The next day, Elizabeth stayed working at home, expecting Devon to call. At first she was somewhat annoyed at being stood up, but then she softened her feelings towards him. After what he had been through, was still going through, the last thing he needed was any kind of pressure to be punctual.

So what if he was taking his time to call. Maybe he didn't feel well today, maybe he was tired, and the last thing he wanted to do was gallivant around with her. Stop being so insensitive Elizabeth,! she scolded herself.

She sat down at her desk and got back to her article about the competitiveness of getting preschoolers into the most prestigious private schools in the city. She worked late into the night and figured that if Devon called tomorrow and she wasn't there, he'd just leave her a message.

The next morning, she was just about to head for an early jog in the park when the doorbell rang. Elizabeth ran down the four flights of stairs, hoping that the Fed Ex worker had come early for once and brought the ink she ordered for her printer. Instead she saw the blue uniform of the United States Postal Service.

Elizabeth Wakefield? The mailman looked curiously at her as she opened the door to him.

Yes? Her heart pounded.

Sign this please?

She took hold of the slip and signed it. He scanned the letter and then handed it to her.

What on earth….. Why would he send me something that I had to sign for,? she thought to herself after seeing the letter was from Devon. Her pulsed raced, nervous about what she was about to read. She went back up the stairs and into her bedroom, sat her desk and opened the letter.

Dear Elizabeth. If you're reading this, I'm already dead. Please understand that I don't want you to be hurt about this. I lied to you the other night. I knew I would never see your beautiful face again. My brain tumor is not going away, in fact it is inoperable, and the therapy I told you that made it better did nothing but give me hell and misery for the past year. I don't want you to be saddened by this.

My death was painless and easy, I went out on my own terms, I didn't suffer. It was going to end anyway, I didn't want to deal with the agony of getting even worse than I was when we met two days ago. My biggest regret is making you think I stood you up yesterday, made you sit by the phone, waiting for my call. Well, now you know the reason why. I have been planning this for a while now, it's just such an amazing coincidence that I saw you at that bar. I think it was fate for me to see you, for us to meet again, one last time.

I don't really believe in God, but it was like God's gift to me, to see you before I decided to end it. I thought about you all those years, thought of how I disappointed you, and proved myself to be a coward more than once. I wish I had your bravery and selflessness. I'm just happy that you were willing to give me a chance, to spend time with you the other night, you could have just walked away from me, refused to talk to me, but you didn't.

Please know that I love you, I wish things could have been better between us, wish I had the time and the good health to sweep you off your feet and make you mine, once and for all. You were right, we both made mistakes, some worse than others. You have the time to make things better and I wish you to find love, happiness and good health for a long time.

Some people were not meant for this world, not meant for this life, and I guess I'm just one of them. I never thought my body would fail me like this. I always took things for granted. The times I spent with you were some of the happiest moments I have ever had and I am very grateful for that. I know you'll be very sad about all of this, but years from now when you reflect on me, just think of the good times we shared, and even some of the bad ones when I was in the prime of my youth.

I have lost a lot of things in my life, but one of them I could always count on was that you would be there for me, even after I turned into such a disappointment. I have to leave you now, have to leave this world. I am finally at peace. I want you to remember everything, from our first day in Mr Russo's class, to all the times we spent together, to two nights ago when I saw you at the bar. Remember that I love you, have loved you from the first time I saw you in your pale yellow sundress. Take care of yourself Liz and whenever you see fireworks, I know you'll remember me. Never forget our chemistry. See you later, my true friend. Devon.

Elizabeth's hands shook as she held the pages of his letter. The tears were streaming down her face, and the hard lump in her throat refused to soften. Maybe he wasn't dead? Maybe there was still time? Who could she call? If he was dead, how did he kill himself? She'd call the police. She'd call the morgue. This couldn't be happening. It was too horrible to imagine him, his lifeless body laying cold somewhere.

She remembered when Tricia, Steven's girlfriend had died of leukemia. Her brother had been beyond remorse, he was so wrapped up in his grief, that she never thought he'd be normal again. She and Devon were not in a relationship, yet this was so shocking, so tragic and unexpected. She thought of him, far beyond her reach, alone with no one in the world to hold his hand, to comfort him.

