A/N: This is an M story for a reason there is sexual content at the end of this chapter and the next several following.

Another week flew by, he had eaten with Olivia and Noah on Tuesday night and again on Thursday but he couldn't stay, he was nervous enough as it was that he would no way have everything is done by August it was the 3rd week of June. He had gotten rough syllabi together with no details, but enough the law school approved them. Next week he would start shadowing the Criminal Psychology professor. Olivia was off this weekend, and he planned to spend every moment he could with her. He packed the leather bag, wondering when it was so easy to leave the beautiful views from the windows. He walked out, going to another weekend with Olivia and Noah.

Raphael knocked on the door knowing that Lucy was still there, she opened the door and smiled at the man.

"Liv still hasn't given you a key?" Lucy asked.

"That's a big step, Lucy," Raphael mentioned.

"I guess you're right, but it would be easier on you two," Lucy mentioned.

Raphael knew the girl was right but wasn't mentioning it to Olivia. It seemed that every weekend although there wasn't a significant issue, that Olivia had opened herself more and more to him and he was going to let her do that on her own.

Noah was in his bedroom taking a rare nap, Lucy had taken him to the trampoline park , and they had just gotten back. He was worn out, and Lucy told Raphael to make sure the boy was up in the next 30 minutes, or he and Liv would get zero sleep. Raphael had agreed to do so, and Lucy left the home.

Olivia messaged she was on her way. Raphael dug out a book for Criminal Law it had 5 books, which he thought was ridiculous until he saw how small the books were and that they genuinely all were needed. One focused on the criminal, one focused on police, one focused on attorneys one focused on judges, and one focused on all laws in themselves. Of course, the law book was the biggest. It was prevailing federal laws but the 30 chapter book weighed about 8lbs and lugging it around reminded him of his days in law school. He wasn't quite so sure why he put himself through it once again, but he cracked the book open to page 157 chapter 4 where he left off and began reading knowing the book was out of date the instant it was typed because the law had changed. He ran a red highlighter of the topic and section not even bothering and skipped the next few pages.

Raphael looked at the time Noah was 15 minutes passed his nap, and he decided to wake him.

Groggily not looking Noah exceedingly said, "mommy?"

"Sorry, just me." Raphael proclaimed.

"Raphael? when's mommy coming home?" Noah asked he had seemed upset.

"She's on her way right now, with pizza." Raphael smiled

"Really?" Noah asked.

"Now come on let's get up," Raphael stated.

"My legs hurt," Noah stated.

"I'm sure they do I heard you got to bounce around all day at the trampoline park." Raphael stated."

"It was so much fun will you take back one day," Noah asked.

"of course." Raphael replied.

Olivia came through the door with pizza, and kiss for Raphael and a giant bear hug for Noah.

"I missed you today, mommy," Noah stated.

Raphael didn't miss the hurt in Olivia's eye. He knew she felt guilty for leaving him but also knew she would be unhappy retiring early as well. So he smiled at her, hoping she silently knew what he was thinking and helped serve the pizza.

Noah had once again eaten the most out of all of them eating 3.5 slices.

"Can we watch a movie?" Noah asked

"Of course whatever you want to watch," Olivia stated.

Noah had insisted on watching Big Hero 6, and Olivia begrudgingly agreed. Olivia was sure she knew every line by now, and she wasn't sure how she felt about the boy losing his brother and Noah watching that part over and over and over again. She sat down on the couch with Noah who already had the DVD in and waiting for Raphael and his mom to join them. He sat right in between them, making sure they were so close he was sandwiched in. And the movie started playing. It was almost over when Olivia realized Noah fell asleep. She sighed, looking down at him and paused the video.

"I was watching that!" Raphael whispered.

Olivia had to laugh, and pressed play, waiting for the movie to end. Raphael took the little boy to his room, tucked him in, and came back out to see Olivia packing the dishwasher with their dirty plates.

Olivia embraced the man and gave him a quick kiss pulling her lips away but ensuring she stayed close and Raphael held her for a long time just enjoying the fact they were together.

