The Month Peter Parker Learned Humility

Chapter 11: Tuesday September 11th

"Thank you all for your silence in remembrance of the many lives we lost all those years ago at the World Trade Center", stated Mr Larsen, Peter and MJ's first period Calculus teacher. "Now, Mr Parker, could you remind the class what pages were assigned for homework?" "I don't feel like it", Peter replied in a snarky manner. The class let out a collective giggle. "J-just kidding, it was page 35." "Naw, it was page 33!", shouts a random kid from across the classroom. "It was page 35, I'm 100% sure of it", Peter replies. "No, it's page 33, smart-ass!" "It's page 35, damnit!" "Mr Parker, young man in the back, it is page 35! And there will be NO harsh or coarse language in my classroom for any reason whatsoever." "But I didn't even say anything that bad!" "Mr Parker, sass me again and I will send you directly to detention, regardless of its fairness!" "Bitch", Peter mutters under his breath.

Shortly before class is dismissed, Mr Larsen hands Peter a pink slip of paper. "I made sure you serve your detention in lunch, Mr Parker. You're not walking out on me and my feelings like my ex-husband. You're not too smart for MY detention", he told Peter. "But that's not apart of the school rules, or any school rules, Mr Larsen. According to the Midtown High Manual,—" "Listen up, Hermoine, you're gonna serve lunch detention with Mr Parker as well. Here's your slip. I'll see the both you during sixth period."

"Peter, you dick!", MJ yells at Peter during their first period locker walk. "I defended you in front of Mr Larsen, and you don't even try to not get me to join your silly ass in detention!" "Like I'm gonna give myself two detentions from one teacher. C'mon, think about it." "…Oh my God, you really did learn nothing from Gwen, did you?" "Don't talk about her, you don't know her like that!" "How can I if she's dead, Peter? How can I know a dead girl, smarty pants?"

"Hey, you guys doing ok here?", asks a genuinely concerned Flash. "MJ, do you need someone to walk you out of the hallway? I can get a hall monitor—" "Oh, fuck off Flash! You just want to walk MJ to your bedroom; don't you?" "Wait, what? What did I do wrong here?!" "Peter, you're deadass not jealous, are you?" "Why would I be? Who needs nerdy Peter when Mr Military Muscle Man here, with all his 'I'm reforming, I can change' talk and him buying you Gamma Burger in front of my face?!" "Hey, man, you never said no. …You never said yes, either, actually. So, uh, sorry about that." "Thank you for being the bigger man here, Flash. You're almost a big a man as Spider-Man." "What are ya trying to say, bitch? What are ya trying to say?"

"Dude, I know this isn't my place, but you really need to calm down, like right now." "Shut up. Shut the hell up, and just let me talk this out with her." "I've been trained to spot a dangerous situation and talk people out of their worse senses, Peter. Right now, you need a breather, just for today,and then tomorrow the two of you should be able to talk things out—" "Don't tell me how to talk to my girlfriend, you dumb jock! Can't even handle Trig 2 without needing a sophomore baby to teach it to you."

The now crowded hallway collectively gasps in shock. "I told you I needed a tutor in confidence, you asshole!" "Do you even have confidence, because I'm pretty sure trying to steal my girlfriend is the definition of cowardly." "First off, you're MY boyfriend! Second, he's being friendly. I've been hit on enough times to know when it's happening RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. And I thought more than anything we were equals, like how it was back at the Baxter Building internship." "Wait, you guys met at the Fantastic Four HQ?" "Long story, discount Chris Hemsworth." "Not as long as you'd think since we're done. All of it. The photoshoot dates, the 'swings' around the city, your stupid friends and their drama dripping onto me. We are done."

"MJ, wait a minute now, let's not do anything too rash here. You don't wanna make any regrettable decisions now, do you?" "I don't regret meeting Peter Parker again after so many years living upstate. I regret dating an obsessed nerd who can't handle his own insecurities." MJ then storms off to class, hiding her tears, and the crowd soon disperses as well.

"…MJ, please. Just, please…", murmurs a broken Peter, his pleas for love unheard over the ringing of a new period bell. "Look, I'm really sorry that I had you feeling some type of way about me back in 9th grade, and even yesterday, apparently. I really am, but get it together, bro. Here, my mom goes to her every Thursday night, to deal with her own stress. Maybe she can help you, too", Flash replies while handing Peter a business card for a Dr Tara Quinnzel, Head Psychologist at Empire State University from his wallet.

"…the fuck is this?" "Everyone has their own way of becoming their best self, just giving you a map that could get you there." Peter, who is almost at his mental breaking point, slowly crumples the business card with his left hand and sends Flash into the nearby lockers with a right uppercut towards the left cheek. "Jesus, Parker, you're a freak!", shouts a bloodied Thompson, spewing out bodily fluids that should never leave the body. "I ju- I just wanted to help you feel as great as I do, you huge asshole!" "Don't ever talk to my lady ever again, Flash. Ever", Peter demands in a stone cold voice, walking away from a bleeding young man.

