Well, this one was a long time coming. Today, we're tackling the episode, "The Bandidate," requested by Kinghammer Publishing. Enjoy!


Chapter 101

President Evil

Jackie, Corey, and Laney were in the garage one September afternoon. Jackie and Laney were painting each other's nails, while Corey practiced riffs on his guitar. Then suddenly, the garage opened up and all three were met with a blinding light.

The lights were coming from Kin and Kon, who were both wearing extremely shiny bracelets. The twins showed them off as they entered.

"Hey Jackie. What do you think of the new duds?" Kin boasted.

Jackie covered her eyes. "I don't know! It's so bright I can't see anything!"

"Why are you guys wearing those super shiny bracelets?" Laney questioned.

"We're raising awareness for Them5's fight against long lines for new phones!" Kin explained.

"Them5 the band?" Corey confirmed. "Why are they fighting against anything?"

"Why wouldn't they? They're the most political band in the world!" Kon claimed. "They take a stand, like, every month."

"And they make terrible music." Laney commented.

"With important messages. What are you doing about long lines for new phones, Laney?" Kin accused.

"Well, I think it's a good cause." Jackie argued. "Heaven knows I've waited in some pretty long lines. I think it took maybe two whole days to get my last phone."

"See? Jackie gets it." Kin sighed happily. "And why wouldn't she? She's so smart."

Corey stood up. "You know what needs fighting for?"

"What?" Jackie asked.

Corey paused. "Uh…I don't know, actually. But I know there's something out there that does! And Grojband never backs down from a fight! We're gonna be political and fight for what we believe in!"

"Yeah!" Kin and Kon agreed.

"And what exactly do we believe in?" Laney wondered.

"Uh…I don't know that either. But I heard Jackie's school is having an election today! Let's head down there and make a statement!"

"Statements rule!" Kon cheered.

"I'm Corey Riffin, and I approve this message!" Corey winked.

"What message? And who is he talking to?" Jackie whispered to the others.

Tracy had been watching them from inside the house.

"Ugh! So those losers think they can make themselves political out of nowhere, do they? Well not if I make myself political out of nowhere first! That presidency thing is MINE!"

"But you're not in the school election, Tracy." Macy reminded her.

"Poor, naive Macy. It doesn't matter who's actually running in a school election. As long as you're popular enough, you can totally steal all the votes! And let's face it. Who's more popular than me? Just gotta send out one little Bleat and I'm a shoo-in!"

Tracy typed up a message and Macy heard her phone go off.

"'Make me school prez. It'll be a rager.' You got my vote!"

"Good! But just in case, print my name out a thousand times and stick them in the ballot box."

"But…wouldn't that be cheating?"

"No! You just want me to be president so much that you think I deserve that many votes from you. I mean, you do feel that way, right?"

Macy shivered. "Oh yeah, of course Tracy! By the way, while we're on the subject, if you're elected, can I be your first BFF?"

"Tabled for further discussion. First, President Hottie check!"

Tracy snapped her fingers and Macy handed her a mirror. Tracy was horrified to see a flaring, red spot on her chin.

"Ick! No one votes for pimples, Macy!"

Macy took out some makeup and promptly covered the zit up.

"That's better! Now I'm ready to presidentate or whatever."

"You rule, Tracy!"

"Brutally." Tracy giggled.

TRACY'S GOT AN EVIL PLAN!

At the school election, the final votes had been tallied. Thanks to Tracy's popular Bleat and Macy sabotaging the ballot box, it was pretty clear who the winner was. An announcer was on stage in the auditorium standing next to Tracy, who was holding flowers and had on a princess tiara.

"After a sudden wave of over a thousand votes, which is odd because there's only 500 students in this school, I present to you our new school president, Tracy Matthews!"

"We voted for you, Jackie's sister!" Kelsey and Alyssa cried from the audience.

Backstage, Jackie and Grojband had witnessed everything.

"Oh no! It's bad enough having to deal with Tracy at home, but now she's going to boss me around at school, too?" Jackie worried. "This is terrible!"

"Wow. Glad I don't go to your school." Kon stated.

"Don't worry, Jacks. Tracy won't be in office for long, because now I know what kind of statement we can make!" Corey replied.

"You do?"

"Sure! Think about it. We've suffered thousands of Tracy-related injustices. Most even have photographic evidence. Once the school knows about her twisted past, they'll turn against her! All we have to do is rock out all of those misdemeanors and we'll be legends!"