She hadn't felt this horrible since…. since Sam, since Sam died in an accident while she had been the driver. And Regina Morrow. Regina had been young, beautiful, vibrant. And Tricia. Her strawberry blonde hair appeared suddenly in Elizabeth's memories. She was Steven's first serious girlfriend, cruelly taken away when she was just beginning the best part of her life. All of them were so vital, so full of promise.

Moments like this made her miss her old friends, made her miss her family more than anything. Todd would understand, he'd lend an ear to her while she spilled her grief. But she couldn't call him, couldn't talk to him. He never liked Devon anyway. And Enid, Enid was probably so busy with her own life and wanted nothing to do with her anyway. There was no way she'd drop this bombshell on her now. She considered calling Jessica, but she quickly squashed the idea.

Oh what's the use, she thought, as she crawled into her bed. Despite the heat of the early morning, she felt cold. Cold and numb, sick with shock and grief. She pulled the blanket over herself and shut her eyes. Devon's face greeted her as soon as she closed them.

A few days later, his death was confirmed. He was found in a hotel room, dead from an overdose of alcohol and pain killers. Elizabeth's only comfort was holding his letter close to her heart, reading it over and over again, and coming to the understanding that this was his only way out of his misery, and that she gradually had to accept that he really was at peace.

She threw herself into her work, impressing her boss, impressing the CEO of the parent company that ran the magazine, and went out of her way to prove that she was a valuable asset to their team. There was praise and accolades for her ideas, her dedication and ambition, but she found it hard to appreciate their recognition when she was still grieving from the devastation of Devon's death. Her birthday came and went, there were calls from her parents, best wishes and gifts from her coworkers, and her roommates threw her a surprise party that delighted her and took away some of the dark cloud she'd been living under.

She was well liked, popular and impressed everyone with her gracious manner and willingness to include everyone in her small circle. Elizabeth never mentioned Jessica, her friends were aware that she had a brother and a sister, but she never talked about her identical twin. This was the first birthday where she was so estranged from Jessica and she couldn't help thinking about the happier times of their earlier years.

It was right after her birthday when her brother Steven called her to tell her he'd be flying to New York and wanted to spend time with her. She met him in a hotel in midtown and after a happy reunion, and a visit to her apartment, he expressed his concerns about where she was living.

Liz when are you coming home,? he asked her, as they sat on the train, heading back to have dinner in Manhattan.

I know Mom and Dad miss you. They practically call me every day, worried about what you're doing. Come home with me. Forget this place. Look…. if it's about Jessica. I can understand why you didn't go to her wedding. To be honest, I wasn't happy to be there either. I can't believe she and Todd would take up with each other like that.

Elizabeth shook her head. It's not about that Steve.

Well then, what is it about?

I just wanted to get away. Being around Jessica is literally not good for my health.

Have you talked to her,? Steven asked.

She has called a couple of times, but I have told her, I don't think we can ever be close again. In fact, I have a new phone number, and I told Mom I don't want Jessica to have it. Too many things have happened, things that are too painful to talk about.

You can't even tell me?

Elizabeth looked at Steven with unshed tears in her eyes. She remembered the time, after the accident, when he came home from college to be with them. He was one of the few people who she knew she could depend on, who she knew for sure was in her corner. Steven had been angry, angry with how she was being treated, angry with Todd for dating Jessica, angry that he, like their parents, felt helpless with the entire mess that her life was in. He had tried to give her hope in a situation that felt hopeless , he had been a rock, solid in his devotion to her and their family. He too, had been very hurt by it, frightened at what was to become of all of them.

She put her hand on his. Not now, maybe some day. Right now, it's just too hard.

Elizabeth changed the subject. Now let me see the pictures of Nathan, she demanded, referring to her brother's now four month old son. Elizabeth's heart melted and smiled at the snapshots of the tiny infant, still finding it hard to believe her brother was a grown man with a son of his own. They got off the train and went to the restaurant that was located right next to his hotel.

Happy belated birthday sis, Steven said as he held up his glass to her and gave her a quick hug.

Tell me more about London Steve, tell me about Cara.

Me and Cara are great. We've gotten over the first three months and Nathan's colic has gotten better. But it was pretty bad for a while. Nathan would scream as if we were torturing him. And he hated taking his bath.

