...and advice

(Prequel S.6 E.8)

-o0O0o-

Trust does not come from miracle, but miracles from trust. Or so they say.

-o0O0o-

„I can't… Please, Doctor. Please. Ok, phone me back when you've something. Please Doctor. At least do that. As soon as you do. All right. Bye."
Amy Pond. Believing, wonderful Amelia Pond. Her pleading voice so difffernt from the accusations she had thrown at him back in Demons Run once Rory had told all of them about his short visit to Dandelecan IV. About Tellas warning, that everything wold go to hell. Thankfully River had turned up to prevent any more escalation, but simultaneously made everything so much worse. His knuckles turned white from clutching the console. He stopped counting the messages he forced her to leave on his answering machine because he couldn't, he couldn't speak to her.
It was his fault.
All this was his fault and now he wasn't even able to make things right.

He had hunted them, this Madame Kovarian and her Silence. He had followed them through Centuries and the Universe but always missing them, forced into a wild chase by the calls of a desperate Mother, the fear of disappointing the ones he cared for and the promise that was his Name.
But he failed. Again, and again he failed.
Melody.
River….
He groaned and knocked with his fist against his skull to get those old braincells work faster. "Somebody. There has to be somebody who at least has to have some sort of lead!"

The TARDIS made some annoyed noise and coordinates appeared on the screen. He Immediately pushed it away. "No. We've already been through that!"
In fact, those coordinates had been that old machines first suggestion but the Doctor rather faced Amy and Rory's disappointment, than having to speak with that person.
He just wasn't able to deal with Tella right now.

He had survived centuries, Ages without another Timelord. He would not crawl in shame to her. That would be exactly the thing he had to do if he was going to go to her. Because she was right. Again, she had to turn out right. And she was the person to merciless rub salt into the wound, so the scars left would always remind one of that painful lesson. That's what all teaches of Gallifrey did and she yet had to prove to be different. And he was not able to deal with that now, she certainly would be even nastier because of the way they parted the last time they had spoken to each other.
Oh no, the Storyteller was no option.

Even if she was a seer, reading all those timelines and perhaps knowing something about the Silence. Even if, River… Melody had allowed her to look at her personal timeline on a point shortly before her death, so she knew exactly where he could find Melody. She would never tell him anyway, the law of time prohibited it. Jup, Tella was exactly the person with probably every single Information available he so desperately needed. But she was also… well Tella.

The stiff and orderly old Time Lady who stuck a bit in the past with a liking of music, books and Amy and Rory. Who had in her own dignified way begged Rory for forgiveness that she couldn't intervene when they came to ask her for help. Rightfully couldn't intervene, he remembered bitterly. But not now. Now, there was nothing holding her back but her stubbornness. And him being too proud to admit him being wrong. Gah!
"There is no other way, is it," he asked halfhearted and the TARDIS didn't comment on it, already knowing he would go. He sighted and pulled the lever. The landing drum sounded after a way to short time for his liking and he stalled some more time by slowly sauntering down to the doors. Annoyed by his attempts to avoid the meeting as long as possible, the TARDIS threw both wings of her door wide open.
"All right, all right. On my way, on my way!"

He instantly regretted parking this far away from the cottage, when he made the first steps into a downright flood of rain. But the TARDIS had already locked the Door. There was no other possibility than walk the half kilometer. Great. This Day had gone even worse. The rain-season here was legendary. Grumbling he shielded his eyes from the rain, locating the soft glow of a window in the direction the house had to be. He mumbled a silent "Geronimo" and stared to jog though the rain.

-o0O0o-

Tellas' home was different than he'd expected. And he'd furnished that house after all. He needed five hours to create the dimensional pocked which had made it bigger on the inside alone. He'd created her a room as big as the hallways back in the citadel, three walls covered in shelves for the books she might own, with four galleries connecting them. He had created a cozy lounge in the style Romana have had it at her home the last time he had visited her, a small kitchen and a bedroom. And the best of all was the fourth wall which had opened itself into a terrace on a wide, endless landscape of red grass. Grown out of the last few seeds he owned

Instead, when she had ushered him inside, scolding him for running through the rain like that, this little cottage was exactly what it seemed from the outside. Cramped and small. Barley room for the hearth with the comfy armchair, the cupboards and table, the two shelves on the wall or the plant on the window still, the wardrobe tunk and a harp. A ladder leaded up to the attic and somehow, he knew up there was her bed. Yes, she had a bed, he knew her preference for sleeping in one. For how short that may be.

