Elizabeth doubled over in pain for the third time that morning. Something was wrong. She didn't know what it was, but it worried her. It was like a sharp knife digging at her lower abdomen. The pains felt like menstrual cramps, magnified a hundred times.

This can't be right. If I ignore it, it will go away, she said to herself, as she placed a floppy disc into her computer and began to edit her article for the Central Park horse carriage protest march.

But the spasms wouldn't relent. In fact, within an hour, they were worse. She made her way to the ladies' room and walked into a stall. She pulled her underwear down only to find that a large spot of blood had stained the fabric. She left the stall and stood in front of the mirror as her head felt heavy and her vision blurred.

This can't be happening, she whimpered, as the sounds from outside became muffled. Another sharp pain shot through her belly. This one was the worst so far. She put her hand to her mouth to prevent herself from screaming as tears poured down her face. Maybe if I just sit here, she thought, as she collapsed to the floor. It will get better, she said weakly, as her vision grew foggier. The pain was now unbearable….


Spontaneous abortion, Elizabeth heard a male voice say as her mind tried to wake up. His words rang out as if he were miles away from her, almost as if she was listening under water.

I'm so sorry, you lost the baby, a man with glasses and a pair of scrubs said kindly. Don't worry, you'll be fine… We stopped the bleeding. Performed a D&C. It happens sometimes. You'll have to stay over night, just to make sure everything's OK, but you can go home tomorrow. And after a couple weeks of resting, you can go back to your regular activities.

She stared blankly at the doctor, her mind in a foggy haze. Rest? What was he talking about? My birthday is next week. Nicholas and I, we have plans. How can we go to the Olana State Park if I have to rest?

All she could remember was passing out from the violent pains that had seized her abdomen. Then the world went black…. She closed her eyes, too drowsy to think...

An hour later, Elizabeth came to again. Her coworker Annette, held her hand as she opened her eyes. She stared in horror at the first thing she noticed, which was the tubing attached to her arm.

Liz, are you awake? Elizabeth looked at her, as her groggy vision started to sharpen.

What happened? Elizabeth asked, hoping she was having a nightmare.

Relax, it'll be OK. Annette said, her voice somber. You'll be alright. Nicholas is on his way. I had a hard time getting hold of him, but he'll be here soon. He's so worried about you. Liz, I'm so sorry. Annette said, her eyes glossed over.

It all started coming back to her. Her cramps from this morning. Going into the bathroom and seeing the blood…

Oh God, the blood,! she thought. The baby! Surely she was dreaming. No, this couldn't be real!

My baby? She said weakly as Annette shook her head in sorrow. I'm so sorry Liz, she repeated as Elizabeth became more aware with what had happened to her. Right at that moment, they heard a frantic voice outside.

Where is she? Elizabeth recognized it as Nicholas'. He busted through the door and she stared at him for a split second. She took one look at the anguish on his face and burst into tears….


Mrs Wakefield,? a nervous voice queried from the receiver.

Yes? Alice answered, taking a moment before recognizing the voice.

This is Nicholas, Nicholas Morrow.

Hello Nicholas, how are you?

Well, ummmm, Nicholas started. He sighed over the phone. I don't really know how to tell you this…..

What's wrong? Alice's panicked voice came over the phone. Is it my daughter? Is she OK? Alice sat at the table, her face white with fear.

She's alright…physically. But…

But what? What do you mean physically? What happened? Alice cried, her voice shaky.

Elizabeth…Elizabeth had a miscarriage, Nicholas said, pain evident in his voice.

Alice listened in disbelief. What?….. Liz was pregnant? My daughter was pregnant and lost a baby? How? When did this happen?

She….. it was last week.

I don't believe this,! Alice said, her voice full of shock. You got my daughter pregnant? You got my child pregnant and now… Now you're telling me this?

Where is Elizabeth?

She's in the other room. She doesn't know I'm calling you please…. I feel bad enough about this. She won't talk to me. I'm worried about her. I don't know what else to do.