"Peter. Benjamin. Parker. You got a three-day suspension for a SCHOOL FIGHT?", a furious Aunt May asks on the walk to the train home. "THAT YOU STARTED AND WON WITH ONE PUNCH?!" "…He was talk—" "YOU SENT A HAPPY YOUNG MAN TO THE HOSPITAL THAT WE HAVE TO PAY AND NOT THE FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC FOUR WON'T PAY BECAUSE YOU GOT JEALOUS OVER A GIRL THAT WON"T CHEAT ON YOU!" "H-he'll live." "I HAVE TO PAY A YOUNG MAN'S HOSPITAL BILL BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS GONNA TAKE MARY JANE FROM YOU WHEN SHE WASN'T GOING ANY GODDAMN WHERE!" "…Maybe I went too far." "Peter, my God, Peter. I don't have a voice anymore, and the pizza guy's giving me looks I haven't had since I went to the Jersey Shore that one time. Any who, I know you're so so so confused about this whole puberty thing, but this was very simple. Flash is a nice young man, who wanted to be nice to everyone. You SEVERELY OVERREACTED because of that damn thing inside you." "My hormones?" "No, no; that damn black monster goo thing."

"Oh my God, May! You and my new suit never got along, but he's—" "He?" "I'm calling him a him, that's what he likes to be called." "Since I can't yell at you, give me your phone right now." "Wait, what? Why?" "I'm calling your Avengers and Reed, give me your phone right now." "That's not fair, you hate him more than guns—" "Give. Me. The. Phone. Now. Final." He reluctantly gives May his phone, lessening barely the immense punishments waiting for him at home.

"So, the little Bug Baby came back with his mommy?", asks an extra snarky Ant-Man, holding a vial for the goo. "Just get the goo off my nephew", replies May. "Wow, your mommy and daddy can't even come to save you! What a little bitch you are, Spider-Chump." "His parents are dead, and call him that again, I'll straight up shrink you to oblivion." "No you won't, we gotta get the goo out first. Now bring the little shit over here, so he can go be grounded somewhere else." "Suspended, you tiny asshole." "Peter, language. I'll curse him out for you." "Neither of you will do anything to Hank as long as I'm around", Reed says, stretching into the lab.

"Reed, c'mon! You of all people know how much of a jerk he is!", Peter replies. "This is for science, Peter. Let's just do the job, and that's it. "That's what, Reed?" "That's it, Hank. If you were a Fantastic Four member, you'd be banned from the entirety of the Supers global community, but you're an Avenger. I'll let Iron Man handle your abusive shenanigans." A sharp silence fills the room. "Get the goo off him now, Tiny." "Don't call me Tiny, you old hag." "When is 36 old?" "Whatever, ya old hag. Reed, get the—" Peter then punches Ant-Man in the jaw, knocking him onto the floor. "Petey, guess who's still in huge trouble for punching someone to the Moon, even though that punch was needed?" "Damnit!" Reed then shoves a needle into Peter, hoping to suck the goo out of him.

Soon after, the goo takes over Peter's body, screeching in absolute pain like a dying hyena. "Get the needle out, Reed. Get it out now", May whisper-yells, as her subtle, throat-damaged screams are silenced by the goo. "Hank, get the vacuum! It's trying to fully bond with Peter!" "Did you say 'fully bond' with me?!" "Which one, the green one or the big one?" "The big one first, that thing held 6 of them during the permanent cell transfer!" "The big one's not here!" "It's grabbing me! Get the sonic cannon!" "Cannon? You can't hurt my boy like that, he's still a child." "One-barrel or two, Reed?" "Four-barrel! Get it now!" "Reed, c'mon, it's really starting to hurt me right now!"

"Reed, stretch outta the way, she's set to ten!" "Hank, good God, you'll kill the boy!" The goo screeches louder, and in a graver sense of pain, growing to a massive 8 feet tall. "Is tiny here gonna kill my nephew because he's young?" "He won't die, he'll just get some color. Relax a bit and move out the way!" "If you hurt him severely, I'll end your career, thumbtack!" Hank then blasts Peter with a sonic cannon at full power, with Reed protecting May at all costs. Pieces of the goo dry up and fall off of Peter, yet the goo is still alive.

"Peter, how you feeling over there?", Reed asks, with Hank hastily grabbing a notepad. "He's still in my head; he w—" "You're still calling it a HE?" "You called it a he before now?" "Just get it off and yell at me later, all of you!" "Alright, but this works. Time for blast #2." "May, run behind the table towards our right. Franklin apparently built a hole there for situations just like this." "But what if he—" "He won't. Now run!" The sonic blaster once again fires, but the goo hardens into a shield, almost learning how to deflect the attack. It fully encompasses Peter, revealing the Black Spider-Suit once more and runs out of the door, overpowering Ant-Man and security measures made by Reed himself.

"Jesus, Reed! Why didn't you stretch and grab him?", berates Hank. "Did you forget his aunt is here?" "So what, everyone loses an aunt once in a while." "I'm all that he has right now, you tiny, tiny asshole. I think losing every family member and friend on the same day would break him beyond compare." "I agree. Now, May, do me a favor and tell me every single place Peter might want to go to during times of stress", Reed adds.

END OF CHAPTER 11