Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.


Chapter Eight: New Friend

Jack contacted Dylan on Friday to let him know that he would pick us both up from Dylan's place on Saturday evening. Dylan rang my home number with the details, knowing I was planning on being in the studio all day. It was the first time he had rang my home, I didn't comment on the deep breath he exhaled when I answered like his body was tense awaiting rejection, worried he still didn't know where I was. After he filled me in on Jack's caginess and subtle questioning of his teenage moment, I asked about his day.

"My Mother has taken to watching me closely. When we got in last night she checked the house once again, even though I told her I knew you had done it." I didn't confirm either way. "She then threw out everything from the medicine cabinet. Bren she threw out the aspirin, she's paranoid."

"No she feels guilty."

"Guilty for what?"

"Dylan have you spoken to her?"

"Yes we spoke about her house repairs, she complained about me not reaching out, she complained about me being thinner, oh and now she is practically force feeding me. I'm hiding in my room now in case she tries to make me eat more."

"You do know you are such an old soul except when it comes to your mother then you can be like a six year old." I sigh his relationship with Iris sometimes required an interpreter between the two, "I spoke to her last night when we were having tea and you were helping my parents clean up after dinner. She feels guilty because she thinks it's her fault, that if she wouldn't have gone back to Hawaii that you would have been fine-"

"That's ridiculous I was cutting myself off even when she was here. As bad as this sounds I needed this, I needed to hit bottom. I needed to feel that and once again choose to be better for me, to decide I wanted more for myself." I smile it was good to hear him speak this way to want this to work for him.

I gently tease, "you might need to have that conversation with her rather than hide yourself in your room."

He groans, "parents are such hard work!" I laugh at him, "what I'm being serious they are very needy. Take your Dad for instance, from the start of us he was very needy, needed to have a say on everything-"

"I think that's just active parenting."

"Whatever you want to call it, they are a lot of work." I can hear the humour in his voice and a undertone of pleasure that his mother honestly cared for him, that she wanted to be involved. "I guess I should go and speak with her before I need to leave for my session, hopefully it will give her confidence to go to the gardening volunteer thing with your Mum this afternoon. If I leave her here by herself I'll probably come home to a six course dinner."

"Sounds like a good idea. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you then."

As I hang up the phone I realise that it was the first time I hadn't felt the pain or experienced the uncertainty of how to communicate with him. It felt like we were friends.

The next afternoon I drive to Dylan's, I knew Jack wanted to pick us up and I was hoping it would give us some time together with the older McKay to find out what was going on. As I walk up the porch I considered using my key but as I hadn't given one to Dylan for my place I felt it wasn't appropriate. I knock and wait for him to come to the door, it gave me time to worry if I should give it back.

He arrives in a towel with drops running down his thinner but still muscular chest. I catch myself following a droplets journey, mesmerised by its movement over his skin- so much for friends. Snapping myself out of it I look up to his face, he doesn't say a word but his eyebrow is raised and he is wearing his cheeky smile. "Hi sorry I got caught up on messing around with my bike and just jumped into the shower." He moves back from the door to welcome me in, "I assumed you'd just use your key."

"I didn't think it was appropriate as I haven't given you one to the Malibu house."

"I have your codes though, both to your gate and to the house alarm-"

"You'll still need a key to get in the house."

We are back to being awkward, do I offer him one? Do I hand mine back? I decide rather than stand in the uncertainty of the moment I move to take off my coat, it's now my turn to feel his eyes on me. "You look beautiful."

I turn and look at him, "thank you. You though look wet, come on go get dressed your dad will be here soon." We'll leave the key discussion for another time.

He's back in a suit with styled hair in less than twelve minutes. His tie is left undone, he prefers a half Windsor knot but he is incapable or more likely has refused in the past to learn. As he gives me his shy questioning smile I shake my head and move over to him. As I begin to make the knot I grumble, "you do know it's unfair that men can get ready and look this good in less than fifteen minutes. God's obviously a man-"

"Oh please you wake up looking beautiful, the makeup is completely unnecessary."

"And my bed hair is that beautiful?"

