Chapter Two: Small Man and an Alien

Somewhere in the city of San Francisco, a pair of dogs were sat at a table outside a fancy restaurant. Beside the table was a large, red parasol which helped to shield the canines from the setting sun. Each of the dogs had a ten-inch pizza on their plate; the female of the couple had hers topped with tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil – thus making it a Margherita. Her partner's pizza, on the other hand, was a 'meat feast' sporting minced beef, slices of sausage (in place of pepperoni), and diced ham.

"Mmm… smells delicious," the female, an Irish Setter, began as she picked up her knife and fork. "Hopefully this one won't fatten me up as much as yours will do you."

"I mean, if you're that concerned about putting on weight," the male dog responded, "then perhaps you should consider saying yes more often when I ask you to go on walks with me."

"Pah! You think you're so funny, don't you?" the Setter retorted just as she was cutting a piece off the end of her first slice. "Charlie, you cheeky sod..."

"Trust me, Sasha, I'll be doing plenty of walking once I've got all this in my belly." Charlie then used his paws to pick up a slice of his own pizza before chomping off half of it in a single bite.

"Eurgh, stop being disgusting. Use your knife and fork!"

"Nah, that's too boring."

"… And now you're talking with your mouth full, which is even worse."

This time, the male dog made sure to finish his mouthful before replying. "Actually, better than walking, we could go inside the restaurant and dance to all that funky disco music they've got playing in there. What do you say to that, eh?"

Sasha had had to let out a very deep sigh in order to avoid losing her temper. Slumping back in her seat, she finally had an opportunity to put that first morsel of pizza in her mouth.

"Well let me tell you this, Shepherd-boy," the Setter answered. "I wouldn't push my luck if I were you."

o - o - o

Somewhere in a parallel dimension…

Fishy Boopkins was yelling in terror as he and Glitchy travelled through what appeared to be an endless tunnel of swirling purple wind, with distorted images of various paintings appearing amongst the swirls.

"Where are we going, Glitch?" the Spike sobbed as he tumbled around helplessly. "I think I'm getting travel sickness!"

"I have a feeling Meggy might have accidentally opened a portal to that place I helped her find on my computer… now what was it called? San-something?"

"Ooh-er… watch out!"

Shortly after saying that, Boopkins gave a violent cough, which was then followed by a miniature spiky metal ball being spat out of his mouth. Glitchy, thinking quickly, dodged to the side, allowing the ball to sail past him before disappearing into the gusty void.

"That was close," the man in white and blue commented. "Perhaps I should go in front, in case you do that again." He then tucked in his arms so that he could pull ahead.

"Sorry!" Boopkins cried. "I just get sick really easily sometimes. Not like I can help it!"

Some minutes later, Glitchy could see the end of the tunnel approaching, which from his position appeared as little more than a small disc of white light. In an attempt to slow down, he spread out his limbs while advising Boopkins to do the same. Then, once the exit was only seconds away, they both braced themselves for impact by curling up into balls.

The two friends then came flying out from a window in the side of a butcher's shop, proceeding to bounce across the road until they crashed into the side wall of the building opposite.

"Ooofff..." Boopkins groaned as he gradually backed away before rising to his feet. "You all right, Glitch?"

"Rrmmph," came the muffled response.

That was when the Spike turned to the side and noticed that his friend's head had become embedded in the wall. With some assistance from Boopkins, Glitchy was able to free himself by pushing against the wall with his gloved hands.

"This place sure looks… different," Boopkins observed, allowing himself a few seconds to survey his surroundings. "Was this the same place you were thinking of, Glitch?"

"I can't tell yet. If this indeed San-something-or-other, then there should be a red bridge somewhere."

"Hmm..." Boopkins looked up at a sign that was hanging outside a nearby store. "Like that one?" He then pointed it out so Glitchy could see it as well.

"Ah yes, that's what it looked like. So where do we go from here?"

"Ehhh… I don't know about you, but I could do with some fast food right about now."

The pair then set off in search of a meal. However, unbeknownst to them, someone had been spying on them through a pair of binoculars from the roof of a hotel a few blocks down – a brown, bespectacled Schnoodle he was.