He grabbed a towel hanging on the back of the door and started to dry his hair before going on to rub his jacket and his trousers, too. Tella's glare convinced him to leave the shoes be and instead placing the towel before the fire to dry. He then poured himself a cup from the pot resting on the table and sat down next to the already waiting Time Lady. She knew something was off. He never visited somebody. And the last time… They could as well get over with this. The Doctor cleared his throat.

"When... When have we seen each other the last time?"
"Yesterday, why?"
"Demons Run."
"That would be three weeks ago."

The silence between them stretched itself into minutes. But it didn't matter. Not here. They had the Time. All the time. He straightened his bowtie. Surprisingly enough, it was her who broke the silence first.
"What happened."
What a dump question. "You know exactly what happened."
"I do not. I know it has everything to do with River Song, but I do not know any specifics of what exactly lead to this disaster."
He glared at her but refused to speak. And she... simply waited.

There was none of the judgment he expected in her eyes, none of her know-it-all attitude, any smugness or superiority. It was… comforting.

"It was a trap," he finally started. "I was so sure everything would work. Everything did work. But they were prepared, and I was so... So many were lost. Again. Because of me, because I just can't do things right. I'm... you... were right. With everything. I'm a terrible Person. You said, I won't be able to do things for Amy and Rory like they do for me and you were right. Their Child was stolen because of... of me."

He jumped up and started pacing in the small place between the table and the fireplace, unable to hold back the Words, now that he finally, finally admitted everything to himself. Because that was the most disgusting thing. He should have seen it coming. He did see it coming and ignored it. Because he was the Doctor. The man who fixed things.

"I… didn't notice. I didn't know I… They did it because of me. I enjoyed it, just saying my name and everybody knew who I am. What I am capable of. Rassilon, I boasted with what atrocities I'm capable of. I never realized they had this picture of me in their mind. All these years I travelled though the universe and... I..."

"Oh, get yourself together!"
He flinched and turned. "Excuse me!"
"What is this with you and your mood swings. You are either completely happy nearing insanity or a single pit of the darkest angst. Can you not for once find a middle instead swinging from one extreme into the other like a light switch."
"And how boring would that be? No, no that's not me. Not my style. Boring is for others, not me. Not the Doctor."
"Then who is the Doctor?"
He grinned. "That's the question, isn't it? Who is the Doctor."
"Indeed, it is."
He narrowed his eyes, but she didn't continue. Only stared into the fire and sipped her tea.
Frustrated he flopped down on the bench, emptied his cup in one gulp and poured himself another. "No."

Surprised, he looked up but Tella still stared into the fire.
"It was us. Every single Gallifreyan who fought in that damn war. Whenever somebody tells of us they do not remember the scientologic and resulting technological advantage, the enormous knowledge, or the rituals and culture. They remember the fearsome warriors who slaughtered stars. And your attitude simply confirmed those rumors. Yes, you have created a legend on your own and there are only few knowing what you are. But those who knew and feared you instantly connected those fake truths, concluding that there is only one way stopping you. By using a creature as terrible and powerful as you."

"And for a second I thought you don't think of me as a mass murderer."
"You are. But so am I. That is why I asked the council to change my name. You never thought about consequences, have you."
He sighted. "We've had this a thousand times."
"Twenty-one, "corrected Tella. "And we will hold this conversation a twenty second time. Because it terrifies me, that something like this is able to happen and you still do not even try to get a hold onto this."

