara's door, Jim stepped in before she had chance to tell him to go away.

'Here….' He placed the tea on the side, and handed her the gown and bottle 'You'll catch a chill….'

Sara just sniffled, but took the items, slipping the robe on, then hugging the bottle closely to her body.

'What happened?' He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed

'I don't wanna talk about it'

'You have to at some point Sara…'

Sara shook her head 'Not yet…please, not yet…' sitting up a little more in bed, she reached for the tea, and mumbled her thanks.

'Sara….I want to help…'

'I know…but it's not your fault I keep screwing up Jim…'

'Why do you say that, what did you screw up?'

'Everything… I was overdue my meds, again, then fall asleep… then Nancy… I… I heard everything…'

'Nancy?' Brass questioned a little confused

'Catherine's sister… she caught us sleeping in bed together…'

'Oh…' Brass tried to smile 'That's not too bad though, is it? It isn't her business…'

'I… I reacted badly, to how Cat reacted… she thought I was asleep, but I wasn't… I heard everything… I'd fallen asleep, and missed my meds, still…again… God, I still haven't had them, I was so angry…'

'Sara….'

'Don't Brass, don't you think I've heard the lecture enough!' Sara snapped, her hand curling tightly into a fist

'Then why do you keep missing them?'

'I don't know…' Sara sighed, sounding tired and defeated

'Yes you do' Brass challenged, feeling the need to shock Sara into admitting what was going on.

Sara just looked at him, and he matched her stare, eventually she looked away

'I… I don't like taking them, and I don't like being seen to take them, or I've been sleeping, or lost track of time… I'm…. I'm scared to admit, just how much I need them, how much they help level me, because I don't want them Jim, I really don't want them, they messed up my Mum, and they're messing me up. I wish so badly I'd never gone to that damn club, that I'd never met Rose, that'd we'd never gone to that Hotel, that I hadn't slept with her, that she hadn't died… God Jim, it hurts so much, being treated like I'm glass, having to deal with all of this, no one understands what this feels like, what I've been through, what I'm going through, and I just keep fucking it all up…I'm scared Dad…I'm really scared!' By now Sara was in floods of tears, barely coherent, sometimes shouting, sometimes choking on her own words. Brass tried to place a comforting hand on her leg, but she just shrugged it away.

'I know you're scared kiddo, but we can fix this, ok?'

'How?' Sara eventually got out

'Well, we'll start small, set alarms to prompt you to have the medications at the right time, so then even if your asleep, or have company, you can take them… how does that sound?'

Sara nodded slightly, trying to dry her tears away.

'Everything else Sara, you know you can't change, we just need to improve, ok?'

Sara nodded again, and slid further down into the bed

'Let's see your prescription….'

'In my bag…' Sara mumbled, rolling onto her side

'Ok…' Brass got up to receive them, and then looked at the pots, the dosage instructions, and how often they should be taken

'Ok… have you had any of them today?'

'Yeah… I had Prozac and Lithium at the Zoo a little before lunch, all 3 with breakfast…'

'Ok…' Brass pulled out his note pad, and wrote something down

'Well, today you seem fine with the Prozac levels, that's morning and noon… same with the Disulfiram, once a day…it's the Lithium you miss the most… no wonder you're still a little up and down love, it's the Bipolar drug…'

'I know what it is' Sara snapped

'I know you do Sara… look… why don't we set you up on a night time schedule, you're typically used to being up then anyway, working Grave… and, hopefully, you'll be getting back to work soon… how does that sound? Then, if you need to sleep during the day, you can….ok?'

'Ok….'

'Great… so… It's nearly 9.30 now, shift starts at 10, right?'

Sara nodded

'Ok… so… here, take all 3…' Sara took them with the last of her cold tea

'So… you need more Lithium and Prozac in… 4-6 hours, so let's call it 5, so that would be… 2.30… and then more Lithium at… 7.30…' Brass took her phone and set the various alarms needed, making sure they'd go off at the same time every day

'See, step one… '

'Thanks…' Sara mumbled, looking up at him

'That's ok Sara… I'm here to help, no matter what it is, ok?'

