Chapter 15: Letting go of the grief.

Nadia sat beside Hermione and Ron on the Gryffindor bench in the great hall, they were laughing and bantering together while eating the banquet that was laid out for them. Nadia wasn't eating much, due to her hay-wire emotions and exhaustion but she tried to get involved in the conversations as much as she could. Even though she wasn't feeling herself now, she didn't particularly want to lose her friends, she'd already lost Cedric, which meant she cherished her remaining friends like they were gold.

She was so involved in a conversation with the twins about their new pranks and things they were thinking about selling that she didn't notice Blaise creep up beside her until he had spoken.

"Hey Rachai, I came to give you this." She was so preoccupied with the suddenness of Blaise and the terror she felt at being taken by surprise, she didn't see what Blaise was holding and she didn't notice that the Gryffindor's surrounding had become silent at the unwanted slytherin. Thoughts of that terrifying night rushed through her head, the way Cedric's death took her by surprise, how the spare could've easily been her or harry, how close she was to death. The simple notion of Blaise creeping up her unannounced and terrifying her to death made her feel weaker than ever before, she didn't like it.

"Hey, hey look at me you're ok your safe." Blaise uttered reassuringly as he clutched her shoulders in comfort, his words pulled her from her vision and back to the present where she was met with the stern eyes of her brother.

"Sorry, I'm fine, just don't creep up on me like that again." She muttered quietly with a relieved breath and watched as Blaise dropped his hands from her shoulders in reassurance. She felt Hermione squeeze her hand form beside her and she returned the gesture by smiling at her in return.

"Hear it's not from me, but I had to give it to you because I didn't want people to ask question it he gave it to you." She knew he meant Draco and she was thankful to Blaise that he was so accepting of her and Draco. Well as accepting as he was gonna get. She was also thankful that he said it quietly enough that only her and Hermione could hear. He passed her the folded parchment and Nadia's heart melted at the all too familiar curly of Draco's handwriting.

"Thank you." Nadia uttered in thanks and she clutched Blaise into a quick hug before he departed back to the slytheirn table. She watched as he plunked himself beside a girl she'd never seen before, he curiosity over her increased when she saw her laughing and joking around with Draco, who was sitting directly across from her. She couldn't see his expression, but the jealousy roaring through her hoped he wasn't laughing along with her. You could tell the girl was a slytherin, if her cold stormy grey eyes weren't indication enough and on top of that she was breaking the rules by wearing a reverse snapback hat atop her messy mousy brown hair. It's not like Nadia had anything against breaking the rules, she'd it done several times by wearing her heels, but the fact that the girl was breaking the rules and talking to her boyfriend made Nadia hate the girl even more.

She's never seen the girl before and Nadia wondered if she was new, but that couldn't have been the case because she seemed so at ease around Blaise and Draco, like she'd known them her whole life. Maybe the girl's been here all along but because Nadia had been so preoccupied with the tournament, a new school, and the return of Voldemort, maybe she just hadn't noticed the girl.

"You know if you carrying on staring and thinking like that, your head will explode and your eyes will melt." Hermione whispered into her ear, causing Nadia to snap out of her case and towards back towards the Gryffindor table and Hermione.

"Sorry was just wondering how that girl was flirting with my boyfriend like there was no tomorrow." Nadia grumbled in anger quietly, careful not to get caught out by the now talking professor Dumbledore.

"Jealousy isn't a good look on you girl, but I don't blame you, the girl is Raven Blackthorn, the notorious don't give a shit slytheirn. She's popular for her looks, attitude, and her knack for having more boy mates then girls. She's Slytheirn to the bone that one. Anyway, she's nothing compared to you, so open that letter and see what lover boy has said." Hermione's description of this Raven girl didn't seem to help her worrying much, but the mention of Draco's letter did help avert her attention to something different. So, she opened the flap of parchment and began to read his neat calligraphy.

Dear Rachai,

Yeah yeah, I know Blaise is the only one that calls you that but I can't think I should get to call you by your real name, since I am your boyfriend. Anyway, Blaise told me, you haven't been sleeping well, so since I can't help you to sleep in your dorms. Meet me at the room of requirement tonight. And besides we've got some catching up to do, if you know what I mean. ;)

Yours always

DM xxx

She re-read the letter a few times, each time making her face blush a deeper shade of scarlet. Hermione giggled softly from beside her and Nadia couldn't help but laugh along with her, Herms can be so girly sometimes.

