Flashlight
Chapter fifteen
Standing in front of your full length mirror, you re-applied your lipstick with a shaky hand. Nerves were rolling through you in waves as you took in your appearance. You hoped that the black, knee-length dress you had chosen for the evening would have the intended effect on the man that would arrive at your door in fifteen minutes. It was one of your favourites and you desperately wanted that confidence that it usually provided.
After a disastrous first date, you felt the pressure in making the second one a better experience. Still, you could not help but smile at the prospect of spending an evening with such a wonderful man.
You'd spent the better part of the day trying to draw parallels between your date last week and your very first date ever with Bucky. It hadn't been easy for they had been so vastly different from one another. The only similarity you had managed to find was that you had been extremely nervous for both. But where your date last week had a bit of a bitter aftertaste, the date you had at sixteen was nothing but wonderful.
Bucky had been on your mind and in your heart for months by the time he finally had asked you out. According to the always supportive Natasha, his feelings had been much the same, but neither one of you dared to take that first step. Luckily your friends loved to meddle, even if back then you weren't always as appreciative of that little trait of theirs. Looking back, they stood at the very beginning of your relationship with Bucky thanks to that very trait and you could not be more grateful.
At age sixteen
The doorbell rang loudly throughout the house and you popped your lips, closing the lip gloss in your hands before practically running out of your room and down the stairs. Your parents were supposed to be out to dinner as well tonight and there was nobody to open the door. Keeping Bucky waiting was not on your to-do list tonight and there was no doubt in your mind that it was him ringing. And he was right on time for your very first date. Not just to each other, this was the first real date either one of you had ever had.
Your heart was already pounding as you bounded down the steps of the stairs, though the sound did not stop you from hearing voices drift up the stairs to you. Confused, you stalled when you were halfway down and it took you a moment to realise that your parents hadn't in fact left yet and it was your father that had opened the door.
Worry twisted inside of you and you quickly started moving again, anxious to interrupt the conversation these two men could be having. Though worry was not the expression that was evident on Bucky's face. See, your father was not the kind of man to threaten your date especially not Bucky, who he had known and liked since he was born. No, what you feared was that your father had been able to entertain his favourite activity; mercilessly embarrassing you. You ran up behind your father, smiling brightly at Bucky while simultaneously trying to push your father in the direction of the living room.
"Thanks dad," you said, kissing his cheek and hoping he would take the hint. Looking back, you would realise that he had understood all too well. He had simply chosen to ignore your efforts.
"So, yeah, just act like a bumper if you can. Her latest bruises are only just beginning to fade," your father continued easily, not missing a beat and his face held in a serious mask. He was having fun with this.
You felt a blush cover your cheeks as you realised that your father had informed your date of the tumble you had taken down the stairs just a few days ago. It's not like Bucky didn't know you were clumsy. Everyone knew. You were just a little worried that he would ask for the reason why such a thing even happened.
And you can't exactly tell him that when the phone had rung downstairs, you had rushed to pick it up because it would be Natasha. She had promised to carefully check with Bucky how he felt about you. She had been the driving force behind the step to move beyond friendship. And he was smart enough to connect the dots, that her quasi innocent questions had been for you. You didn't want to risk that.
Unfortunately for you, you had missed a step and your mother had answered the phone instead, while your father had stood next you - doubled over in laughter. Eventually, he had offered you a hand and helped you get up, making sure that no real damage had been done to his daughter. And physically there hadn't been, but the same could not be said for your ego. Not because you fell down the stairs, that kind of thing happens quite frequently, nor had it been due to your father's laughter, again a recurring occurrence. No, the embarrassing part had been that your parents had friends over and they had been witnesses to your mishap. And your less than graceful landing on the floor beneath the stairs, with your legs pointed to the ceiling. It was all less than glamorous and it definitely didn't impress anyone.
As you remembered, the blush on your cheeks intensified and you stood stock still for a moment. Your father laughed again, grabbing your jacket and helping you put it on. He waved you off and Bucky took your hand in his as you began walking. Your embarrassment intensified when you noticed Bucky's shoulders were shaking from restrained laughter. You smacked his arm and he cracked, laughing as his mirth was, you finally joined in and forgot about the unease you had felt.
Soon as the laughter faded, Bucky moved in to kiss your cheek and complimented your dress, telling you how excited he had been for tonight. You smiled, feeling your confidence growing with his words. Though you were compelled to tell him honestly about your worries. Despite the fact that you really liked him, a part of you was afraid that it would cost you a friend.
Cocky as he often was, Bucky couldn't imagine that his good feeling for this budding relationship was wrong and he promised that if it ever did end, he would still be your friend. And he would be your friend forever. You decided to trust on that promise.
The dinner Bucky got you had been horrible, though neither one of you had really noticed, too happy to have been on a real date. Much like in the movies. You both felt so grown up that night. And the relationship that was growing between you felt very real.