"Argh, shucks," he muttered to himself before stuffing the binoculars into a satchel bag. "The bawss ain't gonna like this at all. I better move." The canine then proceeded to slink away.

o - o - o

A quarter of an hour passed. Back at the pizzeria, Charlie had now finished his meal and was gently patting his stomach, whereas his partner had so far only eaten a third of hers.

"Hey, Sash," the German Shepherd Dog (technically he was a mixed-breed, but that was what he primarily was) spoke. "Need some help with that?"

"Oh, come on, you must be full!" the Setter snapped back, setting down her fork for a moment to glare at him with her bright green eyes. "You greedy boy. I'm managing perfectly well, thank you very much."

Charlie was about to say more, but was interrupted by the sight of the brown dog approaching him.

Oh, great, he thought. Here comes trouble.

"Ah, of course – where there's pizza, there's a Barkin," the sinister canine smiled.

"Evening, Killer..." Charlie greeted him reluctantly. "What brings you here?"

"I've been meaning to ask you something: you wouldn't happen to have seen a small man and an alien wandering around, would you?"

Both Charlie and Sasha were left feeling highly bemused by that question.

"What sort of alien?" the Shepherd asked.

"Yeah," Sasha agreed, "and by 'small man' I presume you mean a boy? A human boy, I mean."

"A green alien," Killer answered. "Some sort of weird frog-looking thing. Uh, and no, Sasha – when I say man, I mean man. Small, meaning… how should I put this… vertically challenged?"

"Nnn-nope," Charlie responded once he had taken a moment to think. "Doesn't ring a bell."

"Hmmm. Perhaps you should mention them next time you talk to your bawss. She might know. Toodles." With that, Killer slowly crept away.

"… My boss might know," the Shepherd-dog muttered to himself after about ten seconds of dead air. "What could he have possibly meant by that?"

"Beats me," said Sasha. "Unless the small man is someone Annabelle has met… but how would Killer know that?"

Suddenly, there came a faint voice in the distance…

"Oh no! Heeeeeelp!"

"Hoo boy," said Charlie, jumping out of his seat. "Looks like someone could use a little divine intervention!"

"Great," Sasha sighed, watching as her partner ran off. "Now you're gonna get..."

"Eeyargh!"

"… cramps…"

Normally the Setter would have followed after him, but a quick glance up at the restaurant's signboard reminded her how unwise that would have been – this was Dino's Pizzeria, and the Neapolitan Mastiff didn't take kindly to customers who left their tables unattended.

Fighting through the stitch in his side, Charlie rushed in the direction that the yelling was coming from. This took him around the corner on to a dimly-lit street where he came across the entrance to a small alleyway.

"Hey!" he shouted, sticking his neck out so that he could peer inside. "What's going on in there?"

"Ha ha!" Killer laughed back at him. "Too late, Barkin!" In his right paw, he was holding Glitchy aloft by the collar of his shirt, while in his left he had Boopkins by the tuft of blue hair on his head.

"Too late?" the Shepherd retorted. "I beg to differ — there'll be no small men or aliens being kidnapped on my watch, bucko."

"Friend of yours?" Glitchy cockily turned his head towards the devious Schnoodle.

"Heh! Some friend he is. Don't listen to him – I'm just taking you two to meet your new bawss!"

"So..." Charlie resumed. "Are we gonna have to do this the hard way, then?"

"Hmm, I don't know. I'll try asking the frog!" Killer proceeded to violently shake Boopkins up and down.

"Aaaahhh! No hard way! No hard way!"

"Oops, I don't think that's the right answer..."

"Uuuurrrgh… I don't feel so good!"

Of course, Glitchy thought. "Boopkins, think about maggot cheese, now!"

"What? No, that's disgusting!"

"Do it!"

With great reluctance, Boopkins imagined himself eating from a bowl that was filled to the brim with hot, bubbling, fly-larva-infested cheese. This caused him to chuck up a spiky ball, which landed directly on top of Killer's foot.

"Eeeeeyow!"