"Liv, I love you." Raphael stated.

It was an inter thought that totally passed through his mouth it wasn't intentional, and he wasn't sure what made him say it. Just the moment of having her close, the fact that he couldn't imagine wanting to be anywhere else right now all welled up and out of his mouth before he could stop it.

He froze rigid not wanting to take it back but not sure what Olivia would say or what to say after that. He had said it once before when emotions were running high, but this was different.

After several seconds of no response.

"Liv, I..." Raphael started.

She stopped him from talking and took his lips and pushed him against the wall. Her heart was pounding, and his was too. She had lightly bit his lip and drifted her tongue into his mouth, and when she had to stop for air, she looked directly in his eyes and said.

"I love you too."

Raphael was thrilled with the admission that came through her lips and suddenly he was the aggressor, kissing her hard and then leaving trailing kisses down her neck which made her instantly pull her head back Allowing more straightforward time and groaning in pleasure for the moment. Raphael Couldn't help but smile when he heard her. He stopped and looked back into her eyes, Her whole face was pure joy, which made him feel the same way.

As much ask they both wanted to continue, Olivia still hadn't finished cleaning up. She wanted to shower and knew that Raphael had a lot on his plate. She handed him the textbook and said.

"They don't read themselves."

Raphael laughed and knew it to be true. He started the next section. He had known he needed to work on it some while being with Noah and Olivia, and if Olivia was anything it was disciplined. So he sat on the stool, talking to himself as he saw a mistake or another law that has since changed and grumbled while changing highlighters to indicate meanings in the book.

Olivia had finished cleaning the kitchen long ago and was picking up some toys Noah left in the living room, but she couldn't help but stare at him, watching as he concentrated so hard on what he needed to get done. He had always been like that, and Olivia wondered how he had let "I love you" slip.

She knew he meant But she also knew he hadn't meant to say it. She was happy he did and didn't immediately say it back until he didn't start to backtrack. She knew he was about to apologize when she began to kiss him just 20 minutes ago, but she never wanted those words to fall from his lips, especially when she felt the same.

Olivia grabbed a book and started reading, unlike Raphael, she was reading for pleasure. She wasn't sure how long had passed, but she could hear his frustration building with the book. So she set her book down and walked over to him.

"Hey why don't you take a break for the night." she stated, and walked over and began to rub his overly tight shoulders.

Raphael was happy to agree and put a bookmark in and moved his neck around as Olivia started continued to rub his shoulders.

"That feels good, you know," Raphael stated.

"Almost as good as Dominque." Raphael stated.

Olivia instantly stopped.

"Relax Liv she's my masseuse," Raphael stated.

"You have a masseuse?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah and you are welcome to meet her, I can book a couples massage next week." Raphael said as he grabbed his phone ready to type in the familiar web address to book the appointment.

"You're serious," Olivia stated.

"Uh yeah, I go to the Relaxation clinic on 32nd St. at least twice a month, I haven't been since I left SVU though, it might be part of my problem." Raphael admitted.

Olivia bit her lip. She thought about it for a minute.

"If your uncomfortable, we could just do facials." Raphael said.

"So that's how you have the young glow that bestows your face," Olivia stated. "Any other secrets I should know about?"

Raphael's heart pounded for a second thinking to the scar running down his leg; he really should tell her, and felt like a hypocrite for not doing so already.

When Raphael didn't immediately respond, and Olivia saw the look in his eyes.

"Hey, whatever it is you can tell me," Olivia stated.

"Yeah I know, it's just stupid I haven't told you before now.

Olivia waited for the man to open up.

"You know Liv, I have a few scars of my own, and one that's just bad and the story behind it, I mean I'm not sure how you'd feel," Raphael stated.

" Just show me." Olivia stated.

"Can we go to the bedroom?" Raphael asked.

"Yeah of course." Olivia stated, and they walked in, Raphael, pulled the polo over his head, leaving him in an undershirt, and then began pulling down his pants, leaving him in boxer briefs. Olivia's eyes stayed on his face.

