Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bath as she distantly watched the taps running. When it was half full, she turned them off and sat for a few minutes, listening to the rain outside. She closed her eyes, hearing the patter against the windows.
Now that she was alone, she felt the gravity of what she had almost done. She was still here. Still alive. What was she going to do now? Yes, she had agreed to go out and eat something. Then what? Magnus would go home and she would be left alone again. To continue with the hollow pain.
Her chest hurt, so she pressed her fingers against it, trying to release the ache. Not that it ever helped.
In the bath, she put her hands over her eyes, and tried to sob as quietly as she could.
Meanwhile downstairs, Magnus opened a window, letting some air into the stuffy house. He picked up the potion recipe and dropped it into an empty box on the floor, along with some bottles of dangerous ingredients.
He called another client he was meant to see that day to cancel, and lunch with Alec would have to become dinner instead.
"Is something wrong?" Alec asked on the phone.
"I'm fine, Alexander," Magnus assured him, "I'll tell you about it later."
Eventually, Elizabeth came back downstairs. She was dressed in simple trousers and a beige jumper. Her hair was wet, her lop ears ruffled and she looked tired and miserable.
Slowly she picked up a red scarf from the banister and looked at him with red eyes. "I know I look terrible," she said.
Magnus gave her a pitiful smile. "You do look like you've seen better days."
Elizabeth sighed.
"You'll see those days again."
She tilted her head in disbelief.
"You know, just as well as I, that everything is only temporary. Even pain."
She didn't reply, and he picked up his umbrella by the door.
"Before we go," Magnus said, "there's a box of... unsavoury items I've gathered. Lists, ingredients." he was about to offer to temporarily home them.
"Take them," Elizabeth spoke. "Please."
Magnus clapped his hands together and then snapped his fingers and a blue wisp rose where the box vanished. "It's done."
"Thank you," she swallowed, looking down as she pulled on her coat.
"Chin up, Elizabeth," he touched her arm, sensing her becoming emotional. "Time for those pancakes."
The portal opened up down an empty street near to where Elizabeth described. She looked around and breathed in the stink of pollution. It was different from New York, and she didn't think she'd ever smell it again.
Magnus stepped out of the portal as it closed behind him. "The mundanes have been busy for the last few decades," he commented, glancing up at the skyscrapers.
"They've done a lot below ground, too," said Elizabeth.
They began to walk down the pavement, Elizabeth knowing where to go. They talked about London and when each of them were there last and how it had changed over time.
When they reached the place, Elizabeth's lips twitched upwards. "It's still here."
Inside, they took a table by the window. Soon enough, two plates of pancakes dripping in syrup and surrounded by strawberries and blueberries were placed in front of them, along with a pot of tea. Elizabeth had about two thirds before she sat back in her purple seat, wiping her fingers on a serviette.
Despite having had breakfast earlier, Magnus still ate all of his. She was right – they were good.
Once they were done, the waitress came over with the bill and Elizabeth insisted on paying. Although Magnus still left a twenty-pound note under the silver plate.
Later when they were walking by The Thames, she stopped, staring at the green water below.
"Thank you for bringing me here." she said.
"Of course, anytime." Magnus replied. "I couldn't pass up a trip to London."
"I have to tell you, I-," she trailed off, looking very pale. "Can we sit down?" she breathed.
He led her to a bench nearby, sitting beside her. Luckily there weren't many people down that way as they'd walked down a quieter path.
She was hunched forward, her eyes shut tight as she pressed her fingers against her chest, trying to breathe. "Shit," she whispered. "Shit. Shit."
"It's alright, Elizabeth," Magnus put a hand on her back. "It's just a panic attack. Try to breathe slower."
She dropped her hands to her lap, clenching and unclenching her hands that were full of pins and needles. "I- can't." She was shaking and her heart was beating very fast. "Can you - count for me? To five."
He did what she asked, rubbing her back and hoping it would bring some comfort to her.
Gradually she managed to slow down her breathing so that each count of five was one breath in, one breath out.
"Thank you," she whispered, taking a deep steadying breath and wiping some stray tears away. "I'm sorry."
He waved his hand dismissing her apology. "No need for that. No apologies for things outside your control. Now what was it you were going to tell me? Something terrible, I gather from your reaction."