The sheer pain caused the Schnoodle to drop both of his captives on the ground. Once he had dragged his hind-paw out from underneath the sharp sphere, he clutched it while hopping around on his other foot.

"Now's our chance, guys," Charlie said to Glitchy and Boopkins. "C'mon!"

"You okay, Fishy?" the man in white and blue asked.

"Hnnnggg..." came the response.

"No worries, mate, I'll carry you."

It had taken a few minutes for the Shepherd-dog to return to the pizzeria, this time with two new companions in tow.

"I'm back," he said to Sasha. "Missed me?"

"Sorely," she replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Hmm, I take it those two are the guys Killer was talking about?"

"Sure seems like it. On the way here, they told me that they came from far away and they didn't have anywhere to stay for the night. That is, until now."

"One question," the Setter asked. "Your place or mine?"

"Mine, of course."

Thank God, she thought. Although she dared not show it, Sasha was quite put off by the sight of Boopkins. She wouldn't have wanted… whatever the heck he was making a mess in her café.

"Anyway," Charlie resumed, "you coming too?"

"Hah! Fat chance, Shepherd-boy. Besides, aren't you forgetting something important?"

"Like what?"

"You know..." As she said this, she used her foot to nudge something under the table while casting her eyes towards the front window of the restaurant. Dino was there…

The Shepherd gulped. "Oh, right. Wait there, guys, I'll only be a minute." He stepped through the gap in the railings, then over to the table so that he could pull out his sack of bones from underneath.

"Keep the change," he said to the Mastiff once he had dragged it inside.

o - o - o

It was quite a long walk to Charlie's apartment from Dino's, so to help pass the time, he decided to have a chat with Glitchy and Boopkins.

"So how did you guys get here anyway?" the Shepherd asked.

"Well, it's a long story," Glitchy began, "but Fishy and I ended up being sucked into a portal which brought us here."

"Hmm..." Charlie hesitated as he thought:

A portal, huh? What was it that Killer said again?

The Schnoodle's voice echoed in his head:

Perhaps you should mention them next time you talk to your bawss. She might know.

"Say, Glitch. Do the names 'Anna' or 'Belle' mean anything to you, by any chance?"

"Erm, nope. Why would they?"

Darn. He's not getting it. Lemme try something different…

"Are you usually cautious around mirrors?"

"I mean, I wouldn't want to break one. Seven years' bad luck, and all that. But no, I'm not afraid of strange reflections or anything..."

Great, Charlie thought. He was even more confused now than he had been before.

"Are you feeling all right, Charlie?" Boopkins asked. "You're not making a lot of sense to me right now."

"Well, uh, perhaps once you've known me long enough, you might get it..."

Although the Spike was not a fan of that response, he decided not to press the issue further.

"Anyway," Glitchy interceded, hoping that a change of subject would dispel the awkwardness. "Why don't we tell Charlie about the others from back home, Boopkins?"

"Ehh… sure, why not?"

The two friends proceeded to let their new acquaintance know about all of their friends who often stayed with them at Peach's Castle – not only did they mention Bob, Mario, and Meggy, but they also talked about those who were on their holidays: Luigi, Mario's brother; Peach, the princess who owned the castle; Toad, Peach's loyal servant; Saiko, the girlfriend of Boopkins (who technically wasn't on vacation because she was staying in her native country of Japan for the summer); Shroomy, a boy scout; and Tari, a girl who was an avid fan of video games.

"Wow, they sound like a real fun bunch," Charlie commented, just as the trio came up to the front door of the apartment complex. "I kinda wish I had that many friends..."

A short while later, Charlie, Glitchy, and Boopkins were walking side-by-side down the corridor leading to Charlie's place.

"Okay guys," the Shepherd-dog whispered, "I need you two to stand over there and not step forward until I say so." On the word there he pointed to a specific spot on the floor. Charlie knew that his friend would likely be spooked when he saw the new arrivals, so he wanted to keep any potential shock to a minimum.

Once Glitchy and his Spike companion were in position, Charlie rapped on the door. Shave and a haircut, two bits.

"Hello?" came a Brooklyn-accented voice from inside. "Who's there?"