By the time he was walking you home, a chill had set in the air and being the perfect gentleman, Bucky had placed his coat on your shoulders instead. He'd held you close as you walked, saying sweet little nothings in your ears. And when you arrived at the front porch of your home, Bucky didn't hesitate when he bent down to place a sweet kiss on your lips.
It was your very first kiss and your mind was racing as his lips moved gently against yours. Despite his outwardly confidence and the determination with which he had taken charge, his hands shook slightly as he caressed your cheek. It may not have been his first kiss, but to you there was no way it could not have been the best. Because you could hardly phantom any kiss could be better than this one.
You still smiled as you thought of the childlike optimism the two of you had possessed back then. The confidence of youth and the unbridled way you viewed life back then were wonderful and you loved that you had both felt that. Life had gotten incredibly more complicated as the years went on, and Bucky's confidence had taken the biggest hit.
Your date last week had proven that to you. When everything had gone wrong last week, he had not been able to provide a swift solution as he would have done when he was younger. It didn't matter, you were fine with taking over that role for now and hoped that he would see the return of that wonderful optimistic confidence.
Last week
This time, your father hadn't been around to embarrass you. Instead you had done it all by yourself when you walked into the table that stood behind the front door. The loud bang ricocheted off the wall, followed by the grumbled curses had been heard by Bucky through the door and when you opened it, he was already laughing loudly. Some things never changed and you would probably never become graceful.
In his hands was a beautiful bouquet of your favourite flowers and you took it with a peck to his cheek, limping back into the apartment and to the kitchen. There, you instructed Bucky to grab you the white vase from the top-left cupboard and he did so without question. He even filled it with water, before handing it to you, giving you much needed time to rub your leg. The colourful flowers looked wonderful and you happily placed them on the dinner table, repeatedly thanking Bucky for them.
You then grabbed your coat and bag, taking the hand that Bucky held out to you and allowing him to lead you outside. The air was crisp for the time of year, though still quite comfortable as you walked down the street. With the restaurant only one block away, it was silly to take a car there.
When Bucky's phone rang, you glanced at him in confusion, but he quickly informed you that it was the restaurant. You both continued to walk, while he spoke to the person on the other end of the line. As you rounded the corner and entered the street of the restaurant, you stopped upon seeing firetrucks along the road. It was soon obvious that you would not be having dinner at your favourite Italian restaurant.
You looked up at Bucky's face and noticed that it had fallen. You knew that he had picked this restaurant very deliberately and it seemed that he was at a loss for what to do now. You gently squeezed his hand, rubbing your thumb over it and pulling his attention back to you. He looked bewildered and offered no other options.
At your suggestion, the two of you made some calls to other restaurants, though you were disappointed to hear that all of them were fully booked. It wasn't all too surprising however, it being a Friday night and all. What did surprise you was that Bucky began to fidget more and more, unable to think of solutions. In the past he was usually the first to come up with at least a few.
You took a deep breath and gently tugged at his hand, prompting him to start walking again. At an easy pace, you strolled through the streets until an idea popped up in your mind and you were eager to tell Bucky about it.
The blankets on sale in front of a little shop just two blocks away from your apartment was what triggered the idea. Smiling brightly, you had gone in to buy it, before wordlessly pulling Bucky towards the local supermarket where you began collecting an assortment of cold foods.
When he finally caught on to your idea, he moved to grab a few things as well. At the check out, you noticed he had added some wonderful things to your basket that you had not considered. Not only had he some battery operated fairy lights and drinks, but he had thought to add strawberries and chocolate sauce for dessert and cups and cutlery. Romantic and practical, just like you remembered him to be.
You smiled at his additions, impulsively kissing his cheek again and creating a slight blush on his cheeks. He insisted on paying and then took control of the date again, pulling you in the direction of the nearest park. Bucky was very determined as he guided you to a small clearing in a calm part of the park, where he created a nice little corner for you to sit. With the lights, blanket and food stalled out it was a rather romantic sight and your heart felt light as you sat down with him.
After dinner, you worked together in cleaning everything up again and disposed of your litter in the nearest bin. When all was done, he took your hand in his again and guided you through the park again, holding you close as easy conversation flowed between you. All insecurities seemed long forgotten by both of you.
Eventually you stopped walking and overlooked the pond, taking in the beautiful sight of the newly renovated area that was illuminated by low lighting. It seemed very different from when you had been here with Natasha a few months back.
Bucky wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you close and you breathed in his scent. Enjoying the calm that hung in the air around you. The sun was finally setting at a more rapid pace and darkness was setting in, creating a more romantic atmosphere. In the setting darkness is was easier to ignore the other pedestrians in the park. It was almost like it was just the two of you now.
