A/N: Wellp. Here it is. Whatever you wanna say, that's what Guest & Anonymous are for. Let it rip. I'm prepared for it.
A Midsummer's New Dream
Chapter 3
For the next few hours, Rapunzel was overcome with the spirit of exploration and discovery, while Cassandra barely managed to keep up, and keep them pointed in the correct direction. With Rapunzel's random running off to explore whatever tickled her fancy, the trip back to the caravan was taking longer than their initial march out this morning, and they still were nowhere close. Because, as stone cold and icy as Cassandra knew she came off to others as, she did not have the heart to stifle her freedom out here. Not now. Not when it was this new, this fresh on the unwitting Princess's grubby fingers.
And she was not sure if she was coming to see how Eugene had fallen in love with her in the first place, or if she was coming to sympathize with how he must have managed to navigate such mood swings and wild energy, the likes of which she had never seen to this extent. Rapunzel was all over the place, moreso than ever, but also happier than she had ever seen. She was indeed running around trees, racing butterflies, and chasing bunny rabbits, after she had been spooked by their rustling in the brush.
All along the way, Cassandra kept an eye out for any sign of the likewise unwitting Prince Consort wannabe, as well as for the ingredients for the potion that should hopefully bring all of their memories back. She may not want to open up about any other feelings, but she was not sure she could live with the guilt if she had to return to Corona with them still utterly broken. She could not quite put her finger on the feeling in so many words, but it felt as if her family had somehow fallen apart. But she knew she was to blame this time. However angry she had been, she should have been the one to keep a level head, and not accidentally simply destroy the entire Royal Line of Succession Apparent with a single swipe of a dinky magic wand.
Once Cass had all the ingredients needed, she set up camp right then and there, still under the guise of making "soup."
With the sun dipping low, the reversing potion "soup" simmered away. Cassandra read over the recipe one more time, calming her nerves that all would soon be well. She slid the book back into her pouch again, and checked the bottle of Laudanum in there: still secure.
"Cass?" Rapunzel's sheepish voice caught her attention. "Caaan I sit with you?"
"Huh?" Cassandra was bewildered at first. Bubbly and overbearingly clingy Rapunzel was asking for her permission. "Uh, sure."
She plopped down, still an arm's length away. "Thank you," she repeated quietly.
"Raps," Cassandra sighed, "I said it's fine. You don't have to keep thanking me every five minutes."
"I know," she cringed, "But, just nobody's ever been so nice to me before." Her mumbling kicked in, "Nobody's been, anything to me before…"
"Well…" Cassandra trailed off, forever fearful of revealing too much of her own knowledge, or having to make up more new lies on the spot.
"Before today," Rapunzel took a deep breath, "I… I had never even set foot outside of my tower before."
"What?" Cassandra gasped, desperately scanning her memory of the rest of that singular afternoon, for if Rapunzel had mentioned that yet. And, hoping that her surprise was believable.
"Yeah…" Rapunzel sighed, bringing some of her hair into her lap. "You see, my hair…" She gulped, but ultimately lost her nerve. "It's just, very special to my Mother. And I'm worried if she's okay without me."
"Ohhh," Cassandra overdramatized her sympathy. "So, that's why you've never left your tower?"
"Yeah," she sighed again, then perked back up with a sad hope. "But I've wanted to! To go see these… um, these lights that show up in the sky, far, far away, every year, on the night of my birthday." Her face fell, looking away to the side, as she nervously finger-combed through her hair. "And my birthday's tomorrow."
"Oh, that's um, a thing they do in Corona. And well, then… Happy early birthday."
"Thank you!" Rapunzel cooed sweetly, but her melancholy proved too pervasive. "I've asked Mother, like, every year, if we could go, just once, buuut she always says no. Seeing how I was even able to be kidnapped from the tower, I guess she was right…"
Cassandra's brow popped with a thought. "Say then, um, why don't we go see them this year? While we're already out?"
Rapunzel gasped, drawing her hands up to her chest, unable to contain her spirits. "Ohhhmygosh- Caaass?! You would do that for me?!"
"Sure," she blushed again.
"But," Rapunzel flipped back again, disappointed already with her own suggestion, "Wouldn't that be a huuuge extra risk? Maybe we should just get back to the tower as soon as possible…"
Cassandra smirked at how she cowered. "Don't worry, you're safe with me." She patted the sword on her belt.
