Chapter 7: The Little Things
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I busied my mind and filled my days with distractions, anything to make the ghost of you disappear. I wanted to forget you and you wanted to be forgotten. But though our minds turned away, our hearts were still connected, and everything we told ourselves to keep our love at bay, was a sea of lies.
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"Taicho, would you like me to make you some tea?" Renji asked.
"Hai, tea would be good," Byakuya answered without looking up, "and would you make it ginger tea?"
Renji's brow furrowed.
"Again?" he mused, getting up and heading for the hallway, "You still having stomach problems?"
"I am fine," Byakuya answered, an edge of annoyance in his voice, "I just have a preference for it lately. Is there something wrong with that?"
"No," said Renji, smiling, "Just making sure nothing's wrong. It's my job."
"You are not my nursemaid, nor are you my personal attendant, Abarai. Just go make that tea and let me work."
"Okay, sheesh!" Renji huffed, "Don't hafta bite my head off. I'm going…"
Byakuya looked up as he left, shook his head and turned back to his work. The words on the papers were wavering oddly before his eyes and his stomach churned uncomfortably. He tried closing his eyes and resting his face in his hands, but his head only went into a harder spin and his stomach clenched. He got up too quickly and staggered into the hallway, moving quickly through the door that led into his quarters. He flash stepped across the room and made it to the washroom just in time to fall to his knees retching somewhat ingloriously, then falling back against the wall and striking the back of his head rather soundly. He wasn't sure, at that point if the spinning was still caused by having gotten up too quickly or if he had given himself a concussion, falling back against the wall that way, so he pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on his arms, groaning. He would have lowered his pride and crawled towards the bed, but when he opened his eyes, all he saw was swirls of colors.
"Taicho?" said Renji worriedly.
"Do you always invade your superior officer's quarters without an invitation, or is this something new, Abarai?" he said without lifting his head, "Go away."
"Don't be stupid," he said, flinching at the look of reproach his familiarity earned, "Sorry Taicho, but come on…you've been like this since you were released from the healing center. You know you should have taken more leave time before coming back to work. You're pushing yourself too hard. Anyone can see that."
Byakuya lifted his head and Renji winced, looking at him.
"You're white as a sheet," he said, reaching out to steady him as he stood, almost fell and caught himself on the edge of the counter.
He leaned against the counter, then started towards the bed, only to start to collapse again, halfway across the room. Renji caught him up and ignored his protests, carrying him to the bed and depositing him there with a gentle smile.
"Stay put," he said, turning away, "I'll go back and get the tea."
"Did I smell cookies, too?" asked Byakuya.
"Brownies actually," Renji said, "I get hungry in the middle of the night. But I didn't think you liked sweets. And are you sure you want to eat just after…"
"Yes…arigato, Abarai. And if you could bring me the reports I was working on…"
"Why? So you can throw up on them? No way…brownies and tea…then, you need to get some sleep, Taicho."
"Abarai, when did you get promoted to be my superior? I need those reports done for the taicho's meeting in the morning."
"I will finish them and have them waiting on your desk."
He flash stepped out of the room, leaving Byakuya staring after him. He walked back into the room several minutes later, only to find Byakuya asleep. He set the tea and brownies on the nightstand, then turned out the lights and walked back to the door.
"You work too hard, Taicho," he said softly, "I think you're still feeling bad about before…"
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"Are you still brooding, Sousuke?" asked Gin, studying the tall form who sat in his chair, his face discontentedly resting against his hand and his eyes distant and troubled, "There's nothing you could have done, what with those ruffians dropping down on us when they did. And besides, what would you have done with them when you got them here? You had just had me try to kill Rukia and Kuchiki taicho was better off in the hands of Unohana taicho."
"I could have healed him," Aizen said tersely, "I wouldn't have let him die. Another few seconds. That's all it would have taken…and I could have made them disappear…could have left false bodies behind…no one would have known they were even still alive."
