Warnings: mentions of alcohol abuse, internalized homophobia. Also some fluffy pining/unrequited femslash crushing.


An Ending and Beginning

Kathy loved her afternoons at Horn Ranch. She loved the leisurely pace, the lack of constant calling for her attention, the quietude and openness of the fields. She loved the first warm summer breeze flowing over her heated skin and tangling her hair. To be honest, however, there was always something to appreciate at Horn Ranch any and every season; spring's warm humidity, the crispness of autumn, or the brisk winter chill. She loved the smell of shorn grass and horseflesh and well-worn leather saddles. She especially loved when she could swing up onto Sophie's broad back, tap her heels to the mare's brown flanks, and ride. The rollicking, wild rhythm of Sophie's gallop always got her blood pumping and heart pounding until she whooped like a cowgirl in a rodeo.

How many dreams had she had as a girl of being in the rodeo? Barrel racing, steer wrestling, tie-down roping, bronc riding, bull riding– all of it. Or the other dreams of her racing on a real track; a professional jockey with her named emblazoned on her neon red jacket. She had wanted to hear cheers, chants of her name, and the never-ending hammering of hoof beats.

But her mother left with no warning and no looking back– not even so much as a phone call– and she could never bear the thought of leaving her sweet, loving Papa all alone.

Waitressing wasn't terrible. She had fun chatting with all the townsfolk, being on the up-and-up of all the latest gossip. She enjoyed flexing her muscle when she shoved the latecomers' drunken butts out the door, and laughing in the face of the few passers-thrus that thought she'd welcome their smarmy advances. Kathy also loved closing time with her Papa, playing their favorites on the jukebox, singing together as they wiped down tables and glasses and shut down the lights. She even liked learning how to make cocktails, embellishing them with cute little touches she'd found on Pintrest or tumblr.

Castanet was a good home full of good people. While she wasn't on the circuit, traveling the country or the globe, showing off her skills on horseback, at least she had Horn Ranch and Sophie.

Kathy patted Sophie's thick, wide neck and murmured sweet nothings to her favorite girl in the whole world.

Well, favorite non-human girl.

The sweet, slightly-out-of-tune humming reached her ears and Kathy peeked over Sophie's saddle to see Renee carefully spreading poultry feed over the ground by the coop. She sighed wistfully, green eyes tracking the simple, flourish-less movements of Renee's arms. Renee Horn was the kindest, most thoughtful soul in all of Castanet, in Kathy's opinion. Careful never to scare the fidgety birds that Kathy just considered annoying– and delicious when fried and laid over salad (heaped with dressin' and bacon, a'course). Optimistic and cheerful even as her family's ranch went slowly ever more into debt. Pretty, fresh-faced, and perfect. That was Renee Horn.

Kathy used to think she wanted to be like Renee, who was always content and happy to just be herself. Whose grandest dreams were taking over Horn Ranch and taking care of her animals, and whose favorite hobbies included fishing and singing terribly misquoted songs. Kathy would never forget the day she'd walked in on Renee butchering 'Flawless' to the sheep.

Then, the blonde waitress-cum-horse-enthusiast grew the hell up and realized just how much she liked Renee in a very non-platonic way. In fact, Kathy realized just how many times her eyes lingered over women in general, and glanced over men with barely a fleeting 'not bad' opinion. While the other girls in the school she'd attended in the big city a few hours away had giggled over the hottest men on TV or whispered their crushes on their boy-classmates, Kathy was oohing over videos of Shakira dancing or drawn to the way some of her female classmates sat with their bare legs crossed and uniform blouses falling open at the collar.

She always sorta chuckled at herself for taking until her seventeenth birthday to realize it.

In this tiny town, however, she couldn't think of anyone ever being like her. She'd struggled for years, hiding who she was, until she'd found her own confidence and knew hiding who she was was not only harmful to herself, it was lying to everyone she loved.

And if there was anything Kathy hated most in the world, it was liars.

Too bad she was stuck in it.

Out of everyone to confide in for the first time, she'd of course chosen the only other person like her. Who was so in closet, his ass was frozen in Narnia.