"When I turn around and you see my leg Liv, it happened a long time ago." Raphael proceeded.

Olivia waited for him to turn, she saw the dark red in some spots raised areas of a large scar running down his leg, stopping about 3 inches above his knee and disappearing under his shorts. Olivia wasn't quite sure what to think.

"What happened?" she asked as wondered just how far up the scar went.

Liv what I'm about to tell you I should have told you a long time ago, and it just never came up. I didn't know how to broach the subject.

Olivia bit her lip, not know what to expect.

"Liv I need you to know that I'm bisexual," Raphael stated.

"Oh, how does this have to do with the scar?"

"I was at Harvard at the time, and I was seeing a much younger man, he was 18, and I was 23. His family didn't know. His parents made a surprise visit to his dorm room and caught us kissing in the common area. His father attacked me. I had to be taken to the hospital. He had broken a vase, I fell on top of it the shard slid down.

"Jesus! Raph, why didn't you say anything?" Olivia asked as she turned him around. She could see the tears in his eyes.

"I didn't know how you'd react; does this change us?" Raphael asked.

"Yeah it does, now I have to worry about hot men trying to give you their phone number too!" Olivia stated.

Raphael laughed. The unshod tears were falling as he let out a sigh of relief.

Raphael sat down on the bed, not having his pajamas he pulled his pant up but took the belt off and rolled it putting it on the nightstand. Olivia motioned for him to lay down, and he agreed. Olivia was cuddling up next to him.

"Thanks, Liv, for understanding," Raphael stated.

"Did you ever, peruse charges?" Olivia asked.

"No, I mean I know the man was freaked out by the whole situation and back then it was different. After that I never saw them again, Ian withdrew and I for a long time, I just simply tried to forget." Raphael stated.

"It took me a long time to find the courage to date anyone after that, and a lot of therapy to show me it wasn't my fault," Raphael stated.

"Liv I want you to know that just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I'm out looking for a man or that I'm not going to be satisfied by you I just don't want you to worry that you aren't good enough." Raphael stated.

"You're bisexual, not a cheater Raphael, I get it. I understand that. But I do worry. I'm not good enough because you're perfect." Olivia stated.

"I'm not," Raphael stated.

" Close enough to me," Olivia remarked

"I love you Olivia." Raphael stated for the 2nd time that day.

"I love you too." Olivia stated.

She didn't want to give up spooning the man taking over her bed, but as she looked at the clock was already ten, and with Noah napping and going to sleep early she wouldn't be sleeping in.

"Hey I still need to shower, and such, meet me back here when you're ready for bed?" Olivia asked.

"Of course." Raphael stated, he turned around for the first time since the conversation started and kissed her hard, hoping she would realize how grateful he was to all her understanding and wasn't sure if anyone else got him like Olivia did.

Olivia showered and shaved. She wasn't sure sex was on the table tonight, but she was willing to give the man a show. She wore a thin lavender nightgown and put on scalloped boy shorts that poked right under the hem of the gown. She dried her hair. She took a deep breath and walked back out to the bedroom.

Raphael had walked into the room the same time she stepped out.

Raphael couldn't help but moan.

"Jesus Liv, you gorgeous"

She smiled, knowing it just wasn't a line, not from him.

"Not too bad yourself" She whispered as she saw him a tighter t-shirt and plaid pajama pants.

He blushed but just shook his head.

She didn't regret showing off for him, but she was exhausted. She knew he wouldn't pressure her but felt terrible for being a tease. She quickly hid under the covers, and Raphael went to his side of the bed. 'His side' he thought and smiled when he was lying next to her. Although he knew she liked to cuddle him, he turned, over facing her asking if he could instead wrap his arms around her, she agreed. He felt the slick fabric of the nightgown, and rubbed it over and over wanting to take his shirt off just to feel the material up against his skin, but he didn't when finally settled his arm he had wrapped if entirely around her stomach, and not that Olivia didn't trust him, but she felt trapped, his arm heavier than she thought and she moved it allowing his arm lay on top of her side, his hand resting on her hip.

