When he wrote this, because honestly there was no way in hell he wouldn't eventually, Varric Tethras would state he marched to his inevitable doom with a smile on his face. He would say he strode forth purposefully, full of conviction that this was indeed the right thing to do. He would leave no room for the doubts that plagued him. He'd never reveal the guilt twisting his gut into knots. He'd certainly never share the way he paused outside of Maria's office, one hand on the great door, listening to the quiet murmur of voices inside.
He wouldn't admit to anyone he almost changed his mind.
"We don't know how Corypheus obtains his army of demons, but we do know the Prime Minister's assasination will throw Orlais into chaos." Josephine's quiet voice posited.
"An army of demons is a larger problem than one politician meeting her untimely demise." Cullen pointed out with a soldier's brute efficiency.
"It is the red lyrium that powers the templars. If we could find the source…" Leliana posited.
That was his cue, but he missed it, still frozen in indecision. Hawke waited up on the battlements above his room, but there was still time to send her packing. Put her out of harm's way where nobody could break her too-fragile wings.
"It's not coming from legal lyrium mines, clearly. And if it's being smuggled in, the Carta is involved." Maria declared wearily. "I don't have contact information. Fuck, I'm not even sure if I have real names, but I can tell you who's in charge almost everywhere."
He could send Hawke packing, but not Maria. She'd fallen out of the frying pan straight into the fire, and if they weren't careful she'd burn alive.
"Any idea who would be desperate or stupid enough to get involved with smuggling something so dangerous?" Cullen asked.
"A few." Varric heard papers rustling as Maria spoke. "I'll write them down in order of most to least likely."
"Where does your former boss fall on that list?"
A split second of piercing silence followed Cullen's second question. Varric could picture Maria's shoulders hunching defensively. Sweet Andraste, if Curly kept being that thick, the hole in his roof was never going to get fixed. "Near the top." Maria's voice slid smoothly over the harsh gap in discussion. "But if he was involved in it prior to the conclave, I'd have known. Still, he's the easiest to check. I know where all his mines are."
"Send me the locations and I will send spies to ensure they are not producing red lyrium." Leliana insisted. "Perhaps we will also learn where he has fled."
Interesting. Varric wondered when Dwyka hit the road. Did he know Maria planned to go after him when she sealed the vortex? Would he decide to go after her first? If Corypheus, red templars, demons, and a blighted dragon didn't get her, was Dwyka lurking in the shadows with a blade to slip between her ribs?
"I suppose using your… prior contacts is advisable." Josephine stated. "It is important to track down the source of this red lyrium before anyone else is infected."
The source of the red lyrium. Well, he knew who that was and they didn't have to look far. It was his mess, and Maria caught in the damn middle of it.
"I would feel better if I knew what we were dealing with." Leliana sighed.
That gave him the push he needed to step forward and shove the door open. His arrival brought everyone inside to a screeching halt, all of them wrenching their eyes from the mess of paperwork in front of them. The three advisors just speared him with varying degrees of concern and irritation. His eyes skipped right over them to the smaller figure on the other side of the table, her smoky eyes dropping from his before she began to speak. "Varric, we're…"
If he didn't say it now, he'd lose his nerve. "I know someone who can help with that."
His interruption caused her to stop, reconsider dismissing him out of hand. She straightened and leveled her gaze on him, wary and far too still for his liking. But she was looking at him, actually looking at him, and that was a start. He forced a smile, just for her, and kept talking. That, after all, was one of the few things he excelled at. "Everyone acting all inspirational has jogged my memory, so I sent a message to an old friend who crossed paths with this demon before. She wants to help. She can help."
"Oh." Josephine exclaimed immediately, dainty hand fluttering to her mouth. "Oh no. Varric, you haven't."
"For fucks sake." Cullen growled, pushing his fingers against his temple to soothe a headache. Varric recognized the gesture. He'd seen Curly suffer enough Hawke induced headaches after all. "She is the last thing we need…"
"It cannot be." Leliana stated bluntly. "My agents would have seen her come into the castle. And if it is her… Cassandra will murder you."
Most likely. Varric resolutely didn't pay attention to the promise, holding Maria's eyes instead. She'd gone pale while he spoke, watching him with growing alarm, but not much shock. "Damnit, Varric." She finally swore. "Why? Why now?"
All he could think about was Hawke's lyrium blue gaze peering at him over her bottle, mouth curled up in a half smirk as she listened with growing amusement and wonder to the way he'd turned his cute flirtation with the Herald of Andraste into a dumpster fire of awkwardness with the Inquisitor.
Hear me out. What if maybe, just once, you tried telling her the truth when she asks a fucking question?
"It's complicated." Varric shrugged uneasily.
It wasn't. Not really. Maria Cadash almost died and that hadn't just changed the Inquisition. He watched her slip through his fingers and he would never be the same. But, the thought of telling her, especially now with her eyes and three others glued to his.
"When isn't it?" Maria asked, curling her right hand into a fist, clenching the sun tightly in her palm. Her first trembled minutely for a moment before she eased her grip and shoved away from the table, a flurry of lethal energy. "You better introduce me."
"Not here, Princess." Yeah they'd have to drag Hawke down here, eventually. But Hawke making her case and answering questions in front of a highly ranked chantry representative, an upper class ambassador, and fucking Curly was not a good way to start. Hawke hated crowds. And authority. And religion.
Clearly, this was going to work out well. Varric could feel the migraine starting already.
