So I have been very busy with a new job, and packing up stuff to move from my house. I don't have as much time to write more and edit everything I already have. But I haven't abandoned this. Thank you to my readers who have PMd me and encouraged me to continue.


Bruce laid in his four poster bed and stared at the digital clock on top of the television. It was almost five in the morning. He closed his eyes, willing his brain to shut down so he could rest before the sun made an appearance. He and his father typically left for work at eight every morning, and Hank Patman had little patience for procrastination.

There was no snoozing in the comfort of the pillow top bed, no overly long showers under the rain head in the bathroom, and certainly no time to properly indulge in the pastries at the breakfast table. Although he had to wake up in about two hours, Bruce couldn't sleep. He rolled over on his left side to the empty spot next to him. He sighed loudly, wishing he could relax as he fluffed up his European goose down pillow.

The high quality pillows were a gift from his mother, and were advertised with the promise of a wonderful night's sleep. But tonight, which was only one of several, sleep wouldn't come. And there was certainly nothing wonderful about that! And once again, his lovely wife was no where in sight. He knew she wasn't in the bathroom, or reading in the library, or taking a night time dip in the pool, nor had she gone to the kitchen with the intention of fixing a snack.

He knew she was out... with none other than Jessica Wakefield, now Wilkins.

They had been introduced five months ago on the night of his welcome home party and had become fast friends. Babette was clearly impressed with Jessica's seemingly glamorous lifestyle, and her thorough knowledge of where the good times rolled, particularly north of Sweet Valley where the Hollywood Hills shimmered with stars both day and night. Bruce's face soured. He didn't like his new wife hanging around with the likes of Jessica. Jessica had always been trouble, and, Bruce feared, someone as innocent as Babette was vulnerable to Jessica's dominant personality.

Not to mention, Jessica had enough dirt on Bruce that would definitely cause his bride to blush. Bruce put his hands under his head and stared up at the ceiling of the finely carved bed. After almost six months of marriage, he was beginning to wish he never came back to Sweet Valley. He was having a hard time dealing with work, and it was taking a toll on his trying to adjust to life in the sunny little town.

His years of slacking off and shirking responsibilities were finally catching up with him. He was bored at meetings, found it hard to concentrate on files, was preoccupied when looking at spreadsheets, and hated when his father requested reports practically every five minutes.

Work had always been something he avoided, and now he actually had to take it seriously. His father had told him that he fully intended to treat him the same as his other employees, there would be no special treatment just because he was the boss' son. That wasn't all that was troubling his mind.

The obvious hostility between his mother and father was worsening, and Bruce didn't want to ask why.

He was afraid of the answer. His parents had very little to say to each other. There were frequent stares of disgust coming from Marie that were directed straight at his father, while Hank's dark eyes were always shifty.

The one person he could approach the subject with was too busy with his own job and his new wife. Roger's eyes were also shifty. He knew they were all hiding something from him. Roger and Lila had returned from their honeymoon and his cousin had thrown himself back into work. The crazy thing was, that Roger actually liked working! It was clear that his years at Princeton had better prepared him for the corporate world than Bruce's years at Sweet Valley University.

If there was a time he needed his wife, it was now. Although…...he had never been completely comfortable with opening up about his problems, and it felt awkward to discuss his concerns with work and the unmistakable strained relationship of his parents with Babette.

Not to mention…...the shy, virginal girl he married seemed to have changed overnight. He loved her and feared she was slipping away from him. He had always been selfish, he didn't like to share. And he certainly didn't like his wife spending all her time away from him. Bruce turned over and punched the mattress. He knew exactly who the blame should fall on.

Jessica had corrupted her!

She was no longer content to stay at home and wait for him... or to go out with his mother and her friends. And every time he hinted about them having their own baby, Babette would change the subject...

This was all Jessica's doing! He had recently attended a party where the proud new parents, Amy and Ken Matthews wanted to introduce the world to their new son. Little Kenneth had fine wisps of blonde hair, deep blue eyes and weighed a whopping nine pounds when he entered the world two weeks ago in early September.