Rapunzel squealed and scooted closer, absolutely enthralled with this amazing young woman; so pretty, so confident, so strong- and a fighter!
Cassandra caught her wide-eyed stare and smirked and chuckled to herself, finally giving up on the battle against the fire blazing over her cheeks. She looked back into the fire, finally lulled into a moment of safety here. "My father… He taught me how to fight. He… He's the Captain of the Guard in Corona, and I've been training with them since I was six years old."
"Them?" Rapunzel leaned closer.
"All of the guards. They're good guys, too. They arrest anyone who is a thief or other kind of criminal. My father's in charge of them."
She remembered she had said that about Flynn Rider, too. "Was that 'Flynn Rider' one of those guards maybe?"
Cassandra blanched. "Uhhh…"
"Is that why he was with you?"
"He… was…" She looked off, surprised at the memory of that short stint, compared to their talk of thieves thus far. "He used to be."
"Used to be?"
Cassandra chuckled. "He wasn't very good at it. And he and my dad don't exactly get along too well."
"Ohhh," Rapunzel absorbed it all, but was more interested in the person actually present. "So why did your dad teach you how to fight? Was it so that nobody could ever try to kidnap you?"
She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that's a natural result. But it was a way for us to connect. And it taught me overall self-reliance."
Rapunzel hummed a happy sigh. "I tried to show Mother that I could be self-reliant, but, I guess not. But with you now! Oh, Cass, you have no idea, I've been dreaming of going to see those lights all my life! Have you ever had a dream like that? Something your heart's always desired, no matter how impossible it may seem?"
She stared wide-eyed in terror at Rapunzel at her final questions. "I…" She had to tear her eyes away, back to the fire to answer, her face hardened to seriousness. "I've always wanted to make my father proud. And someday, when he retires… I want to take over for his position after him." Her eyes wandered back to the hem of Rapunzel's skirts, as her countenance softened all around. "But lately…"
Rapunzel listened, entranced. "Is there anything I could ever do to help you?"
That crashed her back to reality. "No. There's not." The depth of even that confession had her worried as well. She smirked back to Rapunzel. "Listen, you can't tell Flynn any of this, alright? He'd make fun of me to no end."
Rapunzel snickered. "Well, we wouldn't want that."
Cassandra snickered back, knowing that it was a given he would always find something to tease her about, anyway. She settled first, though, and as she watched and listened to Rapunzel continue chuckling a bit, she was struck worse than ever. She began drifting in, pulled by that laugh, that smile, those big eyes looking right back at hers, looking right back at her lips… It did seem impossible. Right up until a moment ago. Now she found her lips relaxing from her own smile.
"You were saying that 'lately…?'" Rapunzel gasped, caught in her own fragile excitement, leaning ever closer.
"Lately I… found something else I want…" she continued, counting on that still being vague enough.
"Like, a friend?" Rapunzel practically whimpered.
"Yeah," she choked back, "Something like that."
Rapunzel smiled, incredulous, so ethereally happy with something as simple as having made a friend. She bit her lip, and glanced down at the space still between them. She swung her crossed knee off to slide just a bit closer to her, bumping their sides together. Breathless, deliriously ecstatic with the closeness of this new 'friend,' blushing Rapunzel looked back up to her face. "I think, I kinda know what you mean."
Stunned out of her usual instinct to retreat, Cassandra's eyes flitted back and forth across the freckled bridge of the button nose so close to hers. Any closer and she would be out of focus. She could hear and feel her soft breath, smell her sweet scent. Everything else was already messed up, one way or another, it could not possibly be any worse. And so she dropped her lips to hers.
Rapunzel moved in at the same moment, lips puckered. As pale green eyes and red lips fell out of focus, she closed her eyes as they connected, but otherwise paused there, only slightly pushing back.
Cassandra found herself just as clueless. Before tonight, she had always envisioned this moment with a Rapunzel surprisingly more competent in what would be a rare area she had more experience, kissing her back with all the know-how and fervor she so often had to witness on another. He kept her smiling, and that made her smile, so she could not hate it, but oh how she had wanted to know that. Here at last, and now, to Rapunzel, this was her first kiss… again.
Panic gripped Cassandra, first to do something with this new privileged task at hand. She cupped her round cheek, tilted their noses opposite, and puckered back just enough to keep it soft and supple. As it suddenly hit even better, even more right, her throat caught, breathing shuddered, and heart dropped.