Speaking of whom…

"Hey, thought I'd find you here," Owen greeted with a wide grin.

Kathy turned and grinned in return, fist on her cocked-up hip and her other hand still stroking Sophie's neck.

"When am I not here on Sundays?" Kathy replied saucily. Her smirk faded seeing his bloodshot black eyes and paler than usual skin. Which was saying a lot, since he was a natural redhead and worked in a mine. The only color he had came from rock dust, forge fire, and the multitude of fawn-brown freckles over his broad shoulders and down his arms. He had a few speckled his cheeks and nose, but those were mostly covered in the reddish tint burned there by too many days handling bellows. "Owen, you don't look good, bud."

"Bud? That's a little too friendly for a girlfriend to say," Owen joked, changing the subject with the subtlety of a freight train.

"Owen Gravel."

"Leave it, Kat."

"No, ya can't throw–" She broke off huffing and began again in a much lower hiss. "Ya can't throw that girlfriend bull at me n' not even tell me what's wrong. You've been gettin' worse, Owen. I can't jus' ignore it."

"I'm fine. My uncle's been going to Brass almost every night for as long as I can remember. You aren't houndin' him," Owen retorted in a voice too weary to be truly aggravated.

"Yer uncle doesn' drink 'imself under the table every night, Owen," Kathy seethed. "'specially not when he's home alone."

"Owen? I didn't see you come down," Renee called cheerfully. Kathy glared at Owen, promising to continue the conversation later, before rearranging her face into something more pleasant.

"He likes t'sneak up on people," Kathy agreed. Her eyes truly softened as she looked down the short distance to Renee's guileless face.

"You're very good at it for someone so big," Renee teased.

Owen chuckled behind his fist. "Y'all were just too busy to notice, that's all."

Renee clasped her hands behind her back, swaying side to side while she nodded and giggled. Her head titled to the side and worry darkened her russet-brown eyes. "Are you well, Owen? You look very tired and pale," Renee queried. Kathy pierced him with a haughty, disdainful squint from just outside Renee's range of vision.

Owen kept his eyes on Renee's face carefully as he replied with a grateful, rueful smile, "Just had a late night last night."

"But yesterday was the Festival… Did you go mining after nine o'clock at night? You work too hard!" Renee exclaimed, utterly horrified. "Take care of yourself! You're worse than Evie! I didn't even think that was possible."

"Hey, now, don't compare me to the girl that broke her leg because she couldn't wait a day," Owen protested, trying to laugh to hide how guilty he felt over Renee's mother-henning.

Kathy hid her smugly satisfied smirk by turning back to Sophie and checking the girth strap needlessly. Owen was ultimately a very good guy, and being clucked over by someone as naturally kind and ingenuous as Renee when, really, he was just hungover from too many cocktails (actually, it was probably just straight up hard liquor since he'd been at home), was punishment of the acutest kind for him.

"I'll go get you some nice, cool lemonade from Mama. Just wait here," Renee told him sternly. She raced off, her heavy yellow skirt held up high enough that Kathy caught sight of plump tan calves over her chunky brown boots. What is this? Victorian England? They're legs, for Goddess' sake! Kathy scolded herself while barely managing not to knock her forehead against Sophie's saddle horn.

Owen groaned and rubbed his hand down his face.

"Ya know it's bad when Renee can see it, Owen. It's not jus' me now," Kathy said dryly. She stuck her boot into the stirrup and hefted herself up in one, smooth, practiced motion. Sophie shuffled under her, adjusting to Kathy's hoisting and sudden weight.

"I'm a grown man and make my own choices," Owen responded halfheartedly.

"Not when yer grown man choices are lies that I have t'cover for," Kathy snapped heatedly. Mulish guilt screwed Owen's face into something pitiful to see. Her shoulders drooped as the fight left her.