Elizabeth let out a bitter laugh. "I'm a bit," she paused, "terrified to go home. To be alone. I thought it would be over. But now there's," her eyes stared at her hands, "eternity."
Magnus knew that feeling all too well. The rest of time lay ahead for him to do anything. However sometimes with the possibility of everything, occasionally led to the question of why do anything at all. He didn't think like that anymore, or at least caught himself whenever he did.
"I said I'd help you, Elizabeth. And I will," Magnus promised. "We'll make a plan together, hmm?"
She nodded and sniffed. "Ok."
"We can meet every Monday." Magnus couldn't remember if he had other appointments on the next Mondays coming up, but he would deal with that later. He was sure it was nothing he couldn't work around. "Do you have a phone?"
"I- yes." she put her hand in her pocket and took out her phone.
Magnus held his hand out and she unlocked it before handing it over. He opened her contacts. "I'm giving you my number. If you're having a crisis, even a fashion crisis, you must talk to someone. Understand? No matter what time it is."
Elizabeth nodded, taking her phone back.
"There must be someone else in your life?" he questioned. "Someone you can talk to."
She looked away. "Not really, no. As depressing as that sounds."
Magnus hesitated. "What about Lorenzo?" Sure, he had a huge grudge against Magnus, but there was no reason as to why he wouldn't help Elizabeth. It was his job after all, as High Warlock of Brooklyn now. It was his duty to look after all the Warlocks in the area.
Elizabeth ran her finger and thumb across the edges of her phone. "I guess I could try and speak with him," she said with uncertainty, in a way Magnus wasn't entirely sure she would. Well, it was her choice after all.
The two of them spent over an hour on the bench, discussing Elizabeth's new plan. She had taken a small notebook from her pocket that she always carried around and a pen so she could make some less destructive lists. She wrote down what she enjoyed doing, things she needed to do, and a schedule for the next few days. There was another list too, of what she could do if she had dark thoughts or wanted to hurt herself.
When she put her notebook and pen back in her pocket, Elizabeth was so tired and drained she wanted to ask Magnus to portal them back to her house, but refrained from doing so.
However, Magnus could see her dull green eyes, the dark circles beneath them. Considering the amount she had been through, it wasn't difficult to tell she was exhausted.
"Are you ready to go home?" he asked her.
"Yes," she replied in a quiet voice.
Magnus opened the portal and let her step through first before he entered.
They came back into Elizabeth's living room, and even though they'd been sitting down for the last hour or so, Elizabeth still took off her coat and scarf and immediately sat down on the white sofa.
"One more thing," Magnus said, "There is still the matter of your wards."
"Oh," replied Elizabeth slowly. She had forgotten about them. "I can't. If I pay you to-,"
He held up a hand. "We already discussed this. You have paid me. And I will see to them on my way out. They won't be attuned to you, but you'll be protected."
She frowned. "Magnus, I don't know how to thank you. This is too much."
He sat down next to her, taking one of her hands in both of his. "Just promise me you'll look after yourself, Elizabeth. That this won't be all for nothing."
Tears welled up in her eyes. "I promise," she whispered.
Magnus smiled. "Get some beauty sleep."
He stood up to go, when she grabbed onto his hand. "Wait. Did you take my sleeping potions?"
He nodded. "They were in that box."
"I need them. To sleep."
"Elizabeth," Magnus sighed.
She let go and turned away.
"This soon after that potent draught you created; it would do more harm than good. Can you brave it, at least until Monday?"
Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. "You're right, of course." She kicked off her shoes and reached for the blanket on the back of the sofa.
"I'll see myself out and fix up your wards. See you soon."
"Goodbye," Elizabeth said as she swung her legs up onto the sofa, pulling the blanket around her.
Magnus closed the front door behind him and relocked it from the outside. With a few waves of his hands an orange sheet of energy glowed across the wood. He did the same at the front gate.
Satisfied with the wards, he opened up the umbrella as it was still raining and took a step back.
He eyed the front window with concern as he knew it was going to be a while until Elizabeth's suffering would lessen. At least she had promised him she would try to struggle through it for now.
He started walking down the street and called Alec, hoping he could get off Shadowhunter business early. Magnus could really use a drink.
Phew, this chapter was a bit more challenging to write. Let me know if you liked :)