"It depends how you earned it, then it's not beautiful it's sexy-"

As I straighten the now complete tie I interrupt him by clearing my throat, "we are going to have to learn safe conversation. Friends don't tend to discuss-"

"Sex hair?" I close my eyes and feel my cheeks go red, "sorry I couldn't resist. You blushing always reminds me of the bike, the shower or our first date when you said you didn't know much about couple thing's."

"I'm getting us a book on safe conversation."

"You want a book on how to do small talk? You don't need one of those, tonight will be lesson enough." He gets a look of concern, "I know my Dad wants us to appear but are you okay to…"

"Fake us? Leave people uncertain of our status?" He nod's, "yeah just go light on the physical please it's-"

"Painful being away from each other like that, I know I feel it too. It's difficult to learn friendship boundaries and I'm sure it will be difficult to go back to square one after a night of access..."

Our conversation is thankfully interrupted by the beeping of a car horn. As we walk outside Jack is jumping out of a limousine, "kids." He launches himself at me, "Brenda darling you look beautiful." As he leans in and gives me a hug he whispers, "sorry we won't be able to talk tonight but I hope you are okay. Remember you are a McKay we are resilient, you've got this." He then moves over to his son and whatever he whispers into his ear has Dylan nodding. "So kids are you ready to celebrate your old man's homecoming?"

"Yeah Dad let me go close the house up. Bren I'll grab your bag and jacket for you." I give him a smile as Jack gives me his arm to lead me into the car.

Our night is strange. We meet Christine who is lovely, and then a bunch of Jack's old friends. Dylan knows some but others he has no idea of. Jack introduces me as the future Mrs McKay, his beautiful daughter in law. Dylan doesn't say a word but he keeps his hand on my lower back all evening. We small chat for the first half of the night but eventually Jack tells us to go have fun on the deck, go enjoy our youth. We move outside and see the penthouse that we are in has its own swimming pool.

I look at Dylan, "you up for a swim?"

"Seeing you in a swimming costume of course but I fear after touching you for so long this evening I might be playing with fire if I do that. Want to paddle our feet in the spa though?"

"My feet are very pleased with that idea as these heels are killing me."

He shakes his head and offers me his arm walking to the spa, on the way he picks up some towels for us to sit on. "Why do you wear them then?"

"Because you and the guy's have given me a height complex with all your short jokes."

As I take off my shoes and paddle my feet in the warm spa Dylan shrugs his shoes off and then removes his socks before lifting up his pant legs. Lucky for him baggy legs are in on suits this year, it's a look making most men appear like they are wearing a suit one size too big- I'm not convinced it will age well. When he is sitting down and his feet are dangling next to mine he gently knocks me on the shoulder, "I like you short. I used to like lifting you slightly off the ground to kiss you."

"So the short jokes?"

"Are because you get so grumpy and you're very funny when you are like that. Your Celtic shines through then."

"My Celtic, you embracing your inner Irish?"

"Well St Patrick's day is only a couple of weeks away."

"I can't believe we are nearing March. It will be the start of summer before you know it."

"You nervous? Is it coming together?"

"Yes to the nerves and no to it working. It's a bit of a mess at the moment."

"Why?"

"Because I wrote… well you know what I wrote. They don't work together unless you understand the connection the thread that makes you go from anger, to hurt, to wanting to support, to… I've tried grouping them by style, then by creating a progression of sounds like a wave from powerful to calm and then back up to big powerful to finish on a high. None of it works. I need help so I have booked a meeting with Roy Randolph, ever heard of him?"

"Yeah Iris took me to a Broadway play of his when I was twelve. He's great but he's theatre."

"I'm hoping he can help make it into a show. Make it make sense."

He's quiet for a moment and I can see he is watching his feet move under the water. "Tell the story. Everything. Start with the cheating, the pain, the distance, the clarity, the help, the forgiveness."