"Are you two laughing about what I'm laughing about? That women teaching us defence against the dark arts? Comical" Ron muttered from the other side of Nadia, curiosity got the better of her and she folded the letter and looked towards the front of the hall. The sight really was comical, the women before them was old maybe late forties and was wearing the most unflattering pink suit ever. Hermione seemed to find it comical also.

Nadia tried not to laugh along with the others while the professor uttered he speech happily and she reluctantly clapped along with the other students when she'd finished. She then stole a glance over to the slytheirn table to find Draco and Raven were still laughing and talking even though the professors had been speaking. However, Nadia wasn't all that surprised, especially after Hermione had told her about the girls 'don't give a shit' attitude and Draco's lack of respect for the Hogwarts's professors. She turned back to the others and continued to listen to their conversation, she'd missed most of it but she could her the bone chilling revelation from Hermione.

"It means the Ministry's interfering at Hogwarts."

After dinner in the great hall all houses were told to retire to their common rooms for the night, which Nadia was all but grateful for, she's had enough of watching that Raven girl flirt with her boyfriend. Nadia and Hermione retired to their dorms early, so that they could unpack and get ready for bed in the short amount of time they had. Nadia wasn't one to wait until the next morning to get stuff sorted like the boys were, even though she didn't want to admit it she was a bit of a perfectionist.

The decision to not go down and socialise in the common room after dinner meant that she wasn't there for the outburst between Harry and Seamus, so she heard it from Ginny who angrily explained it all from her bed after she stomped up the stairs in a rage.

The retelling made Nadia angry and confused also and she laid awake after lights out wondering feverously about it. Why did so many people not believe Voldemort was back? Why did the whole thing seem so unbelievable to so many people? Harry and herself were there, they saw the whole thing, which meant the student body had two witnesses instead of one, which has more power in belief instead of just one witness.

With her brain storming with thoughts and now such luck of getting to sleep, she pulled on her slippers and trudged from the Gryffindor common room and up towards the room of Requirement. She was relieved to find Draco slumped against the wall in exhaustion and was anxiously waiting for her.

"Took long enough baby, nearly fell asleep out here." He joked while clambering from the floor. He engulfed Nadia into a hug she felt herself melt into his embrace like liquid. Ohh how she missed this. She then lent her head back and connected her lips with his, the kiss started off as soft and gentle, but then gradually got more passionate, causing Nadia's breaths to become laboured and her heart to beat rapidly. Eventually she pulled away and looked up into his sparkling azure eyes.

"I'm very much enjoying this but I don't particularly want to get caught by Mr Filch." He laughed in response and pulled Nadia through the giant wooden doors and into their secret room of sanctuary. This time the room was different the old-fashioned stone fireplace was still there but instead of the sofa, a four-poster bed had taken its place. However, it wasn't the sight of the bed that shocked her it was the cello, that lay harmlessly in its stand beside the fireplace. Tears began to spill her eyes as the dark wooden instrument reminded her of the dark night in the cemetery.

"What's the matter baby? Do you wanna play me something?" His words hit her like ice and she started at the instrument in disgust, from now on she vowed never to pick up the cello and play a note again.

"I don't play anymore." She stated into the air and turned away towards the bed and climbed in, Draco had the good sense not to question why. Instead he walked over to the bed and crawled over her until his eyes met with hers. She sucked in a breath at the sudden intimacy and the bolts of electricity thrumming through her body. His eyes began to darken with lust and her body began to explode at the missing touch of him and the sudden desire to feel every inch of his body.

As if reading her mind, he leans down and connects his lips with his, continuing the passionate kiss from before. All thoughts rush from her head leaving the only word she can think or even want to say.

Draco.

That was all she wanted.

He brushed his fingers across her shoulders, letting the straps of her t-shirt fall. Pulling her into a gentle embrace, his lips caressed hers, making all thoughts leave her as if her mind was an empty shell, yet, her body was something experiencing everything at once. His eyes were the only thing she could see when he pulled back to envy her face, they sparkled with mischief, love, and desire.