He's going to play football for sure, Ken bragged as all their friends cooed at the pink bundle, pumping his tiny fist in the air.

Bruce longed to have his own child, a son, a fine boy with his dark hair, who he could take out on the tennis court, who would be the envy of all the other boys at school. Bruce had been shopping at Lytton and Brown recently, looking for a pair of ruby earrings for Babette, when he passed by the tennis shop and spotted the junior rackets in the children's section. He wasn't crazy about babies, or young children for that matter. Small children often annoyed him. But his child would be different. It would be his, and therefore perfect in all ways!

He couldn't wait to teach his son tennis, take him sailing on Sweet Marie, the family's yacht, get him his first car, teach him about life, about being a Patman. That was more important than anything else. Whatever piety Bruce had learned from his biblical teachings had been thrown out the window just months after leaving France. The main reason he found the Lord in the first place was to please Babette's father. And now that the old man was no longer breathing down his neck, he found it easy to ignore his religion. As for Babette, his lovely bride could not have cared less about her own faith.

As if on cue, the door opened and he got a glimpse of her red head entering the room.

Where were you? Bruce queried in a low voice, trying to keep the impatience out of his tone.

Babette peered at him, startled by the sudden question breaking the silence of the room.

I thought you'd be asleep. Jessica and I went to a party, Babette explained in her thick accent as she stumbled into their darkened suite. You're not angry are you,? she grimaced. There were so many famous people there, and Jessica knows all of them. I've never had so much fun! Drake Hunter was there.

Who? Bruce asked yawning.

You know, he plays Ted Morgan on As the Waves Churn. My new favorite soap opera, she giggled, with a hint of tipsiness in her voice. She walked over to the bed and planted a splay of kisses on his face with her pouty red lips. That was enough for Bruce to forget his annoyance. And his tiredness...

There were certain things about his bride that he found perplexing. She seemed to have forgotten all about her devotion to church, in fact, they had only gone just three Sundays since they arrived in Sweet Valley six months ago. And much to his surprise, her bedside manners were surprisingly proficient, despite the fact that she had never been with another man. But of course, Bruce grinned while adjusting the covers as Babette slipped off her skin tight green mini dress...he couldn't complain about that!

And he knew he shouldn't begrudge her of companions her own age. He realized that his lovely young wife was sure to be bored by daily romps with his mother and the rest of her over middle aged friends. Whenever he felt frustrated with her, she'd flash her honey brown eyes at him and he'd melt. Bruce resolved to be more tolerant towards his wife. She had never had much of a life while living in France under the roof of her father's overbearing chateau. He was going to have to be more patient with her, let her enjoy all the new experiences. And then, then they could have the child he longed for...

After an hour of restlessness had passed, he opened his eyes, feeling more tired than he had ever been. The sun was peeking from under the valley. Bruce frowned and looked in envy at his sleeping wife. Some health inspectors were going to be touring the main factory today, and Bruce was given the task of escorting them around. His blue eyes burned from tiredness. Today was going to be a long day…


I have to go to LA later, to drop off some ribbon samples for your Mom. And then Babette and I are having afternoon tea at Chez Qui, Jessica informed Lila as they sat at a table on the Fowler's patio, looking at the shimmering blue pool, and eating freshly baked treats from the mansion's kitchen. Everyone important goes there. Why don't you join us?

Tea? With Babette? Your new best friend you mean? Lila rolled her eyes. No thank you.

Jealous Li,? Jessica grinned. I don't know why you don't like her. Babette's fun. You've gotten really boring Li. Being married doesn't mean you can't a good time.

Some of us have other things to worry about, Lila replied haughtily, patting her belly under the table and away from Jessica's curious line of vision. Roger and I are going to Tahoe this weekend, Lila told her, as she stuffed some cranberry muffin in her mouth.