Tracy spoke into the microphone. "For my first act as president, Grojband can't play here. LIKE, EVER!"

Tracy slammed a gavel against the podium. The next thing Grojband knew, they were thrown out of the building.

Laney rubbed her head. "Wow. We're a political band for one minute and now we're banned from the school."

"So? We haven't been to school since we showed up in this world." Kin pointed out. "Why is that, anyway?"

"I think it's because Jackie's dad said he'd rather have us stay home so he doesn't get blamed if we damage someone else's property." Kon recalled. "Man, he's such a nice guy!"

Jackie came outside soon after, holding a slip of paper.

"Great. Tracy's presidency has just started and she's already given me detention for looking her in the eyes! Now for the next two weeks, I have to stay after school and write 'Tracy is my god' 10,000 times! It's like she's trying to keep me from going home to practice with you guys!"

"You're right!" Corey stood up. "Tracy must be afraid of us! Imagine how afraid she'd be if she had real power!"

"Probably a lot less afraid." Laney answered.

"If Tracy had more power, we'd have more to struggle against! And a more important statement to make! We need to take Tracy from school president to mayor of Tranquil Town!"

"Do you have a concussion?!" Jackie wailed. "What kind of statement are we trying to make here, 'acting impulsively leads to huge consequences'? Besides, how would we even do something like that?"

"We can tell you!"

Jackie turned to see Kin and Kon dressed as 19th-century barbers.

"With an edutaining song!"

Kon: Say, Kin?

Kin: Yes, Kon?

Kon: How do you replace a mayor with someone who isn't a mayor?

Kin: Why, you'd need some kind of bylaw!

Kon: If the mayor of Tranquil Town takes an unscheduled vacay

Kin: Then Bylaw 62.8 says that it's AOK

Kon: To find the winner of any vote held earlier that day

Kin: And name them the new mayor of Tranquil Town

Both: Henceforth

Henceforth

Henceforth!

"That last part didn't rhyme." Laney critiqued.

"It's a song about a municipal bylaw. What more do you want?" Kin huffed.

"I thought it was pretty good." Jackie noted.

"Aww…Jackie, you think so?" hearts popped out of Kin.

"Yeah! Kon, you have such an awesome singing voice!"

"What?!"

Kon leaned his arm on Kin's head. "They say it's the one trait Kin and me don't share."

Kin snarled with anger and jealousy.

"Guys, this means Tracy's only one step away from being mayor of Tranquil Town!" Corey realized.

"Yeah, but we still need Mayor Swellow to go on a vacation." Jackie reminded him. "And he hasn't taken one in, like, 30 years."

"Don't worry. I've got a crazy plan that just might work…"

In his office, Mayor Swellow was busy signing documents with a red crayon. His crayon suddenly broke, prompting him to speak into the walkie-talkie sitting on his desk.

"Ms. Tanana? Send in more crayons, please!"

But when the doors to the office opened, Mayor Swellow was surprised to not see his secretary, but Jackie and Grojband.

"Hello, Mr. Mayor." Corey greeted. "We think it's time for you to take a little vacation."

"No need, kids. I feel like I get a vacation every time I stamp one of these fishing license applications!" he stamped a paper on his desk. "Ahh…the tropics."

"Told ya, Corey." Jackie said. "Now what do we do?"

"I'll handle this, Jacks." Corey took out an envelope. "What I have here in this envelope may convince you to, shall we say, leave town for a while?"

Mayor Swellow panicked and picked up the picture of his mother. "It's happening, Mother! You think you cover your tracks, but your lies catch up with you! They always catch up with you!"

The politician stood on his desk, pressed a button on a remote, and the desk ejected him out of the building.

Corey removed what was in the envelope, a pair of plane tickets. "Huh. I thought he would love a trip to Sunny Barbados. Oh well!"

"How'd you even get those tickets?" Jackie questioned.

Just then, Mr. Matthews stormed into the office, swiped the envelope from Corey while giving him a dirty look, and stormed out.

"So, now that Swellow's gone, do you think Tracy knows she's the new mayor?" Laney asked.

As she said that, Tracy was already by the door.

"Get out of my room! I mean, office! I need to freshen up."

"Is there anything more efficient than a town bylaw?" Kon observed.

Tracy laughed evilly in Jackie's face. Jackie would have been intimidated, but she was distracted by something on her sister's chin.