"Can you keep your arm like that?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah of course." Raphael stated.

He was comfortable and Olivia seemed pleased she pushed back into him allowing him to take some of her weight as she attempted to drift off to sleep. Raphael was convinced he could stay in that position forever and drifted off to sleep.

Raphael woke with a start he heard crying, and felt Olivia slip out of bed he bolted up confused by the situation surrounding him, it took him a minute to realize it was Noah and he could hear Olivia shushing him.

Raphael walked out to the hallway, to the smell of vomit, and he almost added to the collection on the floor. It was apparent Noah was upset about puking in the hall, and Olivia was trying to get him calm down. Her nightgown was covered in a goo that Raphael knew to be a mix of puke snot and tears from the little boy. He was at a loss on what would help the situation currently.

Noah wanted to run to Raphael and cling to him, but Olivia stopped him from getting is puke stained clothes all over Raphael.

The little boy stood in the hallway in just his underwear, and Olivia asked Raphael to get a few arms to wash clothes to wipe Noah down. He had agreed and saw some lavender oil in the bathroom putting just a drop on each of the clothes, and coming back to the hallway to see Olivia cleaning up and Noah still standing in one place his tears were still flowing but, he was quiet.

"Come here, Mijo." Raphael stated and wiped down Noah's face and chest. He was breathing in the calming lavender scent and calming down. Noah clung to him. Olivia got a new pair of pajamas for Noah to step into he was half asleep. Olivia looked down at him and tried to get him to go back to his room, but he was still clinging to Raphael.

"let him sleep in here," Raphael stated.

Olivia would have customarily allowed her sick boy to stay with her, but with Raphael in the bed, she wasn't quite sure he would care for the boys' sleep patterns. She nodded her head, and Raphael pulled him to the bed with him. Olivia checked he had no fever, and she wasn't sure what had happened, but she knew he was a little pale. She went to see what time it was on her phone it was 3:30 am, and she had a text from Lucy.

Lucy: Sorry if Noah is sick, I took him to the park, and we had a hotdog I thought it tasted funny, but Noah insured me his tasted just fine. I have nothing left in my stomach right now.

"Well that explains that, a bad hotdog from lunch," Olivia stated.

Raphael nodded Noah was curled up in a ball, and Olivia put the boy towards the outside of the bed and moved the wastebasket to edge of the bed just in case of round 2.

The next morning Noah still didn't feel right, but he hadn't thrown up, but all he wanted to do is take turns crawling into Olivia or Raphael's lap on the couch. The threesome cuddled up on the sofa with blankets all around and kept cartoons on. Raphael was able to focus on reading, for the most part, only taking breaks when Noah asked a question, or he had to get up for the bathroom or a snack. He was so focused; he didn't realize that Olivia had gotten up and ordered Chinese and jumped when there was a knock on the door. Noah had been asleep for the past couple hours, and Raphael Barba's stomach growled when the smell of food hit him. He had almost finished the book and was proud of the progress he had made.

Olivia woke Noah up who was equally as hungry as Raphael, but she insisted he ate some egg drop soup first and then giving him scoops of lo mein and cheese wontons. Noah ate happily as did Raphael, and it made her laugh how they ate quickly and silently. Olivia sat and chewed slowly. She watched the two get up and Noah finding new energy since he hadn't felt good all day. He was running around, but Olivia was hoping all the carbs would make him crash, but she wasn't so sure it would happen. Noah begged to go to the park even though it was now 8 pm and close to bedtime.

"It's dark out Noah, but first thing in the morning we can go to the park." Olivia explained.

"But I want to swing now!" Noah protested.

"Noah, we are not walking in the dark to the park for you to go swing! If you want to go in the morning we can, and you've been sick, and you're just hyper." Olivia tried to explain.

"But mom..." Noah started.

"You're not going to the park tonight, end of the discussion, go get ready for your bath." Olivia stated.