"Dylan-"

"On Thursday on the beach we said we would put ourselves first and I know this doesn't sound like I'm doing that but I am. There is so much I'm embarrassed about that I hate about our story. I hate the pain I caused you, I hate that somehow you lost our friends because of my actions, I'm embarrassed that I wasn't honest from the start. But then I think of everything we've gained. Jim wouldn't have sent you to Paris if I had asked for help immediately. You wouldn't have found the space the courage to tap into your gifts, we wouldn't have our French family if you hadn't gone there, we wouldn't have the guy's- they are brothers to us both. I wouldn't have found that unconditional I guess love that I have with your parents-"

"You guess love? It's love. They see you as part of our family, shockingly they even see Jack as apart of it as well. Dad's thrilled to be having a Walsh and McKay dinner on Wednesday night."

"I don't think that would have happened if I had made different choices. I don't think I'd have my mother wanting to be my mother- force feeding and all, if I had asked for help early on." He then goes quiet but I know he isn't finished, "I don't know what we would be if I had, but while we are obviously distant now there is so many ways we are so much closer as well. We are becoming more honest with each other, I like that we now know the importance of our connection. We know that it's unusual, important and unstoppable. I don't know if we would know that if things would be different. Look I don't love the lack of privacy but they are out there and I'd rather we control the telling, I know you will make people understand that there was pain, betrayal and anger but there was also so much love, so much that it sends us both crazy at times. I want people to know I'm not just the dick who cheated on this incredible woman. I want people to know I'm sorry for every hurt I caused. I want people to know that for me it was you and it will always be you, I'll never want anyone else." As he speaks I see that he has begun to rub his ring finger. His doctor said he had been doing that when he checked in at rehab I just assumed it was his pinky.

We are striving to be as transparent as we can so I ask, "I thought when your doctor said you rubbed your finger it was about our pinky promises but it's not that is it?"

"Yes and no." He breathes out, "it's embarrassing you'll think I'm some love sick fool."

"I've literally written nearly three albums of love songs to you I don't think your finger can compete with that."

"Three albums?"

"Some of them are angry but the underlying theme is that I'm desperately in love with you."

"Can I hear them? I have only heard your released songs, I know you said you were prolific but I didn't know that much."

"Yes of course they are both of ours, they are about us, our love. They are along the demo wall in the studio. They are in order of writing date. Next time you are over I'll show you how to work the equipment then I'll disappear upstairs to hide away in my embarrassment-"

"But I love when you blush."

"I won't be blushing I'll be a tomato." I knock his shoulder, "the finger?"

"I like that my dad calls you Mrs McKay. It's the name I want for you, you are the only person I'll give it to. Even if we never are more than friends to me that name, that title, this finger… I'm spoken for."

"You might find someone else?"

"The thought makes my skin crawl but even if the loneliness eventually changes that feeling I know that anyone else will just be-"

"Because we can't?"

"Yeah. That it won't be because of a lack of love but rather the opposite that we love each other enough not to hold the other back, that it would be too unhealthy as a couple for us to be under such public scrutiny."

"You know when this started I didn't know it was going to turn into this life."

"Don't, I don't ever want you not to love this or know how happy, how proud I am of your success. The world deserves to have these songs, to get to see the beauty of the soul I love. Your word's, the music behind them and your voice, it's pulled me through so many dark times and I know it's done the same for others. Look what I said that afternoon it wasn't fair, I was angry at first and then I realised I couldn't live that life that I'd be a liability to you so I pushed you away. I should have handled it better but I had just figured it out."

"How?"

"Rolling Stone, on a whim I bought a copy as I was early for my doctors."

"I thought I had hidden it pretty well in my answer's."

"Maybe you shouldn't have been so honest about your favourite song." He taps my foot in the water, "a lot of your sex hair was earned listening to that-"

"Dylan!"

He laughs, "what it's true. Thank god you just said it was personal and didn't give more context."

"Okay that was identifiable but only to you, though to jump to-"

"David, Ray, the guy's, a million little clue's along the way. The guy's were laughing about the fake rumours of who you were dating and they said it was all bullshit as she was still in love with her high school boyfriend, even then it didn't click. That song though it turned the key and everything dropped into place."

"So you had like thirty minutes with it before you saw me?"

"Yeah my Doctor told me to calm down first not to make any rash decisions-"

I lightly splash his leg with water, "well you clearly took her advice."

"Okay so I was a little mad."