Maria snapped to action immediately, striding with purpose to his side. She tossed her hair out of her eyes and held his gaze. A challenge and a dare. "Alright then."
Yes, this was the Inquisitor. Hard and decisive, unflinching in a challenging situation. She'd be brilliant, until her luck ran out, until the world ate her alive like it tried to with Hawke. He didn't know if he was unbearably proud or pants-shittingly terrified.
Both. Probably both.
Varric tried to smile at her, but her pale eyes simply watched, cold and unfeeling while she jerked her head to door in a clear order. Varric obeyed, leading her out past Josephine's cozy office. He'd heard the sweet ambassador turned into a fierce gatekeeper, nearly as ferocious as a dragon despite her designer shoes and honey tongue. Out into the courtyard, up the steps in stony silence. He could see by Maria's face that she expected him to lead her to his hole in the wall room. She was momentarily thrown when they changed directions and kept traveling up all the steps.
"So. Network coverage must still be spotty." Varric stated calmly into the loaded silence. He wondered if this was how she felt before she lobbed that grenade in Haven.
"I've been too busy to check." Maria lied immediately. Varric could let her get away with it. He was almost tempted to.
He didn't. "You didn't answer me last night. I keep trying to text you and I never did get a response. I almost thought you weren't talking to..."
"We're talking now." Maria interrupted.
"Bullshit." Varric had been in enough of these situations to know when a stubborn, brilliant woman was definitely not talking to him while infuriatingly continuing to say words that meant nothing. "Maria, I didn't lie to you, I swear."
She stopped, stunned. Her marked hand fluttered to indicate the rest of the steps leading to the top level of Skyhold, her eyebrow lifting in a silent, but clear 'really, Varric?'
"Okay, to be fair." Varric shrugged uneasily. "I lied to everyone about this. I didn't lie to you, specifically, about anything."
"Bullshit." Maria hissed, turning on her heel to continue stomping up the steps.
He wanted to grab her, make her listen, but he remembered at the last second that was exactly the wrong thing to do. Still, if she fled and he lost his opportunity… "What do you think I lied to you about?" He demanded.
For a second he worried she still wouldn't say, thought she'd be too damn stubborn to do it. Then she cursed and fury sparked to life in those eyes as she whirled on him. "Were you going to tell me about your girlfriend before or after you took my underwear off, Varric?"
He tried to ignore his surge of triumphant relief. Varric crossed his arms over his chest pointedly. "Hard to inform you about something I don't have, Princess."
Not anymore. Not now. It still felt like a sick sort of weightlessness to admit it, a wrongness, like gravity just up and stopping.
"I heard…" Maria argued, cheeks tinged pink, ears burning red under her hair. She took a step towards him, fierce and furious. Varric held his ground.
"Me asking a friend to try not to get herself killed. Which is, may I add, a real concern for that friend in particular. I'd feel pretty shitty, Princess, if Hawke went and got her hair mussed running to my rescue." He had watched enough people die senselessly over the last few months. Hawke couldn't be one of them.
Maria couldn't be one of them.
"I've always thought I pulled off the messy chic look quite well, Varric." Hawke's amused voice drifted from the top of the steps and caused both Varric and Maria to pull away from each other. Of course, Varric's favorite annoying witch noted the action with gleeful amusement. "I'm hurt you'd think otherwise."
Hawke's lips curled into a playul, satisfied smirk while she ambled down the stairs. She looked much better after a decent sleep and with actual food shoved in her, less likely to keel over at any moment, but Varric could use a little less cunning awareness in those eyes.
"Hawke, meet the Inquisitor." He turned the situation smoothly back to its purpose. "Inquisitor, Hawke. Champion of Kirkwall, general pain in my ass, and great ignorer of instructions to stay put."
"Exactly the words I want inscribed on my tombstone." Hawke declared airily, fluttering to his side and tipping her head while she examined Maria before smiling as broadly as she could. The wicked edge of it made Varric instantly regret whatever was going to come out of her mouth. His fears were confirmed instantly. "If I kept waiting for you two to finish bickering like an old married couple, I was going to be up there all day."
Yep. There was the migraine.
To Maria's credit, she didn't show anything beyond a slight twitch of her jaw. She thrust her hand out instead, tipping her chin up to hold Hawke's lyrium blue gaze with her own. "I'm Maria Cadash. Inquisitor Maria Cadash."
"Of course you are." Hawke winked, but she extended her own hand as well. "Everyone knows who you are. The unluckiest dwarf in the world, which is clearly saying something because Varric's beard fell onto his chest years ago and we never could pick it up."
Hawke always could melt anyone like a pat of butter in a frying pan. The flicker of a smile on Maria's face, the first real warmth he'd seen in forever, felt like the sun coming from behind the clouds. Their hands met in the air between them and something frizzled, a flash of energy that made his hair stand on end.
Hawke hummed softly under her breath, quickly twisting Maria's hand over to stare at the sun emblazoned on her skin. Maria tried to pull away, but Hawke held her firmly as she examined the seared mark with no small amount of astonishment.
"Well, that's rather more literal than it usually goes." Hawke muttered, mostly to herself. "Does it hurt?"
"Only when I laugh." Maria deadpanned. Varric's amused chuckle surprised him when it slipped out, but what surprised him more was Hawke's soft, sweet smile.
"There you are." She whispered, dropping Maria's hand. Maria simply stared, torn between bewilderment and general wariness.
