Flashlight


Chapter two


A/N: Again a huge thank you to beanstalk007 on Tumblr for the help with this story.
As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!


Today was a day of running errands. There was still so much you wanted to get done for the wedding. You had been so busy, trying to make the day as perfect as could be for your friends, and now you felt like you were lagging behind a little. So today you made sure that your gift to the couple was secured, that everything for the bachelorette party was done and that you found the right shoes to match the dress that you were supposed to wear. It took the better part of the day and by the time you made your way to the pharmacy, your last stop for the day, you were grunting under the weight of the bags.

Your head had been pounding since the quick lunch you had taken earlier that afternoon and it reminded you that it would be wise to have painkillers on hand the day of the wedding. You didn't want to be brought down by something as simple as a headache, not when both the wedding and hen party were just around the corner.

Barely looking where you were going, you weaved through the other shoppers, heading straight for the right isle. You knew exactly where to go, but didn't stop to wonder if that was a bad sign. Absentmindedly, your hand reached for the biggest packet of paracetamol there was, before turning around to grab some ibuprofen as well. Just as your hand closed around the smaller packet, someone else's did as well. Brought back to the present by the unexpected touch of flesh, you jumped and dropped your bags.

Quick to mutter an apology, you bend down to pick your bags from the floor before standing up and looking to see just who you had touched. Nothing could have prepared you for who you were about to see, and as you stood straight your mouth fell open in surprise.

Bucky stood still, completely frozen as he regarded you with wide eyes. Your heart skipped a beat and you shifted on your feet uncomfortably. He kept staring, not saying a word. It almost seemed like he was holding his breath. Taking a deep one yourself, you opted to be the first to speak and hopefully break the tension.

"Good to see you, Bucky." there had been so many words you had rather spoken in this moment. But with the wedding so close, you had vowed to yourself not to stir up the past. First came the wedding, then your problems. It's not like they would magically disappear after the 'd sort them out after.

Bucky still didn't say a word, though his mouth opened and closed a few times. At least he was as shocked as you were. Knowing that this, seeing you again, wasn't easy on him either. In some twisted way, that helped.

"Guess you had not expected to see me here." you smiled as kindly as you could, "same here".

Bucky just nodded, finally inhaling as he did so. He really had been holding his breath.

"I…I've got to go" Bucky stumbled over his words, dropping the painkillers in his hand and brushing past you in his haste to make it to the door and head outside. You sighed as you watched him leave. So much for breaking the tension. You'd made him run.


"It's really okay if you want to skip tonight." Natasha repeated for what seemed like the tenth time.

You had only just come back from your little shopping trip and were yet to recover from your run in with Bucky. That was when Natasha had called to invite you to dinner. Before you could agree to it, however, she explained that it would be a dinner for all the people in their wedding party. This would include Steve as the best man and you as the maid of honour, of course. But also Maria and Wanda as bridesmaids and Bucky and Sam as groomsmen. Natasha knew just how hard that would be for both parties and she was obviously working hard to tread it lightly.

"Does Bucky know who's coming?" You wondered, thinking back to that afternoon and his hasty departure from the store.

"Clint is talking to him right now, though he'd be stupid to think you wouldn't be invited." Natasha stated, her breathing changing as she spoke. You could hear her move through her house.

"Y/n, he mentioned running into you. Are you okay?" Natasha asked and you could hear a door close softly on her end, signalling that she secluded herself from Clint and any one else that could possibly overhear your response.

"It was a shock," You answered honestly, before sighing deeply and adding, "but I think it was worse for him".

You began to explain to her his silence, how he held his breath and seemed to have great difficulty to find words. Despite the pain his disappearing act had caused you, you realised you still worried about his well being, far more than you probably should.

He had left to find a sense of peace within himself that he had lost in the war. And all this time, you had simply told yourself that he had found it, somewhere far away from you. You were surprised how hard it was to learn that he had not found said peace after all. He hurt you, but he was a good man and he deserved more than what life had given him so far.

Natasha agreed with you there, though she was adamant that you look after yourself first, before you worried about him. You could not help but smile at her unwavering support and loyalty to either of you. This situation could not be easy on any of your friends.

"I'll be there in an hour" you finally promised, cutting her worried pleas short with the assurance that it would be okay. She didn't need to know that your hands had been shaking with anticipation, sweat already forming on your skin from the prospect of seeing him again and in such a small gathering. There would be nothing to hide behind or to distract you from his presence.

A quick and most importantly cold shower would take care of the perspiration, you thought and got up in order to get yourself ready for this evening, eventful as it was promising to be.