His chapped lips captured yours in a slow, confidant kiss and you slowly melted into him, your hands on his firm chest as you deepened the kiss by lightly dancing your tongue over his bottom lip. His mouth opened and the kiss became hungrier as his hands pressed you against him and yours moved into his hair. He sighed happily against your lips and you could not repress a smile. You really had missed kissing him.
The world around you disappeared as the kiss lasted and lasted, neither one of you aware of the time anymore.
That was until loud screaming pulled your lips apart. Looking behind you, you could see a biker coming down the hill. He was shouting that his breaks weren't working as he tried hard to avoid the people on the path. He weaved between them, coming closer and closer in a rapid succession.
What happened next went too fast for you to grasp, there was little time to think as the biker came closer. Bucky pushed you out of the way, just in time, but couldn't avoid a collision for himself. As he fell to the ground, you gasped quickly moving towards him. The biker was helped up by bystanders and he apologised profusely, claiming that his breaks had been working earlier.
Bucky waved it all off, accepting his apology and simply wanting to move on from the accident. The look on his face told you that he simply didn't want the attention and you moved closer, standing between him and the bystanders, helping him up carefully.
When people finally began moving again, you dared to ask about his pain. You snorted when he tried to convince you that there was little to no pain, the grimace on his face was clear. His hand moved to rub his shoulder and he hissed out, confirming your suspicions.
"Want me to look at it?" You asked softly, careful not to touch his painful shoulder.
He simply shook his head and began walking again, trying to put on a brave face. The night was well and truly over now and you tried to talk him into a visit to the emergency room. Bucky initially wasn't having it, still trying to tell you that he was fine, but when another passerby accidentally bumped into him he could not deny it any longer. He was in a lot of pain.
Not even an hour later, he was assigned a room at the hospital as he waited for a doctor to come and assess the damage. Carefully, you helped him out of his jacket, making sure that he didn't need to move his shoulder too much.
When the doctor arrived and told Bucky to remove his shirt, he hesitated and looked back at you. You hadn't seen his arm or the scars on his shoulder since he had first left years ago and he was only just loosening up about showing you his prosthesis. You feared it would be too much for him for you to stay behind.
"Bucky, I know this is difficult for you. Do you want me to leave? I'm good to stay but it's your choice," you offered, hoping against all odds that he would want you to stay with him.
Your offer was met with silence and the doctor excused himself for a moment, giving Bucky the opportunity to think it over. The doctor promised to come back in five minutes. You simply nodded at the man and held tightly onto Bucky's hand, waiting for an answer from him. You glance at his still covered shoulder and noticed that a bloodstain had formed on the fabric of his shirt. It was a dark henley, making it difficult to see at first, but now that you had it was impossible to ignore.
"How can I help you?" You finally asked, hoping it would prompt him to answer. Helping him was all you wanted to do.
When the doctor returned, sooner than expected, Bucky has yet to answer you and you finally moved away from him. Accepting his inability to speak as a rejection of your presence. However, before you stepped out of reach, he grasped your hand - stopping you from leaving.
"Stay," the word was a whisper, but it resounded loudly in your head and you smiled gently as you moved to the side of the bed again.
Together with a nurse, you helped remove his shirt carefully and kept your gaze trained on his face as the doctor got to work on his examination. The doctor prodded and stabbed at the shoulder, before he asked Bucky to remove his arm.
Bucky took a few deep breaths, working up the courage to do so and you remained silent, not sure what to say. You hated that he had been forced into this uncomfortable situation. On a first date even. Still without another word, Bucky agreed to remove his prosthesis.
When the doctor had a clear view of the damage, he realised that there were a few bumps and scratches on his shoulder and stump. There was only one of those wounds that needed stitching, but to allow them all to heal, the doctor told Bucky not to wear his prosthetic arm for a few days. You could clearly see the worry etched on his face at that information, so you bent down and gently kissed his lips.
"It'll be okay," you promised softly, gently caressing his cheek. He sighed deeply before nodding and leaning his forehead against yours.
A loud knock pulled you back from your trip down memory lane and you smiled brightly as you opened the door, successfully avoiding the table that stood behind it. You were greeted by an equally brightly smiling Bucky, holding another bouquet in his hands. Holding the flowers to the side, he leaned in and placed a kiss on your lips. You sighed contently and he slipped his free hand around your waist as he held you close and deepened the kiss.
A/N: As you have all been able to tell, I did not finish this story before my surgery. However, surgery went as well as could be expected and though recovdery is slow, I am getting better. It's been almost two weeks and my ability to focus on anything for more than a few minutes is coming back finally.
I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter and I am sorry for the long wait.
As always a massive thank you to beanstalk007 for proofreading!
Feedback is greatly appreciated! And to the people that have shown their appreciation for this story: THANK YOU! I truly appreciate it!