"Here I am." Maria pointed out. "On top of a wall. With the witch everyone's been looking for all over fucking Thedas."
"But I let you find me!" Hawke crowed, tossing her dark hair over her shoulder and slipping past Maria to lean on the nearest wall, beaming at the pair of them. "You should feel special, Inquisitor. Varric doesn't bring just anyone home to meet me."
"Because you're strange, even for a human, wildly inappropriate at the best of times, and prone to somehow dragging my ass into situations that involve significant risk to said ass." Varric interrupted, trying to keep Hawke from veering off…
"And what an ass it is." Hawke sighed theatrically, hopping up to perch just on the edge of the wall. Varric couldn't decide whether he wished she'd sit somewhere safer or fall off. "Have you noticed, Inquisitor? Turn around and let us get a good look, Varric."
Fall to her death it was, then. Hawke's eyes danced with wild laughter, lips pursed to hold it in. Varric knew begging was no use, Hawke showed no mercy when she embarked on a plan. He'd hoped she'd been joking when she stared at him, unblinking, and told him if he couldn't fucking talk Maria's pants off she'd do it for him.
"Why are you here?" Maria insisted, pointedly not looking at Varric and ignoring Hawke's statements entirely.
The question caused Hawke to release a bit of her bravado and roll her shoulders to try and ease the tension she carried there. She frowned into Maria's face, thoughtful. "Varric said you saw him? Corypheus?"
"Varric said you killed him." Maria shoved her hands into her jacket pockets and scowled. "But… Varric says a lot of things."
Hawke and Varric shared a mutual, uneasy look. They had to give her that rather lackluster statement on Varric's character, at least. Maria continued, ignoring their unspoken communication to get to the damn point. "Fuck if I know whether or not he's actually alive. But he's definitely not dead enough."
"I certainly thought we had." Hawke tapped her fingers on the wall, considering. "I'm not ashamed to admit he's probably one of the most frightening things I've ever faced. I can't imagine having to do it alone. I wish you wouldn't have had to."
That small amount of empathy was enough to chase away the stone from Maria's expression. For a second, Varric saw through the mask she'd adopted as the Inquisitor, saw the woman they pulled out of the vortex the first time. She was still there, still trying resolutely to be brave in spite of it all.
"It's not something I'd want to do twice." Maria brought the mantle up again in a heartbeat, wryly smiling at Hawke.
Hawke who could charm the damn pants back onto Isabela's ass. Varric had never been more grateful in his life. Hawke's eyes burned brightly and she nodded in determination, shooting Varric a look over Maria's shoulder. "You won't. I know someone, she's a Warden, and she was trying to help me figure out what the fuck happened with Corypheus and the red lyrium. I just need to get in contact with her, find out what she learned."
"The wardens are missing." Maria frowned, shaking her head. "Leliana can't find any of them, and she's tried. One of them, your cousin, is a friend?"
"Yep." Hawke popped the p on the end of the word. "Trust me, I know. Leliana can't find her, but I can. Swear on Andraste's…"
Hawke stopped, blinking several times. "Wait, can I swear in front of you? Is the Maker gonna lightning bolt me if I blaspheme in front of…"
"Probably not." Varric, after all, once had Maria begging and pleading to the Maker, Andraste, their ancestors, the stone, and any other god she could think of. "But if you start to feel a tingle, warn us so we can step away."
"Anyway…" Maria prodded, but Varric didn't miss the twitch of amusement, quickly smothered. Hawke didn't either and she grinned, but said nothing. Thank the fucking Maker.
"I can find Chantal Amell." Hawke promised. "I'm one of two people she can't hide from. I just need a couple things for a ritual. I'm sure you have them, or if you don't this fantastic fortress you have here can provide them."
Hawke enthusiastically patted the wall beside her like she was praising a cat. Varric rolled his eyes.
"It is nice, isn't it?" Maria softened, smiling almost affectionately as she spoke about her damn castle.
"It suits you." Hawke declared, stretching and leaning precariously into the abyss below. "Point me to your best witches and I'll get this ritual up and running. Tomorrow would be the best time for it, the spell works best at dawn."
"Varric can introduce you." Maria allowed her eyes to flick to his, briefly, before she quickly looked away. "Vivienne, Solas, and Dorian…"
Varric knew what was coming immediately. A stormcloud descended on Hawke's face. "No." She bit out. "Not Dorian. I don't work with Magisters."
Varric had been so caught up in his own woes he'd blissfully forgotten this was going to be an issue. Maria bristled, a matching thunderous expression rising to her softer features. "How do you know Dorian's from…"
She answered her own question, unfortunately. Varric found himself on the opposite end of that scorching glare one more time. "Maker's balls, how long have you been spying on us?"
"I have not been spying per se. Just… talking to a friend." He gestured helplessly to the air around them. Maria didn't tear her angry expression from his face so Varric turned to Hawke instead. "Sparkler's a bit… much, but he's one of the good ones."
"I have a rule, Varric. For good reasons." Hawke set her jaw stubbornly, eyes going icy. "No Magisters. Ever."
"Good thing he keeps informing us, loudly, that he isn't one." Maria declared hotly, finally ripping her gaze back to Hawke.
"They're all the same." Hawke shrugged nonchalantly. "You'll see. You can't trust them as far as you can throw them and I can throw them pretty damn…"
"Either you work with Dorian, respectfully, or you fuck off back to where you came from." Maria threw down the ultimatum without even flinching. "Your choice."