There was a reason she had kept her secret– and therefore Owen's– all these years despite how much the lies grated on her very character. He'd been her best friend for so long, since they were in diapers almost. Ramsey and Hayden had been buddies, in spite of their age gap, since before either of them had been born. They were drinking buddies, and football buddies, and help-each-other-with-various-offspring babysitting buddies. When Kathy's mother had left, Ramsey had been the one to scrape Hayden off the floor more than one night while Kathy peeked from her bedroom door when she should've been asleep. When Ramsey's wife had died, a combination of old age and pneumonia, Hayden had returned the favor. In the midst of it, Owen and Kathy had been thrown together. First fighting and biting and clawing, then sharing Pokemon cards and getting into explosive kinds of trouble (Taylor and Chloe had nothing on Kathy's wildest childhood shenanigans where she'd dragged Owen along), and finally bonding over cocktails and shared differences.

But while Kathy had bloomed into someone still a little wild and ragged and confident, Owen had become… reserved and… scared of himself. Scared of being different, of making life difficult for those around him. Of feeling alone. For a man who spent so many hours hiding in the depths of a mountain, Owen had never liked being alone. And he had never been a leader, the kind to forge his own path to happiness. He was cheerful and supportive and loving, but inside he was still a shy boy waiting to be told what to do.

"I got an idea, bud. Git up on a horse 'n race with me. I win, you gotta cut back t'only one drink a night."

"Kathy, it's none of your business," Owen finally snapped, temper getting the best of him. Her blonde eyebrow rose scornfully and the miner sighed in exasperation. "Fine, what do I get if I win?"

Kathy threw back her head and laughed. Sophie's head tossed and her hooves cut into the turf beneath them at the raucous noise.

"If I win, I get a kiss," Owen said with a self-satisfied grin.

Kathy gulped in slow, deep breaths to calm herself down. "Sure thang, stud."

Renee came out minutes later, three glasses full to the brim with lemonade. The three of them chugged them down gratefully, albeit for different reasons. When Owen asked to borrow a horse for a race, Renee gaped at him incredulously.

"You want to race Kathy? When's the last time you were on a horse?" Renee blurted. Her face immediately washed over with red. "Oh, sorry, that was rude."

Kathy doubled over Sophie's saddle horn, the rawhide covered brass digging into her belly, and laughed. "I'll see you out on the track, O-bro," Kathy cackled with a parting salute. She passed her glass down to Renee, then clicked her tongue against her teeth to signal Sophie into a slow trot.

Since she didn't want to wear Sophie out, Kathy led her into a jog around the track. Once Sophie's blood was up, they went through their routine of voiceless, rein-less commands. Sophie was still having trouble picking up the signal to back up– a squeeze and release of Kathy's knees, whereas a halt was a continual squeeze until Sophie stood still– but the other commands she had flawless. It was too bad the livestock competition didn't involve showing off commands like the pet contest did.

"You'd blow all those cows and chickens outta the water, girl," Kathy cooed fondly, patting and stroking the horse's neck before leaning forward to sneak her a bit of carrot as a treat. Sophie whickered and tossed her head, ears almost slapping her own head, then wolfed the carrot down. Her soft, velvety muzzle tickled Kathy's palm. Love and affection for this giant, graceful animal constricted Kathy's heart. She laid out over the arch of Sophie's neck, hands stroking silky, short hairs and coarse mane scratching her cheeks and neck and chest, before Kathy closed her eyes.

Will this actually work? How often will I be able to use this race against him? Maybe a week, at most a month? I can't force him to stop.

Less drinking for a month, best case scenario, or…

Or a kiss? Kathy pursed her lips and scowled. He had to know he couldn't win. He must've just done it to rile her up enough to get her to drop it. It hadn't worked, but Owen probably also knew there would be no way she could follow up on their bet indefinitely. He probably thought it'd be no big deal. He couldn't even see what he was doing to himself right now. A little less drinking where she could see it, and maybe more drinking where she couldn't. A cold shiver of fear made its way into her heart at the thought of him drinking alone, drinking himself to sleep…

Drinking himself sick.

But a kiss… if he could be forced to face up to himself once and for all… She blinked her cat's-eyes open wide in shock before something sly had her emerald irises gleaming brightly. When Renee and Owen approached, the latter looking more sure on Polly's wide, white back than expected, fortunately, Kathy's face was a carefully-selected-and -perfected look of smug anticipation.

"Ya ready t'eat dust?" Kathy mocked, blood already thrumming. Sophie would be disappointed, but needs must as they say.