Jessica eyed Lila closely. She has gained more weight for sure, Jessica thought gleefully. She must have been attending all the nightly feasts while in Maldives and still hasn't dropped her honeymoon weight yet.

Lila had always had to work more on keeping her figure trim, unlike Jessica, who could eat double cheeseburgers with triple fries and not gain a pound. She reflected on meeting Lila's half sister at the wedding. The young girl was plump, not so much that she could be called fat, but it was obvious that unfavorable genetics might play a role. Either way, it was another way Jessica had always one upped her friend.

We need the break, we both work so hard, Lila continued, her eyes thoughtful.

Work? Jessica thought. Lila didn't spend more than four hours a day at her juice bar. She knew her friend would probably implode if she had to work a regular nine to five job.

It was late June when the Patman's were at the country club and Lila overheard Marie and her friends talking about Bruce and his wife.

The next Patman grandchild, he or she will be a little aristocrat. Babette's French ancestry is just the right type to add to our family. He found a real gem in the south of France. You should see some of the low class nobodies he used to date. Thank heavens he got out of that phase!

She then talked about Babette's pedigree, and her family's ties to the nobility.

Lila was peeved. That witch,! she complained to Roger later as they were leaving the club that day. You should have heard what she said! She practically called me inferior!

Don't worry about her, Roger said, smoothing the skin on her finely manicured hand. She's just trying to make up for the fact that uncle Henry cheated on her. Putting other people down makes her feel less bad about her own situation. The truth is, my aunt is a very lonely woman…..

I'll show her. We'll see who will give birth to the next Patman grandchild! Lila schemed silently.

There was always that nagging insecurity, that despite her wealth, she still wasn't good enough to be socially accepted by the true elite. She could never forget how she was treated by the parents of a boy she fell in love with when she was fifteen. His name was Ted Whitlock and his parents were old money from Boston. They disapproved of his dating Lila. and went as far as intercepting her letters to him. For the first time in her young life, she had truly felt looked down upon.

Just to spite Marie, she had stopped taking her birth control pills, and within three months, there was definitely something brewing in her belly. She and Roger hadn't announced it yet. She couldn't wait to see the look on Marie's face when she told everyone about her baby. And she'd have to say something soon. Unlike Amy and Jessica at the same stage, she had already gained a noticeable amount of weight. That was the only thing wrong with the situation. But that always could be remedied with a trip to the slim spa after giving birth. Lila had every intention of using every means to get back to her pre pregnancy weight. But for now, she could enjoy all her favorite treats without guilt.

She smiled happily, dreaming about her newborn, imagining a little boy. She'd dress him in the finest clothes, get him the best nanny, and give him all the love and attention she never received as a child. She had always thought that she didn't want to become a mother until she was older. But seeing her little brother growing and developing every day made her want to have her own. As much as she wanted a girl, she was praying for a boy, just so she could rub it in Marie's face. Her child would be the first Patman born in his generation...


Almost three thousand miles away, Elizabeth was just about at the end of her rope with the topic of babies. It didn't help that her best friend called her in September to tell her about the brand new Ken Matthews, as well as her own blessed event.

Liz, I'm pregnant,! Enid exclaimed.

Wow Enid, congratulations, Elizabeth answered, trying to muster up as much enthusiasm as she could over the phone... She listened patiently while Enid gushed about her soon to be new daughter.

Elizabeth tuned her out, choosing to focus on her wonderful memories from weeks earlier. Sailing on Elizabeth had been fabulous, she, Nicholas and his parents explored the eastern seaboard, taking in as much of the coastal towns and villages as possible.

Summer came and went, and the temperatures were already beginning to drop in New England. Nicholas and his father were in Washington DC, and Elizabeth was left alone with Skye. Elizabeth had just given Vixen a bath and was brushing her fluffed up fur when the conversation somehow ended up on the topic of children. She had told Skye that she could no longer hide Vixen in her apartment. The dog was rapidly approaching fifty pounds, and Elizabeth feared that she'd receive notice from the management of her building about the pet clause. Skye took it as an opportunity to conveniently change the subject to what she loved talking about most.