There wasn't enough tylenol in this castle to help him now. Hawke threw her shoulders back, mouth opening furiously, eyes locking on Varric's.
Please. He thought telepathically. Please don't do this to me, Waffles.
Somehow, it worked. Hawke stared at him, considering, visibly biting the inside of her cheek so hard Varric would be shocked if it wasn't bleeding. Finally, she collapsed in on herself, dramatically waving away the tension. "Fine. If that's what it takes to actually kill Corypheus, I'll do it. This one time."
Hawke could whisk away her own bad feelings, but Maria didn't drop her renewed wariness for one moment. She looked between Hawke and Varric with the distinct impression she couldn't decide if either of them were friend or foe.
What a fucking disaster.
"Whatever you need for this ritual, one of those three will help you get it." The mask of the Inquisitor was plastered over her features again, smoothing over her voice with steel. "They can get a message to me when you're ready to actually do it."
Hawke saluted playfully, but Maria had already turned from her. Varric prepared to watch her vanish, again, but she paused beside him with a measuring glance before she spoke. "Steer clear of Cassandra for awhile."
Solid advice he fully intended to take. "Let me know if she ever starts feeling less stabby."
Maria nodded, hunching her shoulders and turning back into the heart of Skyhold. She was barely out of sight before he turned back to Hawke. "That could have gone better."
"In all honesty," Hawke examined her chipped nail polish thoughtfully. "It could have gone far worse."
Hawke quiet and introspective was never a good sign. Varric watched her closely, stomach sinking. "You don't like her."
"I adore her." Hawke grumbled, giving him a solid stink eye. "And you, coincidentally, which is the only reason I'm not fucking off back to a warm bed with a handsome elf in it. One who's going to be bloody furious when he finds out what I just agreed to, may I add."
Varric couldn't concentrate on the last bit of Hawke complaining, too fixated on the first part. "You adore her?" He repeated.
Hawke rolled her eyes, bouncing off the wall impatiently. "Do you have any idea how long it's been since someone knew who I was and still had the balls to tell me to fuck off? It's refreshing, honestly. Besides…"
Hawke paused, eying him critically. "I could never dislike someone that was watching out for my favorite bundle of chest hair so closely."
"She just doesn't want to clean my blood off her cobblestones when Cassandra gets a hold of me." Varric joked, swinging his arm around Hawke's waist. "C'mon, lets see what kinda trouble you can get into."
xx
Varric forgot how much fun a flock of witches wasn't once they started swinging their focuses around and measuring whose was bigger.
"I insist we learn the details of this ritual." Vivienne arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "I do not take direction from unlicensed…"
"I have my license." Hawke fluttered her lashes innocently. "In my other wallet."
"You must certainly no longer do. The Circles suspended it after that debacle you allowed to happen in Kirkwall." Vivienne snapped, smoothing her elegant dress over her hips. "I cannot believe that the Inquisitor…"
"Wait, they took my license?" Hawke asked, turning her gaze to Varric. "When?"
"I sent you an email." He waved it away dismissively. "I figured not having one never stopped you before."
"Well, yes, but still…" Hawke pouted.
"I am calling the Inquisitor." Vivienne withdrew a cellphone from thin air, frowning as she peered into it. A few taps later and she was holding it to her ear.
"Seriously? You're calling mom?" Hawke scoffed. "You can't tell me that pajama elf over there has his license."
"Pajama elf?" Solas repeated dubiously.
Dorian laughed warmly, sweeping his gaze from Solas's plain cotton shirt to the loose linen pants and bare feet. "Well, Solas, she has a point."
"And his license comes from a country known for abusing the rights of their elves!" Hawke continued furiously, pointing at Dorian. Vivienne cooly ignored her.
"What do you actually require, Champion?" Solas asked neutrally, ears only slightly pink from the pajama elf comment.
Before Hawke could answer Vivienne pulled her phone from her ear and sighed, casting an exasperated glance at Dorian. "You call her, darling. She won't let you go to voicemail."
Varric kept his expression carefully neutral as Dorian smirked and shook his head. "Let the furious rogue witch do what she wishes, Vivienne, what harm could she do?"
"Exactly the sort of attitude one would expect from Tevinter." Vivienne huffed.
Hawke turned her attention to the most reasonable witch in attendance, flashing a sweet as pie grin. "Felandaris, embrium, and blood lotus. A map of Ferelden and a cleansed ritual area…"
"We don't currently have a cleansed ritual area." Solas replied tersely. "Although I am nearly certain those herbs grow in the garden. Or will, if you require them."
"I'm sorry." Hawke repeated, aghast. "You've got every witch left in southern Thedas here but you don't have a cleansed ritual area? What have you all been doing?"
"Surviving the war you started." Vivienne scowled.
"Fleeing for our lives. Feeding the hungry. Managing a magical castle. We have been rather busy." Dorian grinned, finally pulling his phone from the pocket of his jacket.
Varric could tell those two comments smarted, even as Hawke tried to shrug them off. "Well in a castle this size…"
"And what sort of ritual do you plan on completing?" Vivienne asked again, rather more menacingly.
"It's a simple finding spell." Hawke repeated, rolling her eyes. "Anyone could…"
Varric lost track of the conversation, watching Dorian hit just one button, a shortcut to call Maria directly. He placed the phone up to his ear and waited only a few seconds before he smiled broadly. "I'm afraid we require some clarity. May I put you on speakerphone?"
