AN: Hello! I just wanted to thank everyone who's been reading this and leaving replies, it really made me happy! Oh, and I also wanted to say that I am not a doctor by any means, so I apologize in advance if I get something wrong. Well, with that being said, have fun reading.
Chapter 7: The Inevitable
*knock, knock*
"Who's there?" the hokage asked, looking up from her work. Tsunade was seated in front of her desk at the hokage tower, ready to put away the papers and chug a few bottles of alcohol.
"It's me, Shizune…" a voice whispered from the other side of the door.
"Yes, come in. I've been looking for you, actually."
Shizune slowly walked in, her back turned to the hokage as she made sure that the door was closed shut. The kunoichi made her way over to Tsunade, gripping a manila envelope to her chest instead of her usual pet pig.
"What is it?" Tsunade asked sternly.
"Lady Tsunade…it's Kakashi…he…" Shizune looked up at her teacher, tears streaming down her pale face.
"What's wrong?" she asked sternly, getting up from her seat, her hands planted firmly on her desk at seeing her usually composed apprentice crying.
"Please…just look…" Shizune choked out, handing the hokage the folder she had been clutching. Tsunade took it hesitantly and sat back down at her desk, brows creased in apprehension.
She undid the metal tab and pulled the flap up, sliding her hand into its depths to take out the first of the many documents. After a few moments of digging in the envelope, she tugged out a dark, slippery piece of paper.
Oh, his MRI results…
Tsunade repositioned it in her hands, shifting it so that she could see every wrinkle in the brain tissue as clearly as currently possible. Her breath caught in her throat when she took notice of the ping pong ball sized mass impinging on his most important organ. Tsunade's eyes bulged wide open, her mouth slightly parted in shock.
"Oh god…" The hokage dropped the paper onto her desk and spilled the rest of the envelope in front of herself, repeatedly going through each and every one of the pictures.
"Lady Tsunade…"
The hokage gripped her blond hair in frustration, pulling a few locks out of their loose ponytail.
"He even told me he was having headaches…Why didn't I listen?!" she said to no one in particular, clenching her fists until they were white.
"If I'd caught this earlier on, then we'd probably be able to get it all out with surgery…but now…dammit!" She slammed a strong fist onto the table, the images scattering onto the floor.
"This is all my-!"
Shizune jerked forward and wrapped her hands around her teacher, her head digging into Tsunade's trembling shoulder.
"No…You couldn't have prevented the inevitable, Lady Tsunade. Now all we can do is fix this. We need to help him...as his doctors," She whispered, dampening the hokage's blouse with her salty tears.
"We have to tell him," Tsunade said firmly, lightly patting Shizune's back, but refusing to let any of her own tears spring out. Shizune sniffled and brought her head up, solemnly nodding in agreement as she wiped away the tear tracks.
"Kakashi…I'm coming in," Tsunade told him, before opening the door and entering, Shizune trailing behind her with a steaming cup of coffee in her hands.
The copy ninja quickly put his book on the side table, his hair still slightly wet from taking a shower in the small hospital bathroom. He had taken off the blasted hospital gown and slipped into his loose shinobi slacks, leaving on the black tank with the attached mask.
Tsunade walked over to the hard plastic chair by his bedside and plopped down, crossing her legs. Shizune quickly followed and took the other, careful not to lose a grip on the cup in her hands.
"Would you like some coffee, Kakashi?" Shizune asked nervously, offering him the cup.
"Uh…Yeah, I guess coffee sounds nice," he said, taking the steaming drink from her hands, raising a confused eyebrow at her kindness.
"So, what's up?" Kakashi asked, setting the beverage down on the side table for later. The two shifted in their seats uncomfortably.
For some reason, a strange sense of foreboding settled around him. Their behavior just didn't seem right…
"There's something we need to tell you…" Tsunade started intently, her hazel orbs locking with his. Kakashi's brows furrowed in question, but he said nothing. What was it that they needed to tell him about?
"Your MRI results came back…you have a…a…" Tsunade gulped, her palms sweating. Although the hokage had had to break bad news to many other patients and even their families, she just couldn't bring herself to hurt Kakashi like that…
"We found a…abnormal mass in your brain,"Shizune finished quietly, her voice very close to breaking.
The copy ninja's eyes widened in shock, all the color draining from his face.
"…What?" Kakashi uttered, his voice cracking.
"We're very sorry. We'll help you through this-"
"Is this some kind of joke? If it is, I'm not finding it very funny," Kakashi said seriously, cutting Shizune off. His eyes sparkled with hope, pleading that they weren't serious, that they were just pulling his leg.
"NO, it's not a joke, brat…Shizune's telling the truth…" Tsunade affirmed, the hands used to punch countless people resting lightly on his shoulders. He jerked away from the touch, the glimmer of hope rapidly fading away.
"No, you must be mistaken…this isn't possible…I don't smoke…and I don't drink that much," he whispered in denial, tightly clenching the sheets, his damp, silver hair shadowing his eyes from view.