Rapunzel's was all aflutter, soaring and glowing with heat.
When she felt a moan, Cassandra suddenly withdrew, and closed in on herself again. Embarrassed. Anxious. Silently freaking out, pretending that did not just happen. Just like a dream, for her, it was indeed impossible. "We shouldn't-..." her strangled voice managed.
Rapunzel nodded, and at least picked up on the signs that she should no longer bother her. But even as she turned away, she could not help the giddy dizziness in her heart.
Cassandra jumped to her feet, "I mean I should, uh, get some more firewood."
"Cass?"
She froze in her tracks.
Rapunzel's adrenaline compelled her, as terrifying as these feelings seemed. "I… liked that. And, I really like you…"
Cassandra blanched for a moment. Then she looked down at her wounded hand, and cradled it in her other. "No, you don't, Rapunzel."
Rapunzel was taken aback. "Wha-"
"Just, trust me, Raps, you'll find someone you like a lot more than me. Someone you would do anything for."
"But I would do anything for you!"
"No, you wouldn't." At that, she turned on her heel and continued on her way into the woods.
Rapunzel curled back up on herself, staring into the fire. She licked her lips over and over, worrying about what had just happened, and what it would mean for them now, for even the short time they had left together.
Just inside the treeline, once she was out of sight, Cassandra collapsed back against a large tree… trying to get herself together.
Eugene crept up on the broken-down caravan. Smoke and light from a campfire came around from the other side of it, unfortunately signaling that despite its condition, someone was still inhabiting it. But broken down, in the sketchy haze of dusk, still tipped some odds in his favor.
He made it to the wall near the back end of the structure, and peered around the corner. Here, with no wagon tongue in the way and further concealed by the large tree it was backed up to, he was able to creep forward, leaning against the wall without exerting himself. There he had to pause, however, because not only was the occupant still awake, sighing and staring into the fire - but he looked familiar.
The man muttered quietly to himself; a voice match as well.
At ease now, but confused, he quietly hissed over to him. "Lance?"
Lance startled and immediately whipped around, as Eugene walked towards him, his grin growing.
"Are you alone?" Eugene whispered, his childish excitement growing as well.
"Hoh, Eugene! Man, you scared me!" Lance chuckled.
"Euge-?" His grin disappeared and he stopped in his tracks as his face now quirked in disgust.
"Nah, well," Lance continued, "Shorty's inside sleeping. At least I think he's sleeping. Does he sleep? Or is he always just in that constant state of…" He mimicked the old man's usual swagger.
Eugene chuckled a bit. "Ahh, I wouldn't know. But oh Buddy is it good to see you!" He reached for big bear hug, which was only half-heartedly reciprocated. Sensing this, he quickly backed off and stepped back, coughing to cover his emotions back up. "Sooo, uhhh, what're you doin' here? Any good jobs lately? How ya been!" He tried an awkward slow punch to his arm instead.
"Uhhh, Eugene?" Lance's expression had only grown more and more concerned. "Are you feelin-"
Eugene cringed again. "Dude, c'mon, I know it's been a while, but stop teasing me."
"Teasing you?"
"Yeah, man, knock it off before someone else hears. It's Flynn Rider, remeeember?"
"Ohhh no," his eyes widened, "Are those poppies really gettin' to ya? Or did you find more and Rapunzel accidentally gave you too much that you forgot your own name?!"
He crossed his arms and sneered. "'Rapunzel' didn't give me any poppies, and I KNOW my name. I'm telling YOU to forget it. And how do you know that girl?"
"That girl? You mean your future-intended-for-all-intents-and-purposes?"
"Future-int-WHAT?!" He smacked his forehead. "Oh no, no no no- No, Lance, tell me I didn't do that again-"
"Well no, she turned you down-"
"OH THANK GOODNESS." He gingerly plopped down onto the log to stare into the fire himself, trying to shake his head clear. "Did she give me poppies? I do feel kinda stoned, but the last thing I remember is ditching the Stabbingtons… Lance there's something wrong with me- something weird is going on. I don't even know if any of this is real."