Varric couldn't hear the response, and even if he could, he was too busy trying not to feel the quickness of her response to the human like a punch in the gut. Maria said something that made Dorian's eyes sparkle. "Yes." He said wickedly. "It is indeed like managing a daycare."
With that he pulled the phone from his ear and hit a button, turning the screen to face them. Maria's voice floated out of the speaker. "What's the fucking issue?"
"I have grave concerns handing over any of our resources to a known associate of the man that landed us all in this situation." Vivienne complained acidly. "Particularly when…"
"Noted." Maria stated dryly. "And overruled unless you've got a better idea for figuring out this fucking red lyrium bullshit."
"She is basically a criminal of the lowest…"
"So am I." Maria's voice turned cold in a moment. "In case you forgot."
That shut Vivienne up immediately. She shot Dorian a look over the phone and the man simply arched his own brow in challenge. Hawke folded her arms over her chest triumphantly.
"As you wish, Inquisitor." Vivienne stiffened her shoulders. "But I will be watching."
"That seems fine to me. Unless Hawke has any objections?"
"Hawke certainly does." Hawke growled. "I'm not a child, I don't need watched."
"Also duly noted." Maria stated wryly. "And overruled. Vivienne can watch you and if she sees something she finds concerning she can text me. Is there anything else or can I get back to all this sodding…"
"One last thing." Dorian pulled the phone back to himself, tipping his head as he thought. "We need a ritual area, a nice proper space. The one at the Vyrantium circle was about twenty square feet and had a nice, easily cleaned, polished floor."
"And there should be windows facing north, my dear." Vivienne sniffed. "For ideal lighting conditions."
"Also a rather sturdy set of tables, supplied already with chalk, incense, wine, and candles." Dorian continued cheerfully.
"Wine?" Solas asked doubtfully.
"I always find my rituals go a bit smoother with a glass to calm the nerves." Dorian explained with a wink.
"Andraste, you're not asking for a lot." Varric could picture Maria rubbing at her temple. "Where do you expect me to just put a ritual room? We've got people crammed everywhere. Do we really need one?"
"Oh I'm sure you'll think of something." Dorian chirped. "Do let us know when you've come up with it."
"For fuck's sake…" Maria exclaimed.
"Do you require anything else that may cause dissension in the ranks while we have the Inquisitor on the phone?" Solas asked Hawke, sounding at once bored and amused.
"Strippers and drugs." Hawke snapped waspishly.
"That's my sister's department." Maria's voice curled with sudden amusement. "You can put in a request with her. Anything else?"
"Hawke is to do as she wishes, Vivienne will sulk, I will continue to be utterly charming, Solas will continue being equally as boring, we'll contact your sister for hedonism, and I shall wait breathlessly for a ritual space." Dorian summarized neatly. "Do try and take a break today? For me?"
"If you insist." Maria grumbled. "Bye."
And just like that, the line went dead. Varric, of course, beneath mention. An observer of the story, nothing more. Just like always. It shouldn't sting.
"So, exploring?" Dorian questioned. Solas was already frowning at the sturdy loafers beneath his desk.
"Exploring?" Hawke paroted.
"If the castle knows what our dear Inquisitor wants, it acts very quickly to provide it." Dorian explained casually. "We must simply locate wherever it has appeared."
"Things tend to migrate too." Varric shrugged, trying to cast off the uneasy feeling as Dorian slipped his phone back into his coat. "Never know what you're going to find where. Or how many damn steps you're going to need to climb."
"Bullshit." Hawke narrowed her eyes, but the excitement sparking to life within them was unmistakable "It's that good?"
"Yes." Solas said quietly, almost proudly. "The spirit is nothing if not adaptable and helpful."
"Then why are you sleeping in a glorified closet?" Hawke asked Varric, lips twitching.
"Do not forget..." Vivienne sailed past icily, casting her disapproving gaze over both Varric and Hawke. He'd seen her look more kindly on things stuck to the bottom of her shoe. "Who exactly is the mistress of this castle."
"Somehow I doubt I'm the one who needs reminding." Hawke mumbled.
Varric certainly could have done without the reminders of where he stood. Dorian smiled at the walls as Solas slipped his shoes back on, as comfortable within this fortress as Maria was. Welcomed warm heartedly, phone calls answered, protectiveness indulged and reciprocated by the woman whose home it was.
"You go ahead, Hawke." Varric directed. "I'm gonna grab a more comfortable pair of boots before we go on this scavenger hunt."
"I'll come with you." Hawke jumped in immediately. "Or we'll wait."
He could hear the plea in her voice. The 'please don't leave me alone with these people' she always pulled in Kirkwall. And Varric wanted to indulge her, he did. But he was fucking tired and something inside him ached like an old woud with stiches torn open. He gave her a wooden smile instead and jerked his chin. "Go, I'll catch up. Try and play nice."
Hawke's shoulders sagged but she sighed, resigned, and looked at Solas and Dorian. "Fine. Let's go."
Varric didn't stay to watch her leave. He pushed past, following Vivienne, and tried to ignore Hawke's knowing gaze boring into his shoulders.
xx
Maria felt the weight of Bea's glare as soon as the door shut, she didn't even need to look up to confirm who'd sailed into her office. She finished up the paragraph she was typing even as Bea silently fumed.