"I thought I'd seen you mad about the article in junior year or when you jumped into your car after the wedding-"

"Okay so I lost my head." He bumps my shoulder, "you know I'm sorry though."

"On campus a few weeks ago you said some of the songs were more difficult to take are you still feeling that way?"

"Exile. I struggle with that the most."

"Me too. Even trying to put the set list together I struggle with that song, I'm not sure how I'll do it at the concert. God, I hated that night. I was so angry. I recorded another song that Sunday morning but exile just kept pushing it's way into my head. It's everything I didn't say to you in that carpark." I sigh, "but then I think how it frustrated me, your response, your outrage, that I'd leave you after everything, it didn't make sense. That night was so hard, that song is so painful but without it I'm not sure what would have happened."

"Your parents shocked the hell out of me by coming over. I was so mad at your Dad. He stood there and took it, I blamed it all on him. I could tell… they kept looking around for an open bottle evidence that I'd been drinking… then you appeared, it was it was everything that I wanted- you in arms reach. Looking at me, talking to me."

"Kids." We both look up as Jack is walking out to us, "sorry to interrupt I wanted to introduce you to a friend of your old man's." Dylan stands up first and then holds out his hand for me. By the time we are on our feet Jack and his friend, and a girl with curly hair our age are in front of us. Jack comes around and places his hand on my upper back. All night I've been in arms reach of either McKay. Even going to the bathroom Christine volunteered to show me and was waiting for me when I came out. "Tony I'd like to introduce you to my son Dylan and my future daughter-in-law Brenda. Kids this is Tony Marchette and his daughter Toni."

Dylan shakes hands with him first and then I do. While I'm reaching out my hand to Mr Marchette Dylan extends his to Toni. "It's lovely to meet you Brenda, you must be very brave to want to get mixed up in the crazy McKay family?"

Before I can answer Jack jumps in, "she is a powerhouse this one. I want her to go into law I could have used her brains on my team." Jack has subtly pulled me back to him and I shake my head and smile at him.

"Jack you as a client would be a nightmare, way too stubborn."

Dylan reaches out and kisses my head pulling me back into him. Without my heels on I fit perfectly against his shoulder, "you're calling Dad stubborn? Shall I remind you of your need to alphabetise the pantry?"

I elbow him in the stomach and blush slightly, "I am not that bad."

Both McKay's at the same time declare, "close to it."

I ignore all three laughing men and look to Toni holding out my hand, "hi it's nice to meet you, I'm Brenda and really I'm not as compulsive as they make me sound."

"Hi it's nice to meet you too. I'm sure you aren't, I think it's men in general they have an aversion to order, Dad and Bruno are the worst at it."

"Is Bruno your brother?"

"No Dad's and my driver."

"Tony are you interested in grabbing a drink?"

"I'd love one Jack, gives us a chance to catch up. Toni would you like one?" I could instantly tell she wasn't that keen on joining them.

"Toni if your Dad doesn't mind you are more than welcome to join Dylan and I out here?"

She looks to her Dad and he gives a subtle nod. Half a night in that room already showed me that in these circles there was a undercurrent of threat, everyone looked relaxed but it wasn't genuine. Even Dylan was more formal and supportive of his Dad, deferring to his leadership. It's like you knew you had to be seen as a unit of strength, I could see why Jack wanted me here. I was needed both to help Dylan but also demonstrate that their fractured relationship was healed and my closeness to Jack was the clear indicator of that.

"I'd like that." Once the two men went back inside Dylan quickly goes and grabs Toni a towel and we move to sit back down next to the spa.

When I didn't put my feet back in the water Dylan looks at me raising an eyebrow, "I'm all wrinkly. I have the feet of an old woman." He laughs and holds out his hand the subtle indication that he wanted to see. I move them onto his lap and he begins to massage them with his hand while the other supports him as leans back on it; he's widening our semicircle around the pool so as I sit back from the water he can still see me.

"Yep definitely tiny old women feet." I gently kick him for that remark.

Toni smiles at us, "so you guy's are engaged?"