Lance came over, standing just to the side in front of him. "Uh, listen, Buddy, how are you feeling? Your stitches still holding? How's the bandage look-"
Eugene's eyes flew wide in terror as he tried not to react fully. But he looked up at Lance like he was suddenly some eldritch horror. "How do you know about that…"
Tenderly, Lance explained, "I'm the one who stitched you up." He reached for the buttons on his jacket. "Now come on, check the-"
"You…?" Eugene leaned away. "Lance, I haven't seen you in 5 years- what are you talking about?"
Lance took a deep breath, bringing his hands together over his head, and slowly releasing as he lowered them in a prayer position. "Eugene, listen to me-"
"Stop calling me Eugene!" he cried out with a whiny voice, his nerves rubbing raw and frail. "How did that other dark-haired Amazon know that name?! How do you know that blonde girl?! WHY are you calling me that! How did I get injured- How do you know that I'm injured?! What am I even wearing- this isn't my jacket- I still have my knife- but where's my shirt? Where're the rest of MY clothes?! And for the love of all that is holy- WHERE. IS. MY SATCHEL?!"
Lance gulped and in his own weak voice meeped, "Oh no…"
"What do you mean, 'Oh no?'" Eugene accused him. "You DO know what's going on here, don't you?!"
He held his hands up in surrender. "All I know for sure, is that you are indeed stoned. You took a bunch of that poppy medicine before you all left, around 8am. To answer any of your other questions, all I've got for ya, is just that: You're stoned."
Eugene grimaced and shook his head. "I am not just stoned. That girl knocked me out and I feel like I woke up in somebody else's life. Is it me? Have I been body snatched?!"
Lance shook his head and sighed.
Eugene fumbled for his pocket mirror, pulling it out to inspect if his face was indeed his face. Dissatisfied that it was, he shoved it back in his pocket, but then felt around more. "Where's my comb?" He groaned and threw his head back, giving up. He stared into the fire in silence a moment longer, running back over all the things wrong with reality suddenly. "Lance. There's something you're not telling me." He glared up at him. "You're always too talkative when you're nervous - but you're dead quiet when something is seriously wrong. And I want answers."
Lance frowned to the side and rubbed around his bald head as he blew out another deep breath. "Do the girls know you left? Did they know where you were going?"
"They know I left; I didn't tell them where I was going, because I don't know them, and I don't even know where I am. I was in Corona one second, running through the woods outside the capital, and the next, that crazy blonde's got me tied to a chair, and all I've been able to discern on my way over here is that we are nowhere near Corona that I recognize." He narrowed his eyes. "...but she was confused, too…"
Lance nodded and just came to sit down beside him. "Alright. Bad trip night it is. So. Whadaya wanna know?"
"Okay," he relented, "Well for starters, why do you keep calling me- that…"
"Because... when I first met up with you again, last year, you said you wanted me to. You were going by, that, again."
Still grimacing, he scoffed. "Alright, fuzzy on your timeframe, whether it's been 1 minute or 1 year, but why on earth would I be going by that again?"
"'Cause of that 'crazy blonde,'" he deadpanned.
"What, did she make me? Is that why she drugged me?"
He raised his brow, "Bro, I dunno how that started, but you are head over heels for that girl. She's called you 'Eugene' ever since I've known, and you've just gone with it. You said you changed. That she made you a 'different, better person.'" He shrugged. "And she did."
Eugene was pouting, in disgust. "I changed for some girl?" His lip trembled. "Again?! How could I be so stupid to get trapped again- I- I'm sorry, Lance. I don't know what happened or what I did, but I can't- I can't do this again. I want out. If this is my first moment of clarity, I'm really sorry. I'll leave her. I just need you to help me-"
"Whoaaa, whoaaa, whoaaa! Hold your horses there!" He reached over and squeezed Eugene's shoulders, turning him to face him.
While not tearing up, Eugene's face was contorted with reliving the nightmare. "Help me stay away from her. You were right about Stalyan, I should've listened to you from the start, and I don't wanna go down that path again- I don't ever wanna get married- what was I going crazy or something?!"
"Eugene," he said sternly, trying to hold his intense gaze with Eugene's indeed over-dilated eyes. "That girl is the BEST thing that has EVER happened to you!"
He snorted and glanced away. "Last I remember, I'd sworn off dating girls…" His eyes fell down over all of his friend though. "And I've missed you…"
"Had you?" Lance smirked at him but shook his head. "Wish I had some of that stuff right now. It's more fun when we're both stoned. Just you is mopey."