He flinched. "Don't. Don't you dare! I didn't know!"
"No. You did not care. You never cared. Octavian was right. You are never the person to notify the next of kin. You are never there for the Aftermath, never checking if the beings you tried to stop are stopped. Not only for a time being but forever. You never control if everything goes its way as it's supposed to be. That's what happened here. What will happen."
"That's not…." the protest died on his lips when he remembered the times he accidently returned to a place. It did not happen very often, but…
She was right. He might help the people, but on the long terms he rarely did. For most species time was a string or a, err, well it was a string. For a Time Lord it was a pond they could carefully dip in. And he had caused way too many ripples.

He buried his head in his hands. "I've been to loud. All those years I was sauntering around, trampling through the universe, like... like me. All I wanted was just… getting away. Seeing the stars. Not…This."
"I know. I read your dissertation."
His brows furrowed confused and she added: „The original one."
His jaw refused to close. "It… It was never accepted!"
She refilled her cup. "Borussa. He came to me with the draft and asked me if there was something wrong with him, to fail this spectacularly as a tutor."
"I... thought you were just a teacher at the chapters'."
"Headmaster," she corrected. "It was not my position that caused our acquittance. He was considered as a match, for a brief time, but we declined in consent. I was a seer, and he was…well him."

He hummed, and let the following silence stretch itself between them. He hadn't even known that he missed this, this timelessness of a conversation, flowing like a small river, searching its way through twists and turns but still with a goal. People always said he was easily distracted, and it was true. Because Timelords were able to talk for days. They could change the topic in mid-conversation and still fond back to the original conversation after hours. Something, all those other species didn't have the time for with their oh so short lives. Oh, it was boring most of the time, but just like humans there were good and bad conversalists and sadly the most Timelords belonged to the later. The outcasts were fun to talk to. And, surprisingly, Tella, too.
But then, they never really had talked to each other until now, only fought.

"Have you acquired an answer?"
He laughed bitter and shook his head. "For a time, I… came to think it was me. But now I see, that was a long time ago. I…" He stopped and growled. No. No she had no right to know this. It wasn't true anyway. What was he even thinking about? He didn't new anymore. He refused to know.

"Doctor," Tella scolded softly.
"Oh shut up!"
She observed him silently. He felt the minutes tickling by, in which he defiantly glared at her.
Then, out of nowhere, she apologized.
He hated how she constantly confused him. It was one of the treats he valued about her: despite being a traditionalist, she was unpredictable. Exiting. Challenging.
"Why?"

"This terribly childish behavior, those mood swings and your denial of literally everything. Your chosen Carelessness and ignorance. Your boasting and false bravism. I finally understand why it is this disgusting."

This woman was just….

"It reflects how you see yourself."

He froze. No. No, no no no.

"You are just as broken as I am, and I refused to notice. You, too, lost the meaning promise, did you?"

"I know exactly who I am, Storyteller! I do not hide who I am behind a new name. I don't need one. I fix things, and I will always fix things, That's why I'm here. People just manipulated me and stole a child to brainwash it into killing me out of fear and hate." His voice was hoarse. Why was his voice this hoarse?

"And she will turn in one of the most remarkable women I ever had the pleasure to meet. I believe you. But please keep in mind that Demons run is a fix point. Not only because of Melody Ponds' destiny and its deep interference in your life. It is also a fixpoint for you. The only wakeup call you will receive, before more terrible things will happen."
"You call this..." he forced his voice down, because there was something special in the way she said this. "You know something."
She shook her head in a precise movement from left to the right. "No. Fragments, pieces of a puzzle of which I am not even sure, if they truly belong together. It is wrong to even think of basing assumptions on this."

"Oh no. You have seen River's life. Her nearly complete Life. You know stuff. You know exactly what's going on here!"
"I do not."
"Yeah, you do. There's a reason you barely leave this planet. Holing yourself up, blending in. You're hiding. From them. You know exactly what they are. And you're telling me now!"
"No. Because, if I am only right about the tiniest bit of what is going to happen, Doctor, I refuse to manifest this timeline by telling you anything of it."
He needed time to progress this "They... they're from... the future?"
"Spoilers," she whispered and he flinched at the reminder of River. She too stared a second into emptiness before abruptly putting her cup on the table.