Sounds familiar, Elizabeth giggled.

Very funny Liz. Nathan loves the water now. As much as I do, he grinned.

I felt so helpless at first. But it's amazing. Sometimes I look at him and I can't believe we have a baby. He looks just like Cara. Although his eyes are blue. But we both have dark eyes, so we think they'll change.

Are you two staying over there for now?

We want to come home. We're just tying up everything over there. It's going to be hard for Cara to leave. She's been there for almost six years now.

Yes, I know, Elizabeth said. I loved it when I was over there. Too bad I never got to see her when I was in London.

Well, she's changed a lot. No more party girl. She just doesn't have the time. Between school and now Nathan….. We've both changed. I mean, I've only gotten handsomer, he smirked at his sister.

Elizabeth threw her straw wrapper at him. Ha ha Steve.

So what about you sis. Any boyfriends?

No, Elizabeth said. I don't think I ever want to be in a relationship again, she shifted her eyes and seemed to stare into space.

Steven began to get angry. Angry at Jessica and Todd. Todd Wilkins especially. He still couldn't understand how they could hurt Elizabeth like that. They were the reason why his sister was living in this city, so far from her parents and everyone who loved her. Jessica was his sister, and he did love her. He loved her very much. But he couldn't respect her decisions. He couldn't respect her marriage. But Todd, Todd he could hate for this.

So what about your other roommates? I met the two girls…and the others?

Well, it's two guys. They're pretty nice. They're not the cleanest guys in the world, but I can't complain. We hang out a lot, that is, when I'm not working.

I'm not sure I like you living with two strange guys Liz, especially in a place like that.

I told you Steve, it's not that bad, Elizabeth insisted. And Chris is great with cockroaches. He hunts them down while I'm cowering in the corner and screaming bloody murder.

The look on Steven's face was pure horror.

What? Elizabeth said, observing his expression. She shrugged her shoulders. Everyone in New York City gets roaches.

Steven wouldn't budge.Well that's just horrible. And how secure can you be, living in there? I mean, the front door in the vestibule doesn't even close properly. I noticed it when we walked in. What about safety? Anyone can walk off the street and get into the building.

The landlord promised to fix it soon. And we always keep our door locked. So quit your worrying and let's order,! she scolded as the waiter approached them.

Steven shook his head. He didn't like this, he didn't like leaving her here, to live in that hell hole she called home. But Elizabeth was headstrong and stubborn. So to keep the peace, he kept his thoughts to himself and enjoyed the rest of the evening. Tomorrow he would fly home. He was looking forward to seeing his parents, to seeing Jessica, to start establishing himself as a lawyer and prepare for his wife's homecoming. After a somber goodbye, and promises of future visits, he got on the plane, wishing that he had convinced Elizabeth to go home with him.

Hmmmmm, Angie said the next day after Steven left. Your brother is hot.

Uh huh, Adrienne giggled. He's sexy! She raised her dark brows suggestively. And the fact that he's been living in London makes him sexier.

Uggggghhhh, Elizabeth burst out laughing. That's my brother you're talking about!

He's so different from you Liz. I mean, with his dark hair and eyes. But I do see a bit of similarity in the upper part of your faces. Hmmmmm, she continued.Tall dark and handsome.

Well, he takes after our dad, Elizabeth explained. His coloring I mean. He looks a lot like my dad too, the older he gets.

Does this mean your dad is a hottie too,? Angie grinned. Liz you know I have a thing for older guys.

Well, it's too bad he didn't stay here, Adrienne said as she munched on a baby carrot. Tell him next time he when he comes back maybe he can stay in my room.

Or my room, Angie said, as she bit into a cookie. Oh wait…. she said as the three of them giggled.

Chris wouldn't like that, Adrienne teased.

OK, the two of you are grossing me out,! Elizabeth said exasperatedly. Steve's married, and so is my dad, so hands off you two!

Later that night, Elizabeth sat on her bed and smiled, thinking about how happy she was compared to right after Devon's death. She thought of him every day, but the gloom she was under after his death had abated somewhat, especially with Steven's visit. She also had her roommates to thank for her better mood. Their silly teasing always lightened her, and she was always eager to be a friend to them as much as they were to her. She finally felt that life was looking up and she had something to look forward to….