"I am not mopey," he whined. "Alright a little. But I'm just so confused and my head is killing me…"
"Alright, next question?"
"What happened to me? I mean, what's with this bandaging?"
"Uhhh, basically, you were stabbed."
"'Basically?'"
"It gets more complicated, but yeah. It's a stab wound."
"That's what the Amazon said, but wouldn't tell me who or how. Do you know who?"
"Uhhh…" He cringed as he looked down at him, now nestled on his arm. "Would you believe me if I told you it was an old woman?"
"Pfft, no," Eugene chuckled. "Keep trying."
"Well I think she got the jump on ya."
"I mean seriously."
"I am being serious!" Lance laughed.
Eugene rolled his eyes. "Alright, wise guy, how did that one happen?"
"You were going to rescue the crazy blonde," he snarked. "Her 'mother' was waiting for you, though, and gotcha."
Eugene groaned. "Cool. Very cool for my reputation," he sighed. "At least I survived."
Lance made a face at that, only because Eugene could not see.
"I took a knife for her?" he sneered. "She's cute- like, really, really pretty but- and feisty but- and her weirdness is intriguing but," he sighed, "A knife?!"
Lance sighed. He had them slide off the log, to the ground to use the log as back support, then wrapped his arm around him to snuggle better.
Eugene slumped right into him. "I swear, don't let me get mixed up with that again. I can't take another Stalyan. I know I can't. You were right. I am so sorry for all of that..."
Lance rubbed his arm and rested his chin in his hair. Softly, he said, "She's nothin' like Stalyan."
"How do you know that, though?"
"This girl loves you, Eugene. N' don't- no- she loves you, not Flynn Rider."
Eugene shuddered against him. "I told her my name?"
"You did. You really did."
Eugene stared into the fire, terrified of the feeling Lance seemed determined to set free. He fought harder than ever to drive it back under the rock he kept it under. He frowned harder and harder, til he finally turned and burrowed his face into Lance's chest. "She can't really love me."
Lance chuckled. "She does though, she really does."
He thrashed his face in a fistful of his shirt, then in a fit, sat back and threw his hand out. "I don't love her! I don't even know her! But if you say she loves me, then why did she knock me out? Why did she threaten me?!"
"Well you two were in a bit of a fight-"
"What? About her hair? Her weirdly long hair that she accused me of wanting to steal?"
"She- what?"
"And if you know so much- where's my satchel? I just did a job- the biggest job of my life, man! And I got it- and now that you're here, it can be our ticket- to freedom and happily ever after- We're gonna have it all, just like we always said we would!"
Lance rubbed his neck uneasily. "Your satchel's right in the caravan here, but..."
Eugene blanched. "You have it? Oh, did I stash it with you already and forget?"
"The crown's not in there, though."
Eugene paled in another sickening terror, scrambling away from him. "I-I-I-I-Iiii never told you what it was!"
"But I know-"
"How! How do you know all this!"
"Eugene- Flynn- Buddy- whatever you want right now, just, chill. Everything's okay."
"No! No no no no no, something's wrong- either this is a dream- or I'm not me- or you're not you-" Suddenly he gasped. "Are YOU you?! What's your real name?!"
He groaned. "Oh c'mon now, don't make me say it…"
"What is it?!" His eyes went wild and his face a threatening snarl as he demanded the proof.
Under his breath, he grumbled, "Arnwaldo Schnitz…"
"Alright," he gasped. "Now, where, is the crown?" He gritted his teeth, still teetering on the edge between old friend and new enemy.
He eyed him carefully, then moved so swiftly Eugene barely comprehended he had moved. Lance shoved at him a bit to block his right arm, then reached into his half-buttoned jacket and whipped his Bowie knife out.
"Hey, what the-?!" As Eugene was shoved and leaned away, he fell backwards, leaving his legs splayed out before him.
Next Lance reached into his right boot to snatch Gothel's old dagger. All gathered up, he hopped over the log and headed to the caravan to stash them.
Eugene lay there leaning back on his elbows, stunned.
Lance quickly re-emerged with Eugene's satchel.
"What was all that for? Anything else ya wanna steal from me? Or, no, you only took the things worth anything..." The betrayal hurt worse than the robbery. "And I didn't even know I had that dagger- where'd that come from?"