He ran his hands lightly over her curvaceous body as he looked deep into her eyes before he whispered the words she'd been dying to her since the day he first spoke them.

"I love you Rachai Rose Zabini" The use of her actual full name, made her heart melt for the love and desire she felt for him in that precise moment.

"I love you too, Draco Lucius Malfoy." She whispered into the air and she watched as his eyes sparkled with even more desire then before.

Slowly, they began to take turns to remove each others clothing, until all that separated them was her excited breathing blowing gently on his chest. Then we become arms, legs, an assortment of limbs. Then we are joined and moving soundlessly as feelings and emotions explode throughout making her feel like electricity is humming inside her body making every nerve, vessel and vein pulse and flicker. Making her feel more alive than ever before. This was so much better than the first time as they join and she begins to feel like she knows all the secrets of the universe.

That night was the first night, enveloped in Draco's arms, that she slept soundless through.

"Good morning, children. Ordinary Wizarding Level examinations. O-W-Ls. More commonly known as OWLs. Study hard and you will be rewarded. Fail to do so, and the consequences may be severe. Your previous instruction in this subject has been disturbingly uneven. But you'll be pleased to know, from now on... ...you will be following a carefully structured, Ministry-approved... ...course of defensive magic. Yes?" Professor Umbridge trilled from the front of the classroom wearing her all to annoying smile. Nadia was grumpy, last night being perfect with Draco, but with her previous sleepless nights and last night, she was exhausted. Which meant when she woke up this morning cold and alone she was instantly grumpy and somewhat annoyed. The worst thing a boy could do is leave in the morning after having a night of sex.

He even gave her a non-committal smile outside the classroom before he entered and sat beside Raven, who have been non-stop talking and laughing since. The sight did not help her mood, and on top of that Blaise seemed to be enjoying the Raven girls company just as much as Draco was. How did they know each other that well? The other thing that seemed to anger Nadia was that professor Umbridge told her of about her heels but didn't tell Raven of about her stupid hat. Talk about bloody favouritism.

"There's nothing in here about using defensive spells?" Hermione uttered from beside her, who was frowning down at DADA text book in confusion.

"Using spells? Well, I can't imagine why you would need to use spells in my classroom." Umbridge trilled politely, again with her soul shuddering smile, gosh Nadia hated how happy this woman was.

"We're not gonna use magic?" Nadia uttered disgusted from her seat, this was another thing that seemed to worsen her anger. DADA was her favourite lesson but the idea of not being allowed to do spells seemed to change that.

Umbridge turned to look at her with a glare before she changed it back to that god-awful smile. "Well, I can't imagine why you would need to use spells in my classroom. We're not gonna use magic? You'll be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk-free way." Her words began to anger Nadia more, risk free way? How was she supposed to save herself and her friends if she wasn't allowed to learn the spells to do that. She lost one of her friends due to her lack of knowledge of spells and her cowardice, she wasn't gonna let some old hag ruin her chances of helping her friends if the time came.

"What use is that? If we're attacked, it won't be risk-free." Harry shouted from the table beside hers, she could see he wore the same expression of anger she wore and she knew he was thinking about Cedric too.

"Students will raise their hands when they speak in my class. It is the view of the Ministry... ...that a theoretical knowledge will be sufficient... ...to get you through your examinations... ...which, after all, is what school is all about." She replied with her bubbly happiness again, it seemed the attitude of her students and their anger had no effect on this overly happy professor.

"And how's theory supposed to prepare us for what's out there?" Nadia snarled back in anger, she was surprised at how mean she sounded, maybe it was the slytherin part of her. Suddenly the room had become eerily silent and the gossiping slytherins including Draco and Raven had stopped and averted the attention to herself and Umbridge. She watched as Draco shot her a warning, indicating for her to stop, but she wasn't gonna listen.

"There is nothing out there, dear. Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourself?" Umbridge answered again with the same level of happiness, but Nadia could tell her patience with them was wearing thin. However, the stubbornness of Umbridge and the ministry agitated her, why did no one believe that Voldemort was back? She was about to retort but Harry got there first.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe Lord Voldemort." Harry replied sarcastically with a hint of venom behind it. This however, was the last straw for professor Umbridge because her face changed from her happy smiley look to one of pure anger.