"Nice face crater, Miss Mayor!"

Tracy noticed it too. "Macy! More makeup!"

Macy got out a case of powder and spread it over Tracy's face. Once the blemish was out of sight again, Tracy was ready for her first day as a politician.

"For my first act as Mayor of Tranquil Town, Grojband can't play in Tranquil Town. LIKE, EVER!"

Tracy slammed her gavel on her desk. With the new law in place, Grojband was forcefully thrown outside of the Tranquil Town gates.

"Not only is Tracy's power stronger than before, so's her throwing arm…" Kin rubbed his head.

"Some plan, Core." Laney noted sarcastically. "We're banned from our own town. How are supposed to get home?"

"Kay, don't panic, but has anyone seen my drums?" Kon worried.

"And where's Jackie?" Kin also worried.

Back in town, Tracy had gathered up the gang's instruments and hung them up with nooses.

"Finally I can destroy anything that bugs me! Politics is so much fun!"

Jackie was there with Tracy, being forced to hand-wash her clothes.

"Hurry it up, slave! And make sure to get the lipstick stain out of my favorite blouse!"

Jackie snarled in annoyance. Tracy turned to walk away, but tripped over a box sitting on the ground.

"Ugh! New law! No stuff where I'm not looking!"

As it turns out, there were dozens of boxes surrounding the teen, all of them filled with designer clothes. Macy was busy marking off each box on a clipboard.

"So many cool boutiques were happy to donate their cutest outfits to the new mayor! All in your size, too!"

"Hey, is that my clipboard?" Jackie realized.

"It was yours," Tracy snickered. "But you don't need it now that you don't have a band to manage anymore! Hee, hee!"

"FREE GROJBAND! FREE GROJBAND!" two voices cried out behind Tracy, giving her a fright.

Naturally, the voices were from Grojband's groupies/number two fans, Kelsey and Alyssa.

"Mayor Jackie's sister, you've gotta let Grojband back in Tranquil Town!" Alyssa insisted.

"Oh, do I?" Tracy growled. "I'll tell you what. Since you like them so much, why don't you join them? YOU'RE BANNED, TOO! Macy! Escort these elitists out of my town!"

Macy nodded and did as she was told.

"And you!" Tracy pointed at Jackie. "Why have you not finished yet?"

Jackie stood up. "You know what? Mayor or not, I'm not going to take orders from you! Wash your own clothes!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard what I said! I won't be bossed around!"

"You better rethink that answer, twerp. Unless you want to be banished like those dorks you call friends!"

"Go ahead! At least then I'll be with them! I'd rather be homeless with my best friends than be sheltered without them!"

"Is that so?" Tracy grinned. "In that case, I'm not going to banish you! Instead, I'm going to…place you under house arrest!"

"Ha! I'd like to see you try!"

The next thing the manager knew, she was chained to a coffee table in the garage.

"Man…she must have taken a page out of Kelsey and Alyssa's book…"

Meanwhile, Grojband was still pondering on how they could get back home.

"If we rock out and no one's around to hear it, do we make a sound?" Kon theorized.

"I don't know and I don't care!" Kin responded. "I'm too worried about what kind of torment Tracy's putting on my poor, sweet Jackie…"

"So, still thought this was a good idea, Core?" Laney inquired.

Corey sighed. "Okay, I admit it. It was stupid to make Tracy the mayor. Thanks to her new status, she's finally silenced us!"

"Looks like it. Oh, and the answer to your next question is 'NO! Do not make Tracy ruler of earth!'"

"That's right. We are gonna need a bigger message."

Laney facepalmed.

"FREE GROJBAND! FREE GROJBAND!" voices came from the sewer grate below them.

"And I like the sound of that one…"

KIDS SHOULDN'T PLAY IN SEWERS!

"Speed it up, Macy!" Tracy barked as Macy hurriedly tried to paint a portrait of her. "I want everybody to get a commemorative portrait of me before my welcome party starts!"

"I've only finished 57 so far! And you hated 56 of them…" Macy referred to a pile of ripped-up portraits.

"The people need a symbol of hot, Macy!"

"But Tranquil Town has a population of 125,896! I'll never be able to paint that many in time!"

"You're right. You can stop painting. The only answer is to make a giant gold statue of me! Force everyone to donate their grandmother's jewelry."