"You ready to pucker up, sweetness?" Owen retorted with a wink.

Renee blushed at Owen's words– at realizing at least one wager's prize or the endearment, or both, Kathy couldn't tell– and covered her mouth with her hands. Kathy had to swallow down the bitterness, the protests burgeoning on the tip of her tongue. Whether or not Kathy and Owen were truly an item was one thing, whether Renee gave a damn was another. The blonde tossed the long mane of hair over her shoulder, nose high.

Kathy clicked and signaled Sophie towards the starting line. Owen chuckled and led Polly to come up beside her. During that short distance, Kathy eyed his posture and seat. It wasn't the worst she'd ever seen, but he definitely sat too heavy and his hands were too tight around the reins. Luckily, he had enough slack in the reins that he wasn't pinching poor Polly's mouth.

"I'll count down," Renee called to them from the side of the track, hands cupped around her mouth. "Three… two… one…GO!" She sliced both hands down through the air.

Owen took off, Polly's hooves already breaking into a gallop. Polly wasn't a sprinting kind of mount, but Owen had never really learned to tell the difference between horse breeds and builds.

"Too soon," Kathy admonished, pressing her heels into Sophie's side lightly. Sophie broke into an easy trot, then at a tap of Kathy's heels, a swift canter.

The wind whipped over her face, tearing into her eyes and yanking out tears. Her lips stretched over her teeth into a wild grin as she leaned into Sophie's three-beat gait. The up-down motion was second nature, the muscles of her stomach and thighs burning pleasantly. Owen's bum and… privates were probably already bruised, but Kathy moved with Sophie, as if they were one creature– a centaur made real. The only person who could ride better'n Kathy was Renee, and, well, girl had home-advantage. Kathy could ride longer, though, and could jump and condition Sophie with more finesse.

She was already gaining on Owen. Polly obviously could tell Owen was inexperienced and was feelings the effects of Owen's ungainly seat just as much as he was. She was already slowing down probably without his lead. Kathy subtly slowed Sophie from a canter to a trot. It still looked pretty fast, but she kept just a pace behind Polly, occasionally gaining past her hindquarters only to fall a step back.

Owen and Polly crossed the finish line, the redhead whooping and grinning. From the side of the track, Renee was clapping and whistling, pinkies in her mouth to make it piercing, in turns. Kathy jumped off Sophie with a careless laugh.

"You started off too fast, Owen. I prefer not to run poor Sophie ragged," Kathy ribbed him good-naturedly.

"Don't be a sore loser, Kat. Polly's doing just fine, right, girl?" Owen all but cooed to Polly, patting her neck and stroking down the flat bone of her face. She bumped her nose into his broad chest and whickered softly. "I think I'm gonna be bowlegged for the rest of the day, though…"

Renee snorted and choked, flaming red face pressed against Sophie's withers to hide. Kathy snickered mercilessly.

"You need t'practice more, Owen. Yer bum's gonna be black-n-blue," Kathy told him with a teeth-baring grin.

"Hey, if I win, that means…" Owen's dark brows waggled suggestively as Kathy rolled her eyes and perched her fists on her hips.

"Whad're ya, thirteen?"

"Are you going to ride anymore?" Renee interjected. She was shuffling awkwardly on the other side of Sophie, eyes downcast and to the side. It took a minute for Own to realize it was directed at him and he grimaced awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Ah, no? Is that okay?"

"Oh, yes, it's fine. I think, since Polly's already geared up, I'll take her around myself."

"I'll catch up with you in a minute," Kathy hurried to invite herself and hoping she didn't sound desperate. Renee's pink face glowed as she shook her head.

"You don't need to hurry on my account. You two can take your time," she muttered shyly. She swung up onto Polly, skirts tied up into a knot by her hip.

So much bared leg. Kathy hoped she hid it well– just how hard it was to tear her gaze from the curve of Renee's knee and the soft swell of her thigh. She has no idea how cute and distracting she is, Kathy thought with a fond and yearning pang. Renee wheeled Polly around and trotted away, her seat flawless and graceful even when she twisted at the waist to wave farewell.