Noah stomped down the hallway, and Olivia wasn't sure if she was ready to laugh or cry.

Noah had agreed to the bath with extra toys and splashed and screamed in delight, as the bubbles came up all around, Olivia let him stay in as long as he wanted but kept the bathroom door opened letting him play. Raphael once again cracked open another book, while Olivia had been putting away Noah's clothes.

Noah splashed around a lot longer than Olivia was expecting but glad to see he was ready for bed after he got out. Noah asked for Raphael to read him goodnight but Olivia denied him, as he was still going over a textbook and Noah needed some type of punishment she read him a quick story and tucked him before going to distract Raphael from his work. He must have heard her close Noah's door because his book was closed and he was rubbing his temples.

Olivia had him turn sideways, and she rubbed his shoulders again.

"How the hell did I do this the first time through?" Raphael asked.

"Because your professors went through every page to see what was necessary, and you cared and studied and tried," Olivia stated.

"I guess, will you tell me why you dropped out?" Raphael asked.

"I was hoping you forgot about that tidbit Noah brought up," Olivia stated.

Liv, I never forget anything, it's part of being a good lawyer, but if you don't want to discuss it." Raphael started.

"I don't know if I can articulate it in a way that won't make you angry." Olivia stated.

"Liv why would I be mad, I mean it was your choice, you're doing what you love now, and a law degree isn't needed," Raphael stated.

"I never went back because I still feel the same way after all this time and its complicated to explain and I know it doesn't make a lot of sense but.." Olivia started.

"I'll try to understand, I won't get mad," Raphael assures her.

"I couldn't deal with them; I couldn't deal with the other students, the professors, the arrogance like they always knew everything all the time. I hated the legal loopholes and trading and bartering. I hated the fact that people who were guilty got no prison time and innocent people got life in jail. I know being a cop isn't much different, but it was better to investigate and believe my thoughts and feeling not what the state would want me to prosecute or who or what I would have to defend. After a friend of mine went to the academy and talked more about different programs I was sold, and that was my way to help people get justice. I was chasing down the bad guys, getting confessions, and trying my hardest to get an ADA what they needed. Trying my hardest to get a case for everyone who had any evidence." Olivia stated.

"I understand more than you know," Raphael stated. is eyes looking back at her.

"It's hard not to take things personally, it's hard to go to trial for a case you don't believe in, or believe in so much that when you lose it's as a piece of your soul was taken. You question every little thing, and I know you do too getting the cases together. You have to have a special something to get through it, and I am surprised I stayed as ADA for so long, you see where it got me." Raphael stated.

Olivia didn't want to go down that rabbit hole tonight, now was not the time to be thinking of what could have been. So she smiled and said

"Yeah, it got you here with me," Olivia stated.

Raphael smiled, knowing the Olivia was telling the truth.

He leaned in to kiss her, and his headache that had been there moments before dulled into nothingness as the kiss continued and she took the lead her tongue licking his bottom lip to ask for access to the rest of his mouth which he instantly granted. It was like he couldn't get enough of her, and his stomach fluttered in excitement as her hands trailed along his chest and down his stomach. Olivia felt his muscles pulsate and lazily drew shapes with her fingers causing the tingling feeling all over his body. She couldn't help but smile as his body reacted to her touch. Raphael wasn't protesting. She kept dipping her hands lower and lower until she started to feel the curly hair and his hip bucked up involuntary.

Olivia smiled and Raphael held his breath as she pulled on his pants, asking for entrance. He looked down the hallway to Noah's door, scared to death the little boy would catch them.

"Perhaps in the bedroom?" Raphael said breathlessly, as he kept his eye on the door.

Olivia looked at the same way he understood the desire to move.

"Of course." Olivia stated.