I feel Dylan's hand tense, he won't answer this one. "Jack has decided we are because Dylan and I… well a marriage certificate seems like just a formality at this point. We have said our vows to each other." I subtly reach out and run my pinky along his, he immediately lifts his pinky off the ground slightly to run his against mine.

"So you guy's have been together for a while then?"

"I met Bren Sophomore year a few months after she moved to LA from Minnesota. I met her twin brother within a week of them moving but this one had managed to avoid me-"

"He was trouble. I told my brother that that was the rumour. I avoided trouble back then."

"When did you tell B that?"

"B is my brother Brandon the two of them have weird pet names for each other, at one stage it was a very cute romance they had going- stop!" He had begun to tickle my feet in retaliation for my comment.

"You are so funny, you should take this routine on the road." At that I look at him and he gives me his hilarious I just made an accidental joke face. I crack up a little at both the comment and the face that reminds me so much of another night spent by the pool in the desert.

"Anyway we meet and well I have been dealing with trouble ever since-"

"She's being dramatic, she's a bit of a drama queen. I was no trouble for at least…" he starts mock counting with my toe's. "I think I was trouble free for six of the last twenty-seven months. See Baby the rumours were completely false."

I roll my eyes at him, "it's a good thing I like" he tickles my feet, "love, love" he stops, "trouble."

Toni gives us a smile, "you guy's are so in love with each other." Dylan and look at the other and I scrunch up my nose and mock shake my head in denial, he jokingly does the same thing back. "So you're both seniors or are you in College?"

"I'm a senior Bren's an overachiever she is finishing off her last two credits by correspondence so she can work full time, and volunteer."

Toni's eyes go big and then it's a bunch of questions about my volunteering role and about my vague work in the music industry. When it's clear she's going to drill down a little on the latter Dylan steps in. "So Toni it sounds like you like music, what's your style?"

"Everything really, but currently I think I'm like the rest of the planet and in love with Raven oh and that Ray Pruit guy she did that duet with." Dylan gives me a look and I give a subtle nod.

"Ray's a great musician and an even better guy-"

"You know him?"

"Yeah Bren met him at the studio when he was trying to get his demo made, and well he's been a part of our family ever since."

"Dylan collects brother's," he clears his throat. "Find we collect brother's."

"Do you think you could get me an autograph?" It's so sweet how she asks like she is making an unreasonable request one that we would turn down.

"Sure I'm having breakfast with them tomorrow after our surf I could get one then."

"You surf?"

"Yeah, do you?"

The next five minutes is them chatting about where are the best waves. Dylan is relaxed and animated throughout their chat, it's nice to see after such a difficult few weeks. Throughout his surfing conversation he keeps rubbing my pinky finger, I'm not even sure if he is consciously aware that he is doing it. "If you like you can paddle out with us tomorrow I'm sure Ray and Paul won't mind."

"Really?" It's obvious she is super excited by the idea, "Brenda will you come to?"

No my morning is full of phone calls and discussions over a music video we'll be recording on Tuesday. "No I unfortunately have to do some work in the morning, and anyway I'm not ready for Manhattan Beach."

"Bren's still learning to surf." He then looks at me, "maybe I can take you for your next lesson Thursday morning? I was thinking with David and Camille flying in on Wednesday I could spend the day with you guy's unless they have to work?"

"They might have a bit but they'll want and expect you there."

He squeezes my foot and gives me a smile, "will you be finished your work in time to come join us for breakfast tomorrow at The Pit?"

"Yeah I could make that work. I haven't been to The Pit in weeks I'm sure Nat will be hurt if I don't show up soon."

"Not at you, Nat loves you too much. I'll get the brunt of his annoyance." He winks at me, "Toni have you been to The Peach Pit before?"

What's left of the night is spent with the three of us getting to know each other by the pool; though we eventually move off the floor to the outdoor lounge's. Toni is very sweet and someone I'm not sure anyone could not like, it's obvious throughout the night Dylan feels the same way. As they are talking about a recent surf competition that Kelly Slater had won I begin to yawn. Dylan without moving his eyes off Toni leans forward and takes off his jacket then wraps it around my shoulders before bringing me to lean against his chest. Within minutes of being wrapped up in the smell I have missed so much, in the arms I crave, I'm asleep.