How far along was she? Alice managed to squeak.

Just four months, Nicholas said, holding back tears.

And how is she? What did the doctors say? Is she is any pain?

No, physically, she's alright. Just tired. The doctors said it's normal, and there's nothing else to do for her. Look, we were going to tell you, we were going to tell everyone, my parents too, but…..

My husband was there just two months ago. Alice shook her head. I knew it! I knew I should have come with him to check on her. I would have known! I would have gotten her to come home with us! Alice let out her breath. I can't believe this is happening!

I need your help. We need your help. Please, I don't know who else to turn to, Nicholas said, his voice breaking.

Alice's heart went out to him. Alright Nicholas, calm down. You're sure Liz is out of danger, health wise?

Yes, he said weakly.

I'll tell you what. I'll book the first flight I can get to JFK, La Guardia, whichever. I won't tell my husband about this. I don't want to worry him. I'll have to come up with a good reason for my flying over there on such short notice. Elizabeth's birthday is in three days. I'll just tell him I'm going to spend time with her.

Thank you Mrs Wakefield, Nicholas said with relief.

You can call me Alice, my daughter speaks about you all the time, and very highly for that matter.

You do love her don't you?

Of course I do. We were going to get married. I still want us to get married. I just…. I just want to make things better, and you're the first person that came to mind. Nicholas said.

So how is she?

She doesn't want to talk about it. She just looks at me with this pained look in her eyes. Like she's dying inside. I don't expect her to not feel sorrowful about it, because I do too.

Alice sighed deeply into the phone. That's just how Elizabeth is. She puts everything on herself. Knowing her, she probably feels guilty that this has happened. She hasn't lived up to her own standards and she's having a hard time dealing with it. Just give her time, I'll talk to her. I'm glad you called me Nicholas. And don't forget her hormones. The sudden loss of the baby has everything out of balance. It's like PMS on steroids, it messes with your head and brings out a deep, dark moodiness and depression, Alice said, her thoughts far away. I don't want you to take any of it personally. I'll book my flight and I'll call you right back to tell you when to expect me….

Alice hung up the phone and called the airlines. She booked a flight for the next day, while wondering how she was going to explain this spur of the moment trip. It wasn't uncommon, for her to fly far from Sweet Valley for work. Her job brought her all over the country, especially when the client had deep pockets and an exorbitant taste in decor. She put her fingers at her forehead, trying to massage away her stress and worries about Elizabeth. The last thing she needed was the added guilt of lying to Ned.

I'll just make something up, she thought, while dialing Nicholas to give him her flight information. My daughter needs me…..

Later that night, she laid in bed and watched while Ned put on his pajamas before getting under the sheets. Honey? Alice started, after he settled himself.

Hmmm? Ned answered, reaching to the lamp on the nightstand.

I think I'll be flying over to New York tomorrow evening. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm going.

Why? Ned asked, looking up from his paper. Is Liz OK?

Yes she is, Alice said, her pulse racing. It's just that I have a very important client. He wants me to look at some antique delft tiles that he wants for his children's bathroom. Alice bit her lip, hating that she was lying to her husband. Although it wasn't a big lie. The client did want the tiles, but, he hadn't insisted that she see them first.

And the girls' birthday is coming up, Alice continued, hoping that Ned didn't hear her guilty heart racing. You got to see Liz last time, so it's my turn.

Ned grabbed his wife's hand. I would have liked for us to go together. The two of us need a nice trip somewhere. I want to take you to some of the places Liz took me to while I was visiting her. Does it have to be tomorrow that you leave? I'm busy all this week, and would never be able to go tomorrow.

Yes, Alice said, it has to be tomorrow. I have to get back in time to start on the other project I'm working on. The mall alteration. I'll only stay in New York for a week.

They're changing the mall again,? Ned reached to his side table and picked up a remote control. I remember when you worked on it the last time.