"Now, let me make this quite plain. You have been told... ...that a certain dark wizard is at large once again. This is a lie." She trilled, moving her eyes along the students in the room, making it clear that she was telling everyone this rumour was a lie and that her and Harry were liars.

"It's not a lie!" Shouted Harry in retort and Umbridge snapped her snake like eyes towards Harry and glared.

"Detention Mr Potter!" She trilled once more and she turned away to the front, clearly ready to begin the listen again. Yet, Nadia was having none of it. Anger was bubbling through her like lava. How dare this old hag, accuse Cedric of dying a lesser noble death then he did. He was murdered and he should be grieved accordingly. She shot up in anger, letting her chair bang to the floor, the sound echoing around the too quiet classroom. Umbridge turned around and glared at Nadia.

"So, your saying that Cedric dropped dead of his own accord?" She snarled, tears brimming her eyes at the injustice happening before. Hermione grabbed her and pulled indicating she sat down, Nadia just shook her hand away.

"Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident." The sentence flowed from Umbridge's lips and Nadia immediately exploded with fury.

"He was murdered! I was there when he gave the order to kill the spare. I was there when I feared for my life, I thought I was the spare, I thought I was going to die. When it turned out to be Cedric for an ounce of a second I was relived. But when I saw his lifeless eyes, eyes that used to sparkle with kindness and joy. When I saw his pale like skin that used to have a shine with a sun kissed tan. I wished upon every ounce of my being that it was me. I wished that I was dead. It should have been me, I should've took the cup myself, I should've gone to the graveyard myself. But instead I gave the cup up, I handed Cedric a death sentence. Lord Voldemort killed him!" She screamed into the air, as her feelings and grief tumbled from her lips, she never thought of these thing, never got a chance to even admit them. Now she had in a classroom full of students. She turned away, ready to storm out of the classroom, but was stopped by the annoying voice of Umbridge.

"You've got detention Miss Bowman, or shall I say Miss Zabini, which ever you prefer."

"I don't care" She snarled, then she exited the classroom, making sure to slam the door behind her.

For some unbeknown reason, she ended up at the room of requirement instead of the Gryffindor common room. Nadia thought that maybe this was a good thing because right now she wanted to smash things, and she didn't think McGonagall would be very happy if she smashed up the common room.

So, she stormed into the room of requirement to be met with it filled with objects of every shaped and size, most of which were glass. With rage still coursing through her veins she picked up a nearby vase and slammed it at a nearby wardrobe. The shatter made the adrenaline pump, making her feel somewhat better than before. So, she picked up another object, a bowl this and chucked it away from her.

Over and over, anything she could find, as images of Cedric's lifeless body filtered through her mind. It was her fault, she realised this now, he was dead because of her. She should've taken the cup, gone to the graveyard, and had herself killed by Voldemort instead. Cedric's blood was on her hands, just as much as it is on Voldemort's. Then the anger of everything seemed to filter out as she continued to throw glass and over objects towards the now splintering wardrobe. Draco and Raven, laughing and flirting together. Umbridge and ministry with there lies and new rules revolving around the risen Voldemort. Then back to Voldemort again for killing her friend, murdering him for no reason, and asking her to find her farther, who doesn't remember or know.

Suddenly the sound of a cough reverberated through her ears, alerting her to her reality. She spun around in fear and anger and threw the vase in her hand at the unwanted intruder. She was slightly relived, but a little disappointed that Draco had dodged the vase.

"Don't you dare sneak up on me like that." She snarled, she had no love for him at this moment in time, anger was clouding her and judgment and her thoughts too much.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you baby." He replied, with sadness written along his features, the idea of him feeling sorry for her juts seemed to anger her more.

"Don't call me baby" Nadia glared at him through her anger filled eyes and watched as he stepped closer, ready to comfort her is need be. Somewhere beneath the anger her heart softened.

"Look calm down ok? You don't have to go anywhere you can stay here with me, but just calm down a little yeah?" He gently said, she was about to agree but thoughts of Raven filtered through her head and she again glared at him in fury.

"Go hang out with fucking Raven, you seem to enjoy her company a lot lately" She snapped and she watched as Draco began to laugh, laugh! He was bloody laughing.

"Ohh Raven? Really? I've known her since we were running around in nappies. And besides I'm pretty sure she has a thing for your brother." Draco stated and Nadia could admit that she felt a bit more relived.