Kathy turned back to Owen and raised an eyebrow sardonically. "Well? Pucker up, buttercup."

Owen scoffed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm not actually gonna make you kiss me, Kat."

"You're not makin' me do anythin'. You won. Ya get a kiss."

Owen ran a hand through his spiky hair and sighed. "I have no idea why you let me win, but we all know you did. I'm headin' home. Just stop buggin' me about the drinkin' and we'll call it even."

"Like hell." Kathy stomped forward, eyes blazing with fury. Owen stared at her, mouth dropping open and hands in the air in supplication. She fisted his stupid black tank in both hands and yanked him towards her. Behemoth he may be, Kathy was no wilting flower and his surprise was to her advantage as well. "You're gonna kiss me, Gravel."

"Whoa, Kat, what's goin' on?" Owen yelped. He grabbed her elbows to catch his balance. She could feel his breath brushing over her cheeks and mouth, the hard planes of his chest pressed to the softness of hers, but there was nothing else about it. Anger kindled and had her hands shaking.

"Ya won the bet, so take yer darn prize," she insisted hotly, pissed.

"Kat, you know I don't–"

"Aren't you my boyfriend, Owen?" Kathy goaded with an all-too-sweet smile. The smile had Owen stuttering into silence and ice running through his veins. She squeezed her eyes shut and slammed their mouths together, teeth thudding through the thin skin of their lips, noses smooshed. His hands spasmed around her elbows and his breath hitched and caught.

For a ridiculously long moment, he was stiff and unyielding under her, until he finally relaxed. Her mouth softened and all too easily pulled away a moment later. When they looked at each other, neither was blushing. Neither was heaving, neither had their hearts pounding or their skin pebbling with goosebumps. Neither was blown away or leaning in for another.

There was just nothing but tired resignation in Kathy's gaze. And regretful chagrin in Owen's.

"Why are you doin' this, Owen? Ya think you're gonna be happy like this? You think I can?" Kathy demanded, face crumpled and exhausted. "We deserve so much more."

"Kat…" Owen released her elbows only to grip her wrists. Gently, he pulled her hands away from his shirt and let them fall. "I… You're right," he finally admitted quietly.

"Damn right I'm right," Kathy laughed wetly. Owen's mouth twitched, but his eyes still drooped sadly.

"It's done. I promise, okay? You don't have to lie anymore. I'm sorry… I made you do this so long."

"Hey, hey, O-bro," he huffed a laugh at her nickname, and that little amused sound lightened the heavy load on her shoulders, "I did it 'cuz I love you. You're my friend 'n ya needed my help. But there's help, 'n then there's a crutch," Kathy broke off and wrapped her arms around her waist awkwardly, "It's time t'give it up 'n walk. I'll still be here, I'll still be yer best friend, but I can't pretend t'be more." She cupped his face with both her hands, solemn and desperate. "Stop killin' yerself 'cuz you're scared."

He wrenched away, mouth twisting into a grimace. "I gotta go."

"Owen!"

He stormed away, bulky shoulders hunched forward and head bowed. She rubbed at her eyes with the back of her wrist and clenched her jaw tightly. She wanted to race after him, tell him she took it all back, she'd cover for him until he was ready, even if he was never ready. She'd make-believe forever if he needed.

But she couldn't. It was too late now and… she was too damn selfish.

The blonde ran back to Sophie and threw both arms around the horse's neck, pressing her damp cheek to her silky coat. Sophie huffed, head bobbing and hoof pawing the ground. With a choked laugh, Kathy stepped back and walked around to her side. With a swift, easy motion, she was back in the saddle and turning Sophie around. With a nudge of heels, Sophie took off over the racetrack's short turf, and then out into the fields beyond. Kathy leaned a little forward, squinting through blurry eyes, to find and follow the well-worn path recently disturbed by hooves. With another press of heels, Sophie lowered into a gallop. The rollicking, wild motion was like flying to Kathy. She let out a wordless yell, but not the usual joyous one. Too soon the white gleam of Polly's coat appeared ahead and Kathy sat back, signalling Sophie to slow. Renee reined Polly around, her expression confused but welcoming.