"At once, Mayor Tracy!" Macy saluted and dashed away.

Jackie had been watching the scene from the garage. Tracy strolled past her.

"The burden of leadership lays heavily on my shoulders and junk."

Jackie groaned.

In the sewers, Grojband had found Kelsey and Alyssa, who were hard at work painting protest signs. The signs showed Grojband's logo and below it, a caption read "Free Grojband!"

"Grojband took a stand! We don't know what it was!" they chanted. "But it got them banned! We're chanting just because!"

"Hey groupies." Corey greeted. "Whatcha doing being all creepy in the sewers?"

"Mayor Tracy exiled us for liking you." Kelsey explained. "Nobody in Tranquil Town is even allowed to say the word 'Grojband' anymore."

Alyssa nodded. "I don't know what a mayor does or is supposed to do, but she's the worst one ever."

"Who cares about Tracy's unfair laws?" Kin picked up Alyssa and shook her. "Where's Jackie?!"

"Tracy put her under house arrest. She has her chained up to a coffee table in your garage. Talk about taking a page out of our book."

"House arrest? Why didn't she just banish Jackie like everybody else?" Corey wondered.

"Because this way she'll never get to see you again."

"Yeah," Kelsey concurred. "Now that I think about it, getting kicked out of town was actually a lucky break for us."

"Stuck under Tracy's rule, never allowed to see us again?" Kin seethed. "That girl is pure evil! Her reign of terror can't continue!"

Corey beamed. "You're right, Kin! We put Tracy in charge because we wanted to find a message. And it looks like we've finally found one: Down with Tracy!"

"Works for me." Laney smiled.

Kin swiped a sign from Kelsey and painted over it. Instead of Grojband's logo, it now depicted Tracy with a red line across her face and Jackie surrounded by a big heart. The word, "Grojband" in "Free Grojband" was crossed out and replaced with "Jackie."

"Let's bring down a government!" Kin declared.

Using the sewer tunnel system, the gang managed to sneak their way back into Tranquil Town. When they reached the surface, they spotted Macy welding a golden statue of Tracy, using one of her portraits as a model.

"Weld faster, Macy!" she ordered herself. "I know how to go faster! Stop talking! There's no time for talking! Weld, weld, weld, weld, weld, weld, WELD!"

"Huh. I expected Tracy to force Macy to make an even bigger gold statue of herself." Laney observed. "She's matured a little."

"Again, who cares?!" Kin scolded. "Let's go find Jackie before she dies of starvation!"

"She's only been imprisoned for like, an hour, dude." Kon mentioned.

In the Matthews' garage, Tracy was getting ready for her welcome party.

"Sorry you're gonna miss the celebration, shrimp!" Tracy boasted to Jackie while eating from a bag of candy. "Don't worry, though. I'll have Macy record everything so you'll have something to remember the day you were trumped by your so-much-better-than-you sister!"

"'Trump' is certainly a good word to describe this situation." Jackie claimed. "And are those my leftover jelly beans from last Easter you're eating?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. How selfish of me. I should totally share, shouldn't I? Here." Tracy put a black bean in Jackie's hands.

"This is a licorice one. I hate licorice!"

"I know!" Tracy laughed hysterically before walking out the door.

Jackie tossed the bean and slumped to the floor. Thankfully, Grojband had come at the right time to set her free.

"Jackie!" Kin hugged the girl contentedly.

"Guys! You came back! Which, in hindsight, was a mistake since Tracy's probably going to punish you even worse now."

"Don't worry about that, Jacks." Corey answered as he cut off Jackie's chain. "We've got a plan to dethrone your sister once and for all!"

"Really? Cool! How do we do it?"

"By heading down to that welcome ceremony and rocking out against her! Let's grab our gear!" Corey looked around the garage. "Uh, where are our instruments?"

Jackie looked uneasy. "Uh…yeah…I'll show you where they are."

Jackie led her friends to the park so they could see what became of their instruments. They all gasped at the sight.

"Our gear's been hanged!" Kin shrieked.

"I shall avenge you!" Kon promised.

Corey took out a pair of scissors. "Let's hope no necks were broken."

He proceeded to cut down all of the instruments.

"It's okay! They're all fine! And even better, they're ready for a song that'll turn this town against Tracy and bring her down!"

"Great. All we need now is lyrics." Laney hinted.

"Right. Any ideas on how we can get them?"