Yes they are, Alice replied. They love the previous work we did, and they want to upgrade one of the wings, to bring it to the same standards. Her eyes were far away. It's hard to believe it's already been seven years...seems like just the other day.

Well, Ned frowned, it looks like you'll have to go alone. You don't have a secret boyfriend in New York city do you,? his brown eyes twinkled.

Oh no! You found me out, Alice joked along, as she pulled him into a hug. And I was going to ask for your credit card too, so I can buy my secret lover some cuff links from Cartier on fifth avenue.

Oh really? Ned said humorously. No credit card for you then. Unless…..

Unless what,? Alice smiled.

You go to Juniors and get me some of that cheesecake, Ned grinned craftily.

I'll have to get an entire cake, since my greedy husband ate most of the slice that he brought back for me, Alice replied. My boyfriend in New York would never do that!

Well, Ned smiled at his wife as he put the paper down and put the television on, you can buy Liz a birthday present for me while you're there. He sighed loudly. It used to be so easy, shopping for them when they were little. Jess would always want clothes, and Liz, except for the year she drove us both crazy by begging for a riding habit, would always want a book.

We used to be able to solve all their problems and referee all their squabbles, he said, deep in thought.

Alice knew he was thinking the same thing that she was. It was painful for both of them, this estrangement of their daughters.

Get her anything she wants for me, Ned continued. And something nice for Jessica too. And for you too Alice, but….. his eyes were merry in the dim light of the room, nothing for the other man. He turned on the nightly news and gave his wife a kiss while pulling her closer to him. His words rung out in her mind. When they were little….

Yes, Alice thought to herself. When they were little. It was so much easier. Now Elizabeth has a huge grown up problem and I can't even ask her father to help her fix it…..


Two mornings later, Alice got off the plane at La Guardia airport and took a taxi to Elizabeth's apartment. The sight of the skyline and views were very impressive, but Alice could think of nothing but her daughter.

She found a morose Nicholas in the lobby, waiting to greet her.

So what exactly was the plan,? Alice asked, her voice harsh as they entered the elevator and advanced to the forty second floor. To have the baby and show up at our doorstep? The two of you should have told us.

I know, Nicholas ran a hand through his hair. But we just didn't want to announce it yet. And Liz, she wasn't really showing at all.

I know they usually tell women to wait until after the first trimester to make announcements, Alice remarked, her tone softer.

Yes, that's what the doctor told Elizabeth, Nicholas told her, his green eyes darker than normal.

Alice put a tender hand on Nicholas' shoulder. It's alright. We'll deal with it.

They walked into the apartment, and after putting down her small traveling bag and washing her hands, Alice walked into the room to see Elizabeth laying in the bed, her face pale, her eyes wide and expression shocked. The last time she'd seen that look on Elizabeth's face... the last time was after that horrible accident when Sam died, where her daughter was driving drunk.

The whole situation had been so painful for Alice herself, and back then, she couldn't even cope with it. She had buried her head in the sand and went out of her way to act like everything was normal. She reflected on her behavior and knew that she had failed Elizabeth at that time. But this…. this time, it was going to be different. She had to do better for her daughter.

Liz,? she said softly.

Mom,? Elizabeth cried, her eyes filling with tears as she looked up at her mother, standing in the doorway.

How?… she said, her eyes wide with surprise. Did Nicholas call you?

Yes, Alice said, her heart wrenched at Elizabeth's anguished expression. I came as soon as I could.

I've failed him. I've failed, Elizabeth wailed, turning her face into her pillow. I don't know what to do. Mom, what am I going to do?

Liz, other women go through this and they go on to have healthy children.

I don't care about other women, Elizabeth moaned as she grabbed a box of tissues. For once in my life I'm tired of caring about every one else. How could this happen to me? I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't drink or smoke, so why me? All I wanted was to give this baby to Nicholas and now I have disappointed him.

You don't understand,! she cried shaking her head, as Alice pulled her into an embrace. He was so happy about it, so excited about becoming a father and I've ruined everything, she sobbed. We'd talk about it all the time, the things we would do, the places we would go with our child, and now I…. I can't even face him!