"Hiya, Kathy, I didn't– Kathy?" Renee gasped in alarm. Kathy whoa'd Sophie to a complete stop and jumped off. Renee quickly followed suit and the two young women stood between their mounts, reins loosely in hand. "Kathy, what's wrong?"

"It's over. Me 'n Owen, we were never datin', Rey. It was a… cover-up," Kathy sniffled, red-faced and shaking. It was such a relief to finally say it, even as fear had her knees turning to water. "A big, giant lie we jus' let everyone assume,"

"Wh-what? Kathy, I'm sure he didn't mean– I'm sure it's a misunderstanding–" Renee tried to soothe, looking baffled, one hand stroking up and down Kathy's arm as if she were soothing a trembling colt.

"No– no, you… You don' geddit. Rey, I was lyin' t'everyone 'cuz I thought I had ta!" Kathy burst out. She dropped Sophie's reins to lay a hand over Renee's, her eyes meeting the brunette's earnestly. She heaved a short, heavy breath and blurted, "I've never liked boys, Rey."

Renee's eyes widened in surprise. To Kathy overwhelming relief, she saw no disgust on those sweet features. Just sympathy once the shock wore down.

"Oh, Kat," Renee murmured. A moment later, Renee's strong, warm arms were wrapped tightly around her and sniffles became heaving, gulping, painful sobs. Renee soothed her with soft hums and shushes, rubbing Kathy's back and swaying them side to side. Kathy hiccupped a laugh and wrapped her arms around Renee's waist, tentatively and then desperately as she pressed her damp, messy face to Renee's sunny yellow dress. "It's gonna be okay. We all love you, no matter what. You are you and always will be."

Kathy laughed again, snuffling and snorting disgustingly. Renee just embraced her tighter and hummed."I'm worried 'bout Owen, Rey. He's hurtin' himself 'n he won't let me help 'im now. He's mad at me."

"We'll fix it. We'll help him, we'll make him let us help him," she vowed fiercely. Relief would've bowled Kathy over if it weren't for Renee's sturdy arms holding her up. "But right now, it's about you. It's all about helping you."

"Rey, I love you," Kathy muttered. Sweet, naïve, oblivious Renee had no idea just how much she meant. Nor did she stumble or stiffen away now that she knew it could mean more– maybe because it hadn't yet sunk in, or maybe because she was too humble for it to occur to her.

"I know, Kathy. I love you, too. I'm so glad you could finally tell me. You must've been hiding it for so long and hurtin' so bad. I know how you feel about lying," Renee mollified, stroking a hand down Kathy's long, tangled ponytail.

Kathy nodded silently.

"How about we hunt down all the girls tonight? We can throw a first day of summer party, eat junk food and play silly games, watch your favorite movies. We don't have to tell everyone at once–"

"No, let's," Kathy interrupted decisively. She pulled away, front cold and arms achingly empty, but she grinned fiercely and fisted both hands– channelling a little bit of Luke and her own spunk that had Renee's smiling. "Let's make it a comin' out party." She wiped at her eyes and face while sniffling hard. "I don' wanna ever lie 'bout it again. I'll tell Papa 'n t'night I'll tell all the girls! 'Tween Maya 'n your parents, the whole town'll know by t'morrow," Kathy said.

Renee giggled. "It's true. My Papa and Mama are the biggest gossips. Call me once you're done talkin' to your papa, and I'll tell 'em. And I'll call up everyone else. Evie said she'd be up this way for her first summer seeds after lunch. I'll keep an eye out for her since she still doesn't have a phone," Renee sighed affectionately.

"Thanks, Renee."

Renee shook her head, still smiling. "It's no problem at all. I'm just sorry you're sad now."

"We don't… we don't have to go back now, do we?" Kathy asked hesitantly, hopefully. She grinned again when Renee smiled warmly and shook her head.

"We can take as long as you need. Let's ride a bit further?"

"Yeah, yeah, definitely."


A/N: On AO3 this is actually a series, and this chapter is part 2 of the series. It's a separate timestamp and there will be several of them before the story is over. They're supposed to kinda be like those separate rival events? but Evie doesn't actually spy on people's private conversations (at least not all of them LOL).