Lance crossed his arms and cocked his hips. "I took your weapons, ya knucklehead. 'Cause, in the state you're in, there ain't no way I'm tellin' you where the Princess's crown is. Clearly, you can't handle that right now."
Eugene pouted, still laid out. "I can't believe you… You took it? That's why you wanna dump me with the crazy girl? I thought weee-..." He bit his lips and glanced back to the fire. When he turned back to Lance, he was even more bitter. "And it's the Lost Princess's crown. Lotta good it's doing anyone."
Lance's frown deepened. "Alllll the more reason you need to sit put. You need rest. I know you still need something, for the pain from the stab wound, but maybe we can do without any more poppies, if it's making you this zonked out."
"Great, fine! I wanna stay with you! Now will you just say you'll split the crown with me?! I'm the one who risked my neck getting it! And I've missed you! I don-..." He retreated, accepting defeat as he slumped back over against log. "I don't wanna be alone. Not if I could be with you instead."
Lance made it look like he was considering everything. "Alright, alright, Flynn. We'll get that island, just you and me. I'll take you to where I've stashed the crown. But in the morning. I don't have it here. And! You leave the weapons here."
Eugene narrowed his eyes. "Why."
"Because you're a loose cannon right now."
He dropped his head and shook it. "Fine." He looked back up when he noticed Lance's hand reached out to him. He sighed, but grasped it.
Lance helped him sit back up, and yanked him back against his chest. "You've taken care of me, Pal. Now I'll take care of you. Just don't you worry." He brushed his bangs back and kissed his forehead. "Your hair smells great by the way."
"Thank you," Eugene still pouted, but curled up at his side, Lance's heavy arm snugly wrapped around his back and gripping his arm comfortingly. Eugene gripped a fistful of his shirt again, and whined. "Lance?"
"Hm?"
"My side hurts. And my head. And I'm so tired… Just- just please promise me you'll still be here when I wake up?"
"Of course," Lance rumbled sweetly.
"You really promise? I mean it…"
He chuckled. "Yes, I promise. Your girlfriend's kinda worn off on all of us."
"Hrm?" he drowsily questioned.
"She never breaks a promise, ever. At least, not if she can help it. Real world's been a little trying on her. But, she's helped both of us be able to become better people."
Eugene's daydreams grew confused. He and Lance, they were going to get to be alone together on a tropical island, but some weird blonde girl had helped them - to be able to - become… better people? That would take a lot of money, he assumed. Maybe she was so worried about being kidnapped or robbed because she was loaded. Maybe richer than even a Baron's daughter. But he and Lance did not need to change! They did not need some rich girl. They just needed enough to be able to relax… And each other. Then they could be happy. "Lance?" he called again.
"Hm?"
"I love you…"
"Hmph," he smirked, "I know you do. N' I love you, too."
Eugene's hand slid up, for a finger to hook underneath Lance's gold chain necklace. But he felt how it made his breath hitch, and was suddenly worried he thought he might intend to steal it. "No," he tried to reassure him while he tugged on it, "C'mere."
Lance looked down, only somewhat surprised given Eugene's obviously confused state, but was shocked all over again when their lips met.
Eugene's eyes were already closed, as he leaned into it, his whole hand gripping around the necklace now, pulling it taught.
Lance quickly settled into it. What could a single kiss hurt? That had indeed been so long. He gripped the back of his head, while he also leaned down farther so as for Eugene to not strain the stitches. He thoroughly kissed him back, both with sweet nostalgia and to ensure he would stay satisfied for the night til help arrived.
Eugene winced a sad smile as he finally felt it so fully reciprocated.
A few minutes of wordless connection later, Lance began pulling away, as Eugene grew drowsier. He dropped one more chaste kiss to his lips, then moved aside. "Listen, Buddy," Lance spoke softly on his cheek with another kiss there, "Go to sleep. You really need to rest. But you got me right here. Okay? You relax and go to sleep. I'm right here, and I'll be right here when you wake up. Not goin' anywhere." One last kiss on his forehead, to soothe any possible worries still there.
Eugene faintly nodded, settling in once more, and at last surrendered to a peaceful sleep.
A/N: Now, I don't think that was the worst thing in the world, was it? Certainly word crimes of some sort to some people though, I'm sure. *holds wrists out* I know, 'clap him in irons,' right?
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