Here you go my little balls of sunshine.
Coolfire30: Thank you very much :)
Ranighastly: I'm glad that I made you so happy with this chapter. I hope this one does the same. The end is indeed approaching slowly.
sndlr: Indeed they do. Here you go :)
ktbelle1313: Here is the update :) Enjoy!
Chapter 52 - A suppressed past
The ants on the ground became more and more fascinating the longer she waited. Readjusting her glasses on her nose Tamiko took a twig and blocked their path. Everyone was gone already. The bell had rang 15 minutes ago and she was still waiting to be picked up. Since it wasn't raining she waited by the school gate but she wasn't alone. Her homeroom teacher waited with her. As the minutes passed the woman grew more concerned if Tamiko was ever going to be picked up by anyone.
Both looked up when the girl's name was called. A man waved from the other side of the road, waiting at the traffic light. When it turned green he jogged over the road to the school gate. His forehead was glistening from sweat and his breathing heavy.
"How was your day, sweetie?" he asked.
"Good but what took you so long, dad?" she asked.
The teacher asked the same thing. He was held up at work, an excuse which was accepted. It would be best if he called, should he be held up again, something he promised to do from here on out. He apologized again and then turned to Tamiko, looking at his watch.
"Oh look at the time," he exclaimed. "We are too late for your piano lessons."
Tamiko blinked and then saw the slow grin growing on her father's face. A happy hum escaped her as she grinned back.
"Want to go to the park?" he asked. "I brought some snacks as well."
"Yeah," she squeaked.
And so he carried her on his shoulders to the park. There they went to the playground where he pushed her on the swing, went down the slide with her and watched out while she tried to climb a pole. When she took a break on a bench he read her out of her favourite book while she munched on an onigiri. About two hours later they returned home.
"Why was your phone on silence?"
Her father let out a heavy sigh at the greeting when he took off his shoes. Tobio walked over to his sister and asked her to play with him. Tamiko knew that a quarrel was about to start and she escaped upstairs into her bedroom with her brother. There they couldn't hear the quarrel as much but it wasn't silenced.
"Do you even understand what you did, Koji?" Shiyori asked.
"No, please care to explain," he answered, rather annoyed.
"I told you countless times that Tamiko has very important and expensive piano lessons to attend," she began. "What is supposed to become of her if she slacks off with you all day?"
"She will be a happy child," he argued. "She is still young and you already want her to have the schedule of an adult? Are you mad?"
"You know very well that it is for the best," she said. "She can make it big the earlier she learns."
"Did your parents do that with you too?" he said. "Take your childhood away because of lessons outside of school? Our parents didn't have that and they were fine."
"That was in the past. We live in a society where competence and skills are everything. That's just how it is."
"Isn't that the problem? I guess society has shaped you to its wish and I am the only one in this house with proper sense and own thoughts in their brain."
Tamiko and Tobio both flinched when they heard their mother get even louder. Still they kept playing. This was their family. This was their reality. Although since Tamiko had started primary school it has gotten even worse. When dinner was ready it was passed in silence. Their mother then put them both to bed and in silence of the evening the siblings heard them argue again. Tobio didn't take it well.
"Stop," he whimpered.
Tamiko joined her brother in his bed, hugged him and patted his head. She was sure they were doing something wrong, but what was it? School had only started a few weeks ago and there were no grades yet. Maybe it was because of the piano lessons. Next time she would tell her dad to go to the lessons, even if he were late.
She did just that the following week. Rather disgruntled, her father took her to the lesson. Even if they were late she enjoyed the lesson. The praise from the teacher made her day. She got better and better and even practised at home. But every time they got home, the atmosphere grew tense again. Over and over Tamiko silently blamed herself. Her teacher was praising her. Her grades were very good. Was that not good enough?
"Daddy, I got top marks in the math test," Tamiko told her dad once he had picked her up.
"That's great, sweetie," he grinned and ruffled up her hair. "I'm proud of you."
Yet this cycle went on for a few months. Every day Tamiko blamed herself for her parent's quarrels, trying to give her all in school and on the piano lessons. Yet nothing changed. Every evening they had dinner in silence and quarrels sparked afterwards. One day, however, the quarrels got worse.
"You were fired?" Shiyori shrieked. "A month ago?"
Tamiko and Tobio both perked their ears this time. Quiet as they could be they opened the bedroom door a little to listen in on the conversation more closely. They didn't hear an answer from their father.
"So this is how you want to resolve the issue? Through alcohol?" Shiyori asked. "How about you get your lazy ass off the couch and look for a new job?"