"How is that even possible. She is a Time Lady, she regenerated. Thr..." She snapped her mouth shut, but the Doctor didn't care.
"She actually regenerated!"
Tella nodded. "But she has human parents."
"Yes! Absolutely, totally, utterly human! It's... Vastra has the theory that...that.. well, you now... it happened in the TARDIS. In Flight..."
"Oh, there is definitely a huge possibility for that. In fact, I know a lot of occasions," Tella agreed nonchalantly.
They blinked at each other, and Tella hastily continued. "...But the simple exposure of genetic material to the time vortex does not create a gallifreyan DNA."
"Oh, she doesn't have one. I've seen it, it's more like a Human plus Time Lord."
"It still does not make any sense. Except... they engineered her? Using Amelia's womb as a loom. But that is not possible."

Oh! He jumped up and smacked his head. "It is. They've had her for nearly the full pregnancy! Stupid, stupid Doctor!"
"I beg your pardon?"
He ignored her and started pacing.
"Of course! I don't know when they got her exactly, but it makes so much sense now. It wasn't just a disguise. They outsourced her complete consciousness! What works better for that than a Flesh Avatar. And then, they're able to do whatever was necessary with the body! Good graces, Amy! What have they done to you!"

"Not only what, but how. Even in their time period, they should not process this kind of technology. The colony is wasted, and the Leviathan destroyed. Adding to it, I personaly tracked down every single rumour of gallifreyan artifacts, to avoid something like this. I have no Idea where they got this knowledge from. And this very concerning."
"Wait. You… all this worthless stuff…You collected it to protect the universe from people misusing it?"
"For what else reason one should archive the legacy of a lost high-technologic civilization? Sentimental values? Doctor, please."
What? But… Unsure he pointed at the harp in the corner without taking his eyes of her. "The Harp...?"
"A simple sonic disruptor in the base, causing the etherical sound. Every human with the knowledge to construct a microchip can understand it in time. Shorter than a human lifetime nonetheless. And there are species out there way more intelligent than a human, dearie. The fact that this is coincidentally a heritage of my house was a satisfying and yes, pleasurable bonus, I admit. But a mere Bonus nonetheless."
"Oh." He Didn't quite believe her with the harp. She had been too happy to find it. And she had called herself a sentimental old woman back then, too. But then perhaps she was getting sentimental because of the fact that this had been exactly that harp which had survived.
Nevermind the motivation, it still was reasonable and exactly the thing a dutiful Time Lord like Tella would do. Again, he had been wrong about her. He still simply assumed things about her, and he needed to stop that.
She raised one eyebrow. "I honestly, do not wish to know the picture you have painted of me in your mind, Doctor. It probably will be as inaccurate as mine of you, anyway. So never mind."
For the first time he allowed himself to think that perhaps it wasn't that true.

He took a deep breath and placed both hands on the table, staring into Tellas eyes. "I need to fix this. And I need your help in doing so. I know you hate me, but please…."
"I do not hate you. I never did."

"…. What?" Dumbfounded he took a step back. She smiled this little, bitter but real smile while she watched her gloved fingers tracing the rim of her cup.
"I got to know hate. Real, true, pure, senseless hate. And I decided I don't want to be like that. Never. It does not mean, I forgave you, or them for what you all have done. Not yet, anyway. But perhaps in time, I will. I would be a hypocrite with all what I have done myself, I f I would not one day. But I cannot. Not yet."

The Doctor gulped, speechless for once, then smiled. "And you say you are not a vengeful person, eh? I'm not sure what to call this desire to let a person feel itself the pain it caused you."
"A lesson in modesty," Tella answered promptly, but with a twinkle in her eyes which caused the Doctor to roll his eyes. She rose and pulled a key-ring out of nowhere and selected one out of the at least twenty ones. "Follow me."

-o0O0o-

It felt like stepping into one of those old churches, when you went in through one of those side entrances where the arcades were low, but you simply knew the room itself was way bigger.
"Oh. I already wondered where this went. How did you move the entrance from the cottage door into the wardrobe tunk … whoa!"