When you were about to knock on the door a little over an hour later, you almost turned away again. You weren't ready to face Bucky, not in a room with all your friends. With your hand raised, close to the door, you stood frozen as you tried to gather enough courage to finally knock. A hand on your shoulder startled you, earning a chuckle from the tall broad shouldered ex-soldier standing behind you. You turned, coming face to face with a smiling Steve.

"Afraid it'll bite?" He asked with a smirk and you rolled your eyes with a smile and slapped a hand against his broad chest, earning yourself a barking laugh from the man.

"Not the door" shrugging, you finally knocked and Steve squeezed your shoulder softly.

"You're not alone, you know that right" he whispered close to your ear, as footsteps could be heard coming closer to the other end of the door. You nodded and smiled gratefully up at your friend. The two of you had always been close, you were thankful that the war and all its consequences had not changed that. Though it had changed him, like it had Clint, Sam and Bucky, it had not changed the connection the two of you held.

"This is Sam" Steve had begun when you came to pick him up from base, "The pilot that flew Bucky to safety".

It had been all you needed to know, to accept this man into your life. He had saved Bucky's life and by extension, your own. And he had supported Steve, who had been stuck in a war zone without any information on his wounded friend. An unbreakable bond had formed between the two men and thanks to Sam's fun and caring nature, everyone had soon embraced him into their tight-knit group.

Clint opened the door with a bright smile, stepping aside to let the two of you enter. The rest of the group was already inside. There was no real hallway, entering right into the open plan living space. Conversation stalled momentarily as everyone turned around to greet the two of you. Natasha smiled from her place behind the kitchen island, separating her from the others sitting around the dinner table. She was pouring wine into a glass, grabbing another as soon as you entered. You smiled back at her, grateful for the glass of wine she held at the ready for you as soon you had rid yourself of your coat. As you slide your arms out of the sleeves of the leather jacket, you looked around the room in search of Bucky. He stood by the balcony door, staring in your direction. The look in his eyes was still as pained as it had been that afternoon and it took a lot of self control to not walk up to him for a hug. His eyes shifted between you and Steve, a frown on his features. Confused, you kinked your head to the side, looking him over for a moment, before finally walking over to Natasha and accepting the glass of wine she held out for you. Steve got himself a beer from the fridge and walked over to Bucky, pulling him into a hug that the latter barely returned, before sitting down next to Sam.

Basically chugging the wine, Natasha quickly offered a refill before turning to the oven and pulling out a wonderfully smelling dish. She announced that dinner was ready, asking everyone to sit down. Wanda patted the seat next to her and you quickly sat down, your shaking limbs aching as you did. Wanda hugged you sideways, rubbing your shoulders in the process, giving you her silent reassurance. Maria raised her glass from the opposite side of the table next to Sam, offering a kind smile, before Sam stole her attention away from you by bringing Maria's hand to his lips and kissing it.

Last year, when his contract with the airforce ended, Maria had been his biggest incentive to come here. He had opted out of a renewal and instead accepted the job that Steve managed to secure for him.

Natasha placed the steaming dish in the middle of the table, where a salad and some steamed broccoli finished the meal. Her knee was propped up on the seat next to you, leaving Clint to take residence at the head of the table and Bucky opposite him. You glanced in his direction, but his eyes were cast down. Somehow the seating arrangements felt wrong. He was close, only Wanda between the both of you, and yet he couldn't have been more unreachable.

Dinner went by rather uneventfully. Though conversation was strained the first fifteen minutes, with the combined efforts of Sam and Clint's and their inexhaustible humour, tension was eventually broken and laughter slowly filled the room. Not one person at that table could keep the laugher from spilling from their lips.

You realised how good it was to see everyone so happy. To see Bucky happy. There had not been much laughter when he came home from the hospital. None at all to be exact. But now his face lit up as Sam popped another joke, finished by Steve at the expense of the groom, who looked glum for about a second before he joined in.

By the time you got your coat to go home, you felt entirely more confident about having Bucky around the coming weeks. You now knew that you'd be fine.
Hugging everyone goodbye, including your estranged ex, you walked to the door through which you had entered earlier that evening, entering the hallway leading you back to the elevator. You had only just pressed the button when the sound of a throat being cleared made you pause mid-action. Slowly pulling your hand back from the button, you turned to look behind you.

"I just wanted to apologise for this afternoon," Bucky spoke softly, wringing his hands, "I hadn't expected to see you just yet". He didn't look up to meet your gaze. Behind you the elevator dinged upon its arrival, but you ignored it.

"I get it Bucky, it's not easy coming back" you offered, hoping to put him at ease. He looked up and nodded. You smiled at him, before finally stepping into the waiting elevator, begging the doors to close quickly. As soon as they did, the tears began to spill. Seeing him was hard, talking to him was hard, but not being able to hold him when he was so obviously still struggling was probably the hardest part.