"What so your saying there's nothing between you two?" She uttered quietly hoping he would say the thing she was dying to hear.

"Of course, not! Do you think I would've had sex with you last night and told you I loved you if I did? Look baby your just being silly, why don't we talk about the thing that's really bothering you?" He offered and Nadia was surprised to find she was shaking her head, she trusted Draco, but this was something she couldn't talk about.

"Ok I believe you, but that doesn't mean I like her! And no I don't wanna talk about it." He nodded his head in understanding and she let him walk forward and engulf her into a hug. She relived to find herself happy that they were still ok.

After her and Draco had made up they had spent a considerable amount of time in the room of requirement, missing classes. She was still flustered and a little hot after it all and she sat in the back of the library smiling to herself as she recalled it all in her head. The feel of his soft cream skin, the taste of his strawberry red lips, the peppermint and cinnamon scent of him that she could still smell on her clothes and herself now.

She was at the back of the library away from prying eyes and reading about defensive spells in several DADA books. If professor Umbridge wasn't going to teach her then she decided she would teach herself. She was about to read the descriptive passage about the Expecto Patronum spell, when a very unwelcome guest interrupted her.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" Nadia didn't look up from her, but instead scoffed at how her voice even sounds attitudy.

"Stop talking to me Raven, I don't like you." She grumbled from inside her book, it took ages for Draco to calm her down, she didn't want Raven to start her up again.

"Ohh Rachai, if you'd stop being so stubborn you'd realise you've got no reason to hate me and you'd also realise that I also don't have a thing for Draco. In fact, I pretty much have feelings for your brother." Nadia hated that Raven called her Rachai, but someone how she seemed to be agreeing with Raven. Nadia didn't have any reason to hate her. The reason she hated her was all a big misunderstanding. However, Nadia didn't quite want to reveal that to Raven just yet.

"That's not a good thing to admit to his sister when she doesn't particularly like you." Nadia mused as she Raven a smug smile, which surprisingly Raven returned. Astonishingly Nadia seemed to be liking this Raven a bit more.

"Ohh please, you and I both know you've got nothing to hate me for, and besides were pretty much alike you and me, and we'd probably get on well if you allowed yourself to admit that you were wrong. Also, you're probably gonna have to get over it soon because I'll be around your boyfriend and brother a lot, so your gonna have to get used to me." She sang smugly because Raven knew she had the upper hand. Raven was right they did have a lot in common, she both had slytheirn attitudes, a knack for breaking the rules and the sense of loyalty, she was loyal towards Draco and Blaise, just as much as she was. Nadia also knew that she would have to admit she's wrong, but the idea just seemed to agitate her, Nadia never liked to admit she was wrong.

"The idea of liking you seems a bit farfetched Raven" Nadia uttered and she seemed to enjoy the back and forth game they had going on, there battle of wits. Raven did seem like a nice person and someone Nadia knew she could get along with.

"Admit it Rachai, you don't seem so angry with me now and I can see your warming up to me. Ohh and I forgot, maybe this will get you to admit you like me. Let's just say we both have a dislike for Parkinson, that's a start." Raven smiled mischievously and Nadia reciprocated, she liked this Raven and she agreed that maybe she was too hard on her. She doesn't like Draco, maybe she could give Raven a chance.

"Ok, I admit it, I like you more than I did before." Nadia smiled in response and this time raven reciprocated it.

"Good and the first order of business it, stop calling yourself bloody Nadia bowman, your names Rachai Zabini, be bloody proud of it. And, let me introduce myself, my names Raven Blackthorn." Raven extended her in an invitation, if Nadia took is she would be accepting her offer of friendship, if she didn't she could be potentially gaining an enemy, which could end up ruin her relationship with Draco and even Blaise. So, grabbed Raven's hand and shook,

"Rachai Zabini, I look forward to see how our friendship pans out, I reckon the four of us would make a great team."

Raven smiled her mischievous smile and nods her head cunningly in response.

A/N: Hey hope you enjoyed the chapter, I also you enjoyed Raven to, she's gonna be around a lot so get used to her. I also some people may be confused about the Nadia/Rachai bits. Her name is now Rachai and I will start calling her that from now on so please don't get confused. Remember Rachai is NAdia.