It was bigger than he created it. Which said a lot.
The ground still was made of polished marble and the whole room measured at least 400m in length and 100 in width. In the middle was a typical Gallifeyan Conversation Circle, strangely lost in the vastness of the room and the holographic projection of a map of the Virgo Cluster hoovering over it. Which still only reached the fourth surrounding gallery level out of twelve. At the end of the room were still the big arcades, opening themselves to the plains of red grass, their white curtains swinging in a slight breeze. But they suddenly seemed so little, because they too, only reached the fourth level. Every surrounding gallery was connected through a spiral staircase and there was at least one door on every level leading into other parts of this cathedral of knowledge.

It was the most beautiful, breath taking thing he had seen in this regeneration yet.
Spluttering he took in the shelves and shelves of books, lining every single piece of wall that wasn't a column or a door.
And slowly processing the fact that this was Tellas doing.
Hers alone.
He gave her the dimensional pocket, yes but not a single book, only empty shelves.

"How!"
His voice sounded clear without any echo in the hall.
"You have provided me with a whole workshop."
That he did. Which explained how she was able to move the entrance of the dimensional pocket and extend it like this. Then he realised she was standing at the railing on the third floor, waiting for him to catch up. She already had a black little notebook in her hand flipping through it and searching for something. He threw his arms in the air and twirled around.
"This is amazing! Spectacularly, brilliantly, mind blowing amazing! Tella…. Lady Storyteller, this is wonderful!"
She giggled. It wasn't a pleasant soft noise like the chuckle she allowed herself sometimes, it was high pitched and squeaky, and he loved it because there was no false modesty or control about it.
He started to climb the staircase. "How many are this! I haven't seen this much since the library!"
"Enough for a Timelord to need at least about 27 Months to read through all of them."
Even if he couldn't see her, he knew her eyes shone with pride. Which she totally deserved. To pull of something like this. Without an own Time Traveling device!
"You stopped counting!?"
She giggled even more.

His gaze sled over the books and he nearly stumbled over his own feet. Trishan. Raxakoplphorius. Glum. The Cascades of Caradonia and the Mavdera Conglomerate.
The lost worlds. He stepped closer, checked the other bookshelves on that level.
Meryleen. Burbada. The tale of Flickero and the three-legged Poolah. Kalponia, the old and peaceful civilisation which had turned itself into the Kapoaka. Kozmontis.
They were here.
Every single Civilisation that was lost, died, or was erased in the time war. This library held their tales and stories.
He jumped up the second staircase, taking three steps as one and stopping in front of the Storyteller. Because that was who she is.

"Stories are, where memories go when they're forgotten. Again, I must apologise, Milady. I always thought you sit around and waste your life by not following me into adventures. I never thought you find your own life, try o fulfil your promise in your way. This… this is…."
"Merely a beginning," interrupted the Storyteller, "there are still no readers in these halls who wish to be taught. But without you, there would not be anything of it."
"So you helping me, showing me all this, is simply returning a depth." He should have known. But that was how Time Lords worked.
"Pydorians and their paranoia. Once upon a time, most certainly yes. But as you said once, the last of us must stick together, do they not? Especially when helping a common friend."

She turned into a doorway which lead in a completely dark room. At least until they both stepped into it. A holographic map flickered to life, spreading itself during a room, twice as big as the TARDIS control room. And once again the Doctor took a sharp breath.
"Is that what I think it is?"
"If you think of a four-dimensional holographic map of the universe, then yes."
All right, now that was way too spooky. The book about lost civilisations? With enough money, time and stubbornness (which she had enough of), one could dig them up in the darkest corners of the universe. But this? Nope.

"All right. Where did you got this from! The Matrix doesn't exist anymore!"
"The TARDIS-Database does," she answered nonchalantly and adjusted the time frame of the map to fit the current time period. No, Amy's current time period. "Although I admit, I still have to add data in the finer scales down to 1:300 000 000 and less. The most planetary maps are not useful yet. Sol III luckily is. I wonder why?"
He groaned. "You think I need to go back to Amy. Wait. You stole data from my TARDIS?"
"Copied. Melody Pond was raised in her optimal biological environment, Sol III. Which is why you must return there nevertheless."
She zoomed down into a street of London, at least not exactly the neighbourhood of those two and seemed to look something up into the small notebook again.