Exactly what Maria needed today, another argument. She hit send on the email and finally met Bea's eyes while sticking her elbows on the desk. Her sister had her jaw set in a steely gesture of determination, chest heaving as she struggled to contain her irritation. Maria fought the urge to scream and instead simply slid back in her chair. "Any chance whatever we're gonna fight about can wait until tomorrow?"
"Oh, I have a list." Bea seethed, clenching her hands into fists. "And you're going to stay right here and listen to it regardless of your schedule."
Maria simply waved her hand in the air, indicating Bea should get it over with. Bea stalked over to the desk and slammed her palm on it "Why is Leliana trying to track down people in the Carta?"
"In case someone's smuggling red lyrium." Maria answered smoothly.
"Because there's no way you getting tangled up in the Carta is going to go badly." Bea snarked. "Every time you start nosing around them, we get burned."
"We've got to cut off the templars' supply, Bea. I don't have a choice." Maria hitched her shoulders up defensively as Bea's glare turned withering.
"I've never heard that before."
"Beatrix, I'll be careful." Maria promised.
"No you won't. You never are." Bea leaned over the desk further. "Which brings us to the next point on the list. When did you actually eat last or drink anything besides coffee?"
"I ate breakfast." Maria rocked back in the chair, shocked by this turn.
"You ate half an apple and drank three cups of coffee." Bea accused. "Then skipped lunch. So, I guess you're going to start having meals with me."
"If you miss me, you could just say." Maria was struggling not to be a bit touched. "When did you start caring about my diet?"
"Nobody else is!" Bea protested furiously. "Which brings us to point number three."
"How many points are there? Do I need to cancel my next meeting?" Maria asked with a laugh.
"What the fuck is going on with you and Varric Tethras?"
Oh if that wasn't a loaded question, she didn't know what was. She'd rather play roulette with a loaded gun than even attempt to answer it. "I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about."
Bea's eyes narrowed. "Let me remind you, then. You left me at your celebation party to go fuck him…"
"Alright. That's not accurate." Maria tried to tamp down the tell-tell blush creeping up her neck.
"And then didn't fuck him, judging by the remaining sexual tension, anyway." Bea continued, overriding her protest. "Which would be fine except…"
"Except what?" Maria snapped.
"Except you two act like a cute couple the whole time we're trekking through the damn mountains, only to instantly turn miserable the second you have a real bed to tango on. So, I ask again, what the fuck happened?"
Nothing. Nothing happened. "We almost made a mistake. Now it's awkward. The end."
Bea leaned back, chewing on that for a moment. Maria grabbed her tablet again to stop herself from trembling.
"It looks to me like you were playing chicken with him and you both swerved." Bea observed.
"It wasn't like that." Maria defended softly, refusing to look back up as Bea took her in. She wasn't sure what it was like, but it wasn't like that.
She still remembered the sting from days before when she'd heard him on the phone, playful and sweet, telling someone else he cared. Telling someone else he couldn't live without her. The second she'd heard…
He'd been nothing but clear that he wanted to support her, but he didn't care for her that way. And that'd been fine. That had been okay. There'd been no reason to feel like those soft words were a hammer aimed at her jagged, bleeding heart.
Except they had been. And she'd acted badly. There'd been no reason for her to get jealous or possessive, no reason to think she hadn't been just a fling to begin with, but if he hadn't been talking to a girlfriend at all…
Well, that didn't matter either. It meant he wasn't a piece of shit, it didn't mean he wanted her.
"Oh." Bea said quietly. "Oh shit."
"What?" Maria asked, irritated. Bea was staring at her, mouth open, looking a bit panic stricken.
"Listen. Just sleep with him. You both clearly want to.." Bea tried to shift her tone into cajoling to mask the horor on her face that Maria didn't quite understand. "Get him out of your system and move the fuck on with a little spring in your step. You'll feel better. He'll feel better. Everyone's happy."
"What's it like to live in your world?" Maria asked snidely. "And why do you care?"
"A shit ton less complicated and a hundred times more fun." Bea perched herself on the edge of the desk. "It doesn't always have to be heartbreak and woe, Ria. Don't get attached to him, just… have fun. You're his boss now, right? Earn yourself a little sexual harassment lawsuit."
Wouldn't Bull just a kick out of that? Maria rubbed her temple and glared up at Bea. "Have we reached the end of your list yet?"
"We absolutely have not." Bea thumped her heel against the desk pointedly. "Did you seriously tell Cullen to teach me how to shoot?"
"Yes." She said, looking back down, exhausted already.
"No."
"Not up for discussion. And don't say me or Bull could do it because we both know you won't listen to either…"
The door swung open, admitting a rather nervous looking young woman, one of Cullen's new lieutenants. "Uh.. Commander Rutherford said I should… I should inform…"
Maria lifted an eyebrow as the woman stuttered to a stop before she rushed on. "Seeker Pentaghast and Mister Tethras are in the weapons locker and there's… a lot of yelling."
Fuck.
"Well, you better go rescue him." Bea's smug grin didn't make Maria feel any better as she jumped out of her chair. She ignored Bea's yell as she fled past the soldier "And then we're having dinner at six!"
xx
Maria flew into their makeshift armory like a dragon herself. Just in time to hear a rather heavy thud reminiscent of a solid dwarf hitting a more solid table.
"You're insane!" Varric accused from up a flight of stairs.