"It's me, Charlie," came the reply.

"Just making sure. Come in."

The Shepherd reached up to twist the handle before gently pushing the door inwards, upon which a chocolate-and-tan Dachshund appeared in the doorway.

"Hi, Itch."

"Welcome back. So you survived your date, I see?"

"Well, that's one way of putting it."

The short-legged dog hummed. "That doesn't sound very reassuring. Did something go wrong?"

"If you count ol' Killy-boy deciding to get up to no good and interrupt my time with Sasha, then sure."

"Huh?" 'Itch' was left feeling bemused by the mention of that name. "What was he doing there? I'd have thought Dino wouldn't have liked his kind loitering around."

"You see, Itch, he was just passing by at first… trying to look for these guys."

Charlie then subtly motioned for his two new friends to step forward, which was shortly followed by the Dachshund slowly emerging from the apartment.

When 'Itch' saw Boopkins, his pupils almost immediately shrank to the size of pinholes, after which his mouth gradually dropped open.

"Uh..." the green-skinned creature meekly waved his hand. "Hi, I'm Fishy Boop-..."

"Aaaagghhh!"

"Itchy, easy!" said Charlie, being careful not to speak too loudly as his friend scurried back inside. "Don't wanna disturb the neighbours..."

The German Shepherd cross then turned to face Boopkins.

"You'll have to excuse me a moment. My buddy gets scared easily, you see." He proceeded to enter the apartment himself.

"Wh-wh-what was that th-th-thing?" Itchy shuddered. "That m-m-monster..."

"It's okay, Itch, trust me," Charlie consoled him, placing one paw over the Dachshund's red cap. "He's harmless." Well, as long as you don't make him sick, at least.

It had taken longer than he had initially expected, but Charlie had eventually managed to explain everything.

"You okay now, buddy?"

Itchy nodded.

"Then why not get out there and say hello, eh?"

So the Dachshund re-emerged, albeit with some reluctance.

"H-hi..." he said to Boopkins, holding out a paw for him to shake.

"Hi, Itchy," the Spike responded, accepting the handshake. "I hope you won't mind if Glitchy and I stay here tonight. We wouldn't want to be sleeping rough, you know?"

"No, not at all." As Itchy said that, he very nearly began to cry tears of joy. He then proceeded to shake hands with Glitchy as well.

Suddenly, a faint rumbling noise could be heard.

"Oh, sorry, that was me," Boopkins murmured. "Gosh, that's right, I haven't eaten in a while."

"No problem," the Dachshund answered. "If you guys go into the kitchen, there should be some bread in the bread-bin and some ham in the refrigerator."

"Ah, nice," said Glitchy as he and his Spike friend strode over in that direction. "Sandwiches, here we come!"

Before long, everyone save for Charlie was sat on the sofa in the lounge, watching television. Glitchy and Boopkins were each holding a ham sandwich in one hand, and a small plate in the other to catch the crumbs. As for the Shepherd cross, he was laying down on the rug.

"Eeyargh!" Itchy yelped, as the screen displayed a black-and-white scene of a gigantic tarantula preparing to devour a human woman who had been caught in his web. "Change the channel, change the channel!"

Thinking quickly, Boopkins put down his sandwich for a moment so that he could grab the remote. He proceeded to press the 'next channel' button until the picture changed to show a pack of racing cars roaring around a floodlit, oval-shaped circuit.

"That's more what I'm talking about," Glitchy remarked. "Hey Charlie, why don't you come up here and join us?"

"Nahhh. I don't know about you guys, but I am bushed." He then rolled over on to his back.

"Too much pizza weighing you down?" Itchy commented, winking as he noticed his friend's stuffed belly. Not even two seconds later, however, he was greeted with the sight of the Shepherd-dog glaring him in the face.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, um, uhh..."

"Ha ha! Got you there, didn't I?" Charlie then removed the Dachshund's hat so that he could rub the top of his head with his knuckles. "Fair point though, I really oughta hit the hay."

True to his word, the Shepherd tiredly dragged himself off to his bedroom.

"See you all in the morning, I guess..."