He scratched his head. "Ok, Tella, Storyteller, listen. I need to find River, as early as possible. At the most ideal point to get her out of that Brainwashing. It mustn't be something random, but the perfect time. So I can bring Amy her child back. Do you understand?"
She nodded and wordlessly stretched her hand out. At first, he didn't understand but then he gulped and pulled out the notebook and an old pencil. Tella opened it and flipped to the last entry before she placed a circle of coordinates in neat circular numbers in the left corner. "You need a second one of this."
He nodded and couldn't withhold his hopeful grin. "Thank you!"
"It is merely a lead to a lead. It is all I can do without disrupting the paradox. But it will suffice. You will find River Song in the earliest hours of her life."
For the first time in ages he bowed in the manner of the Time Lords, in the way which symbolised thankfulness for a favour done between friends. And Tella did the same.

He laughed and then he ran.
Down the stairways, through the door of the wardrobe tunk and out of the cottage, through the rain into the TARDIS. He didn't even wasted time with punching the coordinates in but simply uploaded them through the telepathic circuits. He allowed himself a happy twirl before he pulled the lever, there was always time for that. And then after what seemed endless time but couldn't be more than one or two minutes, the landing drum sounded. He nearly fell down the stairs to the door, but still took the time to straighten his clothes and of course his bowtie -because he was cool- and stepped outside. In a boring everyday park with everyday people doing everyday boring people things.
This Woman! He should have at least checked the coordinates. How should he find River here!

Frustrated he whirled around, his good mood instantly gone. Tella had been different today, completely different than he had expected. It had been amazing. But apparently it had blinded him to the fact that she still…. He stopped and stared at the Newspaper sold by the store at the other side of the pathway.
"Really?"


AN: Hello everybody.
This was originally planed as part of the chapter before, but it didn't quite fit anymore. I feel like this would steal the show from the argument going on there, so it got its own place.
The Doctor discovering Tellas Library and getting over his shadow to ask her for help is another key moment of their story and I'm very happy how this turned out. Demons Run was a turning point in the show and it also is one in this story. From now on the Doctor will change and listen to Tella, too, because here he realizes that he needs to change, too.
I want to point two passages in the text out, the first is Tella asking if the Doctor still knew who he is.
In the Time of the Doctor he doesn't know this anymore and has to be reminded by Clara, but I personally believe he forgets it around the Time he loses Rory and Amy and starts Sulking on his cloud. So here, he still knows who he is, he just lost his way and gets a change to come back. The first of many, if I may add.
The second one is where Tella reveals that she refuses to hate the Doctor. .
I want to inform you that (except the part with being a hypocrite) those words were the answer of Jewish Lady on the question if she hated the Nazis for what they had done to her. She survived imprisonment at Dachau for four years and visits it every year with the ninth grade of my school, pointing out the place she slept and the place her brother was shot because he was to near by the fence. Those words haunt me every time I write this story, because I am one of the few lucky children of true peace, and yet, I write a story of war. Even if I can't imagine what is like. I just want to remind you of that and dedicate this Chapter to this Idea and Anne Kölpling herself.

I won't make any promises when the next chapter comes out because this Semester I'm taking my BA. Also, my Beta disappeared somehow, so please forgive the typos and the grammar mistakes until she's back or I get a new one.

By the way, thank you guest for reviewing even if it was that late. I'm happy you liked the more alien touch of Tella and the madness which occurs because of it. I feel like I'm not good at writing humour, so it really gave me a boost of confidence that you loved it.

I love to hear what you all think of this one, so take the time and drop a review, they always let me dance through the room. As do new favs, like the one of shoutingout2you and follows like the one of Flip Flops n Crop Tops, thank you for that.
And also thanks to all the others for staying with me in the chaos of revamping this fic.

Greetings

Alkatie

25022018