'What about your vitamins, folic acid that kinda thing?'

'That's fine, it's actually the one thing I automatically do, especially as often that's all I have for breakfast with some juice…' Sara admitted, even though she knew Brass would be disappointed in her.

'I could sit here, and lecture you about the importance of eating Sara, but, again, we can't change what's already happened, and I'd be a hypocrite to do so anyway, it's not like I eat healthily or regularly, so I won't lecture you, just advise you, you're eating for 2 now, you may not feel like eating, but your baby needs you too…'

'I know….'

'Good… now then, do you wanna get out of bed, try and get this body clock realigned for CSI time, or do you want to sleep for a few hours?'

'I don't know…. I'm really tired, but I'm also still a little… out of sorts…'

'I know…'

'Do you think Catherine will forgive me?' Sara asked after a few minutes of silence

'Yeah, with time… but, you're not making it easy on yourself Sara, or easy on her… she told me she'd trust you with her life, with Lindsey's even, but not yours… she really cares for you Sara, but there's only so much we can do, and it hurts to see you keep hurting yourself… do you understand?'

'Yeah… I understand… she told me, she told me she loved me today, at the Zoo…'

'That's great news' Brass beamed

'Yeah… then I fucked it up, not once, not twice, but three times!'

'How?' Brass questioned again

'I wanted to leave… it was all too much… I went out to the car, but still they took ages to leave… I fall asleep in the car. I ruined the day, by asking to leave… before then I'd been back and forth to the bathroom a good half dozen times, and I could tell it was beginning to annoy them… then I found myself staring at my body… we were back at Cat's, and I saw her mirror… no, I looked for her mirror… I stood in front of it for ages, feeling disgusted with my body, myself…. That's when she realised I needed the Lithium… she went to see to Lindzz… I didn't take them, because I fall asleep… then Nancy caught us…. I told Catherine she hadn't even tried to defend me…us… that she was ashamed of me… I said a few other things, than I called you, and I don't know how to fix all of that…'

'What do you want to do about it in the next… half hour?'

'I don't know….I don't know… I left because I was hurt and confused, and she had to get to work… I couldn't stand it if she got into trouble at work because of me… you know what Ecklie's like… And I just really needed some time away from her….'

'Ok… so, right now, you don't know what to do, so do nothing for a little bit longer…sleep maybe…'

'Thanks…'

Brass got up to leave, but Sara stopped him

'Ecklie's offering me compensation, because of what happened…how do I even….'

'Yeah, I know' Brass sat back down again 'Catherine told me… did she tell you how much the maximum claim would be, no question's asked?'

Sara shook her head no

'1.4 million!' Brass exclaimed

'What?' Sara shot up in the bed, eye's blinking

'You heard right… if you want it, it's yours… there's various policies and insurances' in place… Ecklie would hate if you took all of it, but he couldn't deny it, he'd just have to hope no other… mishaps… happened to the lab or anyone else for about… I don't know, a long time after…'

'1.4…' Sara whispered, her mind barely comprehending the huge amount of money, and how her life could be so different if she took every last Nickel.

'So… now that you have a maximum figure, why don't you sleep a little, I'm sure your brain will mull it over whilst you rest…'

Sara nodded, falling back against the pillows, rolling onto her other side, she was asleep within the minute.

Brass stood quietly, pulled the blankets up around her shoulders, and quietly left the room, leaving the door ajar.

Xxx

Sorry it's been a while, It's been a weird week!

Thanks for the reviews mstonks and helly1bradleywyatt, they really do make my day!

The next chapter will deal with the rest of the 3 days since Catherine saw Sara last, and will hopefully be written before Monday.

Thanks again for reading

Emz