Elizabeth, Nicolas loves you. Yes, he's disappointed, but you'll get through it together. I saw him out there feeling completely broken because he's so concerned for you, because he feels he can't help you, because he can't make it all better. And I do understand. She stood up and walked towards the window, looking at the east river. You know...I lost a baby once.

Elizabeth raised her brows in shock. You did?

Yes. I was a bit younger than you. I've never spoken about it, it was so long ago, but sweetheart, when I say that I know what you're going through, it comes from a very dark place in my life, one that I thought I would never get over.

Elizabeth's eyes widened. You and Daddy lost your baby?

Yes…. Well, no, I did lose a baby, but it wasn't your father's.

Elizabeth gasped. So who then?

Someone I was involved with before your father. Well you know that I was with…..It was…Alice closed her eyes. It was Hank Patman, she breathed.

You and Bruce's Dad,? Elizabeth exclaimed.

Yes, Alice replied hesitantly. We were very young and about to get married and I lost it. You know the two of us were engaged, but you never really heard the true story.

She sat on the bed, and grasped Elizabeth's hand.

Hank was the first man I slept with. We were deeply in love. I would have walked over hot coals for him.

But Mom, Elizabeth interrupted, from what I remembered, you said you didn't find true love until Dad. I didn't think your relationship with Hank Patman was that serious. I mean, I remember the picture, of the two of you on the day of the wedding that never happened.

Well, I lied, Alice admitted. It was as intense as any relationship you can imagine. She blushed as she reminisced about times long gone by.

Of course we couldn't tell you kids the truth when you were teenagers. What child wants to hear the details about their parents' other relationships before they were born? Hank's father wanted him to marry Marie, Alice continued.

I guess I wasn't rich enough for their family. I loved to draw, to paint, and I didn't have a trust fund. But Hank didn't care. He went against his father's wishes and we got engaged. You know Hank's brother, the one who was killed in a plane crash?

Elizabeth thought for a moment. You mean Roger's father?

Yes, Alice confirmed. Paul Patman and I were close friends. We even dated for a while. It was very casual. But then he introduced me to Hank and I was smitten from the start. We couldn't get enough of each other.

Mom,! Elizabeth exclaimed, not wanting to believe it.

It's true. I soon became pregnant, much to my parent's disappointment.

And then I lost it. But we still wanted to get married. And then at the wedding, Marie Patman announced that she too was pregnant. I was devastated to say the least. I couldn't believe he could do that to me. I lost our child, and there he was, having been with another woman and a baby on the way. So that's the real reason I couldn't bring myself to go through with the wedding.

You mean, he was sleeping with her too?

He did, after I broke up with him the first time. We were at a party, and he and I had a huge fight that night. Marie was there, on the prowl and waiting to pounce, looting at the site of his broken, drunk heart.

But…the baby….. the baby she was carrying was not his, Alice told her. It's only later when I was pregnant with Steven that the truth came out.

But wait, I don't understand, Elizabeth said in confusion. Isn't Bruce a Patman? I mean, he looks just like his father.

He is, he definitely is Hank's son, Alice nodded. I am talking about Marie's elder son, the one she got Hank to believe was his.

Elizabeth inhaled sharply. Another son? But what happened to him?

What Hank told me is that he didn't get enough oxygen at birth, Alice explained. Basically, his brain was damaged in childbirth and as far as I know, he has been in an institution his entire life. They were all very hush hush about it. After she gave birth, Marie got pregnant with Bruce soon after.

Elizabeth shook her head. So Marie Patman has a secret son somewhere? I can't believe it!

It's not something that many people know. I don't even think Bruce knows, Alice added. Hank was determined to keep the whole thing under wraps, mostly for Bruce's sake.

So why all the secrecy? Who was the father?

It was Hank's father, Alice replied.

What? Elizabeth's jaw dropped. I can't believe that! Mrs Patman and Bruce's grandfather? The one who Bruce was always bragging about? Alexander Patman? But how could Marie? I mean, I'm just stunned!…..