As much as I love New York Elizabeth, Skye had told her. I hate it too. She put her hand on Elizabeth's. You'll understand it more when you get older. Especially after you have a baby. I know my son won't want to raise his children in a small apartment. Now don't get me wrong, it's a lovely place, and I notice the area is improving, but, you'll want your baby to breathe fresh air, and for Vixen to have plenty of grass to run around in. And I don't mean Central Park…. And the schools,! she continued. There's no way I'm letting my…I mean….well….. the schools in the city are notoriously horrible! Even the private schools, some with excellent reputations, are overcrowded. I know you wrote an article on it Elizabeth, so you know exactly what I'm referring to.

Elizabeth nodded, remembering the research she had done for the story.

You practically have to enroll your child before it's conception, Skye added. And they want letters of recommendation and references. For two year olds! It's utterly ridiculous!

Elizabeth listened patiently, not getting much of a word in. She knew Skye did have a point, especially on the topic of schools. Nicholas had told her several stories of the schools he and Regina went to, most of which cost more than what some people made in a year. It was just another reminder of the contrast between their upbringings, something that Elizabeth was slowly getting comfortable with, especially when his parents were around. Whenever they were together, the Morrows were never concerned with the price of anything, something that Elizabeth, especially when she started living on her own, had always had to take note of.

Nicholas' mother, even when almost three thousand miles away, was a huge presence in his life, something that Elizabeth knew would on occasion be a thorn in her side. It was clear that when she, her husband and son were together, Skye ruled the trio with her dainty….. yet strong as iron fist. Elizabeth had heard horror stories about mothers in law , and she had to admit, she felt lucky that she got along so well with Skye.

Except...She was feeling more and more pressure with the never ending hints about pregnancy. Every where she went, Skye's friends would give her that curious look, they'd look at her belly before her face. Elizabeth wanted to scream every time someone mentioned a baby shower.

It will be your turn soon dear, they would smile expectantly…..

She and Nicholas were enjoying just being with each other without the thought of any addition. Every time she considered stopping her birth control pills, she remembered the agony she felt the day she woke up in the hospital and understood that her baby was gone. Her child, the one she imagined with bright green eyes and thick dark hair, a life over before it even took it's first breath. When Nicholas noticed her weariness over the issue, she confessed to him that the loss still haunted her, and she was having a tough time, trying to reign in on her emotions when everyone around her could talk of nothing else.

In early October, she and Skye left the house in the morning, and it seemed like her mother in law was doing everything to keep them from returning. First there was lunch on Greenwich Avenue, numerous additional errands all over the town, and several visits to Skye's old friends. They walked back into the mansion well after midday, and to Elizabeth's surprise, were greeted with three huge wooden opened crates standing in the foyer.

What's all this? Elizabeth looked at Skye.

Skye pressed her hands together and gave Elizabeth her brightest smile.

The reason I kept you out so long, well…I have a surprise for you Elizabeth.

They went up the oval staircase and into one of the bedrooms. Skye opened the door and Elizabeth was taken aback on the site in front of her. It was a large wooden carriage, that looked right out of a fairy tale, something that Elizabeth had only thought was possible at Disneyland, or in an a special garage belonging to an empress. The body was made of a medium brown wood inlaid with vanilla colored panels and moldings. It was a few feet off the floor and sat on large handsomely crafted wooden spoke wheels. There were three steps leading to the inside, and a carved horse at the front. On the back sat a trunk, ready to accept its owner's finest possessions.

Isn't it something? Skye beamed, her dark eyes radiant.

Elizabeth widened her eyes. Well it's….

Oh Elizabeth, don't you just love it? And the best thing is, you can put a larger mattress in there for when the baby gets older. All you do is remove the inner rails, and have enough space for a twin sized mattress.