"And what would you have done with Rukia? I know you have a fascination with him, but if you'd just ordered her killed…"
"I don't know. Maybe I would have just taken him…but I didn't have time to even draw my weapon before…and once the garganta opened and we were recalled, it was too late. And I saw it in his eyes anyway. He thought I was going to kill them both."
"Well," said Gin, "Based on the order to kill Rukia, I would have come to the same conclusion. Why the change of heart?"
Aizen's eyes closed for a moment, then slowly opened again.
"When he was injured, I thought of a use for her. She could have tended him here as he healed…and could have stayed to keep him company, so he wouldn't have had to feel completely shut off from everyone he knew."
"An awfully nice sentiment, coming from you. You must really like him. But I thought you hated the nobles, especially him. I thought that you were angry he kept resisting you."
"He stopped resisting. When he thought that I was dead, he went to the place we were first together, and he was different. He thought I was a ghost and he said and did things that surprised me. I realized that I didn't know him well at all. But it was too late to stop our plans. And in truth, I still wanted the noble houses to fall. But I planned to make sure he survived until I was king, so that I could name him my consort."
Gin's brow furrowed thoughtfully.
"But there's still something that doesn't make sense. If you realized he was not what you expected…and you made these plans for him…then why did you still order me to kill his sister? Even had you spared him, he wouldn't have thought much of you if you killed her…"
"She was causing him pain…pain he refused to avoid. She was a burden to him…and I thought that the only reason he adopted her was because of her resemblance to that peasant woman he married. Had I known it was his late wife's sister, I might have thought differently of killing her. I might have understood why he punished himself so by having her around. It was a costly misunderstanding."
"Well…we would have known sooner, but Byakuya was very tight-lipped about her. You didn't even know Rukia was his late wife's sister until well after we returned. It took time for that to move along the grapevine."
He gazed at Aizen quietly for several long, silent minutes.
"You know, we could capture him and bring him here…if you want him that badly," he suggested.
Aizen sighed.
"He hates me now…and he should. I used his sister in a scheme to betray everyone as part of a larger plan to bring down the king and the noble houses. I still want that, even though I yearn for him. And that would make him hate me. Add to that my order to kill Rukia, even not knowing her connection to his late wife and the fact he thinks I was going to kill them both and you can see why it wouldn't work. No…I will wait until the king is slain and the noble houses collapse. He is strong. He will survive. And when I am king, I will pick up whatever is left of him and make things right again. I'll take him as my consort and give him the children he longs for so badly. He will have what he needs then…everything he needs. But I can't help him right now…not under these conditions. It's better for Byakuya to stay where he is. It's actually safer than bringing him here."
"Hmmm…" smiled Gin, "I don't think that bodes well for Tousen and me…"
"I am not in love with either of you," Aizen said quietly, "Byakuya would make too tempting a target for those seeking a weakness in me. I won't purposely weaken myself or offer them a target like that while still residing in Las Noches. As I said, I will take Byakuya to my side later…when the king is dead."
"And you think he'll come running back to you?" Gin asked coyly.
"I won't give him a choice. He will warm to me when he sees that I am willing to be merciful. He will see that what I have in mind will make for better worlds than the ones we have. Once he sees that justice is assured under my rule, he will hate me no longer. Right now, he is focused on the cruelty that was necessary to overthrow the old regime. He doesn't understand that they deserved to die. He will later…"
"You hope…in any case," Gin added softly.
"I know. I will make him understand."
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Byakuya woke to a hot cup of ginger tea and breakfast waiting. A note by the bed from Renji told him that Soutaicho had excused him from the taicho's meeting and that he was expected to visit the fourth division after he had rested enough.
Sighing softly, he ate everything offered and drank the tea, then sat gazing out his window and daydreaming. He knew he should be angry with Renji for interfering, but his fukutaicho was, in fact, right. He was working himself too hard. He was doing so on purpose to avoid thinking about things that were best forgotten.