Alice smoothed her blonde hair behind her ear. He came up with the plan to pass the baby' off as his grandson. Some families will do anything to keep up their reputation. That was how things were done back then. But usually, it was the parents of an unwed girl who would take on her baby as their own. To save her virtue and to keep the child in the family.

People like that will do anything to avoid the ruination of their name. How would it look if he was cheating on his wife with a girl half his age who was young enough to be his daughter? The Vanderhorns were very powerful in Sweet Valley. Alexander thought Marie was a good match for his son, and orchestrated the whole thing. After I had Steven, and Hank knew the truth, he still wanted me.

He wrote me several letters, tried to meet me in secret... And we did meet each other, but just to talk. Hank was miserable. But there was no way I would leave your father for him. I did not only love your father then, I was in love with him. Whatever I had with Hank had to end.

I will always have a soft spot somewhere in my heart for him, and I will always mourn the child that we lost, but we made decisions that were best for us at the time. And it worked out. I have my three beautiful children, and a wonderful husband that I will cherish forever. And Hank... well, he has Marie, and well….. he has Bruce.

Yes, Elizabeth said. Imagine having Bruce Patman for a son. And with that, the two of them burst out laughing. It was the first time Alice had seen her daughter smile that day….


Later that night, after a jet lagged Alice had long gone to sleep, Elizabeth laid in Nicholas' arms, her face buried in his neck.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you away, she apologized, her eyes wet. I didn't know how to deal with it, I felt like I failed completely, like I failed you. But I know, I know now, it's better for us to face this disappointment, this awful experience together, if we're going to, I mean… if you still want to...

Marry you, you mean? Nicholas' green eyes flashed with tears. Of course I still want to marry you. Elizabeth, he said, cupping her face with his hands. I was going to ask you to marry me, even before I knew you were pregnant.

I know, Elizabeth said, as she wiped a tear that was making it's way down his cheek. But Nicholas, what if, what if I can't have children?

Shhhhhh, Nicholas smoothed her brow. We're both still young, you're only just turning twenty three. And the doctors, they said nothing was wrong with you, he said, pulling her closer towards him. I was so worried. Seeing you in that hospital bed, the look on your face. When they called me at the office, I felt sick, I thought it was an accident or something. I don't even want you to think about getting pregnant again. Not for a while, not until you've completely healed and we're both in a better place. Not until we're married.

I was beginning to really enjoy it, Elizabeth said sadly. The thought of having a baby, your baby, she said, nuzzling his neck. The morning sickness wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. And I didn't even have to buy maternity clothes.

What do you think he would look like, Nicholas asked, relieved that she was willing to converse with him about their loss.

He would have my blonde hair, and blue eyes like Mom.

No, Nicholas countered. He would have my dark hair and my green eyes. Dark always wins over light, he teased. We're just going to have to be more careful from now on.

Elizabeth bit her lip. My mother told me I should go on the pill.

Will you?

I don't know, Elizabeth sighed. It seems like such a grown up thing to do. Am I just silly? I mean, there are teenage girls on the pill. I know Mom's still a little mad at me because I didn't tell her I was pregnant in the first place. And my father. He probably thinks I'm still a virgin. I begged her not to tell him. She giggled. My Dad probably thinks we hold hands and that's it.

Well, no father wants to think about his daughter and some guy, Nicholas stated.

Not just any guy, Elizabeth said, smoothing his hair. She kissed him on the lips.

I love you, he said, his voice cracking with emotion. She pulled him closer, running her hands along his bare arms as she closed her eyes. Twenty minutes later, Nicholas examined her features as she slept. He smiled as he saw the way her was hair splayed on the pillow, inviting him to touch the golden strands. His desire for her was as strong as ever, but he knew they were going to have to hold off for a while. He'd have to resist her, to fend off the temptation of her body lying next to his. He was going to be strong for her, strong for both of them….