Jackie thought for a bit. "Hm…well, as the new mayor, Tracy seems even more concerned with how she presents herself than ever. She wants everyone to think she's perfect. But like every politician, she has something to hide. A blemish on her record. So embarrassing that revealing it will make her go diary! Here's what I'm thinking…"

An hour later, Macy was nearly finished welding Tracy's statue. When she wasn't looking, Corey used a red marker to add a little extra detail to Tracy's portrait.

"Done…" Macy panted. That's when she noticed Corey's little addition. "Oh no! I almost missed a spot!"

The nerdette picked up another gem and promptly added it to the statue.

PIMPLES ARE THE NEW BLACKHEADS!

At the welcome ceremony, the citizens gathered around the stage in the middle of the park. Their eyes were all on Tracy, who was wearing her favorite princess tiara to symbolize her new rank.

"Hello inferior citizens! As the prettiest mayor ever elected in Tranquil Town, I think you all should know how totally lucky you are to have me in office!"

"Citizens of Tranquil Town!" Corey interrupted. "Is this the leader you want?"

The crowd gasped. Among them was Kelsey and Alyssa.

"It's Corey Riffin!"

"From Grojband!"

"What?!" Tracy was furious. "I thought I had you and your lame band banned!"

The other band members also took to the stage.

"Mayor Tracy banishes anyone who disagrees with her!"

"She locks up and tortures all the prettiest girls!"

"And she won't let you say the name of the coolest band in the world!"

"They already know all that!" Tracy insisted. "I'm totes open about my rules."

Jackie poked her head out from behind the covered statue. "But there's one thing she's hiding."

The 14-year old removed the tarp, revealing the completed statue of Tracy. A red jewel was attached to the statue's chin. It was big and bright enough to get everyone's attention.

"I got every detail!" Macy stated proudly.

The citizens pointed and laughed at their new mayor. Tracy stood in horror.

"My pimple! NO! No one votes for PIMPLES!"

The teenager blasted into the air, surrounded by tiaras and red markers. Her face was becoming as red as the zit on her face. Her diary floated down and she wrote flames across the pages. Dark clouds and lightning filled the sky. When Tracy calmed down, she fell back to earth and her diary landed in Corey's hand.

"Let's rock!"

Grojband began to play.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Bring her down, bring her down

Make a loud sound

Bring her down, bring her down

Let's take back this town

Sometimes you know that something ain't right

The time has come to rise up; the time has come to fight

Yeah!

Shine on the surface, but rotten to the core

Let's take back our town; our freedom be restored

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

The citizens began to angrily throw garbage at Tracy. In an attempt to be spared, Tracy put her tiara on Macy's head and made her escape. The crowd continued to throw trash until both girls had left.

Bring her down, bring her down (Yeah! Yeah!)

Make a loud sound (Yeah! Yeah!)

Bring her down, bring her down (Yeah! Yeah!)

Let's take back this town

Bring her down (Yeah!)

Down (Yeah!)

Down (Yeah!)

YEAH!

The crowd erupted in applause. Jackie did as well as she joined her band onstage.

"That was great, you guys! You really took a stand just now! But in the future, let's agree never to involve Tracy in politics again."

"We hear you loud and clear, Jacks." Corey agreed.

"Now the only issue is, who's going to be the mayor now?"

That's when the former Mayor Swellow came in on a jet pack.

"Battle cry!" he kicked the head off Tracy's statue. "I'm the mayor of Tranquil Town! I love this town and I'm taking it back!"

"Okay, great." Jackie shrugged. "Congratulations, you're the mayor again."

"Just like that?"

"Uh-huh! We made Tracy the mayor while you were gone, which was a total mistake. But we got her kicked out of office, so the job is yours again."
Mayor Swellow held his foot. "Oh great. Broke my foot on that statue for nothing! At least this whole mess is over."

"That's right, Mayor Swellow." a spotlight appeared on Corey. "We've all had enough of political stands. We're a rock band. We shouldn't be writing songs that make people wanna stand. We should write songs that make people wanna rock! Besides, I'm sure we'd all prefer a nice sit instead."

Kon sat back in a lounge chair. "You get my vote."

"Thanks for coming out everyone!" Corey shut the garage door.


9 chapters left!

At this point, the order of the remaining chapters has been sorted out. Meaning, if you request an episode, it won't change the order they're going in (I'll still include your name in the author's notes though). Remember to review, as always.