"You're a lying, conniving…"
Another worrying thump. Maria bolted past the racks of what body armor, ammunition, and weapons they salvaged from Haven. She took the stairs as fast as her short legs could go, emerging just in time to see Varric barely dodge Cassandra's punch. He balled his own hands into solid fists, although he didn't raise them. Even though he didn't, she could picture them. Big, brutal, bruising…
She almost couldn't breathe past the thought.
"That's ENOUGH!" She yelled past the rushing blood in her ears, watching as both of them stumbled to a halt in their argument and turned their fury on her.
"You're taking his side?" Cassandra asked incredulously.
"I think you heard her, you crazy..." Varric started hotly.
"I said, ENOUGH!" She cried out again, pushing away from the stairs to place herself firmly in between their two forms before Cassandra lashed out again. She could feel her own pulse spiking, adrenaline singing. "What the fuck are you two doing?"
"Varric is a liar, Inquisitor." Cassandra spat. "A snake! He knew where Hawke was all along and he…"
"Damn right I did!" Varric never could keep his mouth shut, his jaw trembling with fury. "You kidnapped me. Why would I tell you anything?"
"The fate of our efforts to secure peace depended on Hawke!" Cassandra shook as well, eyes flashing. "I told you I would see that she did not come to harm."
"And I was supposed to trust you?" Varric asked sarcastically. "After all the shit you people didn't do to keep Kirkwall from dropping into the damn abyss? I'm still waiting on an apology from the Seekers to all the people Meredith killed on your watch."
"I don't think we can lay the blame for what happened to Kirkwall on Cassandra. She wasn't in charge of that mess." Maria stated evenly, trying to maintain her calm, trying to push past her spiking heartbeat.
"If anyone could have prevented the explosion at the conclave, if anyone could have saved all those people…" Cassandra insisted. "Or do those lives not matter, Varric? It is only the lives of you and your associates…"
"Alright and we can't blame Varric for the fucking expl…" Maria broke in helplessly.
"My friends!" Varric exclaimed over top of her. "Not like you have any!"
"Varric!" She seethed, spearing him with a gaze she sincerely hoped conveyed that if he didn't shut up, fast, she was going to let him keep digging his own tomb.
"The Inquisition needed a leader!" Cassandra turned on her heel and stormed to the nearest window, glaring outside. "If Hawke…"
"The Inquisition has a leader!" Varric protested between gritted teeth, waving his hand to take in Maria's form. "A damn fine one. Probably the best one you could've asked for."
He wasn't even looking at her. He was glaring daggers at Cassandra, and he'd probably just said it to irritate her, but that didn't stop Maria's eyes from bulging with surprise and her breath from catching in her throat. A secret, silent warmth creeped up from her toes.
A damn fine one. The best one you could've asked for.
She was a fucking idiot. They were just words, words anyone could've said. They shouldn't mean as much as they did. She shouldn't clutch them to her heart greedily. Shouldn't try to remember when someone had ever sounded so fucking proud of her.
She whipped her eyes from Varric's determined face back to Cassandra. She wasn't looking at Varric anymore, but out the window, shoulders curling defensively. "Go." She ordered. "Just… just go, Varric."
Varric's clenched jaw didn't ease when he swung his eyes to Maria. The tip of his head back towards the door was a silent invitation to go with him, to leave Cassandra alone and miserable, to take off with Varric and his own temper still curling his fingers into fists, danger rolling off of him in waves.
"Go." She directed in a whisper. "I'll catch up later."
When he was safe again. When he didn't set her teeth on edge. After she'd had time to think through that uttered statement that lit up her shadowy soul. Varric didn't question her, he just nodded and finally eased one hand long enough to tug it through his long hair as he glared at Cassandra's back. He nodded, just once, turning silently on his heel.
Maria had just enough time to think he was done before he looked back over his shoulder and pierced Cassandra with another glare. "Do you know what I think? I think if Hawke had been at the conclave she'd be dead too. You people have done enough to her."
Then Varric's amber gaze shifted to her and he frowned, suddenly looking much older than he was, aged before his time in one simple gesture. "And I think they'll do it to you too."
Maria's pride bristled and she straightened. "I'm a big girl, Varric. I can handle myself."
She didn't know what to make of his sad smile, his simple shrug, the way he couldn't quite meet her eyes as he turned back. "Alright, Princess."
Then he was gone, infuriatingly gone, leaving Maria with a buzzing inside her and Cassandra's gloomy spectre behind her.
"He is right." Cassandra said softly. "If only about one thing."
"I don't know if I would go so far as to say he's right about anything." Maria joked weakly. Cassanda shook her head before leaning against the cool glass and peering out at the world. "Tell him once, we'll probably never hear the end of it."
"If we had found Hawke, the Maker may not have sent you." Cassandra said softly. Maria scoffed.
"I was not sent anywhere by some holy power." She reminded Cassandra tersely.
"Even if that is also true." Cassanda straightened and pressed her palm against the glass instead, continuing to frown. "You are what we needed when we needed it. I will forever be grateful."
"Fucking ancestors." Maria rubbed at her pinkening cheeks. "Why are you all being so nice? Do I have a terminal illness nobody told me about?"
"I have made mistakes." Cassandra set her jaw and turned back to Maria, tense and wary. "I should have made Varric see why we needed Hawke, I shouldn't have trusted him at his word. I should have taken better measures to protect the conclave. I should not have left you at Haven. I… I am uncertain if I deserve to be here."