"You have a tumor, we're sure of it. But don't worry…we're going to treat you…you'll get better with treatment," Shizune told him softly, not sure if she was reassuring Kakashi or herself.
"To confirm that it is…cancer, we'll have to do a biopsy and a few more tests." Tsunade said the "c word" as if it were taboo. Kakashi flinched, his form trembling. He felt numb; a part of him didn't believe them—couldn't believe what they were saying.
"…I want to be left alone…please…" he breathed shakily. The hokage nodded in understanding and stood up, patting his rigid back.
"We'll talk about this more tomorrow."
Tsunade trudged toward the shut door, emotionally exhausted. Shizune slowly stood up, looking at Kakashi's form as if she had something to say. She opened her mouth to talk, but then shook her head sadly, following Tsunade outside.
Kakashi sat there in the same position for a few moments, not shifting in the slightest. He felt an intense emotion brewing in the pit of his stomach; anger, fear, confusion, shock—everything combined into a huge, indistinguishable ball of anxiety and panic.
He wanted to scream and rip his hair out; it was getting harder to sit there as still as a statue, acting as if everything was okay.
I need to get out…I need to get out. I need to get out of here! I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS DAMNED HOSPITAL ROOM!
He yanked the sheets back and shot out of bed, his eyes wide and frantic. Kakashi pulled on his sandals, not even bothering to put on a shirt over his tank top.
He couldn't stand the harsh, white lights. He couldn't deal with the crinkly bed sheets. He would come back later, but at that moment, he needed to leave.
Kakashi slid open the glass window by his bedside and jumped into the chilly night air. He ran over the rooftops, not knowing where to go, but not wanting to stop either. The copy ninja leapt onto the streets, sprinting for the sole purpose to ease the suffocating knot in his stomach.
It was evening, so the streets were bustling with all kinds of people. Civilians, and even shinobi, were having dinner with their significant others or shopping for warmer clothing, their laughs and jovial voices piercing through his ears. It didn't seem fair; how could they laugh like it was nothing?
He kept running, not stopping to look at anyone or even greet them. But soon, his lungs were not able to take in enough air to support his body.
He collapsed on to the ground, gasping for breath, his hands digging into the dry soil.
Kakashi crawled to a bush that was conveniently next to him and puked into the leaves, losing the breakfast he had eaten earlier, before the MRI.
Where am I? He thought, pulling his mask back up.
He wearily inspected his surroundings, recognizing the familiar place as the park he'd used to come to as a little kid. I used to play here with Obito and Rin...
Kakashi slowly got up, his legs wobbly, blood pulsing through them because of the run. After brushing the dirt off of his black pants, the copy ninja shuffled over to the swing set and gingerly set himself down on one of the many swings, his hands limp at his sides. Kakashi's legs overlapped on the ground; it was blatantly obvious that he was too tall and lanky to be sitting on a child's swing.
He sat there in wistful silence, remembering all the times he had come there as a kid.
*Flashback*
"Please, Daddy! I don't wanna go! I have no friends anyway…" Kakashi whined loudly, trying to break away from his father's firm grasp on his small hand. Sakumo sighed and crouched down so that he was eye level with his son.
"Look here, Kashi. You'll make friends if you go to the park and play with the other children. It's actually very simple; you just need to be kind, really," The white fang explained softly, smiling at his son. He stood up and gave Kakashi's pudgy hand a light squeeze before continuing down the narrow road to the local park.
Sakumo's son pouted and averted his eyes, succumbing to his father's wishes. He would have even defiantly crossed his arms over his chest if it weren't for his father's strong grip.
"Oh, there it is!" Sakumo said cheerfully, pointing to the lively playground in the distance.
"You know, your mother and I used to come here a lot before you were born," the white fang started softly, "She'd always look at the other kids and imagine you playing with them…"
Kakashi perked up noticeably at the mention of his other parent, his eyes wide as he looked up at his much taller father.
"Really?! Did she love me, Daddy?" the five year old asked, his eyes twinkling with something akin to childish curiosity.
The topic of his mother had always seemed interesting to him. When she'd passed away, he had been too young to even remember her face, so he tried to pry as much information about her that he possibly could out of his poor father.
Although he was content with only Sakumo, there was always a strange part of him that was missing, a hole that no amount of his Daddy's love would ever be able to fill. Seeing the other kids holding hands with their parents—both of their parents—made him kind of…jealous.
"Yup. She loved you a ton, son," Sakumo said playfully, poking Kakashi's belly.
"Stop, Daddy! That tickles!" Kakashi giggled, his eyes closed as he laughed, overjoyed by the simple fact that his mother had loved him. Sakumo grinned at his son's high-pitched giggling, glad that he had gotten him to act like the child he was for once.
"Wait, I have another question!" Kakashi exclaimed in between fits of laughter.
"Ask away, Kashi." Sakumo brought his hand back to his side, ready to listen.
"…Um…how did Mommy die?"
The White Fang froze on the dirt path, surprised that his son would ask such a question.
"…That's…a question for another time, okay?" Sakumo said lightly, smiling to hide the sudden sadness clawing at his heart. That time never came, for Kakashi's father died before he could give an answer.