Tamiko didn't have to see her mother's face to notice the disappointment in her voice. From what Tamiko knew, alcohol wasn't a good thing to consume. And it got only worse. A few weeks later their dad started the argument with shouts. Shiyori had been promoted and was now earning enough to keep the family going on her own. She had brought the siblings upstairs while their father kept his drunken rage going.
"Mummy, why daddy loud?" Tobio asked when she tucked him in.
"He is angry, Tobio," she explained.
"Why?" he asked.
"We are all angry sometimes," she said.
But this wasn't sometimes anymore. This was every day and soon came the day that it all reached a point of no return. Tamiko was waiting to be picked up from school. But her father never came. It was Shiyori who came to get her when the school notified her about the absence of the father. Enraged she notified the police to search. Tamiko and Tobio were on the verge of tears when they heard that their dad was missing without a trace. His coat and shoes were gone and no note or message had been left behind. For the first time Shiyori was also angry at the siblings.
"Don't cry for that good-for-nothing father of yours," she said. "He doesn't deserve any empathy, not even from you."
It was also the first time Tamiko had felt fear towards her mother. She clutched onto her little brother and tried her best to swallow her tears. It was late into the night when police announced that they had found their dad. He had been drinking alone and collapsed in an alley. Otherwise he was fine and brought back home.
"How could you just leave Tamiko by herself?" she asked, raging. "She had to wait for almost an hour."
"Leave me alone," he slurred.
"No, I will not leave you alone," she continued. "They are your children so you are also responsible for them. Since you wouldn't provide for the family anymore, you will have to take care of the children more now."
"I do provide for the family," he countered. "I always have. I am the provider!"
"With what job?" she asked.
He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out.
"You haven't earned a single yen for months now," she said. "And you spent my hard earned money to drink yourself senseless. You should be ashamed of yourself."
The next few weeks were agonizing. Silent ruled over the home of the Kageyama family. From time to time Shiyori left the two with Semi Eita's family, since he and Tamiko had become good friends. Semi's mother was always kind to the siblings, yet they still yearned for their parents. Dad has to come back home and mum has to smile again. Together they thought out multiple attempts to make their mum happy.
"Can't you see I'm busy?" she grumbled. "Go play upstairs."
No matter what they tried, they were met with disappointment. No matter how kind Semi's mother was to them, they yearned for their mother. It was also Semi's mother who told them about the court case because of the divorce. Both Tamiko and Tobio had to sleep over at Semi's home for two nights. It was a weekend while the siblings played with the Semi siblings when the mother came.
"Your mother alone looks after you two now," she explained. "And your dad is not allowed to speak with you or see you."
The next morning Shiyori picked up her children and as compensation for Semi's family she wanted to pay them. Semi's mother did not accept the money but only wished the Kageyama family a lot of fortune and luck for the future. Tamiko and Tobio thanked Semi, his sister and parents for their hospitality and returned home. Now it was very quiet. Most of their father's belongings were gone now. Their father's study now became Tobio's new bedroom and their parents' bedroom now only had a single bed in it. Dinner was spent in silence. That same evening Shiyori had made a fire in the garden and in her anger, started to throw photographs and clothes onto the grill.
Tamiko hugged her brother and watched the dark smoke merge with the darkness of the sky. No, she wasn't ever going to be as lazy as her dad. Mum would only be angry at her like she was with him. No, she was going to be the most helpful child her mum could hope for.
The kitchen was silent after Shiyori finished bringing up the past.
"Since he left he has never tried to contact us," she revealed. "I don't know where he is or if he has remarried, started a new family, left the country."
Tamiko and Tobio both stayed motionless. What they just heard was their past but somehow they both had no memory of those events. As if they had been erased or rather replaced by stronger memories.
"It was selfish of me," their mother continued. "I wanted to save myself from him and once I did, I vented my anger over him towards you, Tamiko. I shouldn't have done that. I am not a good mother and don't deserve to be called such by you. I am so sorry."
The siblings both sat in silence. She was apologizing. Their mother, who had given them such a hard childhood, was apologizing. Not only that, but she had explained why she had done what she had done. Tamiko didn't really think she would have acted this way herself but now she at least understood.
"I haven't completely forgiven you," she said. "At least not yet. But right now I am glad I can finally say this and mean it."
Tamiko took a deep breath, glanced over to her brother and then weakly smiled at her mother.
"Welcome home, mum."
Shiyori looked at her daughter wide-eyed. Her lips began to quiver and soon after tears began to flow down her cheeks. Sobs turned into wailing and soon the siblings watched their mother cry a river's worth of tears.