"Cassandra." Maria indicated herself. "I'm a Carta criminal who was selling illegal lyrium at the conclave and just happened to not die, somehow. Are we really talking about who does and doesn't deserve to be here because if we are…"
That made Cassandra smile and shake her head. "It is indeed a strange time, isn't it?"
Maria shrugged. "I'm still not certain this isn't some crazy dream. I thought it was, at first. My favorite author showing up on top of a damn mountain? It seemed like a dream."
A flicker of concern rose to Cassandra's features. "Be careful of Varric, Inquisitor. He…"
"Deserves to be here as much as the rest of us. He's trying. He didn't need to bring Hawke here. But he didn anyway. You can't go around punching him, or really anyone." Maria ordered
Cassandra simply sighed and nodded. "If you wish him here… but I will be watching him. I am… I am uncertain as to what he wishes from you. I do not… I do not wish to see you hurt or…"
Cassandra was flushing pink as well, running one hand through her short hair in embarrassment.
"I'm a big girl." Maria repeated. "I can take care of myself."
She always had.
xx
She found Varric staring up at a tower she swore hadn't been there before, standing in the middle of the courtyard. Even though his eyes were pointed firmly upon it, it didn't take an expert to tell he wasn't seeing it. She wasn't alone in observing him, Cole sat with his back to Varric, hidden from the man's view by the low wall surrounding the garden. She slipped silently to Cole's side, looking down at the daisies he was twisting into a crown.
Maria loved daisies. Cole looked up with a shy, sweet smile and nodded as if to say he knew. Maria ruffled his hair gently and leaned against the low wall, eyes on Varric.
Andraste, the way the last rays of the sun illuminated him, turned his hair into a fiery halo, made the gold in his ears blindingly bright. She watched him tear his hand through his hair again with a little huff of exasperation, lips pulled down at the corners. Then he simply leaned against one of the stone benches and dropped his forehead into his arms.
She'd never seen him look so despondent, so achingly vulnerable. Varric, unaware of her gaze on his shoulders or Cole hiding behind the wall, dropped all the artifice from his body, revealed the truth under all of it, someone bare and beautiful. Someone she suspected felt things far more deeply than he let on, particularly if this showdown with Cassandra had upset him so much, driven him to this quiet contemplation.
There was no trace of violence or anger left in him, no hint of danger in the air. Nothing but silence and sunlight.
"He's more shattered than he shows." Cole whispered. "But you have gentle hands underneath all the blood. You could hold him the way she never could and he would only touch you the way you like. You wouldn't be sad."
"It's okay, Cole." Maria murmured, hoisting herself over the wall. The gentle thump of her feet hitting the ground was enough to make Varric look up, a small smile trying to grace his lips.
"Cassandra calmed down now." Maria offered with a shrug. "I can personally vouch for your safety."
"Your dashing heroics never cease." Varric's smile warmed slightly. "My next book is writing itself as we speak. Do you prefer being described as alluring or stunning?"
He was trying to reassemble his mask, tie it back on. She waited, quietly, watching as he tried to stuff his vulnerability back where it had fallen loose from. "Varric, she didn't mean it."
"She did." Varric stated sourly. "And… dammit, she's not entirely wrong. I had lots of opportunities to come clean about Hawke. If I'd have known about Corypheus…"
"You couldn't have known." Maria pointed out.
"If you'd have gotten yourself killed in that avalanche, if he'd have murdered you while I listened…. Maker's ass. I could kick myself everyday. If something would have happened to you, I'd never be able to forgive myself."
It was so close, so damn close to that declaration he made to someone else on the phone. She wondered if he knew the jolt it sent through her, the way it killed all the words in her throat and left her dizzy, breathless. "Varric…"
"Listen, I know I need to do better. For you. And I will, I promise." His smile, uncharacteristically earnest, made her weak in the knees. "I'm sorry, Princess."
Five steps. Maybe six. That's how many she could take to throw herself into his arms. He'd wrap them around her again, the way he had before, bring her flush to his body and eclipse her in his warmth. She didn't even need to kiss him, although she wanted that too, but what she wanted more was to bury her face in his shoulder and confess her uncertainty about everything, her fears, the weight that felt so heavy on her shoulders.
And the joy.
The sheer, utter perfection of finally feeling like she'd come home again. Looking out on a sea of faces knowing nobody sneered behind their hands, knowing she was respected, knowing she belonged for once in her damn life. That Bea was safe and Maria could sleep in peace at night. She didn't know if he would understand any of it. But if she took five steps, she could find out. She surprised herself with the first one, an unsteady lurch into the abyss. The second came a bit easier.
But when her foot hit the ground the third time, they were attacked by a ball of feathers and fluff dive bombing Varric's ear for that blighted earring. Maria stopped short as Varric swore, batting at the bird and clutching his ear.
"Found him!" Dorian crowed from above. Maria ripped her eyes from Varric fending off the bird to peer up at the witch leaning out one of windows in the tower above. Dorian waved at her happily. "And you've joined us! Splendid, come take a look at your utterly perfect new witch's retreat."
If she had her gun, she'd have shot him. As it was, she let her dismayed gaze fall back on Varric while the squawking bird finally took off, affronted. Varric, huffing, glared after it before shooting an annoyed glance at the tower.
Just in time for something to ominously rumble within. Dorian looked over his shoulder, stunned, and Varric groaned. He rubbed his face briskly and said the name under his breath like a curse as thick smoke began to roll from the uppermost tower windows. "Hawke…"