Well I…

It's been in this family and in this house for years, Skye clapped her hands in delight. Both of my children slept in it, and it was my mother's as well. We sent it here after we moved from Boston, and it stayed up in the attic. I had it shipped to Sweet Valley after Regina…..after she…. I was hoping that I could…. maybe have a reason to use it again. But, her eyes watered. That never happened. I could never give it away. So… her eyes were filled with hope. What do you think?

I do like it but….

Oh! I knew you would. All we have to do is choose the right curtains and sheets. Blue for a boy or pink for a girl. Kurt thought I was being ridiculous, having it sent here. He told me that I should wait and let you choose your own baby furniture. But, I told him, Elizabeth is a girl who understands tradition, of course she'll appreciate it! So tell me dear, are you? Or aren't you?

No, Elizabeth said, her lips trembling. And I'm not going to be.

But, Skye's face blanched. You do want children don't you Elizabeth?

Of course I do, but……..Elizabeth turned her head away from Skye and burst into tears. She put her hands over her eyes, embarrassed at her outburst. I don't want to get pregnant, she sobbed. Not ever!

But why? Skye asked.

You don't understand, Elizabeth moaned as tears traveled down her cheeks. Last year, months before we got married I…. I lost my baby. She sniffed, and grabbed a tissue from the box on the vanity. I was just four months along and I lost it, she continued, her voice shaking. I can't go through that again. She shook her head, her blonde ponytail swinging from side to side. I won't! And I can't put Nicholas through it either. So no, I'll never have a baby, because I'm never getting pregnant again. It's too much! It's too much to know I'm a disappointment and I've failed. I can't handle all the expectation and all this pressure. What if it happens again? Another onslaught of tears followed, and Skye placed a touching hand on her back.

I had no idea. I'm sorry you had to go through that. And I hate that I've made you feel pressured, she said gently. If I had known, I would have never said anything.

Exactly what happened? Does this mean you can't conceive?

No, it isn't that, Elizabeth explained. I got pregnant right away after Nicholas and I…..Well, we weren't trying, but we weren't exactly not trying either. We were careless and it just happened. Everything seemed to be going along fine. I never even felt that sick. Not like other women say they do. And the doctor said I'm completely normal. But… I can't bear the thought of it happening again, so I haven't stopped taking the pill. So no, we haven't tried again. No one else knows, except Nicholas and my mother.

She looked at Skye again, her striking dark eyes were full of compassion.

You don't hate me? I know how much you want a grandchild.

Of course not, she gave Elizabeth a quick hug and handed her another tissue. Kurt and I love you very much, we could never hate you. Seeing the light in our son's eyes is everything, and Elizabeth, you put it there. And I do understand your fears.

She stood up and faced Elizabeth. My husband and I wanted more children, but after Regina was born deaf, we put everything on hold. Every waking moment from then on was spent worrying about her, and the guilt of my role in her deafness. The doctors claimed they weren't one hundred percent sure, but I always knew it was my fault for taking those diet pills. My own vanity caused it. As she grew, I went out of my way to protect her, not realizing that she was a lot stronger than I ever gave her credit for.

She walked to the window and stared beyond the lawn at Long Island, just seven miles across the water. We sent her to Switzerland to get fixed, but she didn't need fixing. She was perfect as she was. I'll never be able to get those months that she was away back. After she…after she….well….. we tried to have another baby. By that time…it was too late.

She turned around and looked at the carved horse.

Now….What are we going to do about this? I'll have the men repack it and carry it upstairs.

No, Elizabeth objected, as she stood up. It's much too pretty to go back to the attic. Let's leave it down here.

You're sure? I don't want you traumatized every time you come in here.

Yes, Elizabeth smiled, getting a grip on her emotions. It's so beautiful maybe I'll sleep in it myself.

Elizabeth, I do hope you'll reconsider. But….I won't bring it up again. Not unless you want me to, Skye promised.

Elizabeth nodded, as she dabbed her wet face, her eyes subdued as she stared at the carriage. Telling Skye about her miscarriage had taken some of the weight off her shoulders. Although still perturbed, the whole idea of trying again was suddenly less scary to her…...