They carried on with the rest of the trip in silence, finally stopping in front of the playground.
Hearing the loud noises of childish laughter and squealing, and seeing the strange kids running around freely, Kakashi hid behind one of his father's legs, clutching it tightly.
"Hey, hey, no reason to be scared, son. Remember what I told you and you'll be fine, okay?" Sakumo told Kakashi, crouching down to his son's level. Kakashi looked away sullenly, still a bit angry at his father for making him play with the kids.
Sakumo poked him in the belly once again, chuckling as Kakashi unwillingly broke into a fit of giggles.
"Well, I'll pick you up in a little while. I just have to give a report to the Sandaime, so I'll be back soon. Have fun, Kashi," Sakumo said cheerily as he ruffled the young Hatake's silver hair, waving as he strolled away.
"Bye, Dad…" Kakashi whispered to himself, not bothering to wave back.
He looked back at the countless kids having fun, wondering how he would even be able to make a move. Kakashi gulped deeply and took a few tentative steps further into the park.
"Tag, you're it!"
"AH, he's going to catch me!"
"Obito's so fast!"
The young Hatake realized that he didn't even know what this "tag" game was.
It's impossible to play with them when I don't even know the rules of the game…I can't do this…
Kakashi dashed to the swing set and clambered onto one, his legs dangling off of the ground. He started to slowly rock back and forth, pudgy hands gripping the rope on either side.
I hope Daddy doesn't get mad at me…
"Hey, you're Kakashi, right? We're in the academy together!"
Kakashi looked up to see a girl around his age smiling up at him, her wide eyes sparkling innocently. She had short brown hair that framed her round face, and her cheeks had distinct, purple markings on them.
Come to think of it, I have seen her at school.
"I noticed you were all alone. Do you wanna play 'kick the can' with us? We need an extra person," She asked kindly, the bright grin still in place.
"Okay. I'll play with you," Kakashi agreed coolly, hopping off of the swing. Now I'll have something to tell Daddy if he asks…
"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! My name's Rin Nohara."
*End Flashback*
I miss them…
Kakashi gazed down at the unruly weeds sticking up from the soil, his head hung low. Although he certainly had the urge to break down after all that had happened to him on that day, he didn't let himself.
The usually composed shinobi was actually confused for once. He didn't know where it would go from here. How much longer did he have? How many grueling treatments would he have to endure? Would it hurt?
The question that was probably the most prominent in his mind was, Why me out of all people?
He took a shuddering breath, clenching his fists until they were white. Although his life wasn't perfect before today by any means, at least he wasn't in danger of dying. Well, actually, he was in danger of dying on a mission or in the midst of battle, but that was how he wanted to leave the world. Passing on because of a tumor was not an end befit for a true shinobi…
"Kakashi-Sensei?" a very familiar voice uttered. Kakashi's eyes shot up, his face becoming guarded and impassive once more. How he hadn't noticed Naruto approaching him was beyond him.
God…where do I need to go to be left alone?
A small part of his mind couldn't help but wonder what his student was doing at the empty park at such a late hour. The sky was deep, navy blue, and the only source of light around them was a humming street lamp and the moon itself.
"Naruto…what are you doing here?" he said gruffly, not even raising his head to look at the blonde genin.
"Oh, hehe…I just like to come here sometimes…" Naruto mentioned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and taking a seat on the swing next to Kakashi. Even his sensei noticed that his voice was more subdued than usual, nothing like how hyperactive and energetic he usually sounded.
"But what are you doing here, sensei? I've never seen you here before. And where have you been for the past three days?! Every single day we wait for you and you never ever show up!" Naruto started loudly, "You'd better be there on time tomorrow!"
"I can't…"
"Hey! If I can be there early, then you can at least be there, if not on time!" Naruto exclaimed in annoyance, jutting a finger at his Kakashi's slumped form.
"I can't. At least not until I'm out of the hospital," he stated dully, in a matter of fact way.
"What?! Why are you in the hospital? Did something happen?" Naruto asked curiously, leaning closer to to his sensei.
"…Nothing happened."
Kakashi got up numbly. After standing there for a few moments with a cringe worthy slouch, his back turned to Naruto, the jonin started to trudge away.
"Oi, wait! At least answer me before you leave!"
Yes, something happened, all right. I have a freaking tumor in my brain! I don't even know if I'll live!
"Just a little stomach bug," he told the Uzumaki flatly, not bothering to make it sound believable.
"When are you getting out of the hospital?" Naruto asked obliviously, getting up from his swing as well. Kakashi paused.
"When I'm better."
He continued the walk back to his hospital room, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. The chilly wind bit his bare arms, causing him to shiver.
After slipping through the glass window and quietly closing it behind him, he kicked off his sandals and tightly pulled the sheets around himself, his eyes wide and open in thought.
The copy ninja didn't get much sleep that night.
Authors Note: Sorry if there are any grammatical errors, I'm not particularly skilled in that area. Anyway, I hope this doesn't seem too "ugh". If it does, then don't hesitate to tell me, I'll fix it!