But Aizen Sousuke was turning out to be very difficult to forget…
He wanted badly to hate the man. He was certainly hurt and angry over his use of Rukia in his plans. He wanted revenge. But even more, he wanted to understand. Not that it mattered in the long run…but understanding seemed to be very important to his beleaguered mind. Still, he wondered if it was truly just a need to understand, or if his rebellious mind could actually want to forgive the man. He couldn't think of a single reason why he should…or why his heart would lead him in that direction. What he had done to Rukia and him was unforgivable. And he was better off, forgetting and moving on, than continuing to harbor doubts.
"Hey Taicho…" Renji said, smiling as he noted the empty tray.
The redhead picked up the tray and started towards the door.
"Renji…"
He stopped and turned to look at Byakuya.
"Hai, Taicho…"
"Arigato."
He gave Byakuya a bright, surprised smile.
"No problem at all, Taicho. How are you feeling?"
"Wretched," he said calmly, "but not so tired."
"Well, I have Rikichi ready to go with me on the reconnaissance patrol to Hueco Mundo…"
"Not necessary," Byakuya said, looking offended, "I may have needed some extra sleep, but if you keep feeding me and making me lie about so much without taking any missions, I am likely to get fat and lose my shinigami powers."
Renji couldn't stifle his laughter at that, but quickly sobered.
"Are you sure you should go? I thought you had to go to the fourth division…"
"I will go now…and we can leave from there."
He raised an eyebrow slightly.
"You were planning on following me over and hovering until I was done, anyway, ne?"
Renji laughed.
"You know me too well, Taicho!"
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"Well, Kuchiki taicho," said Unohana taicho appreciatively, "You must be over whatever was bothering you before, because you are the picture of good health…oh, except for the chest wound that's still healing. I checked for infection, because you are running slightly on the warm side, but there is no infection. You probably just had a minor bug. I wouldn't worry overly much as long as it doesn't get any worse. Everything else is fine"
"I told Renji that he was worrying too much."
"Renji was smart enough to head off something worse by making you rest and sending you in my direction. You should appreciate how well your fukutaicho looks after you."
"Yes…" Byakuya said, blithely, "I imagine if my mother had lived beyond birthing me, she would be in full agreement. But we are not children and I have responsibilities. So, I thank you for allowing me to waste your time and I will endeavor not to let myself get run down and frighten my fukutaicho into fits again. Really…I think I liked it better when he despised me."
"Oh, you don't mean that!" Unohana said, her eyes twinkling, "You enjoy being looked after, no matter what you say."
"You seem very sure of yourself," Byakuya said, narrowing his eyes.
"Oh, I am," the healer chuckled softly.
"Then, may I have my clearance? I need to leave for Hueco Mundo immediately."
Unohana eyed him for a moment.
"I cleared you for non-combat missions."
"It's reconnaissance and Renji and Rikichi are both going with me."
The healer nodded.
"Very well. Isane will have your clearance. She is chatting with Renji in the waiting room."
"Renji and Isane?" Byakuya said, frowning.
"Ah…" laughed Unohana, "Isane is only being friendly and fending off his questions. If you want my personal opinion, I'd say Renji has grown very protective of someone…but it isn't Isane."
"Rukia?"
The healer shook her head and chuckled softly.
"You know who I mean," she said, sobering slightly, "and even though you haven't asked my opinion, I think I should offer it. Renji cares a great deal about you."
She looked at Byakuya more closely.
"But from the look on your face, I would say it's not a lack of affection for your fukutaicho that is troubling you. What is it, then? Clan issues? Work relations issues? If you don't mind me asking?"
Byakuya sighed.
"Why would I mind? You know everything anyway. You are very good at reading people. I will be honest. I care for Renji, too. He has been beside me every step of my recovery."
"But something is weighing on your mind? Some unresolved issue?" Unohana asked, "Don't worry. Renji is not going to be upset with you for taking things slowly. Just give him proper care in return and whatever happens, he will remain your friend. That is what your true concern is…isn't it?"
"As I said," Byakuya replied softly, "You are very good at reading people. I will take your advice into consideration. Arigato, Unohana taicho."