Olivia stood up, pulling Raphael to her bedroom and closed and for good measure, locked the bedroom door. Olivia pushed Raphael against the door and put both hands up his shirt, thumbing over his nipples and gasping in pleasure as they hardened and moaned in her mouth. She pulled up on his shirt, Raphael took the hint and discarded it. Olivia was looking and roaming his chest and his back. Raphael's body was humming in delight but couldn't help but feel the barrier of clothing that Olivia had. He had his hands all over her underneath her shirt, but there was no skin to skin contact he had been craving. She allowed him to remove the shirt. He revealed a navy colored bra that had a V shape plunging down, and he couldn't be but wonder what was behind the pads of it.

Olivia pushed her body against his; he felt more skin than he ever had his erection already hard and wanting to curse himself that he was that easily turned on by her and knew if sex was on the table tonight, he wouldn't last long. He felt Olivia's hands slide under his boxers, and down to his butt, grabbing it pushing his hips closer to hers.

"Liv" He moaned out.

"Yeah?"

"Are we doing this?" Raphael asked.

Olivia stopped for a second to process the question.

"If that's okay with you," Olivia stated.

"Very okay with me." Raphael stuttered as hand unbuttoned his pants, and they fell to the ground.

Raphael once again felt Olivia was overdressed, and unbuttoned her pants, that she slid down her legs. He took a look at her taking her in all at once, and she was simply breathtaking. Her curves. Her hair falling perfectly in place. Her swollen lips from all the kissing and teasing.

They both stood awkwardly for a minute taking each other in. They both knew they should be doing something anything, but they both were searing images into their mind of his moment, and neither cared too much about how they looked toward each other.

Raphael finally closed the gap standing flush beside her walking her back towards the bed. He didn't push her back to fall, so he waited for her, and she turned around Raphael's legs hitting the back of the bed he sat down and she instantly sat in his lap touching and feeling all over her hands roaming occasionally tracing the outline of his hardness making it swell even more. Raphael had dipped his fingers into her bra and she pulled down the straps allowing him to unhook the back causing her breast to spill out the bra Raphael lightly pinched at her nipples, making her grind her hips into him, and he fell back onto the bed ready for whatever she was willing to offer him.

Olivia felt on fire but wasn't in the most comfortable position; she got up, shoved Raphael towards the top middle of her bed and climbed over the top of him. She could feel herself anticipating touch, and his fingers scraped the edge of her underwear she couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed his hand and stuck it into her folds, Raphael instantly felt her wetness and bucked up at the anticipation of what was to come. Olivia would have laughed but couldn't because as soon as his fingers began to move, she moaned loudly in pleasure, forgetting for a second her surroundings. Raphael shushed her, and she remembered the little boy of hers was right next door.

"Please Raphael." Olivia stated.

Raphael wasn't sure exactly what she was asking for but continued to move his fingers around and told one and entered her. She clamped down hard on the finger and he inserted another and began to rub her until he felt the fresh wetness come and she pulled away.

"Your turn." Olivia said. She pulled his boxers off and studied his length. She put her hand around him and thrust a few times, and Raphael let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"You ready?" she asked

All Raphael could do was nod his head.

She smiled, lined him up, and sank onto him.

He needed her to move and stay still all at once. He was sure he had died the moment he entered her the feeling different than all the other times he could remember but he wasn't sure if its because it's been so long or because he actually loved her or if she was just good none that mattered though because with each thrust they were meeting together and Raphael was grabbing at her pushing up meeting her, needing more but he didn't know what. His lip touched hers, he grabbed at her breasts and felt her tighten around him and that was total undoing. He groaned out in pleasure as he felt Olivia pulsate around him, she herself seeming to be on the brink and allowed her to ride him a few more thrust reaching her second climax, before laying on top of him.

He was still inside her the feeling surreal. She was laying on top of him but was moving to get up, and he felt the warm liquid fall down him.

"Shit we didn't use anything," Raphael stated and sat up quickly.

"Raphael, it's okay, I'm clean, and I can't get pregnant. No offense you haven't seen anyone in a while we're good." Olivia said, pulling him back down.

"We're good." Raphael stated as he laid back, Olivia by